Post by Zombie McMorris on Feb 23, 2019 0:08:32 GMT -5
Chapter I: PROTO-Chimera VIRUS
We join The Cowboys walking through a evacuated laboratory. Everything is crisp and clean, untouched as if everyone left in haste. Theres beakers and microscopes and test tubes and all sorts of science-y things. As they continue to walk, they come across a long room with pods built in with humanoid beings inside of them.
Blaze: So you used to work here?
ZMAC: I used to be the lead scientist here.
Blaze: That's cool but I thought you said you had to get your 1099 -C? Didnt think you paid your taxes. What even is a 1099 -C
ZMAC: 1099-C is for independent contractors and government experiments. Jimmy Hendrix and John Morrison had one. Nilla, I don’t but like it but I cant have that info just floating around. Then before you know it, I got audits, summons and then its MK Ultra and agent orange all over again. The government's fucked, they don’t need my taxes or your taxes. If I were you, I’d hide my shit.
Blaze: So what did you do here?
ZMAC: My DNA was used to create these clones of WCF tag teams; however they just couldnt get it right because I’m too much of a G.
Blaze: I’m learning that. You cant teach that shit.
ZMAC: eventually, Seth Lerch of WCF left and Reemus Micayle, headed the project and made me a lead scientist because it was my DNA and I’m the only one that knows how it works.
Blaze: How does it work?
ZMAC shrugs.
ZMAC: I dunno. I’m not a doctor. They just thought I had some insight on how this shit worked. I don’t. We did it for like a year cuz like, Seth used some Thomas Bates faggot and some alien, not that snack L. Varez and shit wasnt working. They stole my DNA, I found out, a crashed the shit. Now look at these dudes, all green and goopy and shit. They called it the Immortality Virus but in reality it was just the Proto-Chimera Virus for what they really wanted. They wanted my DNA and super human stats so when the Tag division crashed, they could rebuild it even better. However, the clones ended up all wicked feral like me but their life span is like two weeks. This whole thing was like a secret plot. Fucking abomination if you ask me. I was a WCF tag team champion. A damn good one and this what Seth does. God I cant wait for like a hurricane or something to wipe this place off the map or a fire to burn it to the ground. This whole thing is just a testament to Seth Lerchs shitty booking and nothing good ever came of that.
ZMAC looks at the camera that isnt there but looks directly into your soul.
Blaze: Hey look, theres a cyro-pod, thing with Beach Krew. Would be good if we could get some practice on those asshole after that match I had with Wade.
ZMAC: Pft, fuck him. Wade Moor fears ol’Z. Wade Moor knows, he seen some shit. He knows the powah in these hands. We’ve had wars and I’ve finished them with a standing ovation. My history with wade could fill a tome of wrestling and we aint done yet. Their little Pay Per View is just a self dick sucking contest but real talk, we are the ADUB tag team champions. Look around and everyone looks up to us. They put themselves into this match. They put themselves into this spot because they cannot do it themselves. We got where we are because me and you went to war and knew each other so well that we have no gaps. Beach Krew based their entire gimmick off of me and Buddy Roman - fuckin real talk. Fuckin deny it, those liars. I aint in beach krew cuz I’m too Swol for Beach Krew. I’m too much of a loose cannon to be a loose cannon. But I got you and the Cowboys hold this shit down for real and that cant evah be taken away from us. I mean look at Pasternak, crying, rivers, lakes and fucking oceans because no one believed in him.
Spoilers: No one fucking does. He boasted and bragged that he dropped Zombie McMorris on his head.
Nilla, I don’t hear so well, cuz I spent a life getting dropped on my head and getting my head lobbed off. I heard it, I saw it and I felt it. Alex aint got what it takes. He spent his entire last promo crying how no one believes in him then tried to pass off as a tough guy.
Aint nothing tough about him, Aint nothing special about him. Get fucking triggered fuck boy. He was talkin about Jaice, that mook when hes a half step down the autistic ladder from him and now here we are. Blaze, this is what I mean. Wade has consistent accountability. Name anything Alex Pasternack has ever done. I could give you a million years and a book of his accomplishments and you still couldnt figure it out. Not you’re dumb, Blaze but because Alex is that fucking whack. I’m really looking forward to the diatribe of diarrhea on the who, what where, why and how that is Alexander Pasternak. And again, aint nobody cares. He has attention because he was scooped up by Beach Krew. He wants to trash your boi when ya boi ol’ Z was too busy making name after name after name for himself in this industry where Zombie McMorris was told that a Zombie McMorris could not and would not thrive.
WELL… Alexander Pasternak, do you see a laboratory filled with cloned wrestlers that use your DNA? No. Do you see an entire division built entirely around you. I’m sorry, three. The Internet, the Hypermedia and the 201? No. WHat you got? You got to say that this pay per view is your idea? Bag, you homo thug,you still gettin paid the peanuts you were making last week when you really got paid in tree nuts and squirrel jizz. If we bein honest, lets be honest and trust ya boi tah always tell the mother fucking truth.
I know hes got this little motto about disappointing diamonds. Heres a little truth bomb for your dumb ass. Diamonds are just the gem form of carbon, the most abundant element in the universe. Another thing, diamonds aint rare. They are controlled by the MAN to hyper inflate the value, to which they aint even valuable because its fucking super condensed carbon. Got you a hunk of wood, a vice grip and a whole mess of time on your hands? Congratulations, you have a diamond. See, what it is though, Blaze, its what you do with it and Pasternak aint knowin nothin but what to do with a Diamond because aint never seen one, he aint evah gonna have one and he aint evah gonna be one. I’m an undead living legend in this company.
And Alex is just another shitty jobber in one of these tubes whos crowning glory is that that I spell of narcolepsy and fell asleep for three seconds and he just happened to be fuccboi adjacent to me. Alex wants to go hard in the paint when I’m about to go hard in his taint and rip him a new axe wound, from rootah to tootah. ZMAC, he don’t play no games. Pasternak forgets that everyone looks up to me even if they don’t admit it.
I have a aura of stardom unlike anybody else in wrestling. I didnt get it by being Beach Krew. I didnt get it by being in Pantheon, Imperium or even being a Vapor King. I got those things because there is only one coked up mad man in wrestling that's ya boi, Ol Z. We Cowboys, we aint here for the Beach Krew self suck parade. Only Alex is because Alex wants to hear how good he is even though he hasnt accomplished anything. Where are Pastys championships in ADUB, wait he aint got them. I have the co-record for most championships. I’m the longest reigning in both my singles run. So Blaze, let me ask you - does that sound like a scrub or a guy that all of ADUB looks up to. Now, all of ADUB looks up to the Cowboys because we are leading the way in tag team wrestling. At Effin_Rager, we are going to do battle with Beach Krew and we are going to win. We are going to be victorious because they don’t got an answer for the 8 seconds to hell. I’m going to body that smarky fgt and put him away with a dove killah. With Pasternak on the apron, Wade is in a dangerous position because Wade cant beat me let alone us both. This is supposed to be BKs big night and like everything else, its about to be ruined by the coked up madman. Its about to be ruined by the Blaze Man. 8 seconds of hell is k-k-k-ummin for them.
Because we know you. Know the real you. On the inside your ugly, ugly like me. I can see through you. See the real you.. And you’ll all float down here.
Trust us.