Post by The Sitcom on May 12, 2023 20:37:59 GMT -5
The Sitcom: Thanks for the assistance at Chaos, I never would have beaten RBD without you.
Johnny: You’re Welcome.
ICE: He’s being sarcastic.
Johnny: That’s the lowest form of communication.
The Sitcom: Wasn’t that the title of Jill Park’s first rap album?
Johnny: Speaking of the champ, that brings us to our video study for this week.
ICE: Please tell me you’re not going to make us watch that “Art of the Headlock” video from the 1950’s again?
The Sitcom: That’s better than the time you made me watch that Ellie Austin promo until my eyes bleed.
ICE: That was the only time you’ve ever asked us to turn the T.V. off.
Johnny: We are watching a replay from CBS presents Chaos.
The Sitcom: You can just call it Chaos.
Johnny: Not without pissing off the CBS legal team.
ICE: That reminds me, tune into a brand new NCIS: Los Angeles this Sunday at 10/9 Central.
The Sitcom: Are we rewatching Chaos to see how awesome my Lady Killer joke landed?
ICE: Or better yet, are we rewatching how Johnny fucked you over and got your next TV title defense to be a triple threat match?
The Sitcom: Oh yeah, and to think I came here only mad about the unnecessary interference in my match.
Johnny: I see you're mad, but remember what I always say.
ICE: That you’d be %100 better at Chris Avery’s job than he is.
Johnny: No, I always say, keep the rage for the ring.
The Sitcom: That advice is bad news for my rumble opponents.
Johnny: Well then, I’m glad I am not one of them.
ICE: Are you?
The Sitcom: Wait, what do you mean by that?
Johnny: Hey, time to watch the video from Chaos, which has nothing to do with me, I mean, us.
(Johnny turns on the video.)
The Sitcom: Hey look, it’s my World Champion, Jill Park.
ICE: “Your” World Champion?
The Sitcom: Yep, and I am her Television Champion.
ICE: Really? You think Jill considers you, “Her” Television Champ?
Johnny: Truth bomb...Park doesn’t even know your name.
The Sitcom: Truth bomb...ICE is secretly eating your expensive Italian bath bombs.
ICE: Truth bomb...I know Johnny actually gets his bath bombs from Costco.
Johnny: Can we just watch this video already?
The Sitcom: Why are we watching this?
Johnny: These are your biggest threats at Havoc, and we’re going to watch and see what they have to say.
ICE: That sounds boring.
Johnny: And make smirky comments about them.
ICE: That sounds fun.
The Sitcom: Like Mystery Science Theater 3000?
Johnny: No one knows what that is...now watch.
TV: (Jill Park)…"It never gets old, does it? Time after time. Month after month.”
ICE: Is she talking about lady problems?
TV: (Jill Park)…"Week after week. You see challengers step up to the plate, and then quickly and quietly strike out before the GREATEST CHAMPION IN AW HISTORY.”
Johnny: Ah, the old wrestler trick...make the bullshit statement seem true by screaming it.
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was placed in unwinnable situations.”
ICE: Wait, is she talking about her rapping career?
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was put through hell in an Elimination Chamber.”
The Sitcom: How do you think the fans felt who had to pay PPV money to watch it?
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was placed against a submission specialist in a submission match, and yet…none of them were even CLOSE to dethroning me.”
Johnny: She is royalty...no one likes her, she walks around with gold she didn’t earn, and everyone can’t wait until she goes away forever.
TV: (Jill Park)…"And now we come up to Havoc. The opportunity of a lifetime. One lucky AW star will earn his or her way into the Main Event of Evolution 6. They will win the ultimate opportunity.”
The Sitcom: I think she’s talking about me.
TV: (Jill Park)…"The chance to lose to ME at Evolution. What a treat!”
The Sitcom: Never mind.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Because let’s face it. Nobody is ready.”
ICE: I thought just Jonny Cedrone wasn’t ready.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Nobody has earned it and nobody is prepared to do what it’s going to take to topple me and rip this Championship away.”
Johnny: Sounds like what she told her date on prom night.
TV: (Jill Park)…”The best of the best has already tried.”
ICE: I didn't know she's beat me? A former 2x WCF World Champ? Who only got pinned twice ever?
TV: (Jill Park)…”Everyone likes to make excuses.”
The Sitcom: My tummy is feeling a little upset.
TV: (Jill Park)…”I had help. I cheated,”
Johnny: I love her honesty.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Blah blah blah.”
The Sitcom: That’s a great Obin Balfore impression.
TV: (Jill Park)…”I hear constantly that I do not deserve this title. That I’m a coward, a fraud, and a million other things.”
ICE: At least her inner voice makes sense.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Yet, for the last year, I have dominated this company; dominated this business.”
Johnny: That’s true, I heard great things about her BDSM side business.
TV: (Jill Park)…”So you can all kill yourselves at Havoc to try and get a shot at this title.”
The Sitcom: I’m new to this but killing yourself seems like a horrible wrestling strategy.
TV: (Jill Park)…”But just know, the only thing you are REALLY fighting for, is to be a footnote in my inevitable Hall of Fame speech.”
ICE: Wow, having footnotes in a HOF speech sounds really boring.
TV: (Jill Park)…”You may think your story, your ascent is going to begin at Havoc, and maybe in a lot of ways that will be true.”
Johnny: That’s actually a really nice thing for her to say.
TV: (Jill Park)…”But, your story is destined to end in heartbreak.”
The Sitcom: Now she’s quoting her therapist.
Johnny: Moving on, Tatiana Jolee comes on.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Whoa, whoa, whoa…. Easy there champ”
ICE: Sounds like Tatiana is ready for the rodeo.
TV: (Tatiana)…"First of all, how's your throat after having to suck Tortures D*beep*k to keep that title of yours?”
The Sitcom: Swearing on CBS TV is F*BEEP*ING S*BEEP*Y, just like a N*BEEP*ER...Wait, I said N*BEEP*ER...Not the N word! Damn, CBS!!!
TV: (Jill Park)…"HOW DARE YO”
Johnny: Yo? She does talk street.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Pipe down, princess… I’m not done just yet.”
ICE: That’s what she said to her gigglo last night.
TV: (Tatiana)…”You really have some big balls-”
The Sitcom: See! I told you Jill is actually a man.
