Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:02:51 GMT -5
The following Broadcast was filmed before a live studio audience on Christmas Eve. The version you are about to see has been edited to meet broadcast standards and formatting.
Ah, Christmas! The trees, the snow, the crisp winter air, there’s something truly magical about it all! And when it comes to magic, you’d be hard pressed to find a duo more magically inclined without a midnight trip to Las Vegas! Yes, indeed, for standing on a studio sound stage made up charmingly to completely and totally replicate Andre Jenson’s own living room stand the Two Gents! Mugs of cocoa, santa hats, and matching sweaters greet them as the audience gives them rapturous applause. Teo Blaze: Ah, it’s good to be back home for Christmas, eh bud? Andre Jenson: I’ll say! Why it’s darn near impossible to describe with words! Teo Blaze: And that’s what they’re paying us to do! The sound of audience laughter fills the room.
Andre Jenson: But say Teo, you know what’s funny?
Teo Blaze: What’s that buddy?
Andre Jenson: We’ve got all these folks here spending Christmas with us, enjoying an evening of cocoa and merriment- but despite all of this joy and camaraderie, I can’t help but find it hard to put into words just what we’re feeling right now. Teo Blaze: Well, you know what I always say, buddy!Andre Jenson: If any team so much as scratches those tag belts they’re gonna have a Blazing knee in their stocking? Teo Blaze: No, not that! More audience laughter.Teo Blaze: I say that when you can’t find the words to say something at Christmas time, the best way to say it is with a Holiday Song!Andre Jenson: Oh ho ho ho?Teo turns and reaches for a book of carols as a musical chord fills the room!
Teo Blaze: It’s the most Action-ey tiiiime of the year!!
Oh the steel chairs are swinging
And ring bells are ringing
And mayhem aboooooounds!
All those A-Double-U Christmas-ey Sounds! Andre Jenson: Oh I think I get it! It’s the most Action-ey tiiiime of the year!!
With the merch and concessions
From all the professions
And gimmicks we know
Oh it’s an A-Double-U Christmas-ey shoooow!
Teo Blaze:
We’ve got Tables and ladders
And rivals are madder
Than any you’d see on the street. Andre Jenson:
And let’s not be forgetting
That some will be getting
The bittersweet taste of defeeeat!Both: Oh! It’s the most Action-ey tiiiime of the year!!
So just sit back, enjoying
The love we’re deploying
Cause ready, set, goooooo!
It’s an A-Double-U show! Yes an A-Double-U Show!
It’s an A-Double-U Christmas-ey shooooooooooooooooooow! The Gents take a bow as the audience gives them a round of applause and Teo Takes the mic.
Teo Blaze: Hey, we’ve got a great show for you tonight here, everyone, but it’s time for our first commercial break, be back soon! The broadcast temporarily cuts to commercial.
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 335
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:07:12 GMT -5
As the Scene come back from Commercial, the Gents are sitting around the dining room table, with a plate of delicious christmas vittles. Teo Blaze: Say Andre, where do you suppose that all this Christmas food comes from? Andre Jenson: I try not to think about it too much. Teo Blaze: No, I mean, think about it! All those Christmas hams, it must come from somewhere…Say, I bet I know someone who knows about these things! But I wonder how she’s spending her holiday? Andre Jenson: Hmm…I wonder… As the Gents ponder to themselves, the scene fades away, transitioning to a very different venue indeed….
