Post by Ned the Intern on Jan 25, 2023 12:29:48 GMT -5
Live from Jeunesse Arena in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Capacity: Capacity: 18,768
The Jeunesse Arena is packed with close to nineteen thousand rowdy fans as they await the start of a one-night tournament to crown the Action Wrestling TOPEFED.COM Tag Team Champions. To kick things off, Brazil natives Sepultura rock the heckin’ arena with their tasty jam “Roots Bloody Roots”.
Once finished playing, pyro shoots off from the stage and the camera pans all over the arena. There are plenty of signs like “MAKEWRESTLE.COM” and “WTF IS THIS?!” and “PAT PATTERSON WAS HERE!”. We then go to the broadcast booth where C. Martin McClure and Luke Pierce are standing by to call all of the action.
Luke Pierce: It’s Wednesday, folks! You know what that means!
C. Martin McClure: No, I don’t, actually. I was enjoying my morning walk in Oshkosh, Wisconsin yesterday… when all of a sudden, I was jumped by unknown assailants and a hood was put over my head. Next thing I know, I get really sleepy… and wake up in Rio de Janeiro!
Luke Pierce: That’s quite a tale, McClure. I flew first class to get here.
C. Martin McClure: What are we doing here? There are a ton of fans and some kind of Spanish writing on the banners… but it’s not Spanish. I am moderately fluent in Spanish, as you know.
Luke Pierce: That is Portuguese for Doubles Tournament. Action Wrestling has teamed up with NOW That’s Wrestling – shout out to NOWTHATSWRESTLING.COM – to present the Action Wrestling TOPEFED.COM Tag Team Championship Tournament!
C. Martin McClure: That’s outrageous! Who in their right mind would pour this nonsense out of their brain?! WHO?!?!
Luke Pierce: Exactly, McClure.
C. Martin McClure: Huh?
Luke Pierce: Let’s kick things off right with our opening contest, pal!
C. Martin McClure: Hold up, Pierce! They brought that dork Josh Rueden here, too!?
Luke Pierce: Yeah, and he also flew first class to get here!
C. Martin McClure: THAT’S BULLSH–
First Round Match
Ruthless Rage vs. Cool Kidds
“Kids in America” by Kim Wilde starts to play as two young dudes run out onto the stage.
Josh Rueden: Making their way to the ring… at a combined weight of 321 pounds… Johnny B. Cool… Marty Kidd… THE COOL KIDDS!
They slap hands all around the ring before sliding in. They high five and await their opponents. “Genocide” by Ra starts to play as two grizzly dudes storm out onto the stage.
Josh Rueden: And their opponents… at a combined height of 12’ 3”... from Hill of the Dead, Wisconsin… RUTHLESS RAGE!
They storm right to the ring and enter, then go right at the Cool Kidds without any further delay. The opening bell tolls and the match is underway.
C. Martin McClure: Okay, it’s pretty clear that Ruthless Rage is going to win the tournament. Right?
Luke Pierce: Well, the audience of one watching this event at home just happens to be the architect of it all and–
C. Martin McClure: I’ve had enough of this tomfoolery! I will have no part in–
McClure gets up and tries to walk away, only to get tased by security. He plops back down in his chair, yelling out in agony.
Luke Pierce: Yeeeeah. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.
The match continues with Ruthless Michael Wayne and Raging Nathan Gust (no, not *that* Nathan Gust, but also, like… kind of) mollywhopping both Cool and Kidd. Wayne pitches Kidd out of the ring, sending the guy crashing hard onto the outside. Gust whips Cool into the corner so hard that Cool drops to his ass, and Wayne crushes him with a cannonball splash. Gust pulls Cool up and grabs him by the throat. Wayne grabs the back of Cool’s neck. They double chokeslam him into next Tuesday, pal.
C. Martin McClure: HELLUVACHOKESLAM!!!
Gust covers Cool and referee TJ Bowles makes the count.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
The closing bell tolls and “Genocide” by Ra starts to play.
Winners = Ruthless Rage
First Round Match
Denizens of the Grave vs. O.D.D. Squad
"Progenies of The Great Apokalypse" by Dimmu Borgir blasts out of the heckin’ speakers and two big, bad monster storm out from backstage.
Josh Rueden: Introducing… the masked deathmachines… Genocide and Deathstar… DENIZENS OF THE GRAVE!
The fans boo the heck out of these dudes as they huff and puff all the way to the ring.
“No Words” by Hopsin kicks in and… uhh…
C. Martin McClure: Is that a luchadore Abraham Lincoln?!
Luke Pierce: ¡Si!
