Post by The Papa John's Pizza Man on Feb 19, 2018 7:47:22 GMT -5
The scene opens at a local park. The Cereal man is sitting on a local bench, as out of place as ever.
The Cereal Man: Hello I am The Cereal Man. I am the presently humanoid being that was assinged to the sucess and safety of the Cereal evolutionary chain.
Many will try to truthen the untrue untruth that Cereal have not got an evolutionary chain.
FALSE!
The Cereals' evolutionary chain is well documented by many world class Cerealologists. The Cereal evolves from but a tiny atom and grows until it eventually becomes a single piece of Cereal. It's then placed into boxes by humans who do not comprehend the cosmic potential of the very things their employment depends on.
The cereal can eventually evolve into celestial and invisible giant space whales, capable of existing.
However there is no proof, as no Cereal has made it to the final stage, thanks to the unbelief of Humans, but I have hope.
The Cereal Man stands up from and picks up a box of fruity pebbles that was resting against his feet.
The Cereal Man: Join me Action Wrestling, as I purgenth a collection of life forms from their cerealess abyss.
The Cereal Man dashes towards a small group on a bridge over a lake.
The Cereal Man walks over to the group.
The Cereal Man: Hey guys, anybody wants a nice box of Fruity Pebbles?
Most of the group chuckle thanks to the absurdity of the situation while one man turns to The Cereal Man.
Mam: Er... No thanks? Haha..
The Cereal Man grabs the mans collar and drags him to the edge of the bridge and throws him against the side. The Cereal Man lifts the man's legs up and the man falls into the lake below.
The Cereal Man turns his head towards the group again.
The Cereal Man: Done.
Man: What the hell's your problem man?! What did you do that for?!
The Cereal Man: I am the colour purple in a world of black and white! And if you refuse The Gifts of Cereal I will fuck you!
Man: What the fuck are you on abou-
The Cereal Man: AAAAAAAH!
The Cereal Man leaps on to the induvidual and gets him into a sleeper hold. Panic ensues as the group attempt to seperate the man and The Cereal Man, who is now pouring Cereal into the unconsious mans mouth while screaming
The Cereal Man: INHALE IT! IT'S FRUITRITIOUS!
The group fails at seperating the pair as The Cereal Man has an iron grip on his uncerealed victim. After a good 5 minutes of force feeding a woman attempts to pepper spray The Cereal Man, who doesn't even blink.
The Cereal Man: Foolish Vegan, I am immune to these Pepper Sprayers. For I have a Trillion eyes each one watching me eat eat Fruity Pebbles!
The woman throws the Pepper Spray at The Cereal Man. He lets go of the man to hold his nose.
The Cereal Man: OW! That's my nostrils you Helicoprion!
The Cereal Man throws the box of Fruity Pebbles at the woman. The woman and most other bystanders all run away.
The Cereal Man turns to the camera.
The Cereal Man: Now that there is no more confusion about my goals I shall denounce and insult the octoplets I am facing Sunday.
WYNTER! You are richer than most humans, And yet you have you not purchased a lifetime supply of Cereal yet? You fool!
WESLEY! Your last name has been deleted. Only through Cereal will you find your lost last name and by extension true enlightenedness!
KEG! Through many years of research I have found out that Cereal can suscesfully be inhaled through a keg. You get off easy this time, O Keg one.
FLIPPY! It is difficult to inhale Cereal while flipping. Therefore you encourage the inability to inhale Cereal. SHAME ON YOUR BLOODLINE! FLIPPITH ONE!
ANARCHY! A world without order would mean a world without places to buy Cereal! SUCH IGNORANCE WILL BE PUNESHED, VEGAN!
PSICO! That's not how you spell Psycho.
MY NAME IS THE CEREAL MAN AND I SHALL FUCKERS ALL UNBELIEVERS OF THE CEREAL! COME SUNDAY I SHALL WIN!
The Cereal Man: Hello I am The Cereal Man. I am the presently humanoid being that was assinged to the sucess and safety of the Cereal evolutionary chain.
Many will try to truthen the untrue untruth that Cereal have not got an evolutionary chain.
FALSE!
The Cereals' evolutionary chain is well documented by many world class Cerealologists. The Cereal evolves from but a tiny atom and grows until it eventually becomes a single piece of Cereal. It's then placed into boxes by humans who do not comprehend the cosmic potential of the very things their employment depends on.
The cereal can eventually evolve into celestial and invisible giant space whales, capable of existing.
However there is no proof, as no Cereal has made it to the final stage, thanks to the unbelief of Humans, but I have hope.
The Cereal Man stands up from and picks up a box of fruity pebbles that was resting against his feet.
The Cereal Man: Join me Action Wrestling, as I purgenth a collection of life forms from their cerealess abyss.
The Cereal Man dashes towards a small group on a bridge over a lake.
The Cereal Man walks over to the group.
The Cereal Man: Hey guys, anybody wants a nice box of Fruity Pebbles?
Most of the group chuckle thanks to the absurdity of the situation while one man turns to The Cereal Man.
Mam: Er... No thanks? Haha..
The Cereal Man grabs the mans collar and drags him to the edge of the bridge and throws him against the side. The Cereal Man lifts the man's legs up and the man falls into the lake below.
The Cereal Man turns his head towards the group again.
The Cereal Man: Done.
Man: What the hell's your problem man?! What did you do that for?!
The Cereal Man: I am the colour purple in a world of black and white! And if you refuse The Gifts of Cereal I will fuck you!
Man: What the fuck are you on abou-
The Cereal Man: AAAAAAAH!
The Cereal Man leaps on to the induvidual and gets him into a sleeper hold. Panic ensues as the group attempt to seperate the man and The Cereal Man, who is now pouring Cereal into the unconsious mans mouth while screaming
The Cereal Man: INHALE IT! IT'S FRUITRITIOUS!
The group fails at seperating the pair as The Cereal Man has an iron grip on his uncerealed victim. After a good 5 minutes of force feeding a woman attempts to pepper spray The Cereal Man, who doesn't even blink.
The Cereal Man: Foolish Vegan, I am immune to these Pepper Sprayers. For I have a Trillion eyes each one watching me eat eat Fruity Pebbles!
The woman throws the Pepper Spray at The Cereal Man. He lets go of the man to hold his nose.
The Cereal Man: OW! That's my nostrils you Helicoprion!
The Cereal Man throws the box of Fruity Pebbles at the woman. The woman and most other bystanders all run away.
The Cereal Man turns to the camera.
The Cereal Man: Now that there is no more confusion about my goals I shall denounce and insult the octoplets I am facing Sunday.
WYNTER! You are richer than most humans, And yet you have you not purchased a lifetime supply of Cereal yet? You fool!
WESLEY! Your last name has been deleted. Only through Cereal will you find your lost last name and by extension true enlightenedness!
KEG! Through many years of research I have found out that Cereal can suscesfully be inhaled through a keg. You get off easy this time, O Keg one.
FLIPPY! It is difficult to inhale Cereal while flipping. Therefore you encourage the inability to inhale Cereal. SHAME ON YOUR BLOODLINE! FLIPPITH ONE!
ANARCHY! A world without order would mean a world without places to buy Cereal! SUCH IGNORANCE WILL BE PUNESHED, VEGAN!
PSICO! That's not how you spell Psycho.
MY NAME IS THE CEREAL MAN AND I SHALL FUCKERS ALL UNBELIEVERS OF THE CEREAL! COME SUNDAY I SHALL WIN!