Meltzdown's Ringside Rants- CruiserClash 7-17-23
Jul 19, 2023 8:58:45 GMT -5
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Post by davemeltzdown on Jul 19, 2023 8:58:45 GMT -5
Welcome, wrestling fans, to another edition of CruiserClash! I'm your host, Dave Meltzdown, here to bring you all the juicy details and my oh-so-humble opinions about tonight's show. And boy, do we have a lot to unpack!
First things first, the Moda Center in Portland, Oregon, was jam-packed for this episode. I guess the promise of last week's shenanigans and the fallout from Zombie McMorris' attack on Serenity Holmes had people rushing to get their tickets. Can't blame them, considering the chaos that's been unfolding lately.
Joey Bunga, the general manager of CruiserClash, must be sweating bullets right now. After all, he's had to deal with the fallout from Zombie's violence and answer to the higher-ups. Can't imagine the scolding he received. But hey, it's all part of the gig, right?
Now, let's dive into the action, or lack thereof. We kicked things off with the promise of news about the cruiserweight championship, but instead, we got treated to a backstage brawl between Serenity Holmes and Zombie McMorris. And let me tell you, the fans were eating it up! They cheered like it was the main event, and I couldn't blame them. There's something about two people brawling that gets the adrenaline pumping.
But let's get back to business. Finally, Joey Bunga decided to step into the ring and grace us with his presence. The crowd, fueled by their desire for answers, was on the edge of their seats. And what did Joey have to say? That Serenity Holmes will defend her cruiserweight championship against Jaice Wilds next week. Oh, and if she's still the champ by August 7th, she'll have to face Zombie McMorris in a Walking Dead Street Fight. Talk about adding some spice to the mix!
Meanwhile, in the ring, we had some matches that were, well, let's say underwhelming. Fite Club & Azurine Vebbins faced off against Brandon Leno & Ebb & Flow. It was your typical tag team affair, nothing too exciting. Leno and his crew managed to secure the victory, but honestly, it was hard to care. Maybe they should consider adding some extra pizzazz to their repertoire.
In another match, Karlie Nash took on Maxine Kilman. Karlie dominated the match, showcasing her technical skills and ruthless aggression. She dissected poor Maxine's leg with surgical precision, leaving her limping and tapping out in submission. It was an impressive display, but it lacked that certain "wow" factor. Karlie, my dear, if you want to make a real impact, you'll have to up your game.
And of course, we couldn't forget the high-flying antics of Punky and Ushi in their tables match. Things started off with a bang as Punky launched a pre-match assault on Ushi, sending her crashing through a table. The crowd was eating it up, craving more hardcore action. But alas, the match ended abruptly, and we were left wanting. It felt like a missed opportunity for an all-out brawl.
Last but not least, we had the main event: Jakob Hystaria versus Hotaka. The match had its moments, but it never quite reached the explosive climax we were hoping for. Just as things seemed to heat up, the lights started strobing, and Baba Yaga made her eerie presence known. The match came to an abrupt end, leaving us scratching our heads. It was a chaotic conclusion that left more questions than answers.
And finally, we had the grand finale segment. The 2Gents, still reeling from their loss at Evolution, addressed the crowd with a mix of determination and defiance. They declared their intent to regain the Tag Team Championships, vowing to fight tooth and nail until they emerge victorious. It was a heartfelt speech, but we'll see if they can walk the talk.
All in all, tonight's episode of CruiserClash had its fair share of ups and downs. Some matches left us wanting more, while others had us on the edge of our seats. The chaotic backstage brawl and the ongoing feud between Serenity Holmes and Zombie McMorris injected some much-needed excitement. Let's hope the upcoming episodes bring us more memorable moments and less disappointment. Until next time, this is Dave Meltzdown, signing off!