C. Martin McClure: And is that… a ROBOT?!
Luke Pierce: 01000001 01100110 01100110 01101001 01110010 01101101 01100001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01100101 00101110
Josh Rueden: And their opponents… Lincoln Parka and Wrestlebot3000… THE O.D.D. SQUAAAAAD!!!
Winners = Denizens of the Grave
First Round Match
Team MACKAID vs. L.E.W.D.
C. Martin McClure: What a strange match that was! And next up–-
“This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan plays and the fans tip their cups while throwing their hands up as two dudes come out from backstage.
Josh Rueden: Making their way to the ring at this time… Mack Davidson and Nick Kincaid… TEAM MACKAID!!!
They slap hands on the way to the ring. "Bawitdaba" by Kid Rock starts up and the fans boo because Kid Rock sucks. Two guys walk out onto the stage, looking disinterested in being there.
C. Martin McClure: I like these guys already!
Josh Rueden: And their opponents… Danny Legend and Teddy Gotch… THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY WRESTLING DUDES!!!
They walk down the–
Winners = Team MACKAID
First Round Match
Schorg Bros vs. Dos Villanos
“Si Señor” by Control Machete plays and two nearly identical masked wrestlers walk out from backstage.
Josh Rueden: Introducing first… from Tijuana, Mexico… Legion and Doom… DOS VILLANOS!!!
"YEET SKRT (remix)" by Pete Davidson x Timothee Chalamet kicks the heck in and the fans go bonkers as a legendary heckin’ team comes out from the back.
Josh Rueden: And their opponents… from Ozone Park, New York… Chris and Ricky… THE SCHORG BROS!
C. Martin McClure: These gen z dorks are going to get wrecked by my favorite luchadore tag team!
Luke Pierce: This is the first time you’ve seen Dos Villanos though.
C. Martin McClure: You don’t know what I’ve seen!
Luke Piece: Okay. Well, here we–
Winners = Schorg Bros
MUSICAL GUEST PERFORMS
Second Round Match
Denizens of the Grave vs. Team MACKAID
C. Martin McClure: I’ve got a lot of money riding on this second round match!
Luke Pierce: Oh yeah? Who did you bet on?
C. Martin McClure: BOTH TEAMS!!!
Winners = Denizens of the Grave
Second Round Match
Ruthless Rage vs. Schorg Bros
“Genocide” by Ra starts to play as two grizzly dudes storm out onto the stage.
Josh Rueden: Introducing first… at a combined height of 12’ 3”... from Hill of the De–
Winners = Ruthless Rage
MUSICAL GUEST PERFORMS
TOPEFED.COM Tag Team Championship Tournament Finale
Denizens of the Grave vs. Ruthless Rage
Luke Pierce: What an exciting night of action-packed action it has been, folks! And now it’s time for the main event!
C. Martin McClure: I really have to pee… but I’m afraid of being tased again.
Luke Pierce: Why don’t you just pee in a Gatorade bottle?
C. Martin McClure: I worked at FedEx, not Amazon.
Luke Pierce: How close are we to the Amazon Rainforest?
C. Martin McClure: Do I look like Mapquest?!
Luke Pierce: Not one bit.
C. Martin McClure: Great banter.
Luke Pierce: Great banter.
"Progenies of The Great Apokalypse" by Dimmu Borgir blasts out of the heckin’ speakers and two big, bad monster storm out from backstage.
Josh Rueden: Introducing… the masked deathmachines… Genocide and Deathstar… DENIZENS OF THE GRAVE!
The fans boo the heck out of these dudes as they huff and puff all the way to the ring.
“Genocide” by Ra starts to play as two grizzly dudes storm out onto the stage.
Josh Rueden: And their opponents… at a combined height of 12’ 3”... from Hill of the Dead, Wisconsin… RUTHLESS RAGE!
They storm right to the ring and enter, then go right at the Denizens of the Grave without any further delay. The opening bell tolls and the match is underway. The two teams brawl all over the heckin’ place until TJ Bowles forces them to separate, making one man from each team go to the apron. Wayne and Genocide starts the match off for their respective teams. The two combatants go for the lock up, only for Wayne to kick Genocide in the gut. He pulls Genocide over toward the corner and Genocide fights back, connecting with a few punches that rock Wayne back. Genocide taunts Wayne, only for Wayne to scoop him up and plant him with a death valley driver. He goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
Luke Pierce: Deathstar makes the save! I thought the match was over!