TV: (Tatiana)…”to come out here and pat yourself on the back when you know that I beat your ass fair and square in the middle of that ring on Clash.”
Johnny: Fair and square means ‘excuse’ in the dork dictionary.
TV: (Tatiana)…”You know, I know, and the whole world knows that I should be the Champion right now.”
ICE: I really doubt people starving in Africa know that.
TV: (Jill Park)…"Awww, muffin.”
The Sitcom: That’s how I finish my breakfast order at Dennys.
TV: (Jill Park)…"You mad, beau? Are you upset that I exposed you as the fraud you are by forcing you to tap out - FAIR AND SQUARE”
Johnny: Jill speaks dork?
TV: (Jill Park)…"-to retain MY championship? Spin it all you want TJ”
ICE: TJ? That nickname is the most insulting thing Jill has said to Tatiana so far.
TV: (Jill Park)…"but one of us is on the ramp crying and the other is holding this gem.”
The Sitcom: Dear God, please tell me she is talking about her title and not her...’lil’ Jill?
TV: (Jill Park)…"And now… You get to START the Havoc battle royal as number one. You should be happy, it’s the first time you’ve been #1 at anything in your life.”
Johnny: Wasn’t she literally just the #1 contender?
TV: (Tatiana)…" Oh screw you”
ICE: And the winner of the comeback of the year...
TV: (Tatiana)…"You can sit up there and boast all you want, coward.”
The Sitcom: I doubt CBS executives would allow that; then again, they allowed the show Bull to air 8 seasons.
TV: (Tatiana)…"We both know that you’re a fraud… A damn con-artist.”
Johnny: I have both those listed as attributes on my resume.
TV: (Tatiana)…"And AFTER I win the Havoc Battle Royal, I’m going to prove that once again at Evoluti-”
ICE: I’m assuming she was going to say, lose to you again.
TV: (Jill Park)…"AHHH-HAHAHA!!!”
The Sitcom: Sounds like someone just watched T.G.I.F.: Thank God It’s Funny.
TV: (Jill Park)…"Oh… That is rich.”
Johnny: Why yes, I am.
TV: (Jill Park)…"At least you might have a future in stand-up comedy after you’re dumped out of Havoc.”
The Sitcom: I think I do too.
TV: (Jill Park)…"by whoever is the second entrant.”
ICE: That honestly could be me, I’m drunk like all the time.
TV: (Jill Park)…"It’s time to step aside, sweetie.”
Johnny: It’s so cute they have little nicknames for each other.
TV: (Jill Park)…"You’re clearly NOT championship material, and you’ve had more than enough time basking in the light of MY magnificence.”
The Sitcom: Did she steal that line from a classic Johnny Beckman pep-talk?
TV: (Tatiana)…"Is that so?"
ICE: Another nominee for ‘comeback of the year” by Tatiana.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Well, if I have ‘zero chance’ of winning at Havoc…"
Johnny: Acceptance is step one.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Then I might as well go down there right now and whoop your ass."
The Sitcom: She sounds like the bully from 90’s after school special.
Johnny: Now Gerard Angelo enters the mix.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”TJ, you need to calm down. You forgot your LifeAlert in the back.”
ICE: Oh, Sitcom, great call with the Grandma Jolee skit.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"Blah, blah. Yes you were screwed, Jolee. We all watched it happen live.”
The Sitcom: Or learned about it the next day after going to be early, since, well, we all knew Jill would beat Granny J.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"Then we saw you write your angry note to Tortellini like a Karen trying to get a free appetizer from Outback Steakhouse.”
Johnny: That’s a shoutout to my newest client Karen, #NextCruiserweightChamp
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"But I got beef with Jillybean going back months.”
ICE: Wow, multiple months! What a rivalry! Step aside Middle East!
TV: (Jill Park)..."I already beat you three times, Gerry! This is getting pathetic."
The Sitcom: The female equivalent of Vanilla ICE actually has a good point.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”No, what’s pathetic is how Jake just lets himself be cucked by you.”
Johnny: Am I the only one who just googled “cucked”, or am I just old?
TV: (Tatiana)...“Did you already blow two rematches? I think you’re at the back of the line.”
ICE: I think she legitimately doesn’t know; your mind does wander at that age.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”Shut up, boomer. I actually had to earn my opportunity at the World title. I didn’t complain my way into the main event.”
The Sitcom: Probably a little more convincing; if he wasn’t currently complaining.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”And again at Havoc, I will earn my opportunity at it again...”
Johnny: I again will say again about my agains.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”when I throw you and thirty other boys and girls out of the ring.”
ICE: That’s the exact thing that got me banned from the Chuckie Cheese ball pit.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”You and I still have a debt to settle, “Ew” Jill."
The Sitcom: Ew? That insult is the only gross thing I see.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”It doesn’t matter how many times you knock me down or cut my legs out from under me,”
Johnny: I think it does kind of matter.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”I will get back up again and again until I take MY World Heavyweight Championship back.”
ICE: OJ said the same thing before he attempted to steal back his Heisman.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”Evolution takes place at MetLife Stadium this year and that’s it the state where I was born. I’m winning Havoc and coming home the conquering hero.”
The Sitcom: That’s not how conquering heroes work; you conquer elsewhere, then come home.”
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”And there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.”
Johnny: Hello? Torture? Sounds like someone is challenging your authority.
ICE: Look’s like Lissie Hope is next to flex her miss biz.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I heard someone call for a hero.”
The Sitcom: No one, in any way, called for this.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"It’s interesting how the worst person in the world can make two other kind-of awful people seem like the heroes in the story by comparison, but here we are.”
Johnny: Odd time to bring up the next U.S. presidential election.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Congratulations, Jilly, you’ve done the impossible: you’ve made people actually root for Tweedle-dee-iana and Tweedle-dumbass-elo.”
ICE: Those are the record scratches of insulting nicknames.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Hold on to your toxic masculine energy there, Rambo.”
The Sitcom: FYI, Rambo was a badass veteran who defeated a corrupt small-town sheriff.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I’m sorry Paramount decided to can your big movie role but they’ve been kinda busy jetsetting around the world with me.”
ICE: I really want to make fun of anyone bragging about being on Paramount.
