Post by Guillotine (QDT) on Nov 4, 2018 19:24:31 GMT -5
This sitar ditty and pungent smell of cardamom is overbearing. Papa Giacomo's taken me to Yukti Indian Restaurant, Liverpool... I assume to celebrate my impending AW debut.
Papa Giacomo: To prepare you for Clash, you must run the "Curry Gauntlet" - 4 in an hour. Starting HOT and ascending in spice to RING OF FIRE.
Quixote: What's this got to do with my match?
Papa Giacomo: Each curry represents a foe you must vanquish to become 201 #1 contender. Psychological preparation.
Quixote: Sounds gimmicky.
Papa Giacomo: Consider it a rite of passage.
Quixote: Aint gonna be right for MY passage!
A young Indian waiter presents me a yellow curry.
Waiter: One Super Spicy Jr sir.
I demolish it with ease. Burp.
Quixote: A joke. Very mild, lacking meat. A little kick but definitely not the Allspice it claimed.
Promptly, the waiter's back with my next dish. A russet sludge with a yellow wedge on the bowl's rim.
Waiter: One Lamb Tikka Preston.
Quixote: What's in it?
Waiter: A chip on its shoulder. Allegedly, pound for pound the greatest curry.
Quixote: A curry born to be a curry.
Papa Giacomo: His Papa was a failed wrestler so he's living vicariously through his son who'll also be a... failed wrestler.
Quixote: Thought we were running with curry metaphors? But agreed, vicarious fathers suck!
Papa Giacomo: Least I'm giving you a well rounded upbringing. I'm teaching you to be the best MAN you can be, he's teaching Preston to be a wrestler. Edwards may execute a flawless Ankle Lock but he lacks your heart, your courage, your instincts, your INTANGIBLES.
Somehow, this emboldens me to get stuck into my picante perpetrator. I win! Stomach's in knots, lips are burning. Oh no, not more!
Waiter: Next, we have the King Prawn Geisel. Enjoy!
Quixote: Abusin' ya wid beatz Teddy, bend over hold steady. Ya rap cuz yo' inadequate, hidin' behind freestyles ya spit, yo' rhymes are a crime and yo' timin's shit. May Luke Force be wid you, leader of ya lil' crew, you're nuttin' but his lackey, R2D2 to his Chewbaccie. Yo' pal's Apex Onyx, he on it like Sonic, does dat make ya his Tails?, or are ya up tails like gay males? Never touched a hot chick, eggman like Dr. Robotnik, only been in yo Momma's snatch, little bird waiting to hatch, choke on yo' yolk, cuz ya broke yo' own Hymen when ya tried high flyen'. I'll ground ya, pound ya, in the ring I'll confound ya cuz yo' a flip floppy rich bitch, QDT's yo biggest glitch. Ya can't be fixed by QP or Dr. Seuss, cat lost its hat cuz yo' in a noose, no we can't call it a truce, this Guillotine's not cuttin' ya loose. Boom.
Papa Giacomo: Take the high road, Qui. Don't sink down to their level with rap vulgarity.
Speaking of sinking down, I need a crap break. Fast. Ok, I'm back.
Waiter: Your final curry sir, the hottest on our menu, Chicken Tikka Vasillis.
Quixote: Sounds like an STD. (a spoonful) Tastes like an STD. Ah ah, Papa, can't take this one. Too hot.
Papa Giacomo: You can. Confront it. Say what you need to say.
Quixote: I just don't get it. An otherworldly demigod figure who swears like a gangster. He keeps bizarrely eclectic company in the ASU. Serious identity crisis! But despite Geisel dropping him last week, I think Vasillis represents my biggest threat. After all, he has been 201 Champion and seems to channel power from ZMAC's hand.
Papa Giacomo: He didn't win the belt though, did he? Auron basically gave it him. As for channelling, it's a temporary, fleeting power that will lead to his destruction. He says he's Apollo's son... well look at his siblings. Troilus died by Achilles' heel. Orpheus was ripped to shreds. A snake bit Eurydice and Asclepius was struck by a thunderbolt. Vaas is doomed just like them. He's on a sharp descent; 2 defeats in a row and it's about to be 3. Now finish your curry and make it happen!
