Post by Ms. Monster on Nov 11, 2018 23:51:54 GMT -5
Monster tales tell us the ‘truth’ about things—evil is afoot, you can’t trust what you see, the future is grim, you’re going to die. In a narrative, that permits resolution or catharsis.
-David Schmid
-David Schmid
The scene opens on Tuesday, November 6. It is election day in America, and the lines at the polling station are exceptionally long. The polling place is the lobby of an elementary school, and the students’ art covers the walls of the halls. Posters about friendship and success line all of the areas above the little lockers. Standing toward the back of the line, about 50 people back, is JP Blackstone. He looks at his watch and grows increasingly impatient as he waits.
JPB: Jesus H. Christ! How long is this shit gonna take?!
A man with a badge that reads “ELECTION OFFICIAL” is walking down the line of potential voters and checking rolls to ensure that those lined up are official, registered voters at this polling location. He approaches Blackstone.
Offical: Hi, sir. What’s your name?
JPB: Blackstone.
Official: First name?
JPB: Jacob P.
Official: Alright, great. I see you right here. Can you confirm your address for me?
JPB: Uh, yeah, sure. I’m at 1447 Dolan Rd.
Official: Zip code?
JPB: 37218.
Official: Great. Thank you, sir. We’ll get everyone through as fast as we can tonight. You’re here, so you’ll get to vote for sure, sir.
JPB: Woo! Trump! Trump! Trump!
Official: Sir, you can’t campaign in an election facility, so I’ll need you to stop that now. Besides that, Mr. Trump isn’t even on the ballot until 2020.
JPB: He isn’t?
Official: Sir, this is a midterm election. You’re voting on house and senate elections and all of our local ballot issues.
JPB: Oh, yeah. Marsha Blackburn, right?
Official: She is, indeed, on the ballot, but again, I can’t have you doing anything here that looks like campaigning or I’ll have to ask you to leave.
JPB: This is my god given right as an American! I can say what I want without government intrusion and I can vote. You can’t tell me to shut up or not vote!
Official: The election laws are clear, sir. If there is another outburst, you will have to leave.
JPB: Fine! Dick.
Official: Thank you, Mr. Blackstone.
JPB: Go bother somebody else.
The elections official moves on down the line shaking his head at Blackstone’s petulance.
About 45 minutes later, Blackstone is in the booth finishing up his ballot.
JPB: And why not write in Donald Trump for AG, too! That should do it, I think.
Blackstone slips his ballot back into the sheath he got it in, and he walks it over to the team of election officials who are accepting ballots. He hands the protector and ballot to the same official from before.
Official: All finished?
JPB: Why the fuck would I hand it to you if I wasn’t?
Official: There’s no need to be belligerent, sir.
JPB: If You think that’s belligerent, man, you’ve got another thing comin’!
Official: You’ve voted. Your ballot is turned in. Here’s your damn sticker. Can you just get the hell out?
JPB: You’re just attempting to exclude me, because I’m a conservative!
Official: No, sir. I’m trying to get you to leave, because you’re an insufferable blowhard.
JPB: You didn’t start tryin’ to kick me out until I said I support our duly and democratically elected president! What the fuck are you, some Pinko Commie? Why do you hate America?
Official: I’ll have you know that I’m a registered Republican, and I have been since I first registered as a 18 year old. I’m not saying this because I hate conservatives. I’m saying this because you are a terrible piece of shit. Get the hell out, sir.
JPB: Voter intimidation?! I will not stand for this! I will report you to the state!
Official: Fine, report me. Just get the hell out!
An off duty police officer steps up from the line of voters. He flashes his badge at the election official.
Police: Sir, is there a problem here?
Official: Thank you, Officer. This gentleman has already cast his vote and was asked to leave, but he refuses to do so.
The officer turns to Blackstone.
Police: Sir, you need to leave the premises now, or I’m going to have to take you in.
JPB: You aren’t takin’ me anywhere, bud.
Official: This is exactly the problem, Officer. He’s insufferable, aggressive, rude… He has to go.
Police: Sir, I’m going to call this in and I promise you will not be happy with the outcome if you do not leave right this minute.
JPB: Fine, fine. I’m leaving, but I want both of you assholes to know it’s because I have places to be and a plane to catch, not because you two told me to leave. First that dumbass fan vote Torture set up that didn’t even let fans pick Ms. Monster and now this, voting is bullshit!
Blackstone storms out of the polling place and the scene fades to a jump forward of several days. We’re now in Oxford, England in a dark, dank dressing room. Ms. Monster is putting on her gear for her match with Kennedy Matthews, and Blackstone is pacing angrily.
MM: What are you so upset about?
JPB: I’m still fuming over that fan vote bullshit! You’re undefeated in this goddamn company, and they couldn’t even bother to put you on the ballot for fans to choose for the tournament?
MM: I’ve already won the 2019 tournament. They just don’t know it.
JPB: Unless you get screwed again!
MM: Let’s focus on Kennedy Matthews instead, JP.
JPB: Yeah. Yeah. Fine. What about her?
MM: You’ve been watching matches. What’s the strategy?
JPB: I’m not beating around the bush, Ramona. She’s got the experience to be more than dangerous, and she’s more than capable to do some damage here now that she’s joined AW.
MM: You don’t sound very confident.
JPB: No, no. That’s not it. I just want you to know honestly what she is capable of.
MM: Well, I’m not worried.
JPB: I’m not either. I’m just accounting for those things that are so hard to account for. Ramona, you are bigger, stronger, and faster than her. You have all the tangible advantages. This should be your fight. You haven’t lost yet. Why start now?
MM: How did she look against Lockjaw?
JPB: Pretty damn good. She more or less murdered him. Looks like she has a pretty firm strategy at hand: locks in her Rings of Saturn and it’s over.
Monster rolls her eyes.
MM: That sounds familiar.
JPB: Yeah. Yeah. I know. She comes in after you and steals your move. I get it. Pretty bush league. That’s part of why you need to destroy her ass tonight, ok?
MM: I wouldn’t imagine it any other way.
JPB: You just gotta beat a desperate copy of your in ring performance. No one can copy Ms. Monster, but they can sure as shit try to duplicate your move set. Kennedy is trying for goddamn sure. She’s derivative. She’s a Xerox. But she does what you do well, and we know how effective what you do is. That’s what gives me pause.
MM: I get it. But she’s going to pay for stealing my shit, JP.
JPB: Good. Now let’s go record this week’s promo.
The scene fades.