Lucha Libre Street Fight
La Familia Dorada vs. Two Gents
Jimmy Garcia: Our next contest is a major grudge match that has been building up for a while. La Familia Dorada have been looking to make a name for themselves, and in their path have stepped top-notch talent in the form of #TwoGents.Lexi Stone: Teo and Lazaro have become heated over their lucha pasts, and they've waged battles of attrition in recent weeks. This street fight is going to determine who comes out of this war as the top dog, and in many ways they both have something to pro…
"YOU WANT IT ALL RIGHT NOOOOOOW!!"
Blue Stahli's "UltraNUMB" hits the speakers as Jaice Wilds steps out to the entrance ramp. He smiles and waves to the crowd as they cheer en masse. Wilds heads over to the announce table, taking a seat and pulling a headset on.
Jimmy Garcia: Jaice! You weren't even scheduled tonight… you're not trying to tip the scales for La Familia tonight??Jaice Wilds: Jimmy, I have more integrity than that. Look, I won't deny that Lazaro and I share a certain level of respect. But I spoke to Joey Bunga and Alex Pasternak; I've given them my word that I won't be personally involved in tonight's outcome. I'm just here to give a unique perspective on the mic.Lexi Stone: It's good to have you, Jaice. Always fun to have active talent at the table. You're in a huge main event tonight too!The arena is electric as it awaits the next match, the sound of hushed whispers and eager voices mixing to create a buzzing, intense anticipation.
When all at once, all eyes are on the entrance ramp, as the lights shut off! There is a momentary murmur of confusion, but before anyone can process, a procession of individuals make their way to either side, dressed in what appears to be traditional aztec garb. As they make their way to position, the arena echoes with a loud, trumpeting noise!
The procession all turn at once, holding their hands aloft as the ‘Tron is filled with an image- dark as the night sky. They continue waiting as one man, who appears to be the leader of the group, steps atop a raised platform and points to the stars.
As he gestures, the arena is filled with a musical sound, quiet at first, but growing ever louder as the stars begin swirling in the night sky, passing by each other as the priest gestures, twisting and churning until- suddenly, a shape becomes clear amongst the night sky. There, in the dark, are two large constellations- and as the priest gestures, lines begin connecting the stars as the music grows louder, and louder, until at last it reveals a pair of Lucha Libre masks.
Smiling, the entire procession turns towards the crowd, and all together, throw their hands upward to the sky!
Ethan Miller: The following contest is a Lucha Libre Street Fight, and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, the team of Andre Jenson and Teo Blaze… #TwoGents!!
BWAAAAAAH!!
Perfectly on cue, a brassy Trumpet note echoes through the arena, and erupting on either side of the priest, launched from beneath the ramp, are the Two Gents! Both are wearing matching stone Aztec animal masks, obscuring their faces momentarily but it is unmistakably them. They land as the crowd erupts, and, without even needing to look, reach out with their free hand, each Gent giving the High Priest a signature fist bump as their music begins in earnest.
Jimmy Garcia: This is beautiful right here. #TwoGents paying tribute to the lucha libre history and paying homage to the greats!The Gents walk forward as the procession assembles behind them, holding out their hands as the Gents, clad in traditional priestly garb and wearing ceremonial masks, begin walking towards the ring. Each one holds his hands out to the audience for anyone who wants to share in a fist bump, and pause just as they arrive at the ring, turning and bowing to their entourage, who return the favor from the ramp. Finally, the Gents remove the masks to reveal their faces, which bear traditional Aztec War Paint
Jaice Wilds: Don't get it twisted. Teo may take some influence from the Lucha style, but neither of these tools are bona-fide luchadores. This is a ploy to gain favor, and they can shove it.As the Gents roll into the ring to greet the referee, they slap each other hard on the chest, each roaring in approval at the other before turning to the crowd and holding out their hands to the crowd to an eruption of cheers and applause!
