Post by Gerard Angelo on Jan 28, 2024 8:39:52 GMT -5
The car pulled up to the front of Gerard’s condo. Gerry tipped the driver and hopped out of the SUV, grabbing his Rollaboard bag before shutting the door. He dragged the wheeled bag behind him as he made his way up the walkway, the car service pulling off. It had been days since he had been home and was eager to check on his father. He wanted to check on G as well, as he had not had contact with him since Gerard left. He looked up at the condo and it was oddly darkened for this time of night. He raised an eyebrow as he pushed his key into the lock and opened the front door. The foyer was dark, the only thing he could see was the light from the digital clocks as his eyes adjusted.
“Hello? G?”
Gerard looked around only to narrowly move his head as a frying pan flew past his head to put a hole in the wall. He turned his head just in time to throw up an arm to block a punch coming towards his face. In the low light, he could barely make out his attacker as he kept trying to block strikes while backing up, doing his best to navigate his home in the dark. He blocked a kick and threw one of his own, hitting his assailant in the thigh, and causing him to pause. Gerry took the opportunity to hook one of his arms and send him up and over with an arm drag. The attacker crashed through the round kitchen table, sending papers and splinters of wood flying through the air.
Gerard managed to reach out and flick a light switch, causing the living room hi-hats to turn on, illuminating the unknown attacker. He quickly pounced on him ready to rain another strike down when he saw his own face.
“G?” he asked incredulously but was only met with and snarl and his clone flipping Gerry off of him. Gerard turned around and was met in the face with a kick that sent him tumbling back. G ran and flew through the air to pounce on Gerard but her got his feet up and sent G crashing into the kitchen with a monkeyflip. G started to get up but Gerard ran in and connected with a knee strike to the face. Gerry wrapped his arms around his throat in a sleeper, trying to control him.
“G! Stop! The fuck is wrong with you?”
The clone just snarled as Gerard tried to squeeze the sleeper in tighter. G clawed at his arms, drawing blood. The clone somehow managed to get his head down and bite Gerry’s arm, causing him to yelp in pain and let go. Gerard looked down at the bloody gash on his arm before he was cracked across the head with a heavy wood cutting board. Gerard dropped down to his hands and knees, watching blood pool on the tile floor beneath him as his vision blurred. Gerard turned to look up at G only to narrowly dodge another wild swing on the heavy wooden object. With no connection, the powerful swing caused the clone to stumble letting Gerard slam his fist into G’s crotch, doubling his doppelganger over, the cutting board landing on the floor with a heavy clatter. Gerard grabbed the back of the clone's head and slammed him face-first into his stainless steel fridge once, twice, and a third time. Blood ran down his now crooked, broken, nose before Gerard picked up the cutting board. He lifted it over his head and brought it down on the crown of his clone’s head, slumping him against the fridge. Anglo’s legs felt woozy underneath his and he grabbed the kitchen island for support as one hand felt at his head, getting wet with warm blood. He started to make his way towards the stairs to check on his father and that’s when he felt another impact against the back of his skull. The Hollywood Hero flopped down on the floor, turning around to see himself holding a baseball bat before he blacked out.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s about that time again. I’m finally getting another shot at the World title.
And it’s about a year too late and filled with dickheads and douchebags who shouldn’t even be looking at the strap. You know the last time I had a shot at the title that was stolen from me, it was a six-man match inside a different massive, unforgiving, steel structure. I lasted until the end but I didn’t get the job done. It weighed on me for a while as I watched ol’ Jillybean walk around here trying to get everyone to kiss her pancake booty. I carried that into Havoc where I came so close to getting my revenge at Evolution. And then when I had no direction to Evolution before Dandy opened his mush mouth. But I persevered past that. I went on to grab the All-In briefcase and I was waiting for the perfect time for my full circle moment of cashing that bad boy in on Park herself. Finish the story if you will.
But that wasn’t allowed to happen because another, more annoying, competitor wouldn't stop complaining and making threats to get shot after shot at the World title when it wasn’t warranted or seemed fucking asinine to repeat. Yes, I’m talking about you Tatiana you fucking nobody.
I’m sure you’re gonna pronounce my name incorrectly and go “Pfft but I beat you!”
