Post by Bruce Cheeks on Dec 6, 2022 1:13:00 GMT -5
Bruce Cheeks enjoyed his Taco Tuesday. Taco Bell of course. The stuff that goes down easy and comes out hard.
Or soft. Physically. The hard part is the mental anguish. And the rectal burning.
Bruce takes a seat atop his porcelain throne. Several tiny farts popping and squirting from his hairy asshole.
He flips over a giant sheet of paper and stares.
IT’S ADDY A’S PROFILE
OMG Bruce is gonna do some research.
“Let’s see what all the fuss is about.”
He looks.
It’s quite the profile.
Not quite as long as War and Peace. But pretty fuckin close.
‘Adelaide (Addy) was born into the welfare system of the western suburbs of Sydney, Australia in the year of 1999, on the fifteenth day of the month of January. -’
“BORING” Bruce yells.
‘She grew up with her uncaring alcoholic single mother. She learnt to hang on the streets with the cool kids, where being tough was better than being smart. ‘
Blah blah. Broken household. Forced to live on the streets which made her TOUGH AND ROUGH AND NOT LIKE YOUR AVERAGE GIRL.
Bruce farts and sprays some shit into the bowl that looks way too close to the food he ate earlier.
‘[At 11, she was raped by two police officers.]’
He stops. He re-reads. His eyes widen, “Come again?”
He leans back.
“What in