Johnny: But instead, let’s remind everyone about a brand new NCIS: Los Angeles this Sunday at 10/9 Central.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Sorry, not sorry, big guy – I know that must be a bitter pill to swallow.”
The Sitcom: That’s what my dad told me when he kicked me out of his house.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"But at least they were upfront about it. No one pulled a you on you and snuck it in your drink.”
ICE: Roofies are the best.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Hey, Teej”
Johnny: Just when you thought the cute nicknames couldn’t get dumber.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"-long time, no see.”
The Sitcom: And now we’re all jealous of Teej.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"We haven’t been running in the same circles lately - not since XIII.”
The Sitcom: To me, all these current ‘main eventers’ have been running in circles for years now.
TV: (Lissie Hope)..."I’ve been adding to my legacy by only needing a month to plant my flag on Teo Blaze’s 50-yard-line – that’s a football reference, by the way."
ICE: I got the football reference, it’s the Teo Blaze one that confesses me.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Meanwhile, you’ve finally learned what it’s like to be public enemy number one to the Action Wrestling brass and decision-makers.”
Johnny: I thought that was me, I mean us, I mean you Sitcom.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I don’t envy you, Teej.”
The Sitcom: Who does?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I’ve been there before, and it sucks.”
ICE: What a Target shopper says about Walmart.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I do feel for you, even if I dislike you very strongly - because you didn’t deserve what - she - did to you.”
Johnny: This is turning into an episode of Real Housewives real fast.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"It was never supposed to be you, Tatiana.”
The Sitcom: When prank booking goes too far.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"You should’ve never been put in that position to begin with.”
ICE: I say that every time I wake up and the chick is still there in the morning.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"You’ve been right about one thing – Torture has always wanted me to have a lasting impact on the top of this company.”
Johnny: Too soon to make a Blue Blazer joke here?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Nobody has side-eyed me with disappointment more than the head guy in charge for all of the decisions I’ve made – the men I date, the places I compete, the loyalties and bonds I’ve forged.”
The Sitcom: I’m sure she meant, nobody, besides her mom.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"No – he’s always known that I’ve possessed everything a main event icon needs because Torture is a businessman, first.”
ICE: I’m afraid to find out what he is second.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And I’m sorry to say this, Teej, but”
Johnny: ‘None of this matters, because none of us is going to win at Havoc’.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"if you’ve drawn his ire this much? If just the mention of you has motivated him to go to these lengths to keep you down?”
The Sitcom: Yes, because wrestling history will tell us the person feuding with the boss never makes it big.
TV: (Lissie Hope)..."Then that just means he never found you worth uplifting in the first place.”
ICE: Based on the push-up bras currently in this segment, I highly doubt that.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Motivation. It’s a tricky thing, right?”
Johnny: She’s still going? Motivation not to fast forward is what I need.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Everyone entering Havoc has their own motivation.”
The Sitcom: Nope, we all just want to headline Evolution.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"What are they intending to do? What is the end goal? How do they achieve it?"
ICE: Win, and to win, and by winning.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"That angry primate Downfall wants to see the devolution of Action Wrestling.”
Johnny: I can see it now, the first ever poop throwing match.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Corey Black - is there a bigger ‘pick-me’ bitch this Havoc season?”
The Sitcom: I thought I was that bitch?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"He’s probably throwing all of Taylor’s money on himself since, for the first time, his odds to win are so low, and he’s tired of everyone making fun of him for her being the breadwinner.”
ICE: That one took a while, but she got there in the end.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And he just seems grumpy this year, no? Corey Black - sick and tired and not gonna take it any more!”
Johnny: Still talking about Corey? By the rules of 3rd grade, she likes-likes him.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Frank Venable still seems more salty at me after three years than he does you, who took him out for a year.”
The Sitcom: This is FPV salty? The guy could find brightness on the dark side of the moon.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And Carter, who seems to be in the market for a new damn family after his own flesh and blood ripped the mask off.”
ICE: That is like the opposite plot of Batman.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And what better way to buy a family than “saving” their child and winning World Championships? Hey – it worked for me.”
Johnny: The second part of that idea seems far less important than the first.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Let’s be real.”
The Sitcom: Okay then, it’s time for her to shut the fuck up already.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Torture invested in Jill here because he’s got money on his mind. Action Wrestling has needed an injection of eyeballs since some of the greatest stars this company has cultivated have moved on."
ICE: She’s beginning to show signs of Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"But when he finally admits that this mere cable television girl can’t hold a candle to the investment this network has made in me, well — the tides will turn.”
Johnny: Ah, yes, this is typical future Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Viacom did buy MTV after all. CBS, the golden child, versus the rotting, dying remains of Rob Dyrdek and Jill Park!”
The Sitcom: Now it's marvelously being turned into conspiracy theory Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"He’s always needed me, Jill. He’s built your statue but he’s given me the sledgehammer!”
ICE: A bulldozer would be a must better tool for that job.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And me versus you? The one match you’ve managed to evade in your ascension to the top of Action Wrestling?”
Johnny: When you admit to the world you're not even a stepping-stone.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Oh, those bags will be there for the taking. The eyes will tune in. And you’ll get dropped, Jill — first, by Torture himself. And secondly, by my own right hook!”
The Sitcom: Thank God, she’s finally done.
(They all cheer for that.)
ICE: And look here comes Corey Black.
TV: (Corey Black)…"All this talk.. little birds fighting for a worm that doesn't even belong to them. I hate talking when there's a ring just feet away.”
Johnny: And now he proceeds to do nothing but talk.
TV: (Corey Black)…"It feels disingenuous, you know, like posturing because it's the best y'all got.”
The Sitcom: Technically in the TV business, we call it ‘filler’.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Now, I get you're all thinking the same thing.”
ICE: Is anyone going to wrestle during this wrestling program?
TV: (Corey Black)…”Everyone except the jetsetter, anyway.”
Johnny: Is he talking about Helen, AW’s travel secretary? Because she’s a treasure.
TV: (Corey Black)…"This old, beat down relic is really out here? He's working on a Monday? Why does this man have a Tag Team World Championship when he works once a month?”
The Sitcom: When dementia patients say the darnest things.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Jill, you said the best of the best has come for that title.”
ICE: Probably not what she said about them before the match.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Maybe they have. Maybe you have outsmarted, out played and out done the people you perceive as the best.”
