Spoiler Alert Clash and CruiserClash 2.13.23
Feb 9, 2023 11:40:50 GMT -5
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Karlie Nash, Downfall, and 1 more like this
Post by T.F.K. on Feb 9, 2023 11:40:50 GMT -5
Lights!
Camera!
ACTION!
Live Crowd: “AC-TION WREST-LING! AC-TION WREST-LING! AC-TION WREST-LING!!!”
The godlike camera runs through the live studio audience while “Moves Like Jagger” by Maroon 5 plays leading to TFK walking onto the stage wearing his sharpest dark blue Armani suit with a red tie, an early throwback to his early US title campaign as an beacon of American Made and Freedom Bred. TFK pulls his hair back into a ponytail and smiles at the crowd on his way to his desk made of mahogany.
Craig Lewis: “Ladies and gentleman, you’ve been without a true voice of the people for far too long and you have been following this industry without a true trajectory… But I, Craig Lewis, TFK’s personal Theatrical Movie Voice Guy, am PLEASED to bring you YOUR DIRECTOR OF ACTION WRESTLING!”
The applause light turns on and the audience clap along and cheer for TFK, who basks in their admiration.
TFK: “Thank you, thank you everyone and thank you Craig for that brilliant introduction as always and yes we are AC-TION WREST-LING, BAY BAY!! And this is TFK’s SPOILER ALERT! We are so pleased to have you with us tonight as we run down the results of our ‘predictions’, deliver upon you a new SPOILER for next week’s Clash and CruiserClash, and we bring out a new guest for my Casting Couch!”
Craig Lewis: “I gotta ask you, Thad, how you doing, bud? Are you feeling okay?”
TFK: “What are you talking about? I’m great! I’m TFK, bay bay!”
Craig Lewis: “That is true, but you also predicted only HALF of the correct winners for this week… 7 out of 14 to be exact…”
TFK: “The main event was a no contest, how does that even count? I predicted where it counted obviously…”
Craig Lewis: “Well, your new golden boy successfully tag teamed with Cedrone this week and your prediction gave a certain Leno a bit of fuel to win his shot against Alice Gemini…”
TFK: “My golden boy, eh? Just because I like the cut of his jib, doesn’t make him my golden boy… Who cares what Jay Leno’s 3rd cousin twice removed says anyways? He’ll get his 15 seconds of fame and he’ll move it along to the bingo halls like all of the other flash in the pans that Action Wrestling has had over it’s prestigious 5 years.”
TFK winks at the godlike camera and flashes his Million Dollar smile.
TFK: “What did Mr. Leno have to say, anyway, Craiger?”
Craig Lewis: “You didn’t watch Clash?”
TFK chuckles.
TFK: “Craiger, I am a busy man and I catch up on the good parts on Youtube, so obviously Mr. Leno wasn’t considered a HIGHLIGHT of Clash this past Monday… Besides I was doing very important casting at Exchange with Jens Jett…”
Craig Lewis: “You’re incorrigible… Good for you, I actually do my job on this show… Play the clip, fellas!”
TFK corrects Craig.
TFK: “Now, now, now, Craig, is that anyway to talk to our impressionable interns? How are they going to learn properly if we aren’t on the same page? Huh?”
TFK clears his throat for a second.
TFK: “ROLL THE FOOTAGE, STAGE MONKEYS!”
Brandon Leno #1 Contender to the US Title Speaks!
Jade sits with Brandon Leno in his locker room. He’s in tattered jeans and a peace necklace around his neck.
Jade Riley: I’m here with the number 1 contender for Alice Gemini’s United States title, Brandon Leno. Brandon, how are you feeling after last week’s win against Jessie Lee, James Freedom and Jonny Cedrone?
Brandon Leno: Well Jade, I’m feelin pretty damn groovy right now you know. I mean, I shut up TFK and beat his man James Freedom, as well as the other two with a sweet Mushiesault man! I did exactly what I said I would do. I got the dub, looked good doing it and I kept the title away from that greasy slimeball James Freedom. American hero my fuckin ass. I got what I wanted, and that's a rematch with Alice. I wanted another shot at her and I got it next week, and it's for the strap baby. So, I gotta say, it's a damn good feeling for Mr. Psychedelic man!
