Post by Ellie Austin on Jan 14, 2023 18:23:13 GMT -5
The uneasy anxiety of a dark bedroom rushes through my head as I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling. I would love to admit that this doesn’t happen too often but the truth is that this is becoming an every night experience. I lay here and every time I close my eyes I am brought back to that night and as much as I try to block it out I just can’t.
Have you ever felt that way?
That’s what I wish I could ask you. That and why did you do this to me?
Because it’s all your fault I’m like this. It’s your fault I have to wake up every morning and paint on the mask that everything is ok but do you care? No. You could care less. That’s why I’m alone. Always alone.
But you? You aren’t alone. Your life is full now. You waive it in front of my face with every story. Every post. Every picture collage. Every goddamn BeReal that’s filled with the million things you do in a day that’s better than me. I hate it. I hate you. And I love you.
Do you love me?
Do I love me?
I roll over and grab my phone that’s laying in the bed next to me. The screen lights up and I just want there to be a text from you. But there isn’t. There’s not a text from anyone. Just a wall of notifications telling me that people like my Instagram post from earlier tonight. So many notifications which should validate my posting the photo from earlier but the one like, the one heart that I want to have isn’t there.
I stare at the photo and while I’m upset about you not liking it, I do love what it represents. The next chapter of my life. For the past year I have hustled and worked my ass off for this moment. My deal with Action Wrestling finally kicks in.
I’ve been an ambassador for Action Wrestling and it’s been a blast! I’ve loved it. It’s given me a chance to interact with the fans and to begin interacting with people in the wrestling world. I think I’ve begun to show them that this isn’t something I’m doing for the money or social media clout. I’m in it for the long haul. I’m in it because I love everything about it.
So far I’ve been able to appear on a few house shows and have been able to get some reps in but now it’s time to ramp up. My first match on television is coming up rapidly and I can’t believe it! I’m so excited!
But with that excitement comes the wishing and wanting to have someone there with me to enjoy it all. To have you there. And there you are not. Whose fault is it? Is it mine like you say? Is it yours because you gave up on us? Can we get it all back?
These are the thoughts that run through my mind every night.
Action Wrestling Universe! What’s up?! Ellie here! I just wanted to come on quick and tell all of you how excited I am to finally get to see all of you in person! For the first time coming up I will be in the ring on television! It's been a long journey and as my collegiate career ends a new door opens. That door for me is Action Wrestling and I couldn't be more excited to see all of you! Keep up with me on my social media to see when my first match for sure will be and I will see you all soon! Love ya!