I love how everyone just forgets the crooked ref in our match but that’s the life of being the best, everyone wants to see you fail. Just ask Patrick Mahomes. Enjoy clutching onto your fluke win over me, it’s the only good memory in your transitional championship reign because we all saw that when you finally face real competition, you get exposed. It’s easy to beat an exhausted and injured Jill Park or me with a ref who wants a payday but you went up against Downfall and he showed why you should be fighting for TV titles still.
But you did the TJ Special after the loss and bitched about something so here we are with you getting another opportunity gifted to you. Squeaky wheel gets the grease I guess or you’ll go on Twitter and complain. Then all the dorks who don’t like us will give you likes and retweets before they invite you into the inner circle jerk while still looking down their noses at you.
Another fucking geek in this match that shouldn’t even be in it is Roman Gunn. What have you ever done on the main roster you fucking greasy-haired bitch? If you’re still living off that win over Chris Page two years ago you can fuck all the way off you piece of shit. You won a shitty CBS title then when it was proven you weren’t good enough for the main show you fucked off to OCW with your dumb fuck cousins and your fat butler.
They even made you the face of the brand down there and what did you do? You ran that shit into the ground so bad we had to shut that shit down. And you wanna be World Champion? Fuck yourself with a rusty pipe you Samoan dipshit. You spoiled, entitled, piece of shit. You got your shit handed to you by Jody Madrox and you think you can compete for a world title? Who is running this fucking company? Brady Bolt has to be three raccoons in a trench coat for booking you in this shit. I’d throw in a you looking like Aquaman joke but I honestly just hope you drown in the ocean instead.
And let your fat fuck lawyer know that if he says anything fucking snarky about me I’ll shove his off the rack, size 56 R, suit down the misplaced asshole he calls a mouth. You’re coming into my world, not the other way around. And I promise you’ll be the first piece of shit I maim in this match you undeserving, selfish, fuck. I worked too damn hard for these opportunities to watch a dumb, greasy, fuck like you waltz in here and get them for no fucking reason.
Teo Blaze, how are you holding up, buddy? It must’ve been such a tumultuous last few weeks for you. Losing those precious Cruiserweight Tag Team Titles. Watching Jenson finally reach his potential without you holding him down. Your precious vanilla midget B show getting canceled. You know, maybe your precious CrusierClash would still be on the air if you actually decided to live up to the moniker of being the greatest Cruiserweight of all time instead of trying to test your might or whatever on the real show. Chasing a victory over a checked-out Corey Black was a terrible idea. You were better off being the big fish in the small pond of the B show, doing dumb Gents shit with Andre, and winning a dozen Cruiserweight titles off a bunch of dorks cosplaying as professional wrestlers.
Because I don't think you can cut it up here with the rest of us, Teo. I already proved I was better than you and that dipshit Dookie Ken Júnior when you thought you could just take the All-In briefcase that I fucking earned. I still haven’t forgotten that, you little geek. I’m sure you think you got a puncher's chance in the Cell, huh? One well-timed Blazing Knee and your walking out the World Champion, right? If you told me that I’d tell you to lay off the crack and check yourself into rehab. This isn’t some fairytale where you come in a slay all the giants of Action Wrestling like your David with a little ass sling shot. Because this goliath is just gonna stomp on you like a bug and twist my foot.
Remember buddy, you’re only in this position because Brady Dolt is a chronically online dork that can’t book a show without the Internet Wrestling Community neckbeard typing him feedback with their Cheeto dust-covered fingers. Because if he wasn't pathetic at his job you’d be trying to steal Jenson’s spotlight by taking the Cruiserweight title. I see right through you Teo Blaze. You’re only happy when you're the star. You needed to be the guy in 2Gents and Jenson had to be your dorky sidekick. Andre could have a tag title reign because you were also getting the glory. What happened when Jenson won the Cruiserweight title the last time? You HAD to make sure you won it somehow. Glory hound. I bet after you fail to become World Champ you’ll challenge AJ to a “friendly” match for that strap because Andre being the guy doesn't work for you, brother.