Jade Riley: It was reported that you showed up late to the arena that night. Is that true and why were you late?
Leno’s smile fades and his eyes narrow.
Brandon Leno: What are you doing Jade? I told you off camera to leave it alone. I’m warning you..leave it alone.
Jade Riley: Did you get reprimanded by GM Pasternak?
Brandon Leno: No comment…I’ll say this. Alice better be ready next week, because the Brandon Leno she beat a couple weeks ago, ain’t the same homeboy she’s going to see next week…I’m out…
Jade sits with Brandon Leno in his locker room. He’s in tattered jeans and a peace necklace around his neck.
Jade Riley: I’m here with the number 1 contender for Alice Gemini’s United States title, Brandon Leno. Brandon, how are you feeling after last week’s win against Jessie Lee, James Freedom and Jonny Cedrone?
Brandon Leno: Well Jade, I’m feelin pretty damn groovy right now you know. I mean, I shut up TFK and beat his man James Freedom, as well as the other two with a sweet Mushiesault man! I did exactly what I said I would do. I got the dub, looked good doing it and I kept the title away from that greasy slimeball James Freedom. American hero my fuckin ass. I got what I wanted, and that's a rematch with Alice. I wanted another shot at her and I got it next week, and it's for the strap baby. So, I gotta say, it's a damn good feeling for Mr. Psychedelic man!
Jade Riley: It was reported that you showed up late to the arena that night. Is that true and why were you late?
Leno’s smile fades and his eyes narrow.
Brandon Leno: What are you doing Jade? I told you off camera to leave it alone. I’m warning you..leave it alone.
Jade Riley: Did you get reprimanded by GM Pasternak?
Brandon Leno: No comment…I’ll say this. Alice better be ready next week, because the Brandon Leno she beat a couple weeks ago, ain’t the same homeboy she’s going to see next week…I’m out…
TFK: “Ugh, Brandon Leno is an ASS CLOWN, plain and simple and he could really wet the bed in the best of shots. He couldn’t hang with Alice Gemini or her worst day… I mean, let’s be honest here, Leno needs to go back to the Ringling Brother’s Circus and beg them to take his Psychedelic ass back.”
Craig Lewis: “That’s a low blow to the Ringling Brothers…”
TFK: “Enough about that ass clown, Craiger. Tell me, who did you get lined up as a guest for us this week?”
Craig smiles wide and it unsettles TFK.
TFK: “Oh no, not the Baba Yaga! Not again!”
Craig Lewis: “Nah, I’m just kidding. We actually got a special guest that you’ve been wanting on the show for a little bit now.”
TFK’s eyebrows lift.
Craig Lewis: “Now before you get your seat in the upright position, it’s not Jill Park.”
TFK frowns.
Craig Lewis: “Hit the music, Stage Monkeys!”
“Knuckle Up” by Snowgoons begins to play and TFK gets his smile back.
TFK: “Oh god, do you think she brought the MILF-Tourage???”
The music plays, but there is no sign of Karlie Nash… Or the Milf-Tourage.
Craig Lewis: “Karlie, it’s your time, come on out!”
Music continues and then one of the nerdy interns runs out to whisper to Craig.
Craig Lewis: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Intern: “No sir, she claims Thad… Mr. King is a dirty old perv and she will not lower herself to take part in anything on his Casting Couch…”
Craig Lewis: “You’re telling me she won’t come?!”
Soundboard: “CUM CUM CUM CUM!!!!”
Craig Lewis: “Not now! This is outrageous! She was the only person I booked for this show!”
TFK stands up from the desk and looks off stage.
Craig Lewis: “I’m sorry, Thad.”
TFK waves him off and starts to walk off stage.
Craig Lewis: “I said I was sorry, where are you going?”
TFK: “Shhhh, I’m thinking…”
Thad disappears off stage and Craig looks at the camera.
Craig Lewis: “Uh, we’ll be right back after a commercial break… THAD!”
Craig walks off stage and we go to a commercial break.
The screen wipes to white and it fizzles into a flash of different houses being worked on with a guy voice overing the shots.
