Post by Jacob Koenig on May 4, 2024 21:40:18 GMT -5
Our adventure begins at the newly opened Backbreaker Fight Club in Jamaica, New York. The grand opening is set for Sunday night, which will make for a quick turnaround to get Jacob Koenig to Denver the next day for Monday Night Clash. It is there, months in the making, that he will make sure Super Mario runs out of lives.
Today, Jacob Koenig is overseeing last minute preparations for the grand opening. As he does so, a camera crew from Action Wrestling shows up, along with seldom seen executive producer Hank Brown.
Hank Brown: Jacob Koenig, thanks for allowing us to enter your domain.
Jacob Koenig: I honestly forgot you were coming today, but I can spare a couple minutes. You wanted to get my thoughts on this match with Super Mario. Yeah?
Hank Brown: You bet.
Jacob Koenig: Are you recording?
Hank Brown: Always.
Jacob Koenig: Good. First of all, this ain't much of a match. Sure, it's called a Street Fight… but I see it more as a public execution. Super Mario used to be all bark and no bite. But for the last month, he hasn't even been barking. Hell, probably longer than that. Remember all that money he paid Zmac to take me out? What a waste! If he wanted me gone, he should have manned the fuck up and done it himself!
Super Mario? More like Super Mediocre! With all those jumps, you'd think he'd reach a better fashion sense than those overalls and mustache combo! On Monday, I'll throw barrels at that motherfucker and laugh all the way to the bank! I'm not only putting him down, but I'm taking all of his gold coins, too! His whole empire will soon belong to me! Ain't nothin’ stopping me from taking it all!
Super Mario, what a joke! He's been stomping on Goombas for decades, but can he ever stomp his way out of his own repetitive storyline?! And don't get me started on his sidekick, Luigi! The guy's a walking stereotype of a second-rate sibling! And Princess Peach?! She's been getting kidnapped more times than I can count! It's like they're stuck in a never-ending loop of predictability! Talk about a franchise that needs a serious upgrade!
When it comes to this Street Fight at Monday Night Clash in Denver, I've got all kinds of fool-proof plans that'll secure ultimate victory. I know all of his weaknesses… like cleverly placed pits or obstacles to trip him up! Mario's not known for his genius, so outthinking him shouldn't be too hard. Maybe I'll exploit his other weaknesses… like his fear of falling, his susceptibility to water, or his inability to resist coins.
If all else fails… I'll take a page out of his usual enemies’ playback and play dirty. Maybe I'll throw some Bob-ombs his way or manipulate the environment to my advantage. There are endless possibilities for my success against Super Mario… and he will be super incapable of thwarting my efforts. This is going to be a walk in the park for me… and then I can set my sights on my new goal here in Action Wrestling.
Hank Brown: And what would that be?
Jacob Koenig: Stay tuned, bud. It's going to blow your mind.
Scene fades.
Today, Jacob Koenig is overseeing last minute preparations for the grand opening. As he does so, a camera crew from Action Wrestling shows up, along with seldom seen executive producer Hank Brown.
Hank Brown: Jacob Koenig, thanks for allowing us to enter your domain.
Jacob Koenig: I honestly forgot you were coming today, but I can spare a couple minutes. You wanted to get my thoughts on this match with Super Mario. Yeah?
Hank Brown: You bet.
Jacob Koenig: Are you recording?
Hank Brown: Always.
Jacob Koenig: Good. First of all, this ain't much of a match. Sure, it's called a Street Fight… but I see it more as a public execution. Super Mario used to be all bark and no bite. But for the last month, he hasn't even been barking. Hell, probably longer than that. Remember all that money he paid Zmac to take me out? What a waste! If he wanted me gone, he should have manned the fuck up and done it himself!
Super Mario? More like Super Mediocre! With all those jumps, you'd think he'd reach a better fashion sense than those overalls and mustache combo! On Monday, I'll throw barrels at that motherfucker and laugh all the way to the bank! I'm not only putting him down, but I'm taking all of his gold coins, too! His whole empire will soon belong to me! Ain't nothin’ stopping me from taking it all!
Super Mario, what a joke! He's been stomping on Goombas for decades, but can he ever stomp his way out of his own repetitive storyline?! And don't get me started on his sidekick, Luigi! The guy's a walking stereotype of a second-rate sibling! And Princess Peach?! She's been getting kidnapped more times than I can count! It's like they're stuck in a never-ending loop of predictability! Talk about a franchise that needs a serious upgrade!
When it comes to this Street Fight at Monday Night Clash in Denver, I've got all kinds of fool-proof plans that'll secure ultimate victory. I know all of his weaknesses… like cleverly placed pits or obstacles to trip him up! Mario's not known for his genius, so outthinking him shouldn't be too hard. Maybe I'll exploit his other weaknesses… like his fear of falling, his susceptibility to water, or his inability to resist coins.
If all else fails… I'll take a page out of his usual enemies’ playback and play dirty. Maybe I'll throw some Bob-ombs his way or manipulate the environment to my advantage. There are endless possibilities for my success against Super Mario… and he will be super incapable of thwarting my efforts. This is going to be a walk in the park for me… and then I can set my sights on my new goal here in Action Wrestling.
Hank Brown: And what would that be?
Jacob Koenig: Stay tuned, bud. It's going to blow your mind.
Scene fades.