Johnny: Maybe this? Maybe that? He sounds like a guy who shows up once a month.
TV: (Corey Black)…"But that's just it, isn't it? Your perception is through a lens that knows damn well that I am a step ABOVE the best of the best.”
The Sitcom: Guess that makes him the ‘bestest?’.
TV: (Corey Black)…"That little muppet that's been leading you around on a leash”
ICE: But the real question is, whose hand is up the muppet’s ass?
TV: (Corey Black)…"knows better than anyone that in that ring, there isn't anybody that can match me.”
Johnny: Odin? Any thoughts about that?
TV: (Corey Black)…"And that's why at Havoc, when I personally launch every one of you standing there out of contention,”
The Sitcom: And to ensure he does that; he's going to take Tatiana’s #1 Spot!!!
TV: (Corey Black)…"I'll take my rightful place in the main event of Evolution”
ICE: Or just say that boring line.
TV: (Corey Black)…"and Jill - you won't be camera-ready for quite a while afterward.”
Johnny: Who said she's camera ready now?
The Sitcom: And here comes Downfail...Up, Up and Go Away!!!
TV: (Downfall)…”You know... it's nice of you all to come out here and make your play.”
ICE: If this is a play, can Act 1 end already?
TV: (Downfall)…”It feels appropriately big time.”
Johnny: No it doesn’t.
TV: (Downfall)…”Main event.”
The Sitcom: Finally it’s time to watch me to splat the mat with RBD.
TV: (Downfall)…”You, all of you, have made your case and made it well for why you should be the ones that go to the finish line at Havoc.”
ICE: Have they actually?
TV: (Downfall)…”Why you, each one of you, has the right angle to be the one that takes on Jill Park.”
Johnny: Angle? Careful, management gets made when you break the fourth wall.
TV: (Downfall)…”But I think you're forgetting one single thing.”
The Sitcom: ‘Who the fuck is going to throw out the 400 pound new guy?’
TV: (Downfall)…"That title, that Jill has her little claws grasped around? I was never pinned for it. That's something that you - And YOU - And definitely you, Lissie... cannot say."
ICE: Dude is acting like he didn’t have a chance to pin someone before he lost the title.
TV: (Downfall)…”The obvious point there, is because you held the World title even less time than I ever had my hands on it”
Johnny: This is the equivalent of explaining your joke.
TV: (Downfall)…”and when you lost it last time... you were pinned, straight up. I was not.”
The Sitcom: Recapping Sydrome anyone?
TV: (Downfall)…”Regan Voorhees was the one who ate that pin, and Jill... Ever since that day, I never received another shot at it one-on-one again.”
ICE: When a toddler helps you with your reasoning.
TV: (Downfall)…”That's fine by me.”
Johnny: It’s clearly not, but okay.
TV: (Downfall)…”I made my own. I carved my own path, knowing that even if it was a roundabout way, I know my road would eventually take me back to it.”
The Sitcom: Sounds like my last Uber driver.
TV: (Downfall)…”But...”
ICE: These speeches have more butts than a softcore porn.
TV: (Downfall)…”Oh, sorry, we were discussing which of us had actually been World Champion in Action Wrestling and... I'm sorry, Tatiana, I didn't even notice you there to begin with”
Johnny: Who needs peripheral vision in a rumble match?
TV: (Downfall)…”but it wasn't as if you were ever part of that conversation anyway. Awkward."
The Sitcom: The only thing that’s awkward is how he keeps explaining his insults.
TV: (Downfall)…”But Lissie... you said one thing and one thing only that interested me.”
ICE: That’s one thing more than the rest of us heard.
TV: (Downfall)…”You knew to namedrop me, because deep down you know I am a threat.”
Johnny: The only real reason to namedrop is to get a good table.
TV: (Downfall)…”But you think of me... as someone that wants to take AW backward, to "devolve" it.”
The Sitcom: He wants Clash, LIVE from Bedrock.
TV: (Downfall)…”No, Lis. No, you couldn't be more wrong,”
ICE: In so many ways.
TV: (Downfall)…”and honestly it shows just the asinine, only wanting Lissie Hope to bear the torch and be the shining light for little girls everywhere, pick-me bitch attitude you're famous for.”
Johnny: I thought that was the Girl Scout’s motto.
TV: (Downfall)…”From day one... my mission statement has been simple.”
The Sitcom: ‘Please, Please, Don’t Hurt Me!’
TV: (Downfall)…”Yeah, I come to cause chaos. I come to tear down. I bring... anarchy.”
ICE: Guess Lissie was right; he’s now speaking caveman.
TV: (Downfall)…”In the past.”
Johnny: Here comes the recapping!!!
TV: (Downfall)…”But I've actually BEEN changing. I've BEEN evolving into something new this entire year. And your dumb ass is too blind to see it,”
The Sitcom: Downfall is about to tell us his preferred pronouns.
TV: (Downfall)…”because I'm not Regan or Serenity or one of your other "girlfriends" that you clap for when it's convenient for you”
ICE: They do more than clap on LesbianSpoofSex.com
TV: (Downfall)…”but only if you get to be the one that hands them their trophy.”
Johnny: Isn’t that the ref’s job?
TV: (Downfall)…”In point of fact, Lissie... when I win Havoc, and I go on to WIN that World title from you, Jill... I'm going to elevate it.”
The Sitcom: Downfail is talking about his series finale before his pilot episode has even been green lighted.
TV: (Downfall)…”I'll be honest...”
ICE: Doubtful.
TV: (Downfall)…”It is going to take razing you all to the ground in Havoc... but when it's over... I'm going to build something... a lot better in the aftermath.”
Johnny: The ultimate hypocritic statement to end it all...or not, damnit.
TV: (Downfall)…”Just ask Corey. He'll tell you how it worked for the Hardcore title... because I built my house over his broken ass body.”
The Sitcom: Considering Corey is standing there, healthy and a tag champ, that’s not exactly a mic drop moment.
Johnny: None the less, Pasternak made it one when he came out.
ICE: What was the point of this film study again?
The Sitcom: To remind me I can hang with anyone in the Havoc rumble.
Johnny: Was it? Honestly this promo started so long ago I forgot.
Johnny: You’re Welcome.