V/O: “From the makers of Flip This House and Property Brothers. HGTV partners with J. King Studios to bring you the next big hit since The Vanilla Ice Project.”
scene with Anna Bell Peaks dressed in a black and blue school girl outfit and London Keyes dressed as a skimpy Nun. The two are smiling at the camera with a construction site behind them.
Anna Bell: "Is life keeping you pinned down?"
Anna Bell holds up some nails ready to be hammered into a plank of wood.
London: "Do you find it is too hard? Or not hard enough?"
London holds up a hammer.
Anna Bell: "Maybe you have something building up inside that you need to get off on my chest…"
Anna Bell presents her assets to the camera and London playfully chuckles.
London: "She means your chest."
Anna Bell snickers, acting a bit dittsy.
Anna Bell: "Right, your chest, of course."
London: "We've been taking for many years now and we are looking for a chance to finally give it to you."
Anna Bell: "That's right, London. We are kickstarting PornStars Lend A Hand."
London: "This new innovative show will insert us… Deep into your day to day to make sure you end it with a happy ending."
London winks at the camera.
Anna Bell: "Do you have stagnant clogged up pipes? Allow us to lend a hand."
Anna Bell pulls out a plunger and smiles playfully.
London: "Do you have an itch that you just can't scratch?"
London claws at the camera and purrs.
Anna Bell: "Or perhaps you need help learning a good breast stroke routine."
Anna Bell winks at the camera pressing her chest up a bit.
London: "Whatever it is…"
Anna Bell: "And we mean, whatever."
London: "Us and our girls know how to get our hands dirty."
Anna Bell: "And we know how to work it until the job is done."
London and Anna Bell smile at each other and then both wink at the camera.
London: "Remember, to stay tuned for PornStars Lend A Hand and it'll be a hand you'll never forget."
Anna Bell: "In my experience, one hand sometimes isn't enough… So be ready for more."
Anna Bell and London laugh, then pose to the camera as it pulls back.
V/O: “You heard the girls, don’t miss a moment of PornStars Lend A Hand COMING this summer to HGTV.”
The commercial ends and we are back with Craig sitting on his leather chair, awaiting TFK to return to the stage.
raig Lewis: “Thad?”
TFK walks back onto the stage holding a replica of the Action Wrestling United States championship over his shoulder and he is filled with all smiles.
Live Crowd: “Oooooooooo”
TFK places the belt in a camera shot on the Casting Couch, making sure the name plate can be seen with his Hall of Fame name on it.
Craig Lewis: “Really?”
TFK presents the title to the live studio audience and Craig.
TFK: “My very special guest here tonight, who will ALWAYS be my 1st choice, THEE ACTION WRESTLING UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!”
The Applause sign turns on and the live audience claps along.
TFK: “How’s it been, baby? I hope these knuckle draggers have taken good care of you…”
The camera looks to the championship and then back to TFK.
TFK: “You’re looking good, did you lose weight?”
Craig Lewis: “There’s a big difference in weight Champions between Alice Gemini and the last time you held the US Championship, Thad.”
TFK: “You’re beautiful and I gotta tell you, it has been wonderful to see you getting the spotlight once again. I can read the stars and the writing on the wall and I see hungry competitors eyeing you, my dear. Alice Gemini, I hope is treating you well and she knows what it means to fight for you, because that Ass Clown, Brandon Leno is going to fight tooth and nail for you… If he succeeds, I fear what kind of psychedelic shit he plans to do with you… But I also see that greasy Jonny Cedrone and Mr. James America angling for their own shot.”
Craig Lewis: “It’s really heating up, Thad and it definitely brings back memories of the battlefield that led to you becoming the FIRST AW US Champion… I mean a little less Dion and Big John offering up legit slobber knockers and more Glory Whores looking for their moment.”
TFK: “The current competitors circling my girl here, are top tier, Craiger, don’t down play them like that. I just don’t think they’re worthy of her, is all.”
Craig Lewis: “Even your golden boy?”
TFK: “He’s not my golden boy, but I do see a bit of me in him, is all…”
Craig Lewis: “Fine, he’s not your golden boy, but you do see him being worthy of the US title?”
