Post by The Sitcom on May 23, 2023 2:03:40 GMT -5
The following is paid for by the committee to Recall President Freedom.
Narrator: James Freedom is not a worthy U.S. Champ.
Fan #1: My hemorrhoids are a bigger deal than his title reign.
Narrator: And as Wrestling's President he has not made wrestling great again.
Fan #2: Same asshole owner, same asshole world champ, meanwhile my family is still bored.
Narrator: And why wasn’t he at Havoc?
The Sitcom: According to my sources, he was trying to make Mexico pay for the Spanish announcer’s table.
Narrator: And your sources are?
The Sitcom: Me...but I’m a pretty reliable source.
Narrator: And according to this “expert”, James Freedom is leading wrestling in the wrong direction.
Johnny Beckman: If he continues to be our President; in 6 months Pro Wrestling will be figure skating.
Narrator: But he seems to have other contenders for his title.
The Sitcom: Dionysus...don’t we have enough politicians involved in cults already?
Narrator: Is this commercial for a new President of Wrestling or a New U.S. Champion?
The Sitcom: I was thinking...both?
Johnny Beckman: How about a triple threat match? Freedom vs. Dionysus vs. The Sitcom for the U.S. Tile at Evolution!
Narrator: You know I can’t book that...I’m just the narrator; not Torture or Pasternak.
The Sitcom: Are you Gravedigger? I think he still has some power?
Johnny Beckman: According to his secretary...he does not.
Narrator: Did you two even watch the end of Monday Night Clash?
The Sitcom: Well, I was in the back being reminded why I need Johnny to win.
Johnny Beckman: After all, I am his manager, his God send, his savior...and tonight the gospel according to me was making sure that Niobe and Aoi had no chance.
Narrator: Okay...well, anyways, Jonny Cedrone beat Freedom tonight...he is the NEW Action Wrestling United States Champion!
The Sitcom: …...........
Johnny Beckman: ................
The Sitcom: I told you we need to watch to the end of the show!
Johnny Beckman: And I told you we needed to leave early if we were going to park in handicap parking!!
The Sitcom: That was your idea!
Johnny Beckman: I have an old wrestling injury!
The Sitcom: The only title you ever won, was a title you bought!
Johnny Beckman: And that title was a Hardcore Title; which is the most physical demanding division!
Narrator: Is this commercial over then?
The Sitcom: Um, maybe?
Johnny Beckman: No, not yet, he has something to say to Jonny Cedrone.
The Sitcom: I do?
Narrator: I don’t think he’s talking to me.
Johnny Beckman: Of course, I am talking to you...The Sitcom...the man who single-handedly challenged the Ban Bros at Havoc, the giant who has squashed Aio, Ellie, Lee and Niobe, the greatest Action Wrestling Television Champ in recent memory! Now, tell the world all about Jonny Cedrone.
The Sitcom: Alright, well...frankly...Cedrone is a living joke. His servant mocks him, his girl pity's him, and in the end of the day we all know...he isn’t a worthy U.S. Champ until he beats someone for that title at Evolution.
Narrator: Those actually are some pretty good points.
Johnny Beckman: So, there we have it...Jonny Cedrone versus The Sitcom for the U.S Title at Evolution 2023!!!
Narrator: Once again, I am just the narrator, I can NOT book matches.
The Sitcom: But it does sound good if you say it.
Narrator: Why would I do that?
Johnny Beckman: I’ll pay you $5,000 to say it.
Narrator: You’ve heard it here first folks....at Evolution 2023...The U.S. Title Match Will Be...Jonny Cedrone vs. The Sitcom...vs. Dionysus?!?
Johnny Beckman: Fuck, I forgot about Dionysus.
The Sitcom: Damnit, I am so sick of triple threat matches.
Narrator: Again, I am not officially able to book any matches at all...in fact narrating is just a side gig, my main job is being an assistant manager at KFC.
Johnny Beckman: The only chicken we currently care about is Jonny Cedrone!
The Sitcom: ...And possibly Dionysus.
Narrator: Doesn’t Sitcom have to defend his Television Title at Evolution?
Johnny Beckman: Of course not, that title is only defended on TV broadcasts.
Narrator: Isn’t Evolution a TV broadcast on pay per view?
Johnny Beckman: Um...maybe?
The Sitcom: Wait? As my manager, shouldn’t you know that answer?
Johnny Beckman: Whatever, double book him, We Would Love It!
The Sitcom: I would?