ICE: He’s being sarcastic.
Johnny: That’s the lowest form of communication.
The Sitcom: Wasn’t that the title of Jill Park’s first rap album?
Johnny: Speaking of the champ, that brings us to our video study for this week.
ICE: Please tell me you’re not going to make us watch that “Art of the Headlock” video from the 1950’s again?
The Sitcom: That’s better than the time you made me watch that Ellie Austin promo until my eyes bleed.
ICE: That was the only time you’ve ever asked us to turn the T.V. off.
Johnny: We are watching a replay from CBS presents Chaos.
The Sitcom: You can just call it Chaos.
Johnny: Not without pissing off the CBS legal team.
ICE: That reminds me, tune into a brand new NCIS: Los Angeles this Sunday at 10/9 Central.
The Sitcom: Are we rewatching Chaos to see how awesome my Lady Killer joke landed?
ICE: Or better yet, are we rewatching how Johnny fucked you over and got your next TV title defense to be a triple threat match?
The Sitcom: Oh yeah, and to think I came here only mad about the unnecessary interference in my match.
Johnny: I see you're mad, but remember what I always say.
ICE: That you’d be %100 better at Chris Avery’s job than he is.
Johnny: No, I always say, keep the rage for the ring.
The Sitcom: That advice is bad news for my rumble opponents.
Johnny: Well then, I’m glad I am not one of them.
ICE: Are you?
The Sitcom: Wait, what do you mean by that?
Johnny: Hey, time to watch the video from Chaos, which has nothing to do with me, I mean, us.
(Johnny turns on the video.)
The Sitcom: Hey look, it’s my World Champion, Jill Park.
ICE: “Your” World Champion?
The Sitcom: Yep, and I am her Television Champion.
ICE: Really? You think Jill considers you, “Her” Television Champ?
Johnny: Truth bomb...Park doesn’t even know your name.
The Sitcom: Truth bomb...ICE is secretly eating your expensive Italian bath bombs.
ICE: Truth bomb...I know Johnny actually gets his bath bombs from Costco.
Johnny: Can we just watch this video already?
The Sitcom: Why are we watching this?
Johnny: These are your biggest threats at Havoc, and we’re going to watch and see what they have to say.
ICE: That sounds boring.
Johnny: And make smirky comments about them.
ICE: That sounds fun.
The Sitcom: Like Mystery Science Theater 3000?
Johnny: No one knows what that is...now watch.
TV: (Jill Park)…"It never gets old, does it? Time after time. Month after month.”
ICE: Is she talking about lady problems?
TV: (Jill Park)…"Week after week. You see challengers step up to the plate, and then quickly and quietly strike out before the GREATEST CHAMPION IN AW HISTORY.”
Johnny: Ah, the old wrestler trick...make the bullshit statement seem true by screaming it.
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was placed in unwinnable situations.”
ICE: Wait, is she talking about her rapping career?
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was put through hell in an Elimination Chamber.”
The Sitcom: How do you think the fans felt who had to pay PPV money to watch it?
TV: (Jill Park)…"I was placed against a submission specialist in a submission match, and yet…none of them were even CLOSE to dethroning me.”
Johnny: She is royalty...no one likes her, she walks around with gold she didn’t earn, and everyone can’t wait until she goes away forever.
TV: (Jill Park)…"And now we come up to Havoc. The opportunity of a lifetime. One lucky AW star will earn his or her way into the Main Event of Evolution 6. They will win the ultimate opportunity.”
The Sitcom: I think she’s talking about me.
TV: (Jill Park)…"The chance to lose to ME at Evolution. What a treat!”
The Sitcom: Never mind.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Because let’s face it. Nobody is ready.”
ICE: I thought just Jonny Cedrone wasn’t ready.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Nobody has earned it and nobody is prepared to do what it’s going to take to topple me and rip this Championship away.”
Johnny: Sounds like what she told her date on prom night.
TV: (Jill Park)…”The best of the best has already tried.”
ICE: I didn't know she's beat me? A former 2x WCF World Champ? Who only got pinned twice ever?
TV: (Jill Park)…”Everyone likes to make excuses.”
The Sitcom: My tummy is feeling a little upset.
TV: (Jill Park)…”I had help. I cheated,”
Johnny: I love her honesty.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Blah blah blah.”
The Sitcom: That’s a great Obin Balfore impression.
TV: (Jill Park)…”I hear constantly that I do not deserve this title. That I’m a coward, a fraud, and a million other things.”
ICE: At least her inner voice makes sense.
TV: (Jill Park)…”Yet, for the last year, I have dominated this company; dominated this business.”
Johnny: That’s true, I heard great things about her BDSM side business.
TV: (Jill Park)…”So you can all kill yourselves at Havoc to try and get a shot at this title.”
The Sitcom: I’m new to this but killing yourself seems like a horrible wrestling strategy.
TV: (Jill Park)…”But just know, the only thing you are REALLY fighting for, is to be a footnote in my inevitable Hall of Fame speech.”
ICE: Wow, having footnotes in a HOF speech sounds really boring.
TV: (Jill Park)…”You may think your story, your ascent is going to begin at Havoc, and maybe in a lot of ways that will be true.”
Johnny: That’s actually a really nice thing for her to say.
TV: (Jill Park)…”But, your story is destined to end in heartbreak.”
The Sitcom: Now she’s quoting her therapist.
Johnny: Moving on, Tatiana Jolee comes on.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Whoa, whoa, whoa…. Easy there champ”
ICE: Sounds like Tatiana is ready for the rodeo.
TV: (Tatiana)…"First of all, how's your throat after having to suck Tortures D*beep*k to keep that title of yours?”
The Sitcom: Swearing on CBS TV is F*BEEP*ING S*BEEP*Y, just like a N*BEEP*ER...Wait, I said N*BEEP*ER...Not the N word! Damn, CBS!!!
TV: (Jill Park)…"HOW DARE YO”
Johnny: Yo? She does talk street.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Pipe down, princess… I’m not done just yet.”
ICE: That’s what she said to her gigglo last night.
TV: (Tatiana)…”You really have some big balls-”
The Sitcom: See! I told you Jill is actually a man.
TV: (Tatiana)…”to come out here and pat yourself on the back when you know that I beat your ass fair and square in the middle of that ring on Clash.”