Lexi Stone: The Two Gents are a real tour de force, being multiple time former tag team champions. As good as La Familia Dorada is, you have to wonder if the experience factor gives Teo and Andre an edge.Jaice Wilds: Teo is a hell of a talent. I'd be a fool not to acknowledge that. But these two guys have the kind of ego that allows them to slide based on past accomplishments. Did you see the trios match a few weeks back? Sure, Keeton took the fall; but only after these two realized that they weren't prepared to back their talk.Jimmy Garcia: But they really seem focused on getting back to basics as of late, and I feel that could give them the ability to back their words tonight.The music hits and Lazaro walks out slowly wearing his father’s gold luchador mask with black trim and black spots with black cat ears on top, gold arm bands, gold boots with gold kick pads, and gold trunks with black trim, he is accompanied by The Desert Rose Vandalia Valdez who is dressed in a gold top with black trim, gold shorts with black trim, and gold boots with black kick pads. Lázaro stands center stage and crosses his heart before throwing his two index fingers to the sky triggering Golden sparks to shoot up and fall to the ramp as he makes his way to the ring with his partner beside him.
Ethan Miller: From Guanajuato City, Mexico, they are La Familia Dorada.. The Golden Idolo Lazaro Vicente and The Desert Rose Vandalia Valdez!
Lázaro slaps a few hands before stopping at the stairs, he looks back and notices a small girl with her father and they give Lázaro a thumbs up before Lázaro turns back to the ring to ascend the top rope where he looks out to the surrounding crowd of fans. He points both index fingers up to the sky before leaping off to the mat. He hits the ropes before finding his way to his corner, adjusting his gold arm bands and giving his mask after kissing it to Vandalia who finishes posing to the crowd from the ring apron.
Jaice Wilds: Win or lose tonight, that man right there is the future of CruiserClash. A man of honor, respect, dignity… that man is going to be Cruiserweight Champion before the year is out, mark my words.Jimmy Garcia: Yeah, but you're not getting involved. Okay…Lexi Stone: If Jaice gave the top brass his word, I trust that he'll keep it. Besides, if he really respects Lazaro, why would he put an asterisk on the man's win column?Jaice Wilds: Thank you, Lexi.The referee calls for the bell, Lazaro and Teo starting in the ring. The two step to ring center, trading verbal jabs. Laz points back to his corner, referencing his father's mask, as Teo says something about his own history. Laz turns back and pushes Teo, Blaze returning with a hard shove in kind. Vincente comes back with a hard chop, Teo reeling slightly before coming back with one of his own. They continue to trade chop for chop for chop for a moment, their chests reddening.
Jaice Wilds: Now, if you've never been in this situation before, this shit hurts. You're laying everything you have into this open hand- what is often referred to as "knife edge"- chop, which is designed to make breathing a little more difficult and take some of that core strength from you.Lexi Stone: And it looks just as painful as it sounds!!A big chop from Teo sends Lazaro back a step, Teo dropping back before launching up with a lariat. Lazaro ducks, Blaze moving past him on momentum towards the ropes. Vincente follows as Blaze rebounds, the latter turning as the former passes- and just barely avoids a rebound springboard lariat. Vincente rolls into the superhero pose as Teo starts up, looking for the shining wizard. Lazaro shifts a bit, lifting Teo up and dropping him into a powerbo… no, Blaze reversing with the hurricanrana! Vincente manages to land on his feet as Teo hops up, the two jumping into matching dropkicks. Both land in a push-up position, spinning around to meet each other in the center of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Say what you want about these guys; there's a lot of amazing talent in these two guys. What a great start to this match!!Teo and Lazaro nod, each falling back to their respective corners to tag in their partners. Vandalia hops the ropes as Jenson climbs in between the top and middle, Valdez charging full-tilt across the ring. Jenson jukes as Vandalia attempts a spin kick, landing in the ropes. She comes back with a return lariat, which Andre quickly shifts into a standing armbar. Valdez flips backwards to relieve the pressure, attempting a backstabber. Andre follows the momentum and rolls back, pulling Vandalia into a pin.
1!!
2!!
