Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Jan 20, 2019 18:03:59 GMT -5
A tale of Two (ish) Salems
By Sabrina Spellman
Written by M.J.Hart
FADE IN
INT - FEDERAL RECORDS OFFICE - WASHINGTON DC
SAM KIDSGROVE, Mr International, hero to many, second place to few, is talking to an ASSISTANT, much like Janine from Ghostbusters, at the Federal Records Office.
KIDSGROVE
Give me all the info you have on Salem. I’m in a match with two guys from there and I wanna know what makes them tick, you know, ‘Cause being from the same place and all they’ll have similarities.
ASSISTANT
What?
KIDSGROVE
All the info you have on Salem please, like population, civil rights record, politics, demography, you know, everything. I wanna build a picture of the place.
ASSISTANT
You know there is Google.
KIDSGROVE
Well yeah, I know there is Google but I, being the man that I am, knowing how the internet works and needing to be absolutely sure that no one can soil my reputation can’t use the internet now. I mean have you seen what they did to Kevin Hart?
ASSISTANT
That’s kinda insane, you don’t use the Internet?
KIDSGROVE
Nope
ASSISTANT
Not even Google?
KIDSGROVE
Nope, not after I googled myself once, that wasn’t pretty.
ASSISTANT
You’re an international Hollywood Star and you don’t have an online presence?
KIDSGROVE
Well no, not any more. My Twitter was deleted, anything i’ve ever searched online in history has been erased and I don’t go online any more, so I’ve come here to where records are held to get the information I need.
ASSISTANT
How do you reach out to fans?
KIDSGROVE
What?
ASSISTANT
Well everyone reaches out to fans now, how do you do it?
KIDSGROVE
Quality movies? Awesome shows? Being the best I can be at wrestling? What’s it to you anyway lady, are you gonna give me info about Salem or not?
ASSISTANT
Sure, this would have been done more quickly if you just googled all this yourself on those computers there.
The assistant points to a bank of research computers, Kidsgrove looks at them and shudders.
KIDSGROVE
No thanks, germs.
ASSISTANT
Suit yourself. Do you want information on Salem Alabama, Fulton County Arkansas, Saline County Arkansas, Connecticut, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Jay County Indiana, Union County Indiana, Adams County Indiana…
KIDSGROVE
Wait, they have 4?
ASSISTANT
Iowa, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, Lewis County Missouri, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey
KIDSGROVE
Wait, wait, are you just naming states now? Is there a place in the US that doesn’t have a Salem?
The assistant glares at Kidsgrove with enough contempt to make it obvious that she’s not down with his shit.
ASSISTANT
Colorado, Hawaii, Pennsylvania,
KIDSGROVE
OK OK OK Stop. I didn’t realise there were so many Salems.
ASSISTANT
Well yeah, you know why you didn’t realise?
KIDSGROVE
Why?
ASSISTANT
Because you don’t use the Internet, so which Salem are you wanting information on?
KIDSGROVE
Well the one with the witches I guess. That’s where Claire’s from. Can you check for me that Claire Hawkins and Chris Eno from Action Wrestling are from the same place?
ASSISTANT
They aren’t
KIDSGROVE
But they’re both from Salem
ASSISTANT
Claire Hawkins is from Salem, Massachusetts. The witch one. Chris Eno is from Salem, Utah. Not the witch one.
KIDSGROVE
Why are places so complicated in America? Why do you have like 203 different places with the same name?
ASSISTANT
Because we’re the land of the free, we can call things whatever we want. If you don’t like that then you can feel free to go back to England, do you want more information about Salem or are you insisting on wasting more of my time?
KIDSGROVE
Rude.
ASSISTANT
You can use the internet if you prefer?
KIDSGROVE
What happens in the Utah one?
ASSISTANT
Nothing. It’s tiny, The most famous thing that happened there was Chris Eno came from there.
KIDSGROVE
You’re kidding me? The most famous claim to fame is a third rate talent on AW?
ASSISTANT
Sure. Why not?
KIDSGROVE
And Salem, Massachusetts? Witches right? What about Claire Hawkins? How does she rank from there?
ASSISTANT
Witches. All of the witches. That’s the famous part of it. Clair Hawkins ranks at something like the 302nd most famous thing to come from there.
KIDSGROVE
She’s a witch you know.
