Post by Odin Balfore on Mar 23, 2024 18:54:29 GMT -5
Odin vs Jolee
Careful: She's a Hero
___________________
Billy: TEARJERK--
Chris Avery: NO!!! ODIN JUST USED HIS WAIT TO ROLL THROUGH AND GRAB ONTO THE MIDDLE ROPE!!!
Angelo keeps the hold locked but abides by the referee's order. Both men get to their feet and--
Billy: ODIN'S GOT HIM BY THE THROAT!!
Chris Avery: THERE'S THE--
Billy: RRRRRRAAAAAAGNAROK!!!1
The ring shakes from the impact.
Billy: SHITFIRRRRE!!!1
Chris Avery: THERE'S THE COVER!!!
ONE!
TWO!!
THREEEE!!!!
DING DING DING
Odin rolls off of Angelo, as both combatants now look up at the lights.
Chris Avery: Odin Balfore advances to the final round against Tatiana Jolee, but not without some damage at the well-equipped hands of Gerard Angelo!!!
Odin rolls out of the ring as Amon Amarth plays his walks to the back. The cameras follow along as he grabs a bottle of water from a table and guzzles it down. He tosses it into an open trash can before turning around addressing the camera and running his hands through his hair.
“ I told you, Angelo, that you were smoking crack if you thought you could beat me. We aren't out here solving problems by implementing the very problems that created it. Replay them fans chanting your idiot name when you're in the back at Match Madness when you're hitting the showers at eight pm, instead of eleven. You better get those Hollywood feet pics up online, pray that Gawd Dan Schneider is as generous as he is evil.
You feel that don’t you; your world view fucking destroyed. It’s the Last Avenger. It’s me. I know you're out there in the middle of the ring, on your knees with your hands on your head and your head all the way up your stupid ass. A million thoughts racing through your head like Helen Keller at the Daytona five hundred. You were absolutely convinced that you would beat me. You, the worthless moron that got us into this mess, he who loses to himself in tic-tac-toe. You sit there and wonder how you got outsmarted. You didn't get outsmarted because you have shit for brains. I am now one step closer to slapping the taste out of Teo Blazes' mouth and capturing the World title.
Enjoy the shower, punk. Go wash the funk off your ass and make sure you floss those corn kernels out cha teeth.”
Odin turns and walks off.
___________________
I’m going to dismiss TJ as a foregone conclusion in this match because her entire mythos is staked in her hometown. To her, it’s a chance at fate. Fate brought her home to Canada. Truthfully, it is a sweet poetic justice that she gets to die in front of her equally ugly and inbred ilk. Slurping up hotdogs and beer as she gets beaten to death by me.
She may not have forgotten that this is a gladiator sport yet she needs to be reminded of that.
She thinks because she's a woman, pretty faces will save the day as it’s done for everyone else before her with a lack of cock ( go ask Gerard, that fucking scrub )
I am now both Thanos and the Last Avenger in this situation. It’s about balance. And all the cunt words in the English Language and she chooses to speak like a ten-year-old writing in her diary.”
Dear God,
It’s been twenty-four years since Canada has won a Stanley Cup. Please bless the Calgary Flames and fire Ryan Huska And please bless, Mommy and Daddy.
Christ no wonder you’re fuckin barren. If my Thick wasn't fifteen meters long, I’d be sterile right now just by imitating that lame shit.
I have agents and producers right now, kissing my ring because suddenly what I bring to the table is refreshing. This is about hitting hard and murdering everything and I am still - to this day - the best on the roster. You see, these social experiments and rejects, work for the short term. One year, two, maybe three, and here we are on year six and we had to wrap back around to the guys that look like me coming in and asserting themselves over people like you. It’s an opportunity versus equality thing.
Not my fault you can’t take the heat. Not my fault Vespertine is on the rag week in and out. Now there's a Super Mario thinking he can wax ZMAC on internet forms.
TJ, mistakes will be made. People need to learn the hard way. Your entire career is a recipe for disaster with another crash course that you must suffer because you can’t take the hint.
I mean, what's your plan against Teo - lose to the Jalapeno Hangover again - or whatever the fuck it is- you short-sighted cow.
The problem with you is that you just want to be the underdog. You want to be victimized so that you have a goal. You need a boulder to never push up the hill.
You found it, TJ - that's just life. I’m going to retire you this week and let you run radio circuits so you can tell them about the glory days. So you can get on your pink soapbox and complain about the patriarchy and about this day right here at Match Madness. This is where I make you realize that wrestling just isn't for you.
Never was.
You were just lied to your whole life because you were dumb enough to believe that and you know what - that ain’t my fault. I am just the culmination of your life choices.
I am the consequences of your actions.
And these consequences are permanent.
_______________________
After Clash 3/18
We open to Odin sitting at a bar, drinking that brain-melting sauce with bruising on his face from that rolling elbow by Gerard earlier in the night. He has a glass in his right hand of brown liquor and pressing an ice cube against the welt on the left side of his face. He takes a slip and lightly slams the glass down, just hard enough to make a statement.
“Angelo, you gave me this shiner. A little bruise. A peck of an Irish Kiss. However, my sight is more focused. One more sloppily written wet draft of a heroine and Teo Blaze gets dusted in history. Match Madness and Jaice Wilds, god damnit, Jaice Wilds is in a world title match. That's your Action Wrestling.