TFK: “Not yet, but he has the opportunity to prove he can… TIme will tell, I suppose…”
Craig Lewis: “We do have a special gift for everyone at the end of the show, but I think we still have a few segments left, to fulfill, Thad.”
TFK eyes the Action Wrestling United States Championship in a longing fashion.
TFK: “They say absence makes the heart grow fonder…”
TFK blows a kiss to the title.
TFK: “I’m a believer.”
Craig Lewis: “Right… Well Thad, I figure it is time to move onto your Spoiler Alert Predictions for this week’s show then, yeah?”
TFK: “Right, uh yeah, but before we get into that, I’d like the AW Universe to see the results of my previous prediction from Clash and CruiserClash Monday 2/6/23. Throw those results up on the screen, Stage Monkeys!”
Clash and CruiserClash 2/6/23 results
Main Event
Gerard Angelo vs. Sam Kidsgrove
Winner: No contest :/
Television Championship
Jake Paul vs. Addy A(c)
Winner: Addy A
Keiji Ueno vs. Tyler Walker
Winner: Keiji Ueno
Hardcore Championship
Holden Ross vs. Downfall(c)
Winner: Downfall
James Freedom & Jonny Cedrone vs. Jessie Lee & Henry Lancaster
Winner: Freedom and Cedrone
Ellie Austin vs. Niobe Martin
Winner: Ellie Austin
#1 Contender for CBS Championship
Alister McKissick vs. Chase Jackson
Winner: Alister McKissick
CruiserClash
Main Event
#1 Contender Cruiserweight Championship
Zombie McMorris vs. Serenity Holmes vs. Jaice Wilds
Winner: Zombie McMorris
Lucha Libre Street Fight
Two Gents vs. La Familia Dorada
Winner: Two Gents
#1 Contender to the Womens Championship
Azurine Vebbins vs. Zara
Winner: ZARA
Mountain Dew Baja Blast Match
Dorian Bateman vs. Maylis Malpais
Winner: Maylis Malpais
J.C. Keeton vs. Leon Blackwell
Winner: J.C. Keeton
Punky vs. Rey Riddler
Winner: Punky
Doc Holiday vs. Alex Marley
Winner: Alex Marley
Results: 7/14 .5% HALF? HALF? HALF?
Craig Lewis: “I know it was half correct, but I have faith in your abilities here, Thad. I know you will have a better chance with this next batch of matches?”
TFK: “Come on, Craiger, I am still a damned professional. Of course I will.”
Craig Lewis: “Do you all believe, Thad has it in him to redeem himself with a clean sweep this week?”
Live Audience: “WOOOOOOOOO”
TFK: “See, they DO believe, now, Stage Monkeys bring it out!”
The geeky interns roll out a large dry erase board with all of the matches listed on it with names circled with Thad’s choices.
Action Wrestling's 5 Year Anniversary
Clash
Main Event
Chase Jackson vs. Spencer Adams
Winner: Spencer Adams
Reason: Fuck Spencer Adams lol but damn, he is in a funk after his last failure and this IS the 5 year Anniversary, so he’s going to be like Stella, looking to get his groove back against Chase Jackson.
United States Championship
Special Ref: James Freedom
Special Commentator: Jonny Cedrone
Brandon Leno vs. Alice Gemini(c)
Winner: Alice Gemini
Reason: Brandon Leno is talking trash toward the WRONG Action Wrestling Hall of Famer and he isn’t right for the Action Wrestling United States Championship. Did I mention that he’s a certified ASS CLOWN?
Television Championship
Submission Match
Jake Paul vs. Addy A(c)
Winner: Addy A
Reason: Jake Paul is a punk and he’s proving it every week… The world is against Addy and her TV title reign, but she is a damn fighter and she will do whatever it takes to retain.
#1 Contender to the Tag Team Championships
The Dirge vs. Odin Balfore & Corey Black
Winner: Oldin and Black
Reason: It pains me to say this about Oldin Balfore, but him and Black are legit LEGENDS of the squared circle and The Dirge couldn’t carry their jock straps. Sorry, fellas, this isn’t yours to win.
