Post by The Sitcom on Jun 22, 2023 0:06:38 GMT -5
(What’s your Promo ideas for facing Jimmy, Champ?
Well Johnny, we could reenact when Torture signed Jimmy.)
“Torture”: Are you Tatiana Jolee?
“Jimmy”: Nope.
“Torture”: You’re Hired!
“Jimmy”: But I’m awkwardly boring.
“Torture”: Eh, so is my son.
(...Jimmy gives a Ted Talk.)
“Jimmy”: So, when does Ted show up?
Spectator: You’re the one speaking.
“Jimmy”: That’s easy, I speak all the time.
Spectator: And it should be interesting.
“Jimmy”: Dang!
(...Jimmy wins the world title.)
“Adilene Floyd”: And the new World Champion....BIG TYME!
(All you hear is crickets...)
Cricket #1: He sucks.
Cricket #2: Let's go get stuck in someone's garage.
(...Jimmy dates AW stars.)
“Ellie”: I rarely kill my ex-boyfriends, but for you, I’ll make an exception.
(...Or...)
“Niobe”: I’ve never quit on anything before, but for this date, I’ll make an exception.
(...Or...)
“Cedrone”: I don’t often swing this way, but for your phat ass, I’ll make an exception.
“Jimmy”: Thanks, it’s my mama’s.
(...pranking the Ban Bros.)
“Pasternak”: Big Tyme is replacing Corey on your team.
“Odin”: I just decided to retire.
(...And vice versa...)
“Pasternak”: Big Tyme is your new teammate.
“Corey”: I knew it! The industry does NO longer respect me!
(...past Jackson family members throughout time.)
“Ancestor Jackson”: Trust me Dr. King, this is the safest motel in Memphis.
(...Or going further back...)
“Ancestor Jackson”: I know these chains are annoying, and the whipping has been a bit much...but come on, we’re getting a free cruise, and I’ve heard great things about this America place.
(...a glimpse of Jimmy’s childhood.)
“Jimmy”: I need my diaper changed!
“Mama”: Comin’ Honey!
“Jimmy”: Also, the dog said No, so I'll need you to be my date for the prom.
(...Including CrusierClash’s next big thing...Airborne.)
Airborne: Hey.
(But my promos tend to be funny.
He can say funny things.)
Airborne: One time, when I lived on the streets, I curb-stomped a dog over a $5 footlong.
(See?)
(...Jimmy gets tested for Recapping Syndrome.)
Doctor: You haven’t done shit in AW, so obviously you can’t have Recapping Syndrome.
“Jimmy”: Cool. Who’s that in your waiting room?
Doctor: Jessie Lee. She has a very rare new condition called, Recapping “Recapping Syndrome” Syndrome.
(...Jimmy on Action Wrestling Jeopardy.)
Host: This champion has more title defenses during their time as champion than all the current title holders have combined.
“Jimmy”: Can I phone a friend?
Host: No, the answer is Sitcom.
“Jimmy”: Dang, I hate Sitcom, I hope the next question is, who will leave Evolution as TV Champ.
Host: I don’t think you’ll like that answer either.
(...famous people advice for Jimmy.)
“Jesus”: Just quit already...worked out for me.
(...Or...)
“Oprah”: Fuck what Jesus suggested...the Devil actually gets things done, just ask Torture.
(...Or...)
“Joe Gibbs”: Big Tyme? When I appeared in his promo, I didn’t know I was advising a huge dork.
(...a Jimmy autograph signing.)
“Jimmy”: Hello fan!
Fan: I need to go, but could you get your Mama to sign this?
“Jimmy”: Fine.
Fan: Thanks, it’s just her line is so much longer than yours.
“Mama”: Jimmy!! I need a new sharpie!!!
(...Jimmy getting a new nickname.)
Big "Crime": I stole a TV Title Shot!
(...Or...)
Big "Lime": I’m starting to sour on you!!
(...Or...)
Big "Mime": Oh no, I’m trapped in an invisible box!!!
(...updating how things are currently going with Sitcom’s father.)
Sitcom: Good Morning.
Father: What’s so good about it?
(...that’s actually nice; when compared to my first day of Pre-school.)
Little Sitcom: Morning, Papa.
Father: FUCK YOU!
(...the match the world wants...Johnny Vs. Mama.)
“Billy”: Mama nails Johnny with a Flapjack suplex!
“Chris Avery”: She calls that move, the Aunt Jemima!
(...or what would actually happen.)
“Billy”: It’s official, Mama is dead.
“Chris Avery”: Urgh, her death fart is still lingering in the arena.
(I think they’d cancel the show after that.
I don’t know...they didn’t for Owen.)
(...Jimmy making a commercial.)
“Jimmy”: Try Jimmy’s Big Tyme Thyme! The seasoning within Mama’s reasoning for no treasoning!
“Mama Pirate”: Best of ye booty!
“Jimmy”: And if anyone knows booty, it’s MY Mama!
(Tresoning is not a word.
That’s your problem with my idea?)
(...Jimmy doing charity work.)
Nurse: Yes, Jimmy did make a visit to the Children’s Hospital today.
Child #1: We wanted Jill, Downfall or someone funny like The Sitcom.
Child #2: Hell, even Ellie Austin would have been okay.
Nurse: Although I wouldn’t have let Ellie near the life support plugs.
Child #1: Jimmy just kept asking us to friend him on Facebook.
Child #2: Also, he took my fruit cup.
Child #3: If he comes again, please just tell him I died.
(...What if you ranted.)
Sitcom: Jimmy, the only thing big time about you is your delusion. Your best move is dumb luck. Your mic skills are dry toast. The only intriguing thing about you is this question...how the fuck do you deserve a TV title shot at Evolution? You have one singles victory...over Chase Jackson! And Chase is easier to pin than a thumbtack.
(That’s a good start...)
Sitcom: The truth is.... Ellie deserved her TV Title rematch at Evolution. That’s why, after your match against RBD and Al, I attacked you first, to get you out of the way, you were an afterthought then, and you’re an afterthought now. My victories over Ellie, Niobe, Jessie, was the wake-up call their careers needed. But for you, I see a different path, a sadder path.
(Now finish it...)
Sitcom: No wrestler wants to lose, but what we really fear...is silence...not from the front office...but from the fans. And Jimmy, you have a fucking ‘please don’t disturb sign’ around your neck every time you make an appearance. They say it only takes a second to create a moment that will last a lifetime; at Evolution it will take three seconds and the moment will be all mine.