Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Jan 6, 2019 18:37:55 GMT -5
It’s About Time
By D Winchester
Written by McG
FADE IN
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
So I think I should show her my penis.
KIDSGROVE
What?
DAMON
I think it’s time. You eating that?
Matt Damon points at the pancakes and starts to help himself even before Sam can respond.
DAMON
I mean it’s been a few weeks, right?
KIDSGROVE
What has?
There’s a smash from the back and a scream. Followed by a waitress running out of the kitchen, terrified. She shouts at the owner, who’s cleaning glasses behind the counter.
A mouse, Jerry! I told you!
JERRY
Goddamn it Janine! You’re gonna make all the customers panic!
DAMON
I’m done here, lost my appetite. We’ve gotta get goin’ anyway, got a press conference.
KIDSGROVE
About what?
DAMON
Oh, the usual, got a new movie coming out - you got a wrestling match, it’s all pretty much the same as usual.
On their way outside the diner, an old man almost bumps in to them and glares at them
Excuse you!
EXT - OUTSIDE THE DINER
They walk along the streets of Boston to their destination, a local TV station.
DAMON
So anyway, you gonna do Spencer Adams over this Monday night?
KIDSGROVE
I dunno man, like he’s a good competitor and all and.
A man runs up to them, phone in hand.
MAN
Sam Kidsgrove, Wow! Can I get a selfie?
KIDSGROVE
Er, yeah, sure man, sure. What’s your name?
MAN
Bill, Bill Ansio. Man, my kid is gonna flip when he sees this, he loves you!
KIDSGROVE
That’s good to know man, I bet he loves this guy too!
Bill looks up and down at Matt Damon, then suddenly has a spark of recognition
MAN
Oh cool, it’s Batman!
DAMON
Batman?
MAN
Yeah, Justice league wasn’t it?
DAMON
I’m not fucking Ben… You know what? Never mind. Have a good day sir.
Bill smiles as he walks away, allowing Kidsgrove and Damon to continue.
KIDSGROVE
Where is Ben anyway?
DAMON
Oh I dunno, think he’s brooding somewhere
KIDSGROVE
About what?
DAMON
What doesn’t he brood about nowadays? Since he got out of rehab he’s been all ultra serious. Did you know they sold their home?
KIDSGROVE
What? The mansion?
DAMON
Yeah, sold it to Levine, ridiculous man. All the memories we had there! Do you remember when we got blind drunk and got you signed up for wrestling school?
KIDSGROVE
And you bet I couldn’t do it, so I just went fuck it, it’s happening. First day of training I puked my guts up in a waste paper basket.
DAMON
And then you took your first bump and it came out the other end!
KIDSGROVE
Yeah, they were not happy!
DAMON
Like you literally shit your pants in front of everyone, the groan was amazing.
KIDSGROVE
I got back up though didn’t I? It’s what I do. No matter what happens to me I’ll get back up and grab that thorn. I think that’s why I was signed to UCI pretty much straight away.
DAMON
Yeah, pity that fell through though.
KIDSGROVE
I get it, it was a business decision. I mean it was a burden on Spencer and. Watch out!
Kidsgrove calls out to Matt Damon who has walked into the road without looking. Matt Damon is mowed down by a truck and killed.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
KIDSGROVE
Wait, what?
Sam looks really confused at this turn of events.
DAMON
I said I think I should show her my penis, I think it’s time, you eating that?
Damon takes the pancake before Sam could respond.
KIDSGROVE
Weird.
DAMON
What is?
KIDSGROVE
No matter, just a bit of deja vu.
DAMON
Fine, I mean it has been a few weeks, right?
KIDSGROVE
Wait, what?
There is the scream from the kitchen again, and the waitress comes running out, shouting at Jerry.
WAITRESS
A mouse, Jerry! I told you!
JERRY
Goddamn it Janine! You’re gonna make all the customers panic!
DAMON
I’m done here, lost my appetite. We’ve gotta get goin’ anyway, got a press conference.
KIDSGROVE
If you tell me this is about a movie and I have a match, I’m gonna freak.
DAMON
Oh, of course it is, got a new movie coming out - you got a wrestling match, it’s all pretty much the same as usual.
On their way outside the diner, an old man almost bumps in to them and glares at them
Excuse you!
KIDSGROVE
Honestly, the weirdest deja vu.
EXT - OUTSIDE THE DINER
They walk along the streets of Boston to their destination, a local TV station.
DAMON
So anyway, you gonna do Spencer Adams over this Monday night?
KIDSGROVE
I dunno man, like he’s a good competitor and all and.
A man runs up to them, phone in hand.
MAN
Sam Kidsgrove, Wow! Can I get a selfie?
KIDSGROVE
OK what is going on?
MAN
The name’s Bill, Bill Ansio. Man, my kid is gonna flip when he sees this, he loves you!
KIDSGROVE
Seriously? What’s going on? Are we being punked?
