Post by Zombie McMorris on Oct 28, 2018 15:45:08 GMT -5
Chapter I: Out of Z History
[ the fed gets to choose ZMACs path in the story ]
Continuing on with the blood of Spartans on my hands and the ash of betrayal on my face I walk towards the smoke and the noise and the impending doom that is the Persian camp. I have two gifts, two skulls of two dead Spartans that talked to gawd damned much. I’mma bout to send these nanobots into overdrive with all the translating they’re gonna have to do. Cuz it aint a million Persians. Its like a cuppa thousand of them plus conquered kingdoms.
‘Kingdoms’
Runnin down a couple of hill tribes dont make you no gawd king cept the gawd king of suckin that dick.
Yeh, that's good. I’mma use that. I’ll say that right to his smug uncircumcised faced cuz you know ya boy aint cut down to the bone down there and I’mma about to go B A R on his mitzfa-aggot - F A C E.
I get up to the camp and theres just one chubby fuck standin there guarding the gate with no shoes on. Nilla, what you guarding without no sandals or flipy floppys on. Shee-it, son, at least get some crocs ( brand drop sponsored by crocs )
I throw those two skulls at his feet.
‘ You got room for one more in your million man army?’
Dudes either dumb as bricks or this translator is stuck on L. Varez moon speak.
“ Me gustaria unirme al ejecito. Yo Soy el Ejecito. Donde Esta el bano. Tengo un gran cierre.”
[ I'm here to join the army. I am the army. Where is the bathroom. I have to take a huge shit. ]
[ I'm here to join the army. I am the army. Where is the bathroom. I have to take a huge shit. ]
I point past the guard. “ es la gran polla dentro de baller? El Heffe, dentro?”
[ where is the big dick baller? the boss ]
[ where is the big dick baller? the boss ]
I start mocking the guard.
“Si ZMAC soy un pedazo de miera tonto.”
I walk past the guard and into the camp
My options are:
A. Find Xerxes
B. kill the camp
C. Leave
_________________________
Chapter two: Lena, juega Despacito
Pantheon West, Hawaii.
Zoom into ZMAC frantically packin his suitcase like his name was Kevin McAllister on his double California style bed. Ruby walks into frame, wet from the shower. Red towel covering her body and using a white towel to dry her hair.
“ Z, what are you doing?” she asks as ZMAC seemingly throws an endless supply of tshirts onto the floor.
“Packing for haddonfield” he answers.
“Illinois, New Jersey or Connecticut?” Ruby muses.
“Illinois.” ZMAC corrects. “Bonnies in Hellimination and shes going to need me to be her team member. Shes fighting Odin so she’s going to need that wild card to help her get out of a jam. She knows I’ll protect her to her dying breath. Sorry babe, but your sisters hot- I mean, you are her clone after all.”
Ruby shrugs. “I mean, I’d eat her, buuuttt-”
Of course that draws ZMAC attention. “Fuck yah, I’d lick that backdoor mat clean, too.”
“No, ass, I meant ‘but’ like sentence transition.”
“Yah, I know babe. Great transition into the butt stuff. Classic Biff.”
“No, I mean I have bad news.”
“What, theres no butt stuff? Does Bonnie Blue even like butt stuff?”
Bonnie Blue -> That's a question that need answers, right there.
“Are you serious right now?” She asks, throwing the white towel at him.
“What; you brought it up.” ZMAC laughs.
“No, I mean that Bonnie didnt ask you to be her partner. Her teams all set.”
ZMAC looks at her stunned.
“I’m sorry, bitch, what the fuck did you just say?”
Ruby continues, ignoring zmac.
“I mean, I’m more surprised Odin didnt ask you.”
“He wouldnt. He knows I’d protect bonnie the same way I protect you and that I’d double cross him as soon as I’d get the chance.”
“Why would you do that? I thought you were friends? What did you guys do back in the day?”
“Ruby, do you know who Tim Allen is?”
“Tim Allen… the actor?”
“Yes.”
“Buzz lightyear, the actor?”
“Yes.”
“What about him?”
ZMAC looks off into the distance, remember the incident.
Flash_back.exe to the incident [ footage not found ]
“Lets just say you don’t want Tim Allen problems. BUTTT I’m more curious as to why Bonnie didnt ask me to be her partner.”
Ruby shrugs again.
“I dunno. She filled it.”
“That's so sad, Lena, jeuga despacito” Says ZMAC talking to his wrist. ZMACS cyborg arm starts playing despacito as he continues talking. “ So who’d she get?”
“ Did - did you just name your arm, lena?”
“Yah, shes the only woman who knows how to touch me the way I like to be touched.”
“You’re left handed you asshole.”
“Hey, potty mouth, whats with you and the butt stuff all the sudden?”
“I’m not the one who named my cyborg arm - THAT I GAVE YOU- a womans name and I’m not an idiot, Z, I know what you do with that arm, in the shower, for 64.5773 minutes and nine and the hald seconds.”
“I was conditioning my hair” He tried to defend.
“Bitch, we all know you don’t use soap. The only thing you conditioning is the grip on your dick.”
D E S P A C I T O
“I was thinking of your sister.”
“Yah, my sister, my ass. Jerk. You know what, I’m glad she crushed your little heart and you’re not on her team. I’m glad she chose Steven Singh over you.”
“Steven Sigh? That emotional cripple?”
ZMAC starts to have an existential crisis.
“Oh god, am I that much of a shit lord to where Bonnie would chose him over me. But - but - but he’ll double cross her the first chance he gets, not like me; I’m dependable.”
“You are so NOT dependable.”
“ I’m honorable and I’m trust worthy. We both know I’ll be there in a heartbeat where as Singhs just going to use her and abuse her.”