"A Pig of Christmas Future" by Regan Voorhees
Ominous thunder booms and lightning tears through the sky over Birmingham, an ill omen on Christmas Eve. Jolly Ol’ Saint Nick and his sleigh full of presents are nowhere to be seen, not this year. The home of Regan Voorhees is bereft of holiday cheer, utterly lacking in Christmas sentiment. Even the artificial, recyclable tree sits cooked in the living room, the porcine angel at its apex ready to topple at any moment. A fire crackles in the hearth, fueled by the fire of naturally fallen cedars. Regan stares in the flames as she sits, not on any of her furniture, but on the floor. The Duchess is shoeless, her pants suit disheveled, with a single empty bottle of local eggnog beside her. The second bottle is already half empty. She stares into the flames as she drinks. Regan Voorhees: This tastes like ass. She drinks again. Regan Voorhees: Oh what a rapturous year finally drawing to a close. If it weren’t dangerous and wasteful, let us say dangerously wasteful, I would dump gasoline on this fire in a heavy handed bit of symbolism that literally anyone could understand. But fuck that, I’m not moving.Lightning flashes and thunder echoes with it, illuminating a hooded figure. The figure trots forth on four hooves, a black hood not quite hiding its snout. Regan glares at it. Regan Voorhees: No now, Atticus. Mommy’s shitfaced. He trots closer, pulling a photo from within his robe, using just his teeth. He drops it in front of her. Young, less nihilistic Regan, a photo from the day she successfully convinced an Alabama court to deport a man to Canada(He wasn’t from there) for kicking a duck that attacked him while he was jogging. Regan Voorhees: Was I ever that young? She drinks again. Atticus nudges the photo closer. Regan Voorhees: I get it, we’re doing a Christmas Carol. Regan of Christmas Past. The robed pig oinks in agreement. Regan Voorhees: Yes, Regan of Christmas Present is, as we established, obliterated on eggnog. Cheers or something. Good will toward… well, just you, I guess. Atticus sits, the robe’s hood doing an especially bad job of hiding his identity or the fact that he’s not a skeleton. Regan Voorhees: Fine, whatever, show me what an asshole or failure or failure asshole I am in the future and get me to change my ways. The Duchess stumbles to her feet, collecting her glass, then collecting the bottle. Regan Voorhees: I’m bringing this.As the scene fades back in, the Gents offer a smile and a wink as we go to our next commercial break.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:12:41 GMT -5
Teo: And now we have a little message from someone who needs no introduction! Jenson: Which is fine, but he’s insisted on getting one anyway. Teo: A man so full of Holiday cheer and joy after the 2022 he’s had! Jenson: Yes! Which is why his introduction is negligible at best, I mean wow - what a superstar he is! Teo: Yes he’s our world Champion, the self proclaimed best in the business, the man at the top of the mountain! Jenson (Simultaneously): Sam Kidsgrove! Teo (Simultaneously): Gerard Angelo! Jenson: Wait, who?
"A Holiday Message" by Gerard Angelo Our scene cuts away to a beautiful beach. Blue sky, turquoise water, white sand, very picturesque. A very tan Gerard Angelo is sitting in a directors chair that's set up in the sand, he's dressed in just a pair of swim shorts and his nose is painted white with sun screen. He seems to be agitated, arguing with someone off screen. Gerard Angelo: ...my vacation time. I don't even remember signing up for CrusierChristmas or whatever they're calling it. Huh? What the f@#$ is a Two Gents? Wait, what do you mean we're rolling?!? Gerry's face changes from agitated to his usual cocky smirk and leans back in the chair. Gerard Angelo: Hello Gents. Sorry I couldn't make it to your holiday special this year. Being half naked on a tropical beach with a bevy of beautiful women just sounded better than doing a sketch show. But being the benevolent World Champion I am, I sent you both Christmas gifts. Gerard reaches down off camera and holds up a stack of BluRay cases. Gerard Angelo: It's a BluRay collection of all my movies! Now instead of watching A Christmas Story and it's slightly racist rendition of Deck The Halls for the umpteenth time, you can curl up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa and watch classics like Under the Willow Tree and Spies International. It's much better than that stupid Die Hard remake. Gerry drops the stack unceremoniously to the sand. Gerard Angelo: No need to thank me. Just spreading some holiday cheer. And folks what better gift can you give to the wrestling fan in your life than a movie featuring the greatest of all time? Happy Holidays, I'm gonna go get s#$&faced. I want one of those drinks in a coconut. Gerard gets out of the chair and exits to shot before we cut back to the Gents, slightly confused.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:13:22 GMT -5
Jenson: Who was that?
Teo: Gerard Angelo! Our World Champion! World famous Actor!
Jenson: I don’t watch movies bud, I’m just full of Christmas Cheer!
Teo: Don’t you part own a studio? And Best Buy?
Jenson puts his fingers to Teo’s lips to shush him.
Jenson: That’s not important, what is important is songs! Christmas songs that bring cheer and joy around the world and what better song to jump into right now other than Frosty the Snowman!
Teo Blaze: Haven’t the people heard that one enough already?
Jenson: Come on, it’s tradition!
Teo Blaze: If I sing it, I’m singing it my way.
Jenson: You sing it your way, I’ll sing it the right way! Hemhemhem!
Frosty the Snowman was a jolly happy soul! With a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal!
Teo Blaze: Frosty the snowman was a signee to the fed And the children say he could laugh and play through a steel chair to the head!
Andre Jenson: Those aren’t the wor- oh, there must have been some magic in that old silk hat they found!
Teo Blaze: But magic wouldn’t help when you take a tombstone on the ground!
Andre Jenson: Oh Frosty the snowman, was alive as he could be!
Teo Blaze: Though the bumps and sprains give him awful pains that need physical therap-
The audience is rife with laughter as Jenson rolls his eyes at his friend. Teo shrugs innocently before the duo both share a hearty laugh as we go to the next commercial.