Johnny: Fair and square means ‘excuse’ in the dork dictionary.
TV: (Tatiana)…”You know, I know, and the whole world knows that I should be the Champion right now.”
ICE: I really doubt people starving in Africa know that.
TV: (Jill Park)…"Awww, muffin.”
The Sitcom: That’s how I finish my breakfast order at Dennys.
TV: (Jill Park)…"You mad, beau? Are you upset that I exposed you as the fraud you are by forcing you to tap out - FAIR AND SQUARE”
Johnny: Jill speaks dork?
TV: (Jill Park)…"-to retain MY championship? Spin it all you want TJ”
ICE: TJ? That nickname is the most insulting thing Jill has said to Tatiana so far.
TV: (Jill Park)…"but one of us is on the ramp crying and the other is holding this gem.”
The Sitcom: Dear God, please tell me she is talking about her title and not her...’lil’ Jill?
TV: (Jill Park)…"And now… You get to START the Havoc battle royal as number one. You should be happy, it’s the first time you’ve been #1 at anything in your life.”
Johnny: Wasn’t she literally just the #1 contender?
TV: (Tatiana)…" Oh screw you”
ICE: And the winner of the comeback of the year...
TV: (Tatiana)…"You can sit up there and boast all you want, coward.”
The Sitcom: I doubt CBS executives would allow that; then again, they allowed the show Bull to air 8 seasons.
TV: (Tatiana)…"We both know that you’re a fraud… A damn con-artist.”
Johnny: I have both those listed as attributes on my resume.
TV: (Tatiana)…"And AFTER I win the Havoc Battle Royal, I’m going to prove that once again at Evoluti-”
ICE: I’m assuming she was going to say, lose to you again.
TV: (Jill Park)…"AHHH-HAHAHA!!!”
The Sitcom: Sounds like someone just watched T.G.I.F.: Thank God It’s Funny.
TV: (Jill Park)…"Oh… That is rich.”
Johnny: Why yes, I am.
TV: (Jill Park)…"At least you might have a future in stand-up comedy after you’re dumped out of Havoc.”
The Sitcom: I think I do too.
TV: (Jill Park)…"by whoever is the second entrant.”
ICE: That honestly could be me, I’m drunk like all the time.
TV: (Jill Park)…"It’s time to step aside, sweetie.”
Johnny: It’s so cute they have little nicknames for each other.
TV: (Jill Park)…"You’re clearly NOT championship material, and you’ve had more than enough time basking in the light of MY magnificence.”
The Sitcom: Did she steal that line from a classic Johnny Beckman pep-talk?
TV: (Tatiana)…"Is that so?"
ICE: Another nominee for ‘comeback of the year” by Tatiana.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Well, if I have ‘zero chance’ of winning at Havoc…"
Johnny: Acceptance is step one.
TV: (Tatiana)…"Then I might as well go down there right now and whoop your ass."
The Sitcom: She sounds like the bully from 90’s after school special.
Johnny: Now Gerard Angelo enters the mix.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”TJ, you need to calm down. You forgot your LifeAlert in the back.”
ICE: Oh, Sitcom, great call with the Grandma Jolee skit.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"Blah, blah. Yes you were screwed, Jolee. We all watched it happen live.”
The Sitcom: Or learned about it the next day after going to be early, since, well, we all knew Jill would beat Granny J.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"Then we saw you write your angry note to Tortellini like a Karen trying to get a free appetizer from Outback Steakhouse.”
Johnny: That’s a shoutout to my newest client Karen, #NextCruiserweightChamp
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…"But I got beef with Jillybean going back months.”
ICE: Wow, multiple months! What a rivalry! Step aside Middle East!
TV: (Jill Park)..."I already beat you three times, Gerry! This is getting pathetic."
The Sitcom: The female equivalent of Vanilla ICE actually has a good point.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”No, what’s pathetic is how Jake just lets himself be cucked by you.”
Johnny: Am I the only one who just googled “cucked”, or am I just old?
TV: (Tatiana)...“Did you already blow two rematches? I think you’re at the back of the line.”
ICE: I think she legitimately doesn’t know; your mind does wander at that age.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”Shut up, boomer. I actually had to earn my opportunity at the World title. I didn’t complain my way into the main event.”
The Sitcom: Probably a little more convincing; if he wasn’t currently complaining.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”And again at Havoc, I will earn my opportunity at it again...”
Johnny: I again will say again about my agains.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”when I throw you and thirty other boys and girls out of the ring.”
ICE: That’s the exact thing that got me banned from the Chuckie Cheese ball pit.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”You and I still have a debt to settle, “Ew” Jill."
The Sitcom: Ew? That insult is the only gross thing I see.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”It doesn’t matter how many times you knock me down or cut my legs out from under me,”
Johnny: I think it does kind of matter.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”I will get back up again and again until I take MY World Heavyweight Championship back.”
ICE: OJ said the same thing before he attempted to steal back his Heisman.
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”Evolution takes place at MetLife Stadium this year and that’s it the state where I was born. I’m winning Havoc and coming home the conquering hero.”
The Sitcom: That’s not how conquering heroes work; you conquer elsewhere, then come home.”
TV: (Gerard Angelo)…”And there’s not a damn thing anyone can do about it.”
Johnny: Hello? Torture? Sounds like someone is challenging your authority.
ICE: Look’s like Lissie Hope is next to flex her miss biz.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I heard someone call for a hero.”
The Sitcom: No one, in any way, called for this.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"It’s interesting how the worst person in the world can make two other kind-of awful people seem like the heroes in the story by comparison, but here we are.”
Johnny: Odd time to bring up the next U.S. presidential election.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Congratulations, Jilly, you’ve done the impossible: you’ve made people actually root for Tweedle-dee-iana and Tweedle-dumbass-elo.”
ICE: Those are the record scratches of insulting nicknames.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Hold on to your toxic masculine energy there, Rambo.”
The Sitcom: FYI, Rambo was a badass veteran who defeated a corrupt small-town sheriff.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I’m sorry Paramount decided to can your big movie role but they’ve been kinda busy jetsetting around the world with me.”
ICE: I really want to make fun of anyone bragging about being on Paramount.