Deathstar goes back to the apron in his corner. Wayne looks surprised, thinking he had this match already won in the opening minutes. Wayne pulls Genocide off the mat and goes to tag Gust, but Genocide surprises him with a Mexican Legsweep. Genocide scrambles to the corner to tag in Deathstar, who steps in and immediately stomps away at Wayne. Deathstar pulls him up and shoves him into the corner, unleashing hellfire and brimstone in the form of punches. TJ Bowles urges him to get Wayne out of the corner. He reluctantly obliges and instead pulls Wayne in close, hitting him with a massive belly to belly suplex. He goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
Wayne has kicked out and Deathstar looks angry… or angrier. It’s hard to gauge his anger… because of the mask. Deathstar drags Wayne up and looks over to Genocide. He stands Wayne up and goes for a kick. Wayne catches his boot. Wayne swings his leg down and clocks him with a massive lariat. He goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
Wayne is the first up and he stumbles back to his corner. Gust tags in. Gust comes in hot and ducks all kinds of wild punches from Deathstar. He catches Deathstar with a strong punch combo, ending with an elbow smash. Deathstar drops to his hands and knees. Gust follows up with a fist drop to the back of the head. Deathstar drops to the mat.
C. Martin McClure: CLOSED FIST! CLOSED FIST! DISQUALIFY HIM, ZEBRA!!!
Luke Pierce: I don’t think punching something in the back of the head warrants a disqualification, McClure.
Gust rolls Deathstar over and covers him.
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
Gust gets up and rages the heck out, and the fans heckin’ love it. This gives Deathstar time to recover as he slowly gets to his feet. He walks up behind Gust and taps him on the shoulder. Gust turns and throws a punch. Deathstar ducks it. Gust hits the ropes and Deathstar nails him with a popup powerbomb, then goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!!
NO!!!
Luke Pierce: What a maneuver!
The crowd goes insane, thankful that Gust kicked out. Deathstar gets up and argues with the referee, threatening to end his life if he doesn’t get his shiz together. He then looks over at Genocide, who is begging to get back into the ring. Deathstar nods his head and tags Genocide in. All of this has given Gust time to tag in Wayne. Genocide and Wayne charge at one another. Genocide leaps up and takes Wayne down with a Aloysius Thesz Press, then lays in some heavy strikes. Gust comes in and hits Genocide with a knee strike. Genocide goes down hard. Deathstar comes in and locks Gust from behind, hitting him with a Signature Slam! Deathstar lets out a mighty roar only to be cut off by a strong style knee strike from Wayne. He pulls Deathstar up onto his shoulders and tries to cradle the head, but Genocide makes the save and pulls Deathstar from danger. Then Gust hits Deathstar with...
C. Martin McClure: GUST TO SLEEP!!!
Deathstar spills through the ropes and crashes to the outside. Genocide eats a sandwich elbow smash from Ruthless Rage! Much like earlier in the night, they perform a devastating double chokeslam to Genocide, dropping him to the mat. Wayne covers Genocide and the referee drops down to count.
ONE!
TWO!!
THREE!!!
The closing bell tolls and “Genocide” by Ra blares throughout the arena.
Josh Rueden: The winners of this match and first ever Action Wrestling TOPEFED.COM Tag Team Champions… RUTHLESS RAAAAAAAAGE!!!!!
Winners = Ruthless Rage
CLOSING SEGMENT
Luke Pierce: And with that decisive victory… Ruthless Rage have added their fourth tag team championship!
C. Martin McClure: They now rule over NOW That’s Wrestling, No Regrets Wrestling, Wisconsin Professional Wrestling, and Action Wrestling TOPEFED.COM!
Luke Pierce: What a strange and exhilarating tournament this has been, McClure! Now we can all fly back to Wisconsin for NOW Winter Warfare, taking place this Saturday at The Dome in Neenah!
C. Martin McClure: Can I fly back first class, or are they going to knock me out again?
Luke Pierce: That's up to you, McClure. Are you going to plug the tickets for Saturday's event?
C. Martin McClure: Sure. The show is already half sold out and tickets are on sale at NOWTHATSWRESTLING.COM! Use promo code NOW10 to save 10%! You can also watch the show for FREE at youtube.com/nowthatswrestling starting at 6pm central standard time!
Luke Pierce: Also, hey, go to MAKEWRESTLE.COM right away and pick up the latest merchandise from NOW That's Wrestling... including a bunch of great Ruthless Rage shirts! Promo code NOW10 also saves you 10% there, too!
C. Martin McClure: But the only truly great shirt is a McClure Family shirt, pal!
The show fades out on Ruthless Rage celebrating in the middle of the ring.