Shadowlove you belong in this match even less than Roman Gunn’s dumb fucking ass. Not only have you held fewer titles than a guy who tanked an entire third brand but you already had a shot at the World title, despite having two shitty matches since returning. And what happened there? Oh right, Downfall pushed your shit in. You should get to the back of the line, handsome halfwit, or whatever dumb shit you call yourself this week. You had a shot, you weren’t better than the champion, get the fuck out of here. Give this slot to Dookie Ken Junior or his dad Dookie Senior. Give your spot to Chris Avery. Fuck, Billy deserves a shot before you get another one, Shadowdork.
You came back with such a buzz. You seemed like a star for fifteen fucking minutes. What happened?
People realized when you weren’t getting the rub from me that you are in all actuality, just another fucking guy. You can try to zhuzh it up with dumb fucking nicknames and paying for Asian hookers but in the end, you're just another guy on the roster. A vanilla fucking dork. A guy who couldn’t shine my fucking boots let alone lace them. You had mystery and intrigue for a minute but then you opened up your mouth and people remembered why you were Sam Kidsgrove’s sidekick.
I could just point and laugh as you cause your stock to plummet like Boeing 737 Max but I still owe you for sticking your ugly fucking nose into my business at Turmoil. When you debuted and ruined my attempt at becoming World Champion. Before everyone realized you were just some kid that eats his boogers. See I’m going to headhunt you in this fucking match and I’m gonna use the Cell to cripple and maim you, buddy. One because I’m going to be World Champion. And two because I don't fucking like you. I don’t like your hair. I don't like your face. I don't like the way you walk. I don’t like the way you talk. So I’m going to put you in a fucking hospital bed. You’ll learn to not meddle in my fucking business you stupid motherfucker. Even if it’s at the cost of your fucking livelihood. Because I won’t lose any sleep over ending your career.
Oh, Dannyboy. You know this has been building for us for the longest time. Ever since the Turmoil semi-finals in twenty twenty-two where you just narrowly beat me. And then we were separated until Uprising last year inside of All-In where I outsmarted you to win the briefcase. We were about to go head to head in the Turmoil finals last year where it would’ve been a fitting stage for our rematch but Jolee and a crooked ref had to ruin it.
A year that was hell for me seemed to work out for you, eh Dorkfall? You finally got back to the World title after nearly two years. I figured you’d finally be happy because you once again reached the pinnacle of our sport. Yet you still found more shit to bitch about but I guess that’s par for the course with you being the personification of Wreddit. It begs the question what does it take to make Downfall happy?
You had an entire division catered to you. You boasted for months to everyone who would listen and even those who wouldn’t that you were going to rebuild the Hardcore division because it meant so much to you. That you wouldn't let Robbie Big Dick and Joey Scala continue to bring down the division! That you would be a fighting champion and find the best competition for the strap!
Yet all you did was hand-pick your opponents and then complain that they weren't good enough for you. You consistently punched down while simultaneously screaming about how the title deserves better! I seem to remember you calling me out for who I faced as champ when I had no say in who I was fighting, you scrawny geek. Pot meet kettle. It was the dumbest fucking shit I’ve ever heard and I’ve watched Shadowlove cut a promo. And then after months of complaining about the quality of your opponents, when you finally face some stiff competition and you narrowly escape with the title you declare no one can step to you and retire the championship in the biggest bitch move in the history of professional wrestling. Are you gonna do that to the World title when the going gets too tough?
Big bad Downfall. The one who makes everyone’s time “not fun” here in ADub. A bunch of dorks that live for clout on Twitter said that and you wore it like a badge of honor like an even bigger dork. I love this facade you’ve built up around you. This hardened post-punk purveyor of violence when I know deep down you’re still the same scared little boy who couldn't get a hug from his father even if he doused himself in Jack Daniels.
And yes it takes one to know one. The difference between us is I didn’t let it become my entire personality.
The thing is Danny, I want to be the one to pin you in this match. I don't wanna win the title by pinning Roman or Shadowdork or that runt TJ. I want to take the strap from you. I want to retire you. I want to see the look in your eyes when you realize Gerard Angelo ended your fucking career.
And if by some chance you survive Hell in a Cell, I still have plan B that I can enact anytime, anyplace.
Because even if it’s not at Final Resolution, I’m going to get my Hollywood Ending.
Eventually.