The Following has been paid for by the committee to see The Sitcom become a Double Champ.
Narrator: James Freedom is not a worthy U.S. Champ.
Fan #1: My hemorrhoids are a bigger deal than his title reign.
Narrator: And as Wrestling's President he has not made wrestling great again.
Fan #2: Same asshole owner, same asshole world champ, meanwhile my family is still bored.
Narrator: And why wasn’t he at Havoc?
The Sitcom: According to my sources, he was trying to make Mexico pay for the Spanish announcer’s table.
Narrator: And your sources are?
The Sitcom: Me...but I’m a pretty reliable source.
Narrator: And according to this “expert”, James Freedom is leading wrestling in the wrong direction.
Johnny Beckman: If he continues to be our President; in 6 months Pro Wrestling will be figure skating.
Narrator: But he seems to have other contenders for his title.
The Sitcom: Dionysus...don’t we have enough politicians involved in cults already?
Narrator: Is this commercial for a new President of Wrestling or a New U.S. Champion?
The Sitcom: I was thinking...both?
Johnny Beckman: How about a triple threat match? Freedom vs. Dionysus vs. The Sitcom for the U.S. Tile at Evolution!
Narrator: You know I can’t book that...I’m just the narrator; not Torture or Pasternak.
The Sitcom: Are you Gravedigger? I think he still has some power?
Johnny Beckman: According to his secretary...he does not.
Narrator: Did you two even watch the end of Monday Night Clash?
The Sitcom: Well, I was in the back being reminded why I need Johnny to win.
Johnny Beckman: After all, I am his manager, his God send, his savior...and tonight the gospel according to me was making sure that Niobe and Aoi had no chance.
Narrator: Okay...well, anyways, Jonny Cedrone beat Freedom tonight...he is the NEW Action Wrestling United States Champion!
The Sitcom: …...........
Johnny Beckman: ................
The Sitcom: I told you we need to watch to the end of the show!
Johnny Beckman: And I told you we needed to leave early if we were going to park in handicap parking!!
The Sitcom: That was your idea!
Johnny Beckman: I have an old wrestling injury!
The Sitcom: The only title you ever won, was a title you bought!
Johnny Beckman: And that title was a Hardcore Title; which is the most physical demanding division!
Narrator: Is this commercial over then?
The Sitcom: Um, maybe?
Johnny Beckman: No, not yet, he has something to say to Jonny Cedrone.
The Sitcom: I do?
Narrator: I don’t think he’s talking to me.
Johnny Beckman: Of course, I am talking to you...The Sitcom...the man who single-handedly challenged the Ban Bros at Havoc, the giant who has squashed Aio, Ellie, Lee and Niobe, the greatest Action Wrestling Television Champ in recent memory! Now, tell the world all about Jonny Cedrone.
The Sitcom: Alright, well...frankly...Cedrone is a living joke. His servant mocks him, his girl pity's him, and in the end of the day we all know...he isn’t a worthy U.S. Champ until he beats someone for that title at Evolution.
Narrator: Those actually are some pretty good points.
Johnny Beckman: So, there we have it...Jonny Cedrone versus The Sitcom for the U.S Title at Evolution 2023!!!
Narrator: Once again, I am just the narrator, I can NOT book matches.
The Sitcom: But it does sound good if you say it.
Narrator: Why would I do that?
Johnny Beckman: I’ll pay you $5,000 to say it.
Narrator: You’ve heard it here first folks....at Evolution 2023...The U.S. Title Match Will Be...Jonny Cedrone vs. The Sitcom...vs. Dionysus?!?
Johnny Beckman: Fuck, I forgot about Dionysus.
The Sitcom: Damnit, I am so sick of triple threat matches.
Narrator: Again, I am not officially able to book any matches at all...in fact narrating is just a side gig, my main job is being an assistant manager at KFC.
Johnny Beckman: The only chicken we currently care about is Jonny Cedrone!
The Sitcom: ...And possibly Dionysus.
Narrator: Doesn’t Sitcom have to defend his Television Title at Evolution?
Johnny Beckman: Of course not, that title is only defended on TV broadcasts.
Narrator: Isn’t Evolution a TV broadcast on pay per view?
Johnny Beckman: Um...maybe?
The Sitcom: Wait? As my manager, shouldn’t you know that answer?
Johnny Beckman: Whatever, double book him, We Would Love It!
The Sitcom: I would?
The Following has been paid for by the committee to see The Sitcom become a Double Champ.