Kidsgrove aimed that question at Matt Damon, who simply shrugs. The man recognises him.
MAN
Oh cool, it’s Batman!
DAMON
Batman?
MAN
Yeah, Justice league wasn’t it?
DAMON
I’m not fucking Ben… You know what? Never mind. Have a good day sir.
Bill smiles as he walks away, allowing Kidsgrove and Damon to continue.
KIDSGROVE
Don’t you think that was weird?
DAMON
What?
KIDSGROVE
I swear, I had that exact conversation yesterday. Today is the weirdest day.
DAMON
What are you talking about?
KIDSGROVE
I’m having the weirdest day, like deja vu, but it’s real. Everything we have done so far I swear I did yesterday.
DAMON
You need another go in rehab? I mean a spot just came up now Ben is out.
KIDSGROVE
We talked about that as well!
DAMON
Aha, really… Sure you did.
KIDSGROVE
Yeah, we talked about that and the house being sold and.
DAMON
Yeah, sold it to Levine, ridiculous man. All the memories we had there! Do you remember when we got blind drunk and got you signed up for wrestling school?
KIDSGROVE
We had this exact same conversation!
DAMON
Which one?
KIDSGROVE
This one! Then we talked about Spencer Adams, and how good he is and it’ll be a difficult match.
DAMON
OK… And then?
KIDSGROVE
Oh shit! Look out!
Kidsgrove calls out to Matt Damon who has walked into the road without looking. Matt Damon is mowed down by a truck and killed. Kidsgrove notices the driver looks like Spencer Adams.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
KIDSGROVE
OK! What’s going on?
DAMON
What do you mean?
KIDSGROVE
We’ve literally had this conversation, twice. What’s going on?
DAMON
What? Dude, are you OK?
KIDSGROVE
No, I’m freaking out, we literally sat here yesterday and the day before and had this exact conversation.
DAMON
Don’t mess around.
KIDSGROVE
I’m not joking.
DAMON
Yeah yeah yeah, so if you’re serious about this, what are we doing? Are you Bill Murray now? Cos I’m definitely not Andi MacDowell.
KIDSGROVE
Look, all I know is that in any second now the waitress is going to come flying out of the door complaining about mice.
DAMON
Aha, I doubt it so
There’s a smash from the back and a scream. Followed by a waitress running out of the kitchen, terrified. She shouts at the owner, who’s cleaning glasses behind the counter.
WAITRESS
A mouse, Jerry! I told you!
JERRY
Goddamn it Janine! You’re gonna make all the customers panic!
KIDSGROVE
And now you have no appetite and want to go for a press conference. Then you’re gonna get into a fight with some guy on the way out.
DAMON
Well yeah we do have to go and do you blame me? There’s a mouse dude!
On their way outside the diner, an old man almost bumps in to them and glares at them
Excuse you!
EXT - OUTSIDE THE DINER
They walk along the streets of Boston to their destination, a local TV station.
DAMON
OK, that was weird. So what now?
KIDSGROVE
Yeah, it is. I dunno what’s happening. We walk along here and some guy comes to take a selfie right about now and he thinks you’re Ben.
A man runs up to them, phone in hand.
MAN
Sam Kidsgrove, Wow! Can I get a selfie?
KIDSGROVE
Yeah sure,
MAN
Bill, Bill Ansio. Man, my kid is gonna flip when he sees this, he loves you!
Bill recognises Matt Damon
MAN
Oh cool, it’s Batman!
DAMON
Batman?
MAN
Yeah, Justice league wasn’t it?
DAMON
I’m not fucking Ben… You know what? Never mind. Have a good day sir.
Bill smiles as he walks away, allowing Kidsgrove and Damon to continue.
DAMON
OK, so, Bill Murray - what next?
KIDSGROVE
Well you stop right there, don’t cross the road. Every time so far you’ve been hit by a truck.
DAMON
Shit.
KIDSGROVE
So far I’ve rebooted the day or whatever whenever you’ve died. So let’s stop you from dying and then yeah, good news, right?
DAMON
I guess. So all we gotta do is go and not walk across the road?
KIDSGROVE
Maybe.
DAMON
So yeah, we’ll just stand here then. Tell me about your match or something.
KIDSGROVE
Well yeah, facing Spencer Adams. He’s a top star and going to be very difficult to beat. But I think I can do it you know? We go a long way back, but all that’s under the bridge now. This will be a good contest.
A billboard with #Fightsmart suddenly detaches from the building they are standing near to and falls - landing on Kidsgrove.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
Kidsgrove looks visibly annoyed and throws himself through a window, that has the #fightsmart logo on it.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
A montage of many different ways Kidsgrove becomes depressed about the situation. He punches everyone in the diner, Bill, Matt, berates the old man, shouts at a pigeon and gets progressively more annoyed. Every time either he or Matt dies it’s with either Spencer Adams or #fightsmart logos in view.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
Kidsgrove notices a woman who he’s not seen before scurrying past the diner window.