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:17:47 GMT -5
"Unexpected Guests" by Karlie Nash Teo and Andre have finished up singing Frosty The Snowman as the crowd applauds the doorbell rings. Teo: Well let’s see who that could be. Teo opened the door, the crowd ohh and aww as the next guest is Karlie Nash who is accompanied by Audrey Vebbins. Karlie: Teo, always a pleasure. Karlie and Audrey enter the house. Just as Teo is about to close the door the camera catches a long stretched limo pull up, the camera stays on the limo as the driver opened the door and Nikola stepped out dressed to the nines, the driver walks around to the other side and opens the door, out steps Football legend Tom Brady, Tom and Nikola walk to the door. Tom: Nice to meet you Mr. Blaze. Nikola: Teo Tom and Nikola enter. Again Teo goes to close the door when two people dressed as elves walk up with their arms filled with presents. Elf: Where do we put these? Teo smiled and pointed towards the large Christmas Tree, the elves carry the presents to the tree. Teo smiled and closed the door. Teo: I gotta say you two, this is quite the impressive guest list! Karlie: Everything we do is impressive, Teo, but then we figured your little shindig could use some real star power. Nikola: And how better to describe the greatest tag team in Action Wrestling? The audience laughs as we get a brief commercial interlude...
And we’re back! Teo and Andre welcome the television viewers back to the show, standing next to them is Karlie. Andre: So Karlie, what is it about Christmas that you enjoy? Karlie: it’s the one time of the year where people tend to put all differences aside and get along. Teo: What’s your favorite Christmas Carol? Karlie: Oh...I'd say Hark The Herald Angels Sing. Teo: An old favorite! Hey, you wanna sing it? Karlie: Oh…Sure why not, it’s Christmas. Teo: Hooray! Teo goes and runs over to the piano as Jenson grabs a nearby trombone. Jenson: and a one, and a two and a thr- Jenson is cut off by the sound of a car door slamming and speeding away. The Two Gents look around to realize that Karlie and Nikola have left them standing alone. Jenson and Teo shrug as the crowd lets out a disappointed laugh. Teo: Say what you want, but those two really know how to work a crowd. Jenson gives a sad “Wah-waaaaah” on the Trombone as we cut to our next commercial break.
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 335
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:19:36 GMT -5
"A Word from our Sponsors" by Orret Goldrock
In between the usual commercials, eagle-eyed viewers will notice something strange. Gracing their screens is the proud visage of AW’s own snake-oil tycoon, Mr. Orret Goldrock! And true to form, he is standing in front a fantastic new product that you will no doubt surely need… Orret Goldrock: Greetings heroes, adventurers, and all those faithfully still watching this program...I'm Orret goldrock, and have I got a deal that you cannot miss, and for only the next 25 minutes! Have you fallen hard on xmas woes?
Broke your collarbone on a hokey pokey tree topper?
Garland got you hanging on your final thread?
Well have the people at Orretec got the solution for you! Orret turns towards a very large, very dangerous looking cannon that he appears to have completely stuffed a series of christmas lights into the barrel of. Orret Goldrock: That's right, it's the Little Bomber Boy mk III! The only tenembaum without that familial ticking timebomb sure to delete your eggnog early and have a visit from jolly Johnny law!
Just aim the device, and load your favorite baubles and trinkets and boom! As the cannon fires, the entire wall behind the tree is blown out! The poor, splintered remains of Orret’s target are hastily replaced in editing by a photoshopped image of a perfectly decorated christmas tree where the former tree once stood. Orret Goldrock: See... 1 2 3, just like those Wise men forsake in the stars! Now some people would charge you for the gun and powder…
Well, we do too, but not for half the price.
How about 10 dollars less.
65.99! And not a penny less!
Shipping and handling not included
Here's the details below, and this deal won't last! As Orret gets out the last word, suddenly the cannon explodes in a roar of gunpowder, leaving the entire room reduced to rubble, and our hapless salesman completely vanished in a puff of holiday smoke. In the silence, a voiceover appears at the bottom of the screen:
Call now, our operator is standing by!