Lexi Stone: And the kickout! Ms Valdez with a strong offense, but she really has to be careful facing Andre's experience factor.Jaice Wilds: Vandalia is as dangerous as she is beautiful, but you're right, Lex. She needs to be aware of these situations or she'll lose this one for La Familia.Vandalia rolls to a knee as Andre grins, holding up two fingers in mockery. Vandalia responds with a single finger salute, launching forward with a shoulder tackle. Jenson gets an arm down, flipping them over so he's on top. He rolls off, shaking his head before turning to face Valdez…
Jimmy Garcia: IS THAT PEPPER SPRAY?!?!Lexi Stone: It IS a street fight, so anything is legal!! La Familia throws the first big punch with that blast of mace!!Andre stumbles backwards, Vandalia running up and dropkicking him over the top rope. She flips him the bird again as she charges across the ring, rebounding and… high knee strike from Teo Blaze!!
Jaice Wilds: Teo there, using the Lucha Libre rules to become the legal partner. Again, this is not something American viewers are used to, and wrestlers have to learn to adapt to this style. It's fun to watch, but also very confusing if you're not used to it.Teo grabs Vandalia up, pulling her to her feet before hitting a snap suplex. Valdez reels, Teo running for the nearest set of ropes and hitting a springboard plancha! He keeps the cover, but Vandalia kicks out before one.
Jimmy Garcia: Teo has to stay on her!! Vandalia already used the pepper spray; what else has she got on her person?Jaice Wilds: Dangerous curves, Jimmy. Very. Dangerous. Curves.Lexi Stone: Are you… uh… are you and Vandalia…Jaice Wilds: Teo is smart enough here to grab up a patch of Vandalia's hair… well, as smart as any fool who would touch a Latina's curls in the middle of a fight…Vandalia lashes out, hitting Teo in the knee. He releases her hair, throwing a boot to her chin. She rolls off, Teo falling back a step before hitting a knee to the sternum. Vandalia reaches out, grabbing the nearest set of ropes and pulling herself underneath. Teo charges up, grabbing Valdez's hair once again and pulls her to her feet… a forearm to the groin levels Teo!! Blaze releases Vandalia's hair, Valdez jumping up and wrapping herself around the top rope as Lazaro tosses Teo up and over to the floor!!
Jaice Wilds: You see that? That's called teamwork!! Vincente and Vandalia using the lucha libre rules and their natural instincts as a duo to overcome Teo Blaze. Absolutely brilliant!!Jimmy Garcia: Vandalia just maced Andre Jenson and low blowed Teo Blaze. That's not brilliant, it's pathetic!!Jaice Wilds: All is fair in love and street fights. And La Familia LOVE street fights!!Lazaro drops back, running back up and hitting an almost magical tope con hiro onto a rising Teo Blaze!! Meanwhile, fans have helped Andre wash the pepper spray from his eyes with their bottled waters, and he's borrowed a replica United States Title belt from a fan. As Vandalia slides out of the ring towards Teo and Lazaro, Jenson runs around the ring and clocks Vincente from behind with the belt!! Lazaro falls as Vandalia looks on in shock, Jenson taking a quick breath before launching a super kick into Valdez!! Andre checks on Teo, who lashes out in confusion at first but then calms a bit when Andre assures his partner. Teo notices the belt, Andre explaining. Teo nods, pulling a marker from his boot and signing the title. Andre does the same before walking the title back to its owner, Teo looking under the ring.
Lexi Stone: #TwoGents with a nice gesture, signing that fan's replica belt. That's got to make it worth a little more…Jaice Wilds: Right. Two guys who have never held the title really make it that much better.Jimmy Garcia: They could always be future US Champs…Jaice Wilds: Unlikely.Teo grabs out a couple of chairs, a chain, a toolbox and a trash can, throwing each object into the ring. As the trash can lands, various items spill out into the ring. Teo picks up Valdez, tossing her into the ring as Jenson comes back to do the same with Vincente. Teo jumps onto the apron, climbing in and heading for the toolbox and rifling through its contents. Jenson rolls in, mounting Lazaro and tossing punches at El Idolo. Lazaro tries to defend himself, throwing his arms up, but isn't able to do much. Vandalia, however, had made it to her feet and dropkicks Jenson square in the jaw. Andre topples over as Teo looks up, shaking his head. He stands, a set of pliers in his hand. He walks over as Vandalia checks on Lazaro.