It was some time before Gerard came to with a splitting headache. The wrestler/actor pushed himself up with a groan, looking at the dried blood on the kitchen floor. He looked over at the fridge, only dried smears of blood showing the scuffle as G was gone. Or if that even was G, he thought, remembering the second clone.
He managed to work his way to his feet and climbed the stairs, making his way to the guest room. He twisted the knob and opened it. That’s when his heart sank.
Tony was gone.
“Hello? G?”
Gerard looked around only to narrowly move his head as a frying pan flew past his head to put a hole in the wall. He turned his head just in time to throw up an arm to block a punch coming towards his face. In the low light, he could barely make out his attacker as he kept trying to block strikes while backing up, doing his best to navigate his home in the dark. He blocked a kick and threw one of his own, hitting his assailant in the thigh, and causing him to pause. Gerry took the opportunity to hook one of his arms and send him up and over with an arm drag. The attacker crashed through the round kitchen table, sending papers and splinters of wood flying through the air.
Gerard managed to reach out and flick a light switch, causing the living room hi-hats to turn on, illuminating the unknown attacker. He quickly pounced on him ready to rain another strike down when he saw his own face.
“G?” he asked incredulously but was only met with and snarl and his clone flipping Gerry off of him. Gerard turned around and was met in the face with a kick that sent him tumbling back. G ran and flew through the air to pounce on Gerard but her got his feet up and sent G crashing into the kitchen with a monkeyflip. G started to get up but Gerard ran in and connected with a knee strike to the face. Gerry wrapped his arms around his throat in a sleeper, trying to control him.
“G! Stop! The fuck is wrong with you?”
The clone just snarled as Gerard tried to squeeze the sleeper in tighter. G clawed at his arms, drawing blood. The clone somehow managed to get his head down and bite Gerry’s arm, causing him to yelp in pain and let go. Gerard looked down at the bloody gash on his arm before he was cracked across the head with a heavy wood cutting board. Gerard dropped down to his hands and knees, watching blood pool on the tile floor beneath him as his vision blurred. Gerard turned to look up at G only to narrowly dodge another wild swing on the heavy wooden object. With no connection, the powerful swing caused the clone to stumble letting Gerard slam his fist into G’s crotch, doubling his doppelganger over, the cutting board landing on the floor with a heavy clatter. Gerard grabbed the back of the clone's head and slammed him face-first into his stainless steel fridge once, twice, and a third time. Blood ran down his now crooked, broken, nose before Gerard picked up the cutting board. He lifted it over his head and brought it down on the crown of his clone’s head, slumping him against the fridge. Anglo’s legs felt woozy underneath his and he grabbed the kitchen island for support as one hand felt at his head, getting wet with warm blood. He started to make his way towards the stairs to check on his father and that’s when he felt another impact against the back of his skull. The Hollywood Hero flopped down on the floor, turning around to see himself holding a baseball bat before he blacked out.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s about that time again. I’m finally getting another shot at the World title.
And it’s about a year too late and filled with dickheads and douchebags who shouldn’t even be looking at the strap. You know the last time I had a shot at the title that was stolen from me, it was a six-man match inside a different massive, unforgiving, steel structure. I lasted until the end but I didn’t get the job done. It weighed on me for a while as I watched ol’ Jillybean walk around here trying to get everyone to kiss her pancake booty. I carried that into Havoc where I came so close to getting my revenge at Evolution. And then when I had no direction to Evolution before Dandy opened his mush mouth. But I persevered past that. I went on to grab the All-In briefcase and I was waiting for the perfect time for my full circle moment of cashing that bad boy in on Park herself. Finish the story if you will.
But that wasn’t allowed to happen because another, more annoying, competitor wouldn't stop complaining and making threats to get shot after shot at the World title when it wasn’t warranted or seemed fucking asinine to repeat. Yes, I’m talking about you Tatiana you fucking nobody.
I’m sure you’re gonna pronounce my name incorrectly and go “Pfft but I beat you!”
I love how everyone just forgets the crooked ref in our match but that’s the life of being the best, everyone wants to see you fail. Just ask Patrick Mahomes. Enjoy clutching onto your fluke win over me, it’s the only good memory in your transitional championship reign because we all saw that when you finally face real competition, you get exposed. It’s easy to beat an exhausted and injured Jill Park or me with a ref who wants a payday but you went up against Downfall and he showed why you should be fighting for TV titles still.