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Posts: 335
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:27:17 GMT -5
"Feliz Navidad with Poppy Noel" by Lazaro Vicente
A quick look outside of the rumblings happening within the “house”, Paco has his Paco’s Tacos food truck set up, decorated with LED Christmas lights and obnoxiously sized inflatables of Santa in a sombrero, a Twerking Rudolph, a Penguin in a Christmas hat holding a fish taco, and a snowman with maracas in the parking lot. In front of the food truck a handful of people are singing Christmas Carols. Lazaro and Vandalia walk into view dressed as a Latin Santa and Mrs. Claus with their mija, Izzy dressed as a cute little elf, channeling Anna Kendrick from Disney+’s Noelle. Lazaro: Paco, you made this place look great! Very festive, mi amigo. Paco: Si, it was awesome that our familia could make it out too. Your mom is keeping those carolers in line, ha. Vandalia: Have you had any of those guests in there, come out to get your tacos, Paco? Paco: A couple, but I think the buzz is just getting started on what I’m offering over those Gents fellas. Lazaro: That’s because you offer seasoning, those two perros wouldn’t know flavor even if it was force fed down their throats. I watched their program last year and it was a hot mess, that’s why we are doing our thing out here… Besides, look at the fans who have turned out for this little program. They don’t need a prompt to tell them to applaud our efforts out here to love what they’re seeing… Now, mija are you ready to get this thing going? Lazaro looks to Izzy who’s playing with her elf ears, getting them adjusted, ready for her social media feed. Izzy: Let’s do it, poppy. Lazaro whistles loudly, cutting off the carolers and catching the attention of the fans waiting in line for tacos and those sitting at the tables lined up in the parking lot. Lazaro: Thank you everyone for coming out tonight and hopefully those patio heaters are helping you stay nice and warm along with Paco’s special Muey Caliente sauce. I’m not going to stand up here and play The Grinch to The Gents’ Christmas Special, that’s not what I’m here to do at all. I’m here to give you, the fans, a very special gift from YOUR GOLDEN IDOLO. Kiddos, Poppy Noel is here and I will be sitting upon that peppermint throne over there, so line on up and my wife and my pico elf will hand you out warm churros as you wait. Get those gift ideas ready and Poppy Noel will see what he can do for you. Si? The children in line all yell, "SI!" as loud as they can. Madre Izabella: Would you like us to sing, Feliz Navidad, mijo? Lazaro: Go for it, madre. The carolers begin to sing Feliz Navidad as the children all hurry to line up in front of a very festive Christmas throne with a Mexican flag hanging above it with Christmas lights highlighting it. Vandalia hands Izzy a basket filled with churros. Vandalia: You take the end of the line and I’ll meet you at the throne with your poppy. Remember, your followers are looking for exciting shots, so have fun with those kids. Izzy: I got this, mami. Izzy winks and walks off with her phone pointed at the long line of children. Vandalia: Poppy Noel, huh? Lazaro: What? Would you rather me pretend to be a Mexican Krampus? Vandalia: I’d rather you not… Speaking of bad ideas, what do you think those Gents are doing in there? Lazaro: Mami, it is the Christmas season, so I will play nice, but I will tell you, that looking out at all these smiling faces out here, I can say they’re not having as good of a time as they are. Vandalia: And they never will. Vandalia leads Lazaro to the throne and he sits down with a giant smile on his face. Lazaro: Ho, ho, ho, mi amigos! The line of children erupt in joy and Lazaro keeps the smile on, working his way through Christmas pictures taken by parents, spoiled brats asking for more than things they will play with for a hot second before moving onto the next best thing, but it is a little shy girl who truly melts his Golden Idolo heart. Lazaro: It is okay, little one, come on up to Poppy Noel and tell me what you want for Christmas this year. The little girl hides behind her mom’s legs, but Izzy walks up with her basket of churros. Izzy: It’s okay, mi poppy will help grant your Christmas wish. The little girl gives a slight shy smile, stepping out from behind her mom’s legs. Izzy: Do you want me to help you get up there? The little girl nods her head slowly and Izzy picks her up. Lazaro: Thank you very much, mija. Izzy places the little girl on Lazaro’s lap. Lazaro: Hola, little girl, what’s your name? The girl looks to her mom who nods to her and she looks up to Lazaro with all the innocence she can muster. Jenna: My name’s Jenna… Lazaro: It is nice to meet you, Jenna. How can Poppy Noel grant you Christmas wish for you? The girl looks to her mother again, but her mom gives her that supportive mother-like nudge. Jenna: I… I… Lazaro: It’s okay… Are you wanting a dolly? Or maybe a Lazaro Vicente action figure? Jenna shakes her head no. Lazaro: Alright, alright… What is your wish, it can be anything and your Poppy Noel will do what he can to grant it. Jenna perks up. Jenna: Anything? Lazaro regrets his wording, instantly. Lazaro: Almost anything… Jenna: I want to… Lazaro: Si? Jenna: I want to meet, Teo and Jenson… Lazaro lowers his head and then looks to Vandalia, with a you can’t be serious look. Lazaro: Your Christmas wish… Is to meet The Gents? Jenna innocently nods. Lazaro: Did Teo and Jenson put you up to this? Lazaro picks the little girl up off of his lap and hands her to Izzy. Lazaro: I may not be their GRINCH, but I WILL NOT PLAY THEIR FOOL! Vandalia: Lazzo, where are you going? Lazaro storms past the food truck and toward the “house”. Lazaro: I’m going to take care of this! Lazaro doesn’t knock on the door, he storms in and The Gents are sitting next to a fireplace and Christmas tree that has a rope hanging from the rafters next to it, with a live crowd in front of them.
