Post by Tatiana on Jan 7, 2024 10:56:12 GMT -5
ACT I : THE PROMO - A retrospective
(taped live at an AW house show)
Sponge's guitar opening of “Plowed” begins to bellow out over the P.A system bringing the cameras onto the stage as the lights strobe in sync with the tempo of the song.
Chris Avery: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back!
Billy: Looks like we’re about to get a visit from the SECOND most popular superstar in Action Wrestling as determined by the fans!
Chris Avery: Second? You mean co-favorite… And really, Jill Park is out injured… So technically Jolee is our most beloved AW Superstar
Will I wake up, some dream I made up
No, I guess it's reality
What will change us, or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect with a dream
-KA-BOOM!-
The fans ROAR with excitement at the future AW Hall-of-Famer as she stands there a moment, taking in the eager audience with a little smirk on her face.
Will I wake up, some dream I made up
No, I guess it's reality
What will change us, or will we mess up
Our only chance to connect with a dream
Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
Say a prayer for me
Say a prayer for me
(Say a prayer for me)
I'm buried by the sound
Of a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
In a world of human wreckage
Where I'm lost and I'm found, and I can't touch the ground
I'm plowed into the sound
Chris Avery: TJ isn’t scheduled to compete until later on tonight. Maybe she’s decided to stay backstage? Or maybe she’s not here tonight as we’re only on the AW Network and not live TV?
Billy: Why do you have to ruin the moment like that!?
To see wide open with a head that's broken
Hang a life on some tragedy
Plow me under the ground that covers
The message that is the seed
JOLEE! - JOLEE! - JOLEE - JOLEE!!
Chris Avery: Listen to the fans here in North Carolina!
Billy: How can I not!?
JOLEE! - JOLEE! - JOLEE! - JOLEE!
“Ladies and gentlemen…”
Finally, the crowd calms down a bit, the hard camera fixated on Tatiana as she faces it to speak.
“It is said that once you’ve reached the top. Once you’ve fought your way, scratching and clawing up the mountaintop to touch the face of God... The only way to go is down.”
Chris Avery: Nobody stays on top forever… Just look at the woman she dethroned to become the champion.
Billy: She damn near had to kill Park to accomplish it though.
“For many, the race up the mountain is more precious than the view from the top. And once you’re there… Once you’ve achieved your goal of standing at the very top. You can easily become complacent - the clouds of ego roll in and obscure your view causing you to trip and then tumble all the way to the bottom.
She goes from gazing upwards at the skylights, almost reaching for the brass ring before lowering her arm and gazing at the canvas below her feet. The metaphor was topical - hitting all too close to home. She fought, struggled, and even BATTLED her way to the top of the mountain after a 24-year career of being the plucky underdog before finally reaching the summit.
Only to tumble to the bottom after losing in the Turmoil finals to Downfall.
“It’s no secret that I’ve always strived for perfection - this business is the love of my life - nobody is more focused, nobody is more dedicated, and nobody works harder than I do to be the best of the best.”
Chris Avery: Jolee proved that she is one of the best in 2023 after doing what nobody else could do in defeating arguably the greatest AW World Champion of all time.
She points at the hard camera to emphasize her position.
Passion is one thing she will NEVER lack.
“Rest assured. I am STILL the best. Downfall had ONE good night and got the better of me - but not without controversy.”
Billy: She DID kick out of that pinfall at the final second.
Chris Avery: It’s still a point of contention. Depending on the camera angle it can be argued that she did. But the decision was final, and Downfall is the rightful champion.
There was a bit of pacing from the erstwhile Canadian, she was in danger of going off course and staggering into the weeds of this promo…
Focus…
It’s time to refocus.
“But I’m not out here to re-hash 2023… I’m out here to discuss the Action Wrestling World Heavyweight Championship.”
Billy: Man, am I excited about The Final Chapter!
Chris Avery: An UNPRECEDENTED way to kick off 2024 inside the daunting Hell in a Cell... Roman Gunn, Teo Blaze, Gerard Angelo, Shadowlove, Tatiana Jolee… And of course, the defending champion himself - Downfall. All vying to be the top dawg here in Action Wrestling.”
Billy: It’s gonna be DOPE!
“It would be easy to kick a dead horse… To remind you that I am owed a one-on-one rematch against the man himself. Even Downfall has said as much…”
This remark comes with a shrug.
There was nothing she could do about it now.
“But that’s not where we’re at… And quite frankly, I’d be remiss if I shied away from the challenge of a lifetime against five of the BEST god-damned wrestlers in the world. Hell in a Cell is no place for the weak at heart - and the one thing that I have an abundance of is HEART.”
