Post by Jacob Koenig on Mar 17, 2024 0:59:53 GMT -5
“SUpER MArIO SIgnS WItH ACTioN WREstLING?!+1!”
"That was the headline of every dweeby mark “JOUrnALISt” website. As preposterous as it sounded, it was confirmed by Action Wrestling sources. Gone are the days of real superstars like Dandy DiVito, Walter, and Wade Moor. Instead, the talentless NeW gEnErAtIoN has to resort to silly fake gimmicks based on… video game characters."
"I'm a professional wrestler. That's my job title. That's my passion. That's my life. I came to Action Wrestling years ago to fight, and to win. After time away to continue building my Backbreaker Fight Club empire, I'm back to continue my mission of putting dweebs like Mario Mario down for the count. Whether by hook or by crook, that's exactly what will go down on Monday. His demise will be the beginning of my ascension."
"Last Monday, I watched that giant toddler get beat up by those bottomfeeders Jaice and TJ… and I didn't want to get dragged down to their level… so I just left. Mario was probably big sad or big mad… but I don't give a damn. Fuck his feelings. They don't mean shit to me. What matters to me is gold. That's why I made my intentions clear that I'm gunnin’ for Niobe Martin's TV Title."
"I'm going to use this match with Mario as a highlight reel of all of the brilliantly painful ways I can secure ultimate victory. Nobody is ready for what I am capable of. Not Mario. Not Niobe. Not a single one of the hacks on this roster. They're all just inevitable roadkill on my rampage toward the top of Action Wrestling. They're all just–"
🎶 I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN! 🎶
~ SWIPE ~
"Hey! Is it – oh, it's not noon yet."
"It's a hell of an offer. No doubt. I'm just really protective of my brand. You understand."
"Oh, absolutely. Nothing is more important to me than protecting my brand. This offer strengthens both of our legacies. You've spent ten years building up a top shelf training facility, and what I'm offering you ensures a lifetime of growth."
"Packing up and moving to New York would be tough for me. The housing market is a mess."
"Don't worry about it. In the paperwork, you'll see an addendum that a condo will be provided for the next thirty-six months. After that, arrangements can be made to purchase it outright."
"That's a huge load off of my mind. Wow. I'm still nervous about it all, but I do see the benefits of it for sure. You know what… okay. Let's do this."
"Excellent! This alliance will change the course of history for Action Wrestling… and the world beyond. Jacob, welcome to Devil's Gate."
"Thanks, Sara. Fax over the paperwork and I'll take care of it."
"I'll see you at noon on Zoom. We'll work out the details for a presser then."
"See ya then."
~ SWIPE ~
"2024 is next level bonkers. Teo Blaze and Jaice Wilds are fightin’ for the World Title. Addy A might have two belts soon. And Sara Pettis just bought Backbreaker Fight Club, which will be a subsidiary of Devil's Gate Inc. I wouldn't believe any of that six months ago, but this is the bizarro timeline we exist on. All of that pales in weirdness to the fact that I'm just a few days away from fightin’ Super Mario."
"Maybe I won't even make it to Clash though. I guess Mario put out some sort of bogus mafia hit on my head. That jamoke was so upset by me abandoning him last week that he offered… let me check… $325,000 to anyone who… what… kills me, I guess. What a weird thing to state publicly. Don't people usually do that shit on the dark web? That's usually where ZMAC can be found these days. Or maybe it's called the Dark Place. I can't keep up with all of the dork shit that happens around here."
"What I can track is every punch I allow Mario's face to endure before I show mercy and put him down for the count. Every left. Every right. Every jab. Every hook. He will come to know my name, and soon forget it because of the brain damage he leaves Clash with. Unlike the giant fictitious lizard he has been chasing all his life, I'm the final boss that's going to make him run out of lives."
"It's not a fuckin’ game. This is real ass adult shit we're doing , and Mario just can't hang with a bonafide superstar like me. I've tapped out more men than he's dodged imaginary barrels. I've leveled up beyond his wildest dreams. There's no respawning once I'm done with him on Monday. If he tries to use cheat codes, I will beat him so bad that he glitches all over the damn place. Something something video games. Something something mafia."
"It's all bullshit. Right? It's all just a little boy cosplaying and doing live-action role-playing, while I'm over here fightin’ to make Backbreaker Fight Club THE premiere training facility on the planet. This deal with Sara makes my reach global, in the real world, where Super Mario holds no tangible power. He does have the power to quit, and he should exercise that power to the fullest."
"Whether before, during, or after our match. It makes no difference."
"He will quit."