The crowd responds with uproarious applause at the sudden and unexpected entrance!
Lazaro looks around fuming, the fans clapping along and The Gents waving at Lazaro in a very welcoming fashion. Lazaro: Don’t play your little games with me, perros! Teo: Come in out of the cold, Lazzo and have a seat with us by the fireplace. Jenson: We can get you a Nog, if you like, or would you rather have a Mexican Hot chocolate? Lazaro’s left eyebrow raises. Lazaro: What is that supposed to mean? Jenson looks to Teo and then back to Lazaro. Jenson: Oh, nothing… So you’ll take a nog, then? Lazaro: I am here, to tell you two, that I’m onto you… And I will not play your fool, do you hear me? Teo and Jenson both look at each other and then shrug. Teo: I have no idea what you’re talking about, friend. Lazaro: You’re going to stand there and tell me, that you had nothing to do with that little nina out there ruining my Poppy Noel SPECTACULAR? Jenson: What’s a Poppy Noel Spectacular and why weren’t we invited? Lazaro: I’m not going to stand here and explain the magic of the Poppy Noel Spectacular, to a bunch of inferior dimwits. Teo: We resent that remark, Lazzo, but this is the season of giving after all and what kind of hosts would we be if we didn’t give you something special on this night of nights? Lazaro: Oh yeah, well you’re not going to be handing me what I truly want and that’s the Cruiserweight championship, so what on earth would you be gifting me, perro? Teo smiles in a very Cheshire fashion. Teo: Jenson, he wants to know what you have to give him, my friend. Jenson: It’s not a Cruiserweight Championship, you’re right, Lazaro… But it’s a seasonal favorite… Teo nods and Lazaro scratches the top of his head. Lazaro: You two… I don’t- Jenson yanks on the rope next to the Christmas tree and eggnog pours from the rafters down onto Lazaro and he stands shaking. He slowly wipes eggnog out of his eyes, he stares daggers into Teo. Teo: It’s a gift that keeps on giving, Lazzo… It’s better than a jelly of the month club membership. Jenson laughs and Lazaro is fuming. Lazaro: Aaaagh! Lazaro storms off toward the exit. Lazaro: I HATE THE GENTS!!! Teo looks to the crowd and smiles. Teo: I know what’s going to be waiting in his stocking on Christmas morning. The crowd responds with a combination of laughter and applause to Teo's snide remark. Jenson: Good thing he didn’t agree to the Mexican hot chocolate!
The crowd laughs along with The Gents as we go to commercial.
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Teo Blaze
Professional Wrestler
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:30:36 GMT -5
The audience offers applause as the Gents smile, waving to the crowd with glee as the scene fades in. Teo: We’ve had a wonderful night so far, huh Jenson? Jenson: Easily my top 20 Christmases! The audience laughs at Jenson’s glibness. Teo: And what do you have there- is it a present for me? Jenson shrugs nonchalantly, handing Teo a wrapped box, which Blaze begins to open. Teo: Why it’s a…VHS tape? Do they even make VCR’s any more? Jenson: It came in the mail this morning and had your name on it. It also had a note that said “that loser should play it on his stupid holiday horseshi-” Teo: Oh look! There’s a VCR here on set! Why don’t we just put this in and see what we see… Teo hastily shoves the cassette into the VCR, and with a burst of static we are taken to an unfamiliar scene…
"A Holiday Present" by Serenity Holmes
Oh, Christmas! The most beautiful time of the year is when families and friends join under one roof to celebrate the exchange of gifts. So many prosper in the holiday spirit on joyous occasions filled with Christmas cheer and strong relationships. For two lovely couples who have been the power dynamic in professional wrestling, this videotape was founded by Action Wrestling. The static before revealing the location of the north pole as the snow whithers away in a dance and covers the land with a bed of tasty white dust. A young teenage girl dressed in a red dress, black heels, and a little Christmas hat is Serenity Holmes. Serenity Holmes: "Hello all from the 22nd Century Girl! I want to take the time to wish you and everyone a Merry Christmas! May all your dreams and wishes come true, spend time with your family and loved ones, enjoy the spirit with friends, and have a blast! Remember that this is a day when you can just have fun and forget your problems. Nothing matters more than being with the people you love most!" Serenity frantically looks around for her boyfriend, who was scheduled to attend this session. Serenity Holmes: "And apparently, mine is not here. Where the hell is he?" To her surprise, she hears a mighty engine roar from a distance behind her. Trailing through the forest is Holden Ross wearing a bloodied suit of Santa's, powering through the landscape in a monster truck designed to slay parking the beast of a vehicle near her. Serenity's jaw dropped to the floor as the feared monster of a man descended from his car to stand beside her with a smile on their face. Holden