Her Calgary accent plays upon the word, almost making it sound like ‘hurt’
I digress…
“Before we reach the Final Chapter, however…. We must turn the page on 2023 and write the epitaph on what was a memorable year. We saw the rise and fall of Jill Park.”
The fans BOO at the mention of Park, who still (despite being on the IR) has nuclear heat with the AW universe.
“I did just about everything except wear a yellow jumpsuit and fight the Crazy 88 in my efforts to Kill Jill.”
Billy: HA! Get it! Kill Jill… Like Kill Bill!
Chris Avery: Quiet down, pal. Your name is Bill.
Billy: Oh shoot… You’re right.
“We witnessed the fall of Torture and the end of the Lissie Hope era. We gained some great new talent like the Sitcom and Vespertine but also lost greats like Max Daemon and Serenity Holmes.”
Chris Avery: You always hate to see anyone leave. But you can always count on a sublime roster here in Action Wrestling. When one door closes, another opens.
“Great things happened here in 2023… And even greater things will happen in 2024. For me, the last two years have been illuminating - I’ve been to the very depths of defeat and reached up to touch the heavens. I kicked Torture’s ASS and then I dethroned his little prodigy to become the champion.”
This drew another round of cheers…
They certainly dislike Jill Park in the Carolinas…
“This year isn’t about me… It’s about every single one of you out there who come to these events and watch on CBS or stream us on the AW Network. The stars of Action Wrestling are truly great… But what makes AW Great isn’t the talent - it’s the fans. And we’ll continue to kick ass and give you the BEST wrestling in the world!”
Chris Avery: Yes!
Billy: Bet!
“Mark my words… The best is yet to come.”
She drops the mic as “Plowed” By Sponge plays us out of the segment…
- - - -
Epilogue: The Promo
What do you get when you put together the unlikely team of Gerrard Angelo and Tatiana Jolee?
A fucking shitshow… That’s what.
Or at least that’s what we got in the tornado six-person tag match a fortnight ago.
This was a match that not only failed to define anything - but ended when Downfall proved to the world that he doesn’t take bravery or character to heart as the AW World Champion.
It was the ultimate battle… Teo Blaze, Gerrard Angelo, and Tatiana Jolee versus a gaggle of assholes that (quite honestly) should form a stable. The team of Dake Ken Jr. Shadowlove and Downfall - all three displaying a complete lack of composure, compromised integrity, and a clownish tact that would make Bozo blush.
DUN-DUN-DUN!
A stable of cosmic cuckolds known as The Three-C’s
Or maybe the C-Bombs?
The Cretins?
GIMMICK IDEA!
The Three C’s - like the Four Horsemen - are an ELITE group of delinquent assholes. But instead of representing the biblical riders in the Book of Revelations - they represent an absolute SCORGE to mankind (or at least the three of them).
I.E. Venereal diseases.
Chlamydia: Downfall
Crabs: Dake Ken Jr.
Chancroid: Shadowlove
The ONLY way they can win is by popping up unexpectedly and ruining your day by clobbering you on the head when you least expect it!
God that’s gross…
You’re welcome…
Anyway… Monday Night Clash… Angelo and I will once again find ourselves on the same side of the ring, except this time we’ll be up against the AW Tag Team Champions. This should be a foregone conclusion - the tag champions should be the favorites to defeat two people who don’t even like each other.
Except nothing in AW is a foregone conclusion…
Let’s be clear. Unlike the Three C’s - I have nothing against The New Brotherhood…
Cypher is a well-known superstar inside and outside of Action Wrestling who is obviously terrified of the sun… Bro, seriously… I know you spend a lot of time in a dark basement hacking the mainframe and shit - but get outside and touch grass. You’re gonna start attracting the Twilight fanbase soon.
His partner Kevin Bishop is a remarkably well-rounded threat who has not only touched grass - but also has some pretty badass tattoos (greatness recognizes greatness, here in AW). He also has a bit of a dark vibe to him, which makes these two guys the ultimate vampire teen-novel-esq superstars.
Shit… Angelo and I just found ourselves in a Twilight Movie.
LULZ…
- - -
Honestly… You’re all lucky I’m in a good mood at the start of 2024, because instead of light-hearted banter and funny little one-liners. I’d be looking to twist you two into vapid little pretzels. This may not be a blood feud; we may not have the sort of heat that one might expect on the marquee of Clash. But rest assured that BOTH Gerard Angelo and I are aiming at the top.
WE are two of six - and as such, there’s a target on our backs.
I know it
He knows it
You know it.
You are the tag champions, you have the advantage. But you’re up against the dirtiest player in the business in Angelo - and the best shooter this federation has ever seen in myself. And though I can’t promise that this thing won’t turn into another shitshow like the last time…
I can promise that you’re in for the fight of your lives.
So, buckle up buckaroos - because it’s go-time.