Johnny: But instead, let’s remind everyone about a brand new NCIS: Los Angeles this Sunday at 10/9 Central.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Sorry, not sorry, big guy – I know that must be a bitter pill to swallow.”
The Sitcom: That’s what my dad told me when he kicked me out of his house.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"But at least they were upfront about it. No one pulled a you on you and snuck it in your drink.”
ICE: Roofies are the best.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Hey, Teej”
Johnny: Just when you thought the cute nicknames couldn’t get dumber.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"-long time, no see.”
The Sitcom: And now we’re all jealous of Teej.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"We haven’t been running in the same circles lately - not since XIII.”
The Sitcom: To me, all these current ‘main eventers’ have been running in circles for years now.
TV: (Lissie Hope)..."I’ve been adding to my legacy by only needing a month to plant my flag on Teo Blaze’s 50-yard-line – that’s a football reference, by the way."
ICE: I got the football reference, it’s the Teo Blaze one that confesses me.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Meanwhile, you’ve finally learned what it’s like to be public enemy number one to the Action Wrestling brass and decision-makers.”
Johnny: I thought that was me, I mean us, I mean you Sitcom.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I don’t envy you, Teej.”
The Sitcom: Who does?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I’ve been there before, and it sucks.”
ICE: What a Target shopper says about Walmart.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"I do feel for you, even if I dislike you very strongly - because you didn’t deserve what - she - did to you.”
Johnny: This is turning into an episode of Real Housewives real fast.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"It was never supposed to be you, Tatiana.”
The Sitcom: When prank booking goes too far.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"You should’ve never been put in that position to begin with.”
ICE: I say that every time I wake up and the chick is still there in the morning.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"You’ve been right about one thing – Torture has always wanted me to have a lasting impact on the top of this company.”
Johnny: Too soon to make a Blue Blazer joke here?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Nobody has side-eyed me with disappointment more than the head guy in charge for all of the decisions I’ve made – the men I date, the places I compete, the loyalties and bonds I’ve forged.”
The Sitcom: I’m sure she meant, nobody, besides her mom.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"No – he’s always known that I’ve possessed everything a main event icon needs because Torture is a businessman, first.”
ICE: I’m afraid to find out what he is second.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And I’m sorry to say this, Teej, but”
Johnny: ‘None of this matters, because none of us is going to win at Havoc’.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"if you’ve drawn his ire this much? If just the mention of you has motivated him to go to these lengths to keep you down?”
The Sitcom: Yes, because wrestling history will tell us the person feuding with the boss never makes it big.
TV: (Lissie Hope)..."Then that just means he never found you worth uplifting in the first place.”
ICE: Based on the push-up bras currently in this segment, I highly doubt that.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Motivation. It’s a tricky thing, right?”
Johnny: She’s still going? Motivation not to fast forward is what I need.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Everyone entering Havoc has their own motivation.”
The Sitcom: Nope, we all just want to headline Evolution.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"What are they intending to do? What is the end goal? How do they achieve it?"
ICE: Win, and to win, and by winning.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"That angry primate Downfall wants to see the devolution of Action Wrestling.”
Johnny: I can see it now, the first ever poop throwing match.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Corey Black - is there a bigger ‘pick-me’ bitch this Havoc season?”
The Sitcom: I thought I was that bitch?
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"He’s probably throwing all of Taylor’s money on himself since, for the first time, his odds to win are so low, and he’s tired of everyone making fun of him for her being the breadwinner.”
ICE: That one took a while, but she got there in the end.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And he just seems grumpy this year, no? Corey Black - sick and tired and not gonna take it any more!”
Johnny: Still talking about Corey? By the rules of 3rd grade, she likes-likes him.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Frank Venable still seems more salty at me after three years than he does you, who took him out for a year.”
The Sitcom: This is FPV salty? The guy could find brightness on the dark side of the moon.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And Carter, who seems to be in the market for a new damn family after his own flesh and blood ripped the mask off.”
ICE: That is like the opposite plot of Batman.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And what better way to buy a family than “saving” their child and winning World Championships? Hey – it worked for me.”
Johnny: The second part of that idea seems far less important than the first.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Let’s be real.”
The Sitcom: Okay then, it’s time for her to shut the fuck up already.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Torture invested in Jill here because he’s got money on his mind. Action Wrestling has needed an injection of eyeballs since some of the greatest stars this company has cultivated have moved on."
ICE: She’s beginning to show signs of Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"But when he finally admits that this mere cable television girl can’t hold a candle to the investment this network has made in me, well — the tides will turn.”
Johnny: Ah, yes, this is typical future Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Viacom did buy MTV after all. CBS, the golden child, versus the rotting, dying remains of Rob Dyrdek and Jill Park!”
The Sitcom: Now it's marvelously being turned into conspiracy theory Recapping Syndrome.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"He’s always needed me, Jill. He’s built your statue but he’s given me the sledgehammer!”
ICE: A bulldozer would be a must better tool for that job.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"And me versus you? The one match you’ve managed to evade in your ascension to the top of Action Wrestling?”
Johnny: When you admit to the world you're not even a stepping-stone.
TV: (Lissie Hope)…"Oh, those bags will be there for the taking. The eyes will tune in. And you’ll get dropped, Jill — first, by Torture himself. And secondly, by my own right hook!”
The Sitcom: Thank God, she’s finally done.
(They all cheer for that.)
ICE: And look here comes Corey Black.
TV: (Corey Black)…"All this talk.. little birds fighting for a worm that doesn't even belong to them. I hate talking when there's a ring just feet away.”
Johnny: And now he proceeds to do nothing but talk.
TV: (Corey Black)…"It feels disingenuous, you know, like posturing because it's the best y'all got.”
The Sitcom: Technically in the TV business, we call it ‘filler’.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Now, I get you're all thinking the same thing.”
ICE: Is anyone going to wrestle during this wrestling program?
TV: (Corey Black)…”Everyone except the jetsetter, anyway.”
Johnny: Is he talking about Helen, AW’s travel secretary? Because she’s a treasure.
TV: (Corey Black)…"This old, beat down relic is really out here? He's working on a Monday? Why does this man have a Tag Team World Championship when he works once a month?”
The Sitcom: When dementia patients say the darnest things.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Jill, you said the best of the best has come for that title.”
ICE: Probably not what she said about them before the match.