Ross: "It's da' most wonderful time of the year, and who betta' than my babe's Serenity to spend it with? Merry Christmas, everyone." Serenity Holmes: "Holden, what did you do to Santa?!" Holden Ross: "I didn't do anything! I bought this all on my own. Santa was just mad I did it before him-" Santa Claus: 'HEY!" And right on cue, Santa lowers the flying sleigh down onto the ground before them and steps out, yelling at Holden. Santa Claus: "YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE GOING TO STEAL MY MONSTER TRUCK?! THAT'S IT. YOU'RE GETTING COAL FOR CHRISTMAS!" Serenity's eyes twitch from the disrespect shown to her boyfriend, and she immediately charges away from Holden before launching herself into him. Santa gets tackled onto the ground, and Serenity unleashes a barrage of pain down onto the loved individual begging for mercy as Holden watches in awe. Holden Ross: "Ugh, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Cut the video, CUT THE VIDEO!" Santa Claus: "SOMEBODY HELP ME! RUDOLPH! CALL MRS. CLAUS!!!" Teo and Jenson are left staring aghast at the television, then to the audience, then back at the television. Teo: Um, I think this is a good time to cut to commercial. Jenson: Good thinking buddy.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:35:38 GMT -5
Teo is back, this time alone. Teo: My good friend Jenson has stepped out to help with the overwhelming response to the previous segment, the phone lines are JAMMED people! Ha ha haaaaa! Oy… But, as you all know a host is only good when there is a co-host so we have a very special friend joining us right now! Mr Sam Kidsgrove! Kidsgrove saunters onto the set, smiling and waving to everyone around, he wears a really smart looking christmas jumper, the people in the building love him and he loves them. Kidsgrove: Nice to be here Teo, have a great Christmas and everyone have happy Holidays! Now this time of year is a magical time, where you spend time with the ones you love, making those moments that you’ll remember for a lifetime. But that isn’t the case for everyone. Please remember this year more than ever there are people out there that are alone, lonely, frightened or homeless and Christmas is a very bad time for some. So while you are with your family, if you can spare it, please give some time to your local Christmas charity and help spend a little bit of time with those a little less fortunate. Or even if you see a neighbour that is alone, knock on, offer them some food and someone to talk to. You never know, you might save a life this year! Why I-KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK, KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK, KNOCKknockknock~knockKNOCK
"Santa Shaws" by Carter Shaw
Teo: Well it appears we have someone knocking to the festive tune of Jingle Bells at the door. Sam, would you be so kind? Kidsgrove doesn’t move, instead looking inquisitively up to his co-host. Kidsgrove: I don’t think that was Jingle Bells. Teo: Hardly the time, Sam, why don’t you let our next special guest in! Moving towards the door, gesturing dramatically to the in-house crowd. Kidsgrove: Who could it be, friends?! Might it be an elf, showing us progress on a new toy design? Might it be Gravedigger wearing his favorite Action Wrestling ugly Christmas sweater? Or is it… Reaching to the knob and pulling the door open, in jumped Carter Shaw, wearing a Santa hat and hauling a big red bag over his shoulder! Kidsgrove and Teo: IT’S SANTA SHAWS! Shaw walks in slowly, as if the bag over his shoulder weights 100 pounds, before plopping it onto the floor beside him. Shaw: Merry Christmas, Teo! Merry Christmas, Kidsgrove! Kidsgrove: Merry Christmas, Mr. Shaws! Shaw: Please, call me Carter. I bring GIFTS! Teo: Shaw, you shouldn’t have! Wagging his finger slowly side to side, Shaw turns his attention from the hosts to the crowd, the lights dimming slightly into a Christmasy spotlight. Shaw adjusts his Santa hat and smiles wide towards the people. Shaw: Sorry Teo, these are not for you. These gifts I have right here are for a very special person to me. Someone that deserves the perfect gift for Christmas. And I need your help picking out just what to get that special person. Ya see, Santa Shaws is picking out juuussstttt the right gift for the one, the only Jill Park. Will you all lend me a helping holiday hand?? The crowd claps, as do Teo and Sam who stand to the side as Shaw starts fishing a hand around his bag of mysteries. Shaw: I thought long and hard about things that would be appropriate gifts for Ms. Park. So many gifts are given on Christmas that just end up in the trash or stashed away in storage, but I knew I wanted to make this one COUNT. So help me go ALL-IN on the perfect gift for Jill Park. Perhaps I will give her…. He pulls his arm out from the bag, revealing a SPOTLIGHT LAMP. The crowd ooo’s. Shaw: Perhaps the gift of this spotlight will be perfect. Ya see, this is meant for both indoor or outdoor use, a single spotlight. This would be for Jill Park to use at home. Ya see, Jill Park has had