There is not enough time left in your mortal coil for you to use in order to make this up to me. What seats are selling for Teo, let alone Jaice - fucking garbage.
Teo is a case of pity, tragedy, and charity. The biggest day in his career was not worth this warpath.”
Odin audibly cracks his neck with a deep and primal *thud*
“- that's not to say that I am not thoroughly enjoying it. I’d be lying to tell you otherwise. The power, the fear, the overwhelming force that I bestow upon you. Teo, TJ is next but you know who's coming for you. You knew as soon as that refs handed slapped three. You knew right then that Odin Balfore would come for you immediately and take you down and rip this away from you. I shouldn't have to wait five years for the clear opportunity to present myself to be world champion. However, this ring does not kiss itself. Moreover, in April, that’ll be you. In the middle of the mat, in front of all those people. The AW title on my shoulder and you acknowledging me; The Last Avenger.
I’ll see you in April, you fucking cuck.”
________________________
Semi-Finals in Canada, pfft; what a fuckin joke.
Geography isn't a strong suit when you forget your place. The fact that TJ thinks that her wishful coronation will end with that Spiderman meme:
Careful. She’s a hero.
But in reality, bitch is just Ryan Reynolds with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome; which tracks considering all Canadians think themselves A Godking when they are above sixty degrees North Latitude. Putting down another Sloppy Second Savior just seems to track for this tournament.
The Last Avenger will turn your ocean of dreams into glass. This Non-Binary Justin Beiber gonna be leaking the private snap chats, like Tony Stark
And yet still end up like Tony Stark ( Read as: fuckin’ dead)
You’ve lost your fucking mind and the fucking plot.
Twenty fuckin years, you’ve been taking back bumps on your clit and you still aint figured out that if after all this time you need to “solidify” your legend status - then you ain't evah gone be a legend.
I mean, bravo - a couple of dirty fish eaters in Medicine Hat saw a super-cut deep fake of you but we both know that does not translate to this.
I told Jesse Lee that Feminism failed her. You have a whole failed nation pushing your lies from the table and you lap them up to believe the hype enough that anything in Canada has meaning.
Odin Balfore a worldwide warrior. There are uncontacted tribes in the Amazon with my posters tacked to their mud huts. Somali Pirates blast my ring music on the way to knock off cargo ships. Hell, I got polar bears in your home land Ragaroking seals off of ice flows while you have delusions of your own status.
What a crumbled piece of shit you are. We may have had mixed results in the past there is no question about our match this week. Old guard, new guard - look around you and if you can’t see that you, Angelo, TEO, everyone, and everything is the problem - then you don’t know that you’re dyin. Call that shit, Titan Sub.
The mere fact that I’m fighting Teo Blaze billed as the challenger at “April Fool’s Gold” is in and of itself a sick joke. Come up for air from licking your own cunt - just for a minute. The man who was a packed-away tag champ in the Cruiserweights is a world champion because you can’t cheat a three count. I blame Angelo but your shoulders, shoulder the burden that you now endure.
ME.
You have a level of unearned hubris, matched only by your vapid misunderstanding success. Topped only by your Manic desire for love, attention, and adulation. I’ll love you babygurl. I swear to Gawd but you’ll be leaving the arena, getting in those govermintz lines. Die or starve; I don’t which comes first. This is where your dreams end. Trudeau be given you the “Of Ark” treatment.
Une fille en feu ( read as: Girl on fire. )
You probably remember the last time we fought. burn in holes in film on the rewind, trying to “study” me. Go ahead. All that's going to happen is that I’m going to hit you really fuckin’ hard and collapse your lungs. You and me for the TV title and yet you’re wondering where this Odin Balfore came from - This is it. This is me and I’m going to snap you in half with a Ragnarok.
Leave your stupid country mourning with Jelousy because they too rather be dead than be in fucking Canada! Alas, you made it further than Angelo - not sure how but that does not matter now. You will meet the same fate as him.
You’re not a hero.
You’re not the chosen one.
It's not your destiny.
You’re just the sacrificial vision.
It’s time I pluck that mind stone from your skull and add it to my collection.
TJ, All roads lead back to me; always. Year one. Year six, year twenty-six. No matter how long. I know the inevitable truth.
So don’t you. Twenty years and you are still seeking the power I knew in my first year. When I was a Tag Team legend in year three.
When I was the biggest name WCF ever knew in year ten.
When I’m this immovable object - a Sun- beating down on lessers like you as if they were starving Ethiopian children waiting for the vultures. Go slit your wrists for photo of the year because you are helpless to stop it.
You’ll never know that power, TJ. Even immortality would fail you in that venture. You could rub a lamp, in the vacuum of sheer critical success and WISH for my career and still, you would find yourself nothing more than washed and rinsed.
I don't deserve anything.
I didn't earn shit.
I take it.
I rob it, I steal it, I pull it away from people like you because none of you have the fortitude to do the wetwork.
Put my grey hair on your chest. Maybe then you’ll be a man.
But you still won’t be a champion. A legend.
Just … a powerless human shooting blunt-tipped arrows at God. Don’t shoot, kid; I don’t think it’s loaded.
Call the tribunal. this is gonna be a fucking hate crime.
Cuz Karma is a God and so am I.