But you did the TJ Special after the loss and bitched about something so here we are with you getting another opportunity gifted to you. Squeaky wheel gets the grease I guess or you’ll go on Twitter and complain. Then all the dorks who don’t like us will give you likes and retweets before they invite you into the inner circle jerk while still looking down their noses at you.
Another fucking geek in this match that shouldn’t even be in it is Roman Gunn. What have you ever done on the main roster you fucking greasy-haired bitch? If you’re still living off that win over Chris Page two years ago you can fuck all the way off you piece of shit. You won a shitty CBS title then when it was proven you weren’t good enough for the main show you fucked off to OCW with your dumb fuck cousins and your fat butler.
They even made you the face of the brand down there and what did you do? You ran that shit into the ground so bad we had to shut that shit down. And you wanna be World Champion? Fuck yourself with a rusty pipe you Samoan dipshit. You spoiled, entitled, piece of shit. You got your shit handed to you by Jody Madrox and you think you can compete for a world title? Who is running this fucking company? Brady Bolt has to be three raccoons in a trench coat for booking you in this shit. I’d throw in a you looking like Aquaman joke but I honestly just hope you drown in the ocean instead.
And let your fat fuck lawyer know that if he says anything fucking snarky about me I’ll shove his off the rack, size 56 R, suit down the misplaced asshole he calls a mouth. You’re coming into my world, not the other way around. And I promise you’ll be the first piece of shit I maim in this match you undeserving, selfish, fuck. I worked too damn hard for these opportunities to watch a dumb, greasy, fuck like you waltz in here and get them for no fucking reason.
Teo Blaze, how are you holding up, buddy? It must’ve been such a tumultuous last few weeks for you. Losing those precious Cruiserweight Tag Team Titles. Watching Jenson finally reach his potential without you holding him down. Your precious vanilla midget B show getting canceled. You know, maybe your precious CrusierClash would still be on the air if you actually decided to live up to the moniker of being the greatest Cruiserweight of all time instead of trying to test your might or whatever on the real show. Chasing a victory over a checked-out Corey Black was a terrible idea. You were better off being the big fish in the small pond of the B show, doing dumb Gents shit with Andre, and winning a dozen Cruiserweight titles off a bunch of dorks cosplaying as professional wrestlers.
Because I don't think you can cut it up here with the rest of us, Teo. I already proved I was better than you and that dipshit Dookie Ken Júnior when you thought you could just take the All-In briefcase that I fucking earned. I still haven’t forgotten that, you little geek. I’m sure you think you got a puncher's chance in the Cell, huh? One well-timed Blazing Knee and your walking out the World Champion, right? If you told me that I’d tell you to lay off the crack and check yourself into rehab. This isn’t some fairytale where you come in a slay all the giants of Action Wrestling like your David with a little ass sling shot. Because this goliath is just gonna stomp on you like a bug and twist my foot.
Remember buddy, you’re only in this position because Brady Dolt is a chronically online dork that can’t book a show without the Internet Wrestling Community neckbeard typing him feedback with their Cheeto dust-covered fingers. Because if he wasn't pathetic at his job you’d be trying to steal Jenson’s spotlight by taking the Cruiserweight title. I see right through you Teo Blaze. You’re only happy when you're the star. You needed to be the guy in 2Gents and Jenson had to be your dorky sidekick. Andre could have a tag title reign because you were also getting the glory. What happened when Jenson won the Cruiserweight title the last time? You HAD to make sure you won it somehow. Glory hound. I bet after you fail to become World Champ you’ll challenge AJ to a “friendly” match for that strap because Andre being the guy doesn't work for you, brother.
Shadowlove you belong in this match even less than Roman Gunn’s dumb fucking ass. Not only have you held fewer titles than a guy who tanked an entire third brand but you already had a shot at the World title, despite having two shitty matches since returning. And what happened there? Oh right, Downfall pushed your shit in. You should get to the back of the line, handsome halfwit, or whatever dumb shit you call yourself this week. You had a shot, you weren’t better than the champion, get the fuck out of here. Give this slot to Dookie Ken Junior or his dad Dookie Senior. Give your spot to Chris Avery. Fuck, Billy deserves a shot before you get another one, Shadowdork.