Jimmy Garcia: What in the world is Teo think…Lexi Stone: OH, GAWD!! THAT'S THE WOMAN'S NOSE!!Teo has locked Vandalia in a half Nelson, using the free hand with pliers to grab and twist Valdez's nose. She screams out in pain, Blaze unrelenting as he torques the hold. Lazaro gets up, grabbing Teo's arm and trying to twist it away from Vandalia's face, which only serves to further agitate the situation. Vincente is unsure of what to do as Vandalia continues to scream, twisting Blaze's arm towards her mouth to quiet her a bit… and Valdez starts biting Teo's arm like a rabid dog!! Andre is up and starts trading punches with Laz, but Vandalia has already begun to draw blood from Teo's arm.
Jaice Wilds: See what I mean? Dangerous with a capital DANGER.Lexi Stone: I mean, sure… even if it IS a little unsanitary…Teo releases his half-nelson, opting to slug the back of Valdez's head. Jenson has tripped over a chair, and Lazaro has mounted Andre to throw punches. The two roll around the ring trading jabs as Vandalia walks over to the trash can, Teo tending to his wound. Valdez tosses aside a roll of duct tape, some light tubes, a banjo… and grins as she pulls out an ample belt lined with fireworks. She lights a bottle rocket and starts towards Teo, who has patched the bite with the duct tape. He turns, Vandalia releasing the rocket as the light hits the bottom of the fuse… and explodes past Teo's face!!
Jimmy Garcia: That rocket just barely missed Teo!! That could have seriously injured him!!Jaice Wilds: But the burns from the flare still got him, and you have to wonder what kind of damage he'll have. At least his face SHOULD look a little better.Vandalia turns, noticing that Andre has turned the tables on Lazaro and planted the latter with a suplex onto the empty(?) trash can. Jenson turns as he stands, watching Vandalia pull another firework from her ammo belt. Jenson looks around, quickly grabbing a light tube before Vandalia can aim her Roman candle at him…
SUH-MAAAASH!!
Vandalia drops like a brick as the light tube shatters, losing grip of the Roman candle. Jenson turns, Lazaro is still barely moving and Andre picks up the candle. He looks back to Vandalia, taking a deep breath before…
Lexi Stone: NO. HE CAN'T SERIOUSLY BE…Jimmy Garcia: He's using the Roman candle to light ALL the fireworks on her ammo belt!! He's going to blow her body damn in half!!Jenson kicks Valdez out of the ring as he turns his attention back to Lazaro. Teo starts to his feet, dropping into a defensive position as Wilds sprints past him. Jaice slides down to Vandalia, pulling a knife from his boot and cutting the belt off her. He jumps onto the crowd barrier, slingshotting to the ring and jumping off the top rope as Jenson smashes a chair into Lazaro's back. #TwoGents look to the illegal man, who tosses the ammo belt straight into the air…
Jimmy Garcia: Jaice Wilds just saved Vandalia's life!! That ammo belt is dust!!Lexi Stone: But that light show is incredible!!Jaice lands on one knee in front of #TwoGents, who each have a chair in hand. Jaice shakes his head, raising his hands in defense as he explains himself. Teo and Andre hold back as Wilds slides out of the ring, walking back to the announce table. Andre drops his chair onto a pile, dragging Lazaro over to it. He signals to Teo, who walks over and lifts his chair high overhead. He hesitates for a moment, then slams the chair down onto Vincente's skull.
Lexi Stone: That wicked con-chair-to on Lazaro!! And that stack of chairs really has to add to the impact!!Jaice Wilds: I've been a victim of that move, and I can tell you that just one chair hurts. Multiple chairs means zero give, and the reverberation is going to mess with your equilibrium!Jimmy Garcia: I thought you said you weren't getting involved in the match?Jaice Wilds: I just saved someone's life and then walked the fuck away. If I get suspended for avoiding a LITERAL death, so be it.Jenson drops into a cover as Teo turns to check for Valdez.
1!!
2!!
3!!