Tyler Walker vs. Dionysus
Winner: Dion
Reason: 5 year Anniversary and Dion is going to feel a certain tickle in his panties that’s going to give him the extra umph to pull this one out.
Showtime Championship
Hot Shot Wayne Austin vs. Der Metzger(c)
Winner: Der Metzger
Reason: I want to lean into the great American that is Hot Shot Wayne Austin, but Der Metzger is going to retain due to Hot Shot being more focused on his title he lost, which I completely understand.
Ellie Austin vs. Keiji Ueno
Winner: Ellie Austin
Reason: She is on a roll and I look forward to see how far she is willing to go.
Jessie Lee vs. Niobe Martin
Winner: Jessie Lee
Reason: Redemption… Jessie needs to regain the fear factor that made her great before… I feel sorry for Niobe Martin.
CBS Championship
Purity Rules
Alister McKissick vs. Tatiana Jolee(c)
Winner: McKissIT
Reason: I like this kid, but no I will not allow anyone to call him my golden boy. I think he’s a hell of a competitor and I will forever call him Alister McKissIT, because Tatiana is going to McKISS her CBS Championship goodbye this week.
CruiserClash
Main Event
Cruiserweight Championship
Zombie McMorris vs. Remy Nouveau(c)
Winner: Remy
Reason: Remy put the work in to win that Cruiserweight Championship and ZMac is going to be not so fresh coming off of a Superbowl drunken and drugged up bender from an Eagles loss to be able to truly focus on putting the beatdown on Remy, that he’s done to sooooo many in the past.
Womens Championship
Zara vs. Lissie Hope(c)
Winner: Lissie Hope
Reason: GOLD DIGGER… I needn’t say more. Lissie will literally DO whatever it takes to walk out champion, no matter the position, I’ve been told. LOL
Cruiserweight Tag Team Championships
Two Gents vs. Undrafted(c)
Winner: Undrafted
Reason: Two Gents battle to hell and back with La Familia Dorada. They’re not 100%, they can’t possibly be. Undrafted are coming off a Baja Blast induced HIGH right now and they seem to truly want to cling those titles tight.
Mexico Tag Team Championships
Mexican Nightmares vs. Red White & Bruised(c)
Winner: Mexican Nightmares
Reason: Karlie Nash snubbed me on my SHOW this week, I’m sorry Olympic Cougar Hunter, but I’m backing the Mexican Nightmares this week.
Leon Blackwell vs. Jaice Wilds vs. Alex Marley vs. Lazaro Vicente
Winner: Jaice Wilds
Reason: Lazaro knows what he did… Alex Marley can pretend to be meaner, but he’s still a selfish puff, puff, puff, puffer… Leon Blackwell is a manic mystery and he’s surrounded by seasoned competitors who are far too hungry… Jaice Wilds is back, bay bay and he’s even saving bitchy Latinas to boot. He’s a bonafide hero and he’s got a point to prove this week.
Doc Holiday vs. Azurine Vebbins
Winner: Doc Holiday
Reason: Doc is going to shake off the loss to Marley last week and he’s going to wage his own personal war against the roster… It kick starts at the expense of SCISSORING AZZURINE!
TFK: “The Action Wrestling Universe has a hell of a Monday night for wrasslin that’s been going on FOR 5 WHOLE YEARS and I know I’m really looking forward to it. How about you all?”
Live Audience: “WOOOOOOOOOO YEAH!!!!”
Craig Lewis: “As the kids say, LET’S GO!!! Ladies and Gentleman, thank you as always for joining us on Action Wrestling's Spoiler Alert. That was your host TFK, TFK’s EX The Action Wrestling United States Championship, and I am as always your loveable sidekick… Um hmm… (Theatrical Voice) CRAIG LEWIS!
TFK: “Check under your chairs, everybody! You guys are going to love this… NOW HIT THE MUSIC, STAGE MONKEYS!”
Moves Like Jagger from Maroon 5 starts to play as the live studio audience pulls out a US Weekly magazine out from under their chairs and TFK starts to dance his way to them pointing out the amazing custom cover.
As we fade out to black.