End Of the Line.
Jan 29, 2024 20:22:45 GMT -5
via mobile
Roy Speede, Action Reel, and 4 more like this
Post by Downfall on Jan 29, 2024 20:22:45 GMT -5
Wait, what?
First of all, congratulations to Gerard Angelo. I really do think he is deserving, has worked his ass off, and has earned his spot. And I look forward to him and Tatiana carrying this fed forward.
For me, though?
More particularly, for the Downfall character?
I'm done.
Sunday was a hard day, with a great deal of big, complicated feelings. Because I didn't set myself up for an easy roleplay at all, and I got to a point where this doesn't serve the story I'm trying to tell with Danny, this doesn't get to the heart of his feelings, for the third time, putting his career on the line. So, somewhat intentionally, I made the call to go way over cap, and cost myself. It was bitter sweet. It was gut wrenching. I absolutely will abide by it. That was the end of Downfall, his last match and his last hurrah. And maybe it always was meant to be - They did, prophetically, name the show The Final Chapter, replete with this ridiculous, insane match.
I had a hard time writing Danny's final... everything. While also noting that this was always, more or less, the plan.
Maybe I wanted to get through one or two more title defenses, carry the belt through a PPV so "wits" that shoot at me can stop saying stupid shit about me holding the World title for a sneeze, but I also have to believe, in the end, I subconsciously wrote myself into this corner because I got the sense that this actually is where Downfall's story has to end.
Pulling back the curtain a bit, I've been tired. And burned out.
I won't go into names, but since June of this year, I've been bummed out by e-fedding. It says a lot when you try to work a feud with a guy, he only ever DM's you back "Sweet! Looks great!" THEN, when your segments arrive on the card, he goes and fucking buries them on Twitter, and it turns into a live round, meta shoot fest between you and a guy you actually had no problem with, that gives the fed a black eye. I've been burned out by being one of the names of people that got criticized in the wake of XIII. I've been burned out by people calling me a "tyrant" for real, because I do dictate a certain standard of engagement and effort if you're dealing with me. Because I want roleplays, shoot, segments and interactions to be the best quality they can be to provide a banger of a show; because, in the end, I had passion for and everlasting love for this game.
And that, I hope, carries through more than anything,that I ended Downfall where he is out of sheer love for the game.
As I got into the space for All-In, and contemplating coming back to the World title scene after willingly stepping back, it really did hit me that Danny's arc was nearing it's conclusion. He had come from nothing, his career a disgrace when I brought him back in 2020, feeling like he was cursed. Danny, as he always did when i first created him as my avatar, in 2001, mimics me. I felt like I was cursed. That the character I was used to playing, Kyle Shane, was too damaged and negative to bring back. That I had lost what made me special. I threw a lot of bitter feelings and spite into Downfall in those early days, and a lot of my darkness.
And I watched him change.
He did give in to his darkness, he did turn heel and bash in skulls with a crowbar, he did become every inch the sadistic asshole he once was, but he started over somewhere new. He walked away from toxic patterns. He let go of a relationship with a woman who was stuck in a holding pattern, and he found love with someone who sees the good in him, and, as I see it, he goes back to Rumiko now, freed. This is the way it needs to be, as Danny says; everything ends. The ending for Daniel is, that he came back to this world, overcame his "curse", fought his way to being World Champion, and then, knowing that it could only last but so long, chose to walk away when it was done. He chose, because he felt like he didnt allow himself to take that choice for so long.
Downfall's bleak, nihilistic world view changed over time, from everything ends, everything dies, because everyone is shit and I and I alone am the master of it, to. Everything ends, but can't an ending be beautiful? Can't we start something better after the ending is over?
Maybe some day I'll clear up the threads, because as my depression, time constraints and not writing regularly piled up, some things, like the Warpath storyline, like where Serenity went,never got finished. I may not be the best or most well planning writer.
But for now, Downfall's story is over. And it ended, beautifully, the way perhaps it was only ever going to. He went down swinging, and he did his best.
And now? Maybe I move on to something new. I seeded threads for Kyle Shane's return. I could continue the threads with Twisted. I could even bring back Sicko. I don't know that I'm wanting to roleplay that much in this moment.