“It’s ok. I think she likes that sorta thing. I mean, I know I like that sorta thing. Little gentle choking, sometimes pound my ass like a drunk Canadian clubs a baby seal.” Ruby shrugs again as she disappears into the bathroom to get changed. “I mean, its all relative. Besides, Z, you have a big team match this week anyway.”
“Well, yah but like, fuck them.”
“Excuse me?” Ruby pokes her head out. “Didn’t you just go on a rant about being honorable and dependable?”
“To people I like.”
“You don’t like Karlie Nash?”
ZMAC looks confused. “Who does?”
“What about Nikki Venus?”
“Corey Blacks side piece?”
“No, the other Nikki Venus.”
“Rube, I have no fuckin clue.”
“Ok, what about L Varez?”
“ Shes a snick snack fo sure. Shes the only one I’m down with. Wait, so I’m the anchor and heavyweight for a team of Karlie Nash, some chick I don’t know and lactose free assassin? And I’m fighting who?”
“Um, Spencer, Aquarius, Kemp and Lincoln.”
“I’m legit friends with three of four of them and mortal enemy with the other. Besides I just beat Licoln in the feuds of feuds match. It should be match of the year but I can only polish that soup sandwich of a turd so much before he’s gotta start doing it on his own.”
“So what are you going to do then? Are you going to fight for your team or fight for your friends?”
“Ruby, my damn friends betray me by not having me on their team and adding Licoln to it. Spencer Adams, my boi, the straight up savage, I single handedly made that man so much money that he could use it to mop up his floors. Then we all got beach krew ties. Watch the skies, fuccboi. So then they got to do this shit dirty to me and ‘fight smart’ without the most dope ass bomb ass mother fucker in ADUB for a guy whose only quality is that he has steel abs and a leather jacket. “
Ruby swoons. “ Yah, he does. “I ugh. I think I forgot to wash my hair.” Ruby closes the door. She turns the shower on saying, “Geralt, play Barry white.”
ZMAC turns around in surprise. “ Geralt? Geralt, that Witcher piece of shit?” ZMAC starts pounding on the door. “ Hey, Hey!”
Ruby starts moaning.
“Wait.” ZMAC continues. “You don’t have cybernetics on you. Who the fucks Geralt?”
“Don’t, ahh, worry.. Hmmhhmm.. About it. Hes the only man who knows how to touch me the way I like to be touched.”
“ Theres nothing that robot can do that I can’t.”
“I dou- dou- doubt it.. Hmmhmmmmhh.. “
“Well whats he got that I don’t got?”
“D-D-D-cell batteries. UGH!”
ZMAC dashes to the nightstand and looks through it. He finds a pack of D-cell batteries sans Rubys vibrator as ZMAC sinks a little inside.
“Ruby.. wheres your vibrator?”
“On - on an adveenntt-hhurrrr, UGH!!”
D E S P A C I T O
“But he’s needs some help.” She continues. “Theres two caves that need exploring and Geralt cant go deep enough into one. K-k-kan you give him a hand or a fffiiiiiiissssttttt. Ugh!”
ZMAC looks at the camera.
______________________________
Chapter III: FIGHT SMRT
Oh shit, its ya boi, ol’ Z -> OH NO! Oh yah bhey bheaa! And I’m kumming at chu live for the sake of kummin at chu live and let me tell you something -> FIGHTSMART aint none of you gone make it out of here alive and half of you are my bois. Ya’ll know you be lookin at this and ya’ll done goofed up cuz you put that altizmo fgt Licoln on your team over the coked up mad man now I’m teamin with that cougar hunter and that tall glass of snick snack, the lactose free assassin-> why -> IDK, I’m not up on your boo-sheeit, I just know that when ol’ Z is called upon, I’m takin fools tah hammer town and right mother fuckin quick.
So U hoped you packed your parachute pants cuz I’m about to drop that plane out the sky so gawd damn hard, not even 4 horsemen can save you.
WWWOOOOOOOOO
Yo but check it, that's OK cuz Ol’ Z here to make noise and I just got done plunderin Rubys backdoor adventure and I found me some brand new vigor cuz this match doesnt concern me cuz I’m a singles star and I’m brighter than all of you. I know right now LINK, ya bois, they on the way out. They about to leave your punk ass high and dry to get boudle stomped by me again.
A fucking Gain.
For twice in a row
And for less than last week.
But my boi, spencer adams, you know I got a special boot party for you. Give you the ol dirt mcgirk, dirty sanchez special clear across your dome piece and smear it with all your shitty mistakes. I mean, first BB dont @ me for Hellimination and honorary Beach Krew and man that made you literal millions is passed by for Link.
So the most i can do is walk away with the win cuz fuck you.
Then we have Andre and Kemp, two guys -> as much as I like you guys, I feel have really failed to achieve their potential. Maybe that's what this is. Maybe its a bunch of guys who on their own cant reach potential who bunch together to fail to reach their potential.
Like a suicide pact.
Yah. just like a suicide pact.
Ya’ll gone wished you drank the kool aide a week early cuz ya boi is commin for you. I’mma rip you all a new axe wound and curb stomp your skulls in.
You might be FIGHT SMART but this week its going to be a fight for your lives as a vengeful and pissed off coked up mad man scorned by those he once called friends side with a scrub lord Link so that they can claim to take over rasslin when we all know that Link cant go over tits in a strip joint.
As you’re all down on the mat with your heads and chests caved in, you’ll realize that its this guy right here that you should have had on your side all along.
Cuz I know all of you. I can see through you. See your true colors. Inside your ugly. Ugly like me. I can see the real you.
And you’ll all float down here
As the coked up cougar hunters put a bullet between your eyes and make you see the fucking truth.
Conquer. The. Hate.