You came back with such a buzz. You seemed like a star for fifteen fucking minutes. What happened?
People realized when you weren’t getting the rub from me that you are in all actuality, just another fucking guy. You can try to zhuzh it up with dumb fucking nicknames and paying for Asian hookers but in the end, you're just another guy on the roster. A vanilla fucking dork. A guy who couldn’t shine my fucking boots let alone lace them. You had mystery and intrigue for a minute but then you opened up your mouth and people remembered why you were Sam Kidsgrove’s sidekick.
I could just point and laugh as you cause your stock to plummet like Boeing 737 Max but I still owe you for sticking your ugly fucking nose into my business at Turmoil. When you debuted and ruined my attempt at becoming World Champion. Before everyone realized you were just some kid that eats his boogers. See I’m going to headhunt you in this fucking match and I’m gonna use the Cell to cripple and maim you, buddy. One because I’m going to be World Champion. And two because I don't fucking like you. I don’t like your hair. I don't like your face. I don't like the way you walk. I don’t like the way you talk. So I’m going to put you in a fucking hospital bed. You’ll learn to not meddle in my fucking business you stupid motherfucker. Even if it’s at the cost of your fucking livelihood. Because I won’t lose any sleep over ending your career.
Oh, Dannyboy. You know this has been building for us for the longest time. Ever since the Turmoil semi-finals in twenty twenty-two where you just narrowly beat me. And then we were separated until Uprising last year inside of All-In where I outsmarted you to win the briefcase. We were about to go head to head in the Turmoil finals last year where it would’ve been a fitting stage for our rematch but Jolee and a crooked ref had to ruin it.
A year that was hell for me seemed to work out for you, eh Dorkfall? You finally got back to the World title after nearly two years. I figured you’d finally be happy because you once again reached the pinnacle of our sport. Yet you still found more shit to bitch about but I guess that’s par for the course with you being the personification of Wreddit. It begs the question what does it take to make Downfall happy?
You had an entire division catered to you. You boasted for months to everyone who would listen and even those who wouldn’t that you were going to rebuild the Hardcore division because it meant so much to you. That you wouldn't let Robbie Big Dick and Joey Scala continue to bring down the division! That you would be a fighting champion and find the best competition for the strap!
Yet all you did was hand-pick your opponents and then complain that they weren't good enough for you. You consistently punched down while simultaneously screaming about how the title deserves better! I seem to remember you calling me out for who I faced as champ when I had no say in who I was fighting, you scrawny geek. Pot meet kettle. It was the dumbest fucking shit I’ve ever heard and I’ve watched Shadowlove cut a promo. And then after months of complaining about the quality of your opponents, when you finally face some stiff competition and you narrowly escape with the title you declare no one can step to you and retire the championship in the biggest bitch move in the history of professional wrestling. Are you gonna do that to the World title when the going gets too tough?
Big bad Downfall. The one who makes everyone’s time “not fun” here in ADub. A bunch of dorks that live for clout on Twitter said that and you wore it like a badge of honor like an even bigger dork. I love this facade you’ve built up around you. This hardened post-punk purveyor of violence when I know deep down you’re still the same scared little boy who couldn't get a hug from his father even if he doused himself in Jack Daniels.
And yes it takes one to know one. The difference between us is I didn’t let it become my entire personality.
The thing is Danny, I want to be the one to pin you in this match. I don't wanna win the title by pinning Roman or Shadowdork or that runt TJ. I want to take the strap from you. I want to retire you. I want to see the look in your eyes when you realize Gerard Angelo ended your fucking career.
And if by some chance you survive Hell in a Cell, I still have plan B that I can enact anytime, anyplace.
Because even if it’s not at Final Resolution, I’m going to get my Hollywood Ending.
Eventually.
It was some time before Gerard came to with a splitting headache. The wrestler/actor pushed himself up with a groan, looking at the dried blood on the kitchen floor. He looked over at the fridge, only dried smears of blood showing the scuffle as G was gone. Or if that even was G, he thought, remembering the second clone.
He managed to work his way to his feet and climbed the stairs, making his way to the guest room. He twisted the knob and opened it. That’s when his heart sank.
Tony was gone.