KIDSGROVE
Son of a bitch!
DAMON
What?
Kidsgrove runs out of the diner and chases the woman down, eventually she stops and looks at him. It’s L Verez.
KIDSGROVE
L? What the fuck?
L VEREZ
OK, you caught me. I was kinda getting bored with the time loop.
KIDSGROVE
You did this?
L VEREZ
Well, sort of, or more specifically, totally, yes, I did. Relax you’ve not really looped 2021 times, it’s a simulation. You’re actually at hooked up to a bunch of machines at Guardian HQ right now.
KIDSGROVE
I don’t follow.
L VEREZ
It’s simple. I wanted to test you, I wanted to see how you really thought about Spencer Adams. So we’ve hooked you up to this reality manipulation machine. It’s pretty cool tech.
KIDSGROVE
What?
L VEREZ
But you’re still not telling the truth. 2021 times you’ve rebooted and you’ve said the same non committal platitudes about the guy. My sensors still say you’re not telling me how you really feel.
KIDSGROVE
How I really feel? This is insane, that’s how I really feel. I mean honestly! Why would you even do this?
L VEREZ
You’re facing Spencer Adams
KIDSGROVE
I know
L VEREZ
Remember why we came here at all?
KIDSGROVE
That’s in the past.
L VEREZ
Is it?
KIDSGROVE
Of course!
L VEREZ
Aha. So you don’t feel any sort of lingering resentment? At all?
KIDSGROVE
No. Should I?
L VEREZ
You’re happy?
KIDSGROVE
Yeah, sure.
L VEREZ
Aha.
INT - AMERICAN DINER - MORNING
SAM KIDSGROVE and MATT DAMON are sitting, eating breakfast at a diner. Sam has pancakes, Matt has waffles.
DAMON
So I think I should show her my penis.
KIDSGROVE
Son of a bitch!
DAMON
What? You know it’s been a few weeks now
KIDSGROVE
Shut up a minute. Where is she?
Kidsgrove looks out of the window, trying to see if L Verez walks past again, he doesn’t see her. He leaves the diner to try and find her but can’t. He stands in the road, and shouts to no one in particular.
KIDSGROVE
OK, fine. You want the truth? I’ll tell you the truth! I’ve been waiting for almost 2 years now to get my hands on that fucking shit twat Spencer Adams and now I finally have the chance to get my hands on the fucker. The way he just upped and sold UCI and put us all through that absolute bullshit was disgraceful and cowardly and I have not nor ever will forget this. I will kick the ever loving shit out of him and completely eviscerate the little shit. I’ll go through him, I’ll go through #Fightsmart, I’ll go through every fucking guy he can throw at me if he brings them out. Hell after this match I’d even join those shits at BeachKrew just to fight him again at the next Pay Per View. Is that what you want? You want me to tell you that?
L Verez pops out of nothing in front of Kidsgrove. She smiles and takes his hand.
L VEREZ
There is more I feel. Do we want to reboot again?
KIDSGROVE
Wait. Yeah there’s more. I don’t respect him. I mean the guy gave me a big break and then shat on my face like I was nothing. He took me in, helped train me, cultivated a family and made me feel like I was wanted and needed again, then fucked me. Not only that, he brought the UCI title here and did he give us a shot? No, he fucking gave it straight to a dude who was undeserving of the name UCI and fucked off in even bothering about it. The guy is a snake, a charlatan and his whole organisation of fuckboys #fightsmart are the same. I vowed that when I faced him I’d destroy him and that’s what I’m going to do on Monday. I’ve been biding my time and I am ready to hurt him. Season of Good Will, new start be damned. I don’t give a single fuck right now about being good or nice to him or anyone who stands in my way. I’m not happy with him, I don’t respect him and I don’t think that he’s a good competitor or whatever. I think he’s just simply a dick. Plain and simple, end of story and I’ve been waiting for this opportunity. He calls himself the antidote? Well fuck, that’s even a stupid name. An antidote to what? The only thing he’s an antidote to is talent. He has none, he’s boring, he’s pointless and makes me sick. If you make someone sick, you’re not an antidote. You’re a virus, a disease, a bacteria, something that should actually be purged and taken away. You know what kills bacteria? You know what cleanses disease or virus? Extreme heat and fire. I’m going to bring the fire on Monday, I’m going to bring the heat - I’m going to be the true antidote to his infection of insufferable shit. I’m going to burn the whole fucking place down with him as the epicentre of it all. This is Kidsgrove not giving an actual fuck, this is Kidsgrove, Man of many faces. Man on Fire, Mr International. I’m not going to be very popular after this Monday night when AW has to change the PPV main event because Spencer Adams is a dead rat flushed down a sewer. I’m personally going to take him down to hell and back, I just hope he’s ready for it.
L VEREZ
And there we have it. The truth.
L Verez holds her hand out
L VEREZ
Welcome back to the Guardians, Mr International. We have work to do.
FADE OUT
END