ASSISTANT
No, she isn’t they don’t exist, don’t be silly.
KIDSGROVE
And she’s a guardian, show some respect.
ASSISTANT
Aha.
KIDSGROVE
What? Just because she’s a reluctant Guardian, just because she really couldn’t care less about any of us and is all in it to be out for herself, just because she isn’t interested in the slightest in doing what’s right and just, doesn’t mean she isn’t a Guardian.
ASSISTANT
If you say so.
KIDSGROVE
I mean yeah two Guardians in this match makes little to no sense and I assume people are expecting us to team up together but that’s not exactly going to happen. I don’t trust the woman, never have and never will. The fact is I don’t think she’s really Guardian material, keep this between us. She’s rude, abrasive, has a higher opinion of herself than she should and is just out for herself, no I don’t think she should be in the match, she certainly shouldn’t be a Guardian. But hey, L Verez calls the shots and if she says it’s OK then that’s how it is.
And another thing.
ASSISTANT
What now? I am busy you know.
KIDSGROVE
How many fucking times do I have to tell those idiots at the AW booking office that I do not fight women. Time and time and time again I have said the optics are wrong, they can’t show me beating up women, it’s just nonsensical. I’m Sam Fucking Kidsgrove, not Bill Cosby. I don’t do violence against women. Pretty sure it’s in my contract. I mean the week Gillette release an ad calling on real men to be socially aware and protect their loved ones and stop toxic masculinity you have me on national TV beating the snot out of Claire Hawkins? Do you know how bad that makes me look? It’s an outrage. Again!
ASSISTANT
Look, If you have any more queries then be my guest, but why are you ranting about this to me?
KIDSGROVE
I don’t know, I really don’t. I don’t even know who you are or what’s going on at the moment, life is so up and down right now. Hell I’m ranting to a Government official about wrestling stuff.
The penny drops
KIDSGROVE
Wait a minute.
The assistant looks back at Kidsgrove with a smirk
KIDSGROVE
The Government is closed, Trumplestiltskin shut it all down. Why is this building open? Who are you?
The room around Kidsgrove swirls and takes shape - he’s standing in front of L Verez in a bare room.
KIDSGROVE
A fucking simulation again?
L VEREZ
Yep, you don’t like Claire?
KIDSGROVE
Not that I don’t like Claire, I really nothing her. She has an attitude, she’s belligerent and I don’t feel like she’s a good fit. But I trust your judgement, that’s what matters right?
L VEREZ
Perhaps, perhaps not. It’s all about the team. Is she a team player? No. She’s talented though, that’s what matters if we want to take it to FightSmart and BeachKrew. Good effort last week by the way.
KIDSGROVE
It was a terrible effort, I lost. Can’t you ever you know, talk to me normally by the way, like pick up the phone or something?
L VEREZ
And miss these reactions? No. And there is no shame in losing to a man who has been multiple times world champion.
KIDSGROVE
There is when you know you have his number, there is when you know you can beat him but he just pulls one move out of his ass and takes you down.
L VEREZ
It happens. We have a great opportunity this week you know?
KIDSGROVE
2 Guardians in a triple threat, yeah. I don’t want to fight Claire though.
L VEREZ
Well that’s the hand you’ve been dealt with.
KIDSGROVE
Yeah but it makes no sense.
L VEREZ
Because she’s a girl? Or because she’s a Guardian, you used both those reasons earlier. Which is it?
KIDSGROVE
Can’t it be both? I mean honestly this seems like groundhog day all over again, thanks for that by the way. I remember having to fight Claire Hawkins once, might have been her debut or something. I felt sorry for her then because let’s face it it’s hard to debut against anyone, let alone Mr International, then you add the fact she’s a woman, I’m pissed off and man it’s like last year all over again. She should not even be in this match, it should just be me and that Chris Eno guy, whoever he is. I beat Claire last time, I didn’t want to fight her, I don’t want to fight her again.
L VEREZ
But you will.
KIDSGROVE
Because it’s the hand that’s dealt to me, yes I know. I mean how can I be this everyday man for the people, a progressive liberal icon when I’m there, beating the shit out of a woman whenever I gain traction? It makes no sense. Claire unfortunately is going to be the victim of this game again when she’s one of the losers in this match. Hopefully she’ll take my advice and stay away.