I sweat, I strain, it almost defeats me... but I make the curry tap. But enough of this "pilau" talk...
Papa Giacomo: To prepare you for Clash, you must run the "Curry Gauntlet" - 4 in an hour. Starting HOT and ascending in spice to RING OF FIRE.
Quixote: What's this got to do with my match?
Papa Giacomo: Each curry represents a foe you must vanquish to become 201 #1 contender. Psychological preparation.
Quixote: Sounds gimmicky.
Papa Giacomo: Consider it a rite of passage.
Quixote: Aint gonna be right for MY passage!
A young Indian waiter presents me a yellow curry.
Waiter: One Super Spicy Jr sir.
I demolish it with ease. Burp.
Quixote: A joke. Very mild, lacking meat. A little kick but definitely not the Allspice it claimed.
Promptly, the waiter's back with my next dish. A russet sludge with a yellow wedge on the bowl's rim.
Waiter: One Lamb Tikka Preston.
Quixote: What's in it?
Waiter: A chip on its shoulder. Allegedly, pound for pound the greatest curry.
Quixote: A curry born to be a curry.
Papa Giacomo: His Papa was a failed wrestler so he's living vicariously through his son who'll also be a... failed wrestler.
Quixote: Thought we were running with curry metaphors? But agreed, vicarious fathers suck!
Papa Giacomo: Least I'm giving you a well rounded upbringing. I'm teaching you to be the best MAN you can be, he's teaching Preston to be a wrestler. Edwards may execute a flawless Ankle Lock but he lacks your heart, your courage, your instincts, your INTANGIBLES.
Somehow, this emboldens me to get stuck into my picante perpetrator. I win! Stomach's in knots, lips are burning. Oh no, not more!
Waiter: Next, we have the King Prawn Geisel. Enjoy!
Quixote: Abusin' ya wid beatz Teddy, bend over hold steady. Ya rap cuz yo' inadequate, hidin' behind freestyles ya spit, yo' rhymes are a crime and yo' timin's shit. May Luke Force be wid you, leader of ya lil' crew, you're nuttin' but his lackey, R2D2 to his Chewbaccie. Yo' pal's Apex Onyx, he on it like Sonic, does dat make ya his Tails?, or are ya up tails like gay males? Never touched a hot chick, eggman like Dr. Robotnik, only been in yo Momma's snatch, little bird waiting to hatch, choke on yo' yolk, cuz ya broke yo' own Hymen when ya tried high flyen'. I'll ground ya, pound ya, in the ring I'll confound ya cuz yo' a flip floppy rich bitch, QDT's yo biggest glitch. Ya can't be fixed by QP or Dr. Seuss, cat lost its hat cuz yo' in a noose, no we can't call it a truce, this Guillotine's not cuttin' ya loose. Boom.
Papa Giacomo: Take the high road, Qui. Don't sink down to their level with rap vulgarity.
Speaking of sinking down, I need a crap break. Fast. Ok, I'm back.
Waiter: Your final curry sir, the hottest on our menu, Chicken Tikka Vasillis.
Quixote: Sounds like an STD. (a spoonful) Tastes like an STD. Ah ah, Papa, can't take this one. Too hot.
Papa Giacomo: You can. Confront it. Say what you need to say.
Quixote: I just don't get it. An otherworldly demigod figure who swears like a gangster. He keeps bizarrely eclectic company in the ASU. Serious identity crisis! But despite Geisel dropping him last week, I think Vasillis represents my biggest threat. After all, he has been 201 Champion and seems to channel power from ZMAC's hand.
Papa Giacomo: He didn't win the belt though, did he? Auron basically gave it him. As for channelling, it's a temporary, fleeting power that will lead to his destruction. He says he's Apollo's son... well look at his siblings. Troilus died by Achilles' heel. Orpheus was ripped to shreds. A snake bit Eurydice and Asclepius was struck by a thunderbolt. Vaas is doomed just like them. He's on a sharp descent; 2 defeats in a row and it's about to be 3. Now finish your curry and make it happen!
I sweat, I strain, it almost defeats me... but I make the curry tap. But enough of this "pilau" talk...