one HECK of a year in AW, hasn’t she. But let’s not forget, boys and girls, that when Carter Shaw was around, 2nd place was her spot. And now that I’m back? Unfortunately, Ms. Park will soon realize that the spotlight she’s been ‘using’ in AW was never actually hers and that the fairy tale is about to end. So now she can be in her own spotlight at home! The crowd murmurs quite a bit as Shaw reaches back into the bag. Shaw: OR we could give herrrr… He pulls out a YODELING PICKLE Shaw: We could give her the gag gift of this yodeling pickle, a hot buy on Amazon this year don’tcha know! Ya see, much like Jill Park, this here…is a joke. A goof. The kind of thing that is given for a receipt of laughter rather than usefulness. And it’s also quite phallic and it is my thought that the poor, untouched, re-virginized-
Teo: SHAW! Teo clears his throat after yelling, leaning in slowly. Teo: Um, Mr. Shaw, we’re producing an alledgedly family friendly special here, so if you wouldn’t mind… Shaw: Ah, yes, ofcourse…my apologies, I, uh… Well then… Shaw throws the pickle to the side of the stage. He smirks as he turns away from the crowd, going through the bag and throwing several other questionably-sexual items off to the side as he comes across them. Shaw: a-HA! Turning back to the crowd, he pulls out a BAR OF SOAP. Shaw: As we were, in pursuit of the perfect gift for Jill Park, I really started to focus on her lonely existence. I thought maybe Santa Shaws could provide something that would help ease the divide she’s created between herself and the opposite sex with her grotesque personality and this is as good of a start as any. With this BAR OF SOAP, a classic holiday gift, perhaps this will help with the fact that guys don’t come within 10 feet of her unless inside a wrestling ring.
The crowd murmurs once more, the reactions to the gift not exactly the rounds of applause Shaw may have been looking for. Shaw goes to theatrically reach in the bag again but slows as he observes the chatter around him. Shaw: Ok, ok, listen. Maybe I’m approaching this all wrong. Perhaps I’m coming from a place of bitterness, a bit Grinch-like if you will, and I think what we need to do is open our hearts and let them grow! Right? RIGHT?! The crowd does cheer for this. Shaw: So I think I have one thing in this bag for Jill Park that has proper intention, hang on… He gets DEEP into the bag, shoving a couple of things around before pulling out a…framed picture of Jill Park! Shaw: THAT’S IT! THIS IS IT! He holds it high above his head to the crowd. Shaw: There’s only ONE thing to give Jill Park and that’s what she WANTS, right? So let’s let’s give her the gift…of herself. Because that’s the only thing that will ever make her happy, and she can put this picture in her house alongside all the other portraits and wall-hangings of herself so she can continue to be surrounded by all things Jill Park. Shaw is all smiles as he puts the framed picture down softly on the ground and removes the bag of other options to the side of the stage. Shaw: Listen, a wise man once said…Christmas is the time to say I love you. Share the joys of laughter and good cheer. I may not be a very good jolly old Saint Nick, but I am a pretty dang good Saint Shaw. So much love and happiness to you and yours on this holiday season and may all your… *CrUNcH* …as Shaw walks slowly across the stage in his address, his shoe comes right down on the framed picture of Jill Park. The crowd groans as Shaw looks down, saddened…before looking up slowly with THAT smirk… Shaw: Christmas wishes come true. Music cues up as Teo and Kidsgrove come back onto the stage, exchanging handshakes with Carter Shaw. Shaw tightens his Santa hat, quickly runs over and grabs his Santa bag to hoist over his shoulder and waves to the crowd as he makes his way back out the door. Shaw: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD FIGHT! SANTA SHAWS, OUUUTTT! He disappears as Teo and Kidsgrove look at the stage littered now with broken glass and several other phallic objects Shaw had thrown from his bag. Teo: Let’s, uh…well let’s get this cleaned up, gotta love a good visit from Carter Shaw. Kidsgrove: I don’t think he knows how to spread Christmas cheer very well. Teo: Yeah, ok Sam, you go tell him that. Teo and Kidsgrove give exasperated sighs to the audience as we cut to commercial.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:38:35 GMT -5
As the gents cut back from commercial, the mess has been cleaned up and Teo and Jenson now stand reunited, smiling despite all the chaos the night has entailed thus far. Teo: Well everyone, it’s been quite a night, and we’re just about out of time. But before our musical finale, I think it’s important to recognize all the different holidays out there. We’ve got Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and- Jenson: Yule! Teo: You’ll what? The audience laughs at Teo’s misunderstanding. Jenson: No no no, Teo, Yule! It’s kinda like Christmas, but- um…you know, I may not be the best person to explain it. Hold on, let me make a call!