Jimmy Garcia: No!! Vandalia just dropkicked that chair into Teo's face, causing him to fall on Jenson and break the count at the last possible second!!Lexi Stone: But La Familia is in a bad way; can they come back to win??Jaice Wilds: If not, they've put up a hell of a fight!Jenson gets to a knee, looking up as Vandalia grabs a light tube and starts for Teo. Andre charges up, grabbing the light tube and pulling it from Vandalia's hands. Valdez turns, smacking Andre across the face. Jenson rubs his cheek, shaking his head as he looks at Vandalia. She smacks him again, this time Jenson takes a step back. He steps up, taking a hard swing with the light tube…
SUPER SUH-MAAAASH BROS!!!
Lexi Stone: Vandalia ducked!! Jenson just took out his own partner with that light tube!!Jimmy Garcia: Teo was barely getting up, and now he's right back on the mat thanks to Jenson!!Jaice Wilds: Now, there's a twist.Jenson looks down at his partner, absolutely shocked. Vandalia takes advantage, scooping Andre up into a school boy! She's got the tights!!
1!!
2!!
Jimmy Garcia: Jenson just barely kicks out at 2 ½!!Jaice Wilds: Better men have escaped lesser odds. But good for Andre.Vandalia quickly rolls out of the ring as Andre starts up, agitated. He takes a moment to survey the scene, opting to check on his partner. Teo comes to, shaking out the cobwebs as he allows himself to be aided to his feet by Jenson. Vandalia pulls a table out from under the ring, Jenson rolling out of the ring as Teo rubs his head. Behind Blaze, Lazaro slides a ladder into the ring and jumps in himself. Teo turns, Laz throwing a punch that is blocked and returned. The two trade shots back and forth as Jenson and Vandalia are going back and forth shoving the table into each other on the outside.
Jimmy Garcia: The chaos!! The excitement!! So much going on here…Lexi Stone: I've lost track of who's even legal right now!!Jaice Wilds: Well, lucha rules state that Teo and Laz would be legal since they're actually inside the ring at the moment… but that could change on a dime, the way things are going!Vandalia is shoved into the crowd barricade, slumping into a heap. Jenson takes the table, setting it up just off the apron.
Meanwhile, Vincente lands a brutal dropkick that topples Teo over the top rope, though the latter manages to hang onto the middle rope and land on the apron. Lazaro sets up the ladder almost touching the ring ropes, throwing an elbow at a rising Teo. He starts to climb the ladder as Vandalia is drug to her feet, Andre pulling her towards the table.
She comes to life, the two trading blows as Teo breathes heavily, pulling all his remaining energy into a huge effort. He jumps onto the top rope, then onto the top rung of the ladder where Lazaro is caught by surprise. Teo hits an elbow that rocks Lazaro, who holds on and comes back with an open palm. Andre swings at Vandalia, who ducks and tries to dropkick Jenson onto the table. Jenson topples over, but quickly turns around to face Valdez and throws a punch. Lazaro and Teo trade elbows at the top of the ladder, looking for an upper hand as Vandalia is pulled onto Jenson's shoulders.
Jimmy Garcia: THIS IS GETTING CRAZY!!Valdez gets out of it and lands on the table and she kicks Jenson right in the face! Valdez turns around and gets into the ring and climbs up the ladder underneath Teo! Teo keeps throwing right hands on Lazaro!
Finally Jenson gets to the apron and springboards up to the top rope and then jumps into the air and dropkicks Lazaro off the ladder!!
Lexi Stone: WHOA!!Teo just twists his body and hits a sunset powerbomb on Valdez!!
HE HOOKS THE LEGS!!
ONE!!
TWO!!
THREE!!
DING DING DING
Jimmy Garcia: WOOOOWWWW!!Lexi Stone: TWO GENTS WIN!The crowd pops as everyone is laid out in the ring!
Ethan Miller: THE WINNERS OF THIS LUCHA LIBRE STREET FIGHT IS TWOOOOO GEEENNTTSSS!!
The crowd pops again as Teo and Jenson sit up and crawl towards each other to regroup!
Jaice Wilds: What a great match!Jimmy Garcia: What a way to kick off this CruiserClash!Lexi Stone: I LOVED IT!We fade to a commercial break as the four superstars sell the shit out of it!