L VEREZ
She’s very good, she’ll surprise you I think. But you know, as I said it’s a good situation for us. Either one of you can beat Chris Eno, let the best Guardian win.
KIDSGROVE
Know much about him?
L VEREZ
Eno?
KIDSGROVE
Yeah
L VEREZ
Nope.
KIDSGROVE
All I know is he’s some Japanese guy from Salem, which I still say is stupid there are like 26 of them.
L VEREZ
Surely you know more than that. He’s not Japanese by the way.
KIDSGROVE
You sure? He looks Japanese and has a real hard on for like Final Fantasy, I put him down as some sort of hentai geek.
L VEREZ
Philippines I think.
What else is there to know though? He’s clearly good, that’s how he’s in a US title match in AW. You don’t get there without being good. He’s going to be a tricky customer. He trains well, he fights hard and he knows his way around a ring.
L VEREZ
Yeah, that’s true.
KIDSGROVE
All the talent in the world doesn’t make up for attitude and commitment though. I mean the guy has a decent record, it’s not exactly elite level and not exactly something to shout home about. He needs to remember that he’s not in some back street fighting dojo in Salem Utah, he’s with the big boys. If I’m right this is his first “big shot” so he’ll be hungry and he’s going up against not one but two Guardians, so if he’s not up for it then he’s got no hope in hell in ever making it in this business.
L VEREZ
I think he’s going to be ready, he has the eye of the tiger. There’s something about him.
KIDSGROVE
Something that’s there for the future yeah. Not there right now though. Potential is the word here. He has a lot of potential, he’s going to do some good in this organisation at one point. Right now is not that point though, in order to win the US title he’s gotta go through me, he’s gotta beat me and he’s gotta show his potential isn’t just that. He’s gotta go toe to toe with one of the best in the business, a former US champion and actually go out and win. Unfortunately for him I’m not in a charitable mood. I’m not going to go and lose to a young upstart from the wrong Salem, I’m not going to go and blow my chance of winning my title back to this guy, it’s just not happening. You know when I won that US title I was going through a rough time in my life? I mean I had been diagnosed with a life threatening illness, I almost died for crying out loud. Which is why I had a whole one title defence. You know how humiliating it was to tell the top brass over at AW that I had to retire and that win, lose or draw that match was my last? Do you know that the very next week, if I had held on to the title I was going to vacate it? That I lost because half way through the match I had a hypo and was unconscious for a while? This is the sort of thing it takes to be a champion. You go through this, you fight through everything, the good, the bad and the ugly to defend your title, to defend your honour and defend your life.
Chris Eno has never had to do this. He’s a fresh faced rookie that sure, had some experience of this business a couple of years ago somewhere but never here. Never with the big boys. He’s never had to fight a match where his life is literally on the line, never had to fight and defend when his last breath could easily be his last. He’s never had it all on the line and be a challenge to even just finish the match, only for your whole life, your dreams and your hopes be ripped away from you when you take that 3 count. No, he’s not had that. Not yet. So no, I don’t agree with you. He doesn’t have the eye of the tiger right now. He’s not Rocky Balboa in Rocky. He’s Rocky Balboa pre rocky. He’s the guy fighting and waiting for his big break and desperately hoping it will come in this next match. Unfortunately for him, I’m Rocky Balboa by the time he’s fighting Dolph Lundgren. I’m lean, I’m hungry, I’ve tasted the bitter taste of defeat and despair and I’m not going to let it happen again. I’m going to take this kid down, I’m going to take Claire down if she turns up then I’m going on to face the US champion and reclaim my US title. The title that I would still have if my illness had not taken it away from me.
This will be the year of Mr International, Sam Kidsgrove. I’m not letting it slip. Not this time. I’m sorry Eno, I really am. But you can’t stand in front of a locomotive and expect to survive. The full force of the Guardians is coming down on you and you’re just the poor sap who’s in the wrong place.
Kidsgrove gives a piercing stare to L Verez as she smiles wryly to him. She nods and bows her head to him, disappearing into the simulation. Kidsgrove finds himself back at his place, sitting on his sofa with a beer in hand, while ANDRE JENSON, obscenely rich LARPer, BEN AFFLECK And MATT DAMON, BFF actors for life are singing happy birthday to him.
KIDSGROVE (to himself)
I hate it when she does that.
FADE OUT
END