Jenson walks over to the telephone and dials an elaborate series of about 20 numbers, and then waits patiently as Teo shrugs to the audience. Jenson: Okay, you will? Great! We’ll cut to the camera right now. The one we hid in your dining room…last Tuesday, why? Hold on- Teo, what’s litigation? Teo: Oy, just, just go the feed, guys!"Bearying the Hatchet" by Dionysus
The camera is greeted by a crackling of static before cutting to Action Wrestling’s own Dionysus, dressed in a traditional Yule costume and sitting at an elaborate dinner table, enjoying a glass of traditional mulled wine as he tosses the phone over his shoulder. Dion: Those two and their schemes, why I oughta- oh Hello Action Universe! And Merry Yule, Action Faithful! I’ve come to give you all a holiday greeting! Everyone except for Gerard Angelo, for….obvious reasons. Well despite the obvious intrusion, I think that I can tell you all a little bit of history. As Dion speaks, he walks to his party guests, serving mulled wine to the merry onlookers, all dressed in traditional Yule costuming. Dion: You know, I think it was Saint Nicolas who first said-
Dion is suddenly interrupted by the sound of a ringing doorbell! Dion: What? Who could that be? Dion places down the wine and goes to answer his door- and to the shock of all partygoers finds himself staring at a very familiar full-sized bear! Dion: You! Come for round 17, eh? Well I- It’s at this point Dion notices that the bear is holding a small, very scratched wrapped box. Dion seems genuinely touched as the bear holds it out to him, making bear noises. Dion: Why I don’t know what to say… I guess maybe this has gone a bit far. Maybe the holidays are the perfect time to bury the hatchet The bear does its best approximation of a shrug as Dion removes the wrapping, gingerly lifting the lid to reveal…an imitation world title belt. As Dion glares angrily, it almost seems like the bear is snickering. This lasts for only a moment before Dion practically leaps at the bear, tackling him out of frame! Dion: GET OVER HERE, IM GONNA DECK YOUR HALLS In the chaos, one of the partygoers knocks over the camera as the scene cuts to static before fading back to the Gents. Teo: Wow! Talk about a…grizzly segment! Jenson: I could hardly…bear to watch! Teo: A true Kodiak moment! Jenson: If a little polarizing! Teo: Watching that segment did give me paws. Crowd: ENOUGH ALREADY! The Gents sheepishly turn back to the crowd and grin as we go to our final commercial break before the finale.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:44:12 GMT -5
As the scene fades in for the final segment, the Gents pat each other on the back and wave to the crowd, who give them more appreciative applause and laughter. Teo: Well, that was quite a Christmas, wasn’t it, bud? Jenson: I’ll say! And Torture didn’t even try to shut us down for going 300% over budget again! The sound of a phone angrily ringing just offscreen is very quietly ignored by the Gents. Teo: Well folks, that’s about our time, but before we send you off into that good night, what say we end with one final song? Jenson: Are you going to sing it right this time? Teo: Are you? Jenson rolls his eyes sarcastically before both Gents grab microphones Teo: Alright everyone, sing along if you know the words! Jenson: Which considering we’re making them up, probably better just to clap! Teo: Hit the music! The duo begin what can charitably be described as a duet:
Iiiii don’t want a lot for Christmas, there is just one thing I need. I don’t care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree. I just want to ring that beeeell I just want to raise some heeeell Make my wish come truuuuueeee Cause what I want for Christmas…is A DOUBLE YOOOOOOOUUUUU I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need (and Iiiiiii) Don't care about the presents unless you’ve brought a belt or three! I don’t need to hang my stocking, unless it’s a ladder bout! Santa Claus won't make me happy without barbed wire all about! I just want some decent fights Leave you staring at those lights Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas is A-DOUBLE-YOUUUUUUUUYooooou, babyOh, I won't ask for much this Christmas
Not even a title shot (and Iiiii)No other company in the world could ever claim to be this hot I won't make a list and send it to the Office for the bossI won't even stay awake to watch the latest win and lossI just want some decent fights
Leave you staring at those lights Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is A-DOUBLE-YOUUUUUUUU
Yooooou, baby
All I want for Christmas is A-DOUBLE-YOUUUUUUUU Yooooou, baby
The Gents walk forward, letting the remaining music play as they take their bow. Teo: Ladies and Gentlemen, We’d like to thank all of our guests here tonight, Action Wrestling Management for allowing us to do this every year, and all of the fans who couldn’t be here live and are watching this after boxing day! Jenson: 2023 is looking like it’s going to be a good one everybody! Thank you to everyone and we will see you back next Christmas! The Gents take a bow as the credits begin to roll, taking a moment to show clips from the various segments and highlight all of the special guests before the scene and the music finally fade.
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Teo Blaze
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Post by Teo Blaze on Dec 28, 2022 3:46:22 GMT -5
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