TV: (Corey Black)…"Maybe they have. Maybe you have outsmarted, out played and out done the people you perceive as the best.”
Johnny: Maybe this? Maybe that? He sounds like a guy who shows up once a month.
TV: (Corey Black)…"But that's just it, isn't it? Your perception is through a lens that knows damn well that I am a step ABOVE the best of the best.”
The Sitcom: Guess that makes him the ‘bestest?’.
TV: (Corey Black)…"That little muppet that's been leading you around on a leash”
ICE: But the real question is, whose hand is up the muppet’s ass?
TV: (Corey Black)…"knows better than anyone that in that ring, there isn't anybody that can match me.”
Johnny: Odin? Any thoughts about that?
TV: (Corey Black)…"And that's why at Havoc, when I personally launch every one of you standing there out of contention,”
The Sitcom: And to ensure he does that; he's going to take Tatiana’s #1 Spot!!!
TV: (Corey Black)…"I'll take my rightful place in the main event of Evolution”
ICE: Or just say that boring line.
TV: (Corey Black)…"and Jill - you won't be camera-ready for quite a while afterward.”
Johnny: Who said she's camera ready now?
The Sitcom: And here comes Downfail...Up, Up and Go Away!!!
TV: (Downfall)…”You know... it's nice of you all to come out here and make your play.”
ICE: If this is a play, can Act 1 end already?
TV: (Downfall)…”It feels appropriately big time.”
Johnny: No it doesn’t.
TV: (Downfall)…”Main event.”
The Sitcom: Finally it’s time to watch me to splat the mat with RBD.
TV: (Downfall)…”You, all of you, have made your case and made it well for why you should be the ones that go to the finish line at Havoc.”
ICE: Have they actually?
TV: (Downfall)…”Why you, each one of you, has the right angle to be the one that takes on Jill Park.”
Johnny: Angle? Careful, management gets made when you break the fourth wall.
TV: (Downfall)…”But I think you're forgetting one single thing.”
The Sitcom: ‘Who the fuck is going to throw out the 400 pound new guy?’
TV: (Downfall)…"That title, that Jill has her little claws grasped around? I was never pinned for it. That's something that you - And YOU - And definitely you, Lissie... cannot say."
ICE: Dude is acting like he didn’t have a chance to pin someone before he lost the title.
TV: (Downfall)…”The obvious point there, is because you held the World title even less time than I ever had my hands on it”
Johnny: This is the equivalent of explaining your joke.
TV: (Downfall)…”and when you lost it last time... you were pinned, straight up. I was not.”
The Sitcom: Recapping Sydrome anyone?
TV: (Downfall)…”Regan Voorhees was the one who ate that pin, and Jill... Ever since that day, I never received another shot at it one-on-one again.”
ICE: When a toddler helps you with your reasoning.
TV: (Downfall)…”That's fine by me.”
Johnny: It’s clearly not, but okay.
TV: (Downfall)…”I made my own. I carved my own path, knowing that even if it was a roundabout way, I know my road would eventually take me back to it.”
The Sitcom: Sounds like my last Uber driver.
TV: (Downfall)…”But...”
ICE: These speeches have more butts than a softcore porn.
TV: (Downfall)…”Oh, sorry, we were discussing which of us had actually been World Champion in Action Wrestling and... I'm sorry, Tatiana, I didn't even notice you there to begin with”
Johnny: Who needs peripheral vision in a rumble match?
TV: (Downfall)…”but it wasn't as if you were ever part of that conversation anyway. Awkward."
The Sitcom: The only thing that’s awkward is how he keeps explaining his insults.
TV: (Downfall)…”But Lissie... you said one thing and one thing only that interested me.”
ICE: That’s one thing more than the rest of us heard.
TV: (Downfall)…”You knew to namedrop me, because deep down you know I am a threat.”
Johnny: The only real reason to namedrop is to get a good table.
TV: (Downfall)…”But you think of me... as someone that wants to take AW backward, to "devolve" it.”
The Sitcom: He wants Clash, LIVE from Bedrock.
TV: (Downfall)…”No, Lis. No, you couldn't be more wrong,”
ICE: In so many ways.
TV: (Downfall)…”and honestly it shows just the asinine, only wanting Lissie Hope to bear the torch and be the shining light for little girls everywhere, pick-me bitch attitude you're famous for.”
Johnny: I thought that was the Girl Scout’s motto.
TV: (Downfall)…”From day one... my mission statement has been simple.”
The Sitcom: ‘Please, Please, Don’t Hurt Me!’
TV: (Downfall)…”Yeah, I come to cause chaos. I come to tear down. I bring... anarchy.”
ICE: Guess Lissie was right; he’s now speaking caveman.
TV: (Downfall)…”In the past.”
Johnny: Here comes the recapping!!!
TV: (Downfall)…”But I've actually BEEN changing. I've BEEN evolving into something new this entire year. And your dumb ass is too blind to see it,”
The Sitcom: Downfall is about to tell us his preferred pronouns.
TV: (Downfall)…”because I'm not Regan or Serenity or one of your other "girlfriends" that you clap for when it's convenient for you”
ICE: They do more than clap on LesbianSpoofSex.com
TV: (Downfall)…”but only if you get to be the one that hands them their trophy.”
Johnny: Isn’t that the ref’s job?
TV: (Downfall)…”In point of fact, Lissie... when I win Havoc, and I go on to WIN that World title from you, Jill... I'm going to elevate it.”
The Sitcom: Downfail is talking about his series finale before his pilot episode has even been green lighted.
TV: (Downfall)…”I'll be honest...”
ICE: Doubtful.
TV: (Downfall)…”It is going to take razing you all to the ground in Havoc... but when it's over... I'm going to build something... a lot better in the aftermath.”
Johnny: The ultimate hypocritic statement to end it all...or not, damnit.
TV: (Downfall)…”Just ask Corey. He'll tell you how it worked for the Hardcore title... because I built my house over his broken ass body.”
The Sitcom: Considering Corey is standing there, healthy and a tag champ, that’s not exactly a mic drop moment.
Johnny: None the less, Pasternak made it one when he came out.
ICE: What was the point of this film study again?
The Sitcom: To remind me I can hang with anyone in the Havoc rumble.
Johnny: Was it? Honestly this promo started so long ago I forgot.