But for a Final Chapter, for my first character, Im actually relieved to say goodbye, Danny. Thanks for the memories.
First of all, congratulations to Gerard Angelo. I really do think he is deserving, has worked his ass off, and has earned his spot. And I look forward to him and Tatiana carrying this fed forward.
For me, though?
More particularly, for the Downfall character?
I'm done.
Sunday was a hard day, with a great deal of big, complicated feelings. Because I didn't set myself up for an easy roleplay at all, and I got to a point where this doesn't serve the story I'm trying to tell with Danny, this doesn't get to the heart of his feelings, for the third time, putting his career on the line. So, somewhat intentionally, I made the call to go way over cap, and cost myself. It was bitter sweet. It was gut wrenching. I absolutely will abide by it. That was the end of Downfall, his last match and his last hurrah. And maybe it always was meant to be - They did, prophetically, name the show The Final Chapter, replete with this ridiculous, insane match.
I had a hard time writing Danny's final... everything. While also noting that this was always, more or less, the plan.
Maybe I wanted to get through one or two more title defenses, carry the belt through a PPV so "wits" that shoot at me can stop saying stupid shit about me holding the World title for a sneeze, but I also have to believe, in the end, I subconsciously wrote myself into this corner because I got the sense that this actually is where Downfall's story has to end.
Pulling back the curtain a bit, I've been tired. And burned out.
I won't go into names, but since June of this year, I've been bummed out by e-fedding. It says a lot when you try to work a feud with a guy, he only ever DM's you back "Sweet! Looks great!" THEN, when your segments arrive on the card, he goes and fucking buries them on Twitter, and it turns into a live round, meta shoot fest between you and a guy you actually had no problem with, that gives the fed a black eye. I've been burned out by being one of the names of people that got criticized in the wake of XIII. I've been burned out by people calling me a "tyrant" for real, because I do dictate a certain standard of engagement and effort if you're dealing with me. Because I want roleplays, shoot, segments and interactions to be the best quality they can be to provide a banger of a show; because, in the end, I had passion for and everlasting love for this game.
And that, I hope, carries through more than anything,that I ended Downfall where he is out of sheer love for the game.
As I got into the space for All-In, and contemplating coming back to the World title scene after willingly stepping back, it really did hit me that Danny's arc was nearing it's conclusion. He had come from nothing, his career a disgrace when I brought him back in 2020, feeling like he was cursed. Danny, as he always did when i first created him as my avatar, in 2001, mimics me. I felt like I was cursed. That the character I was used to playing, Kyle Shane, was too damaged and negative to bring back. That I had lost what made me special. I threw a lot of bitter feelings and spite into Downfall in those early days, and a lot of my darkness.
And I watched him change.
He did give in to his darkness, he did turn heel and bash in skulls with a crowbar, he did become every inch the sadistic asshole he once was, but he started over somewhere new. He walked away from toxic patterns. He let go of a relationship with a woman who was stuck in a holding pattern, and he found love with someone who sees the good in him, and, as I see it, he goes back to Rumiko now, freed. This is the way it needs to be, as Danny says; everything ends. The ending for Daniel is, that he came back to this world, overcame his "curse", fought his way to being World Champion, and then, knowing that it could only last but so long, chose to walk away when it was done. He chose, because he felt like he didnt allow himself to take that choice for so long.
Downfall's bleak, nihilistic world view changed over time, from everything ends, everything dies, because everyone is shit and I and I alone am the master of it, to. Everything ends, but can't an ending be beautiful? Can't we start something better after the ending is over?
Maybe some day I'll clear up the threads, because as my depression, time constraints and not writing regularly piled up, some things, like the Warpath storyline, like where Serenity went,never got finished. I may not be the best or most well planning writer.
But for now, Downfall's story is over. And it ended, beautifully, the way perhaps it was only ever going to. He went down swinging, and he did his best.
And now? Maybe I move on to something new. I seeded threads for Kyle Shane's return. I could continue the threads with Twisted. I could even bring back Sicko. I don't know that I'm wanting to roleplay that much in this moment.
But for a Final Chapter, for my first character, Im actually relieved to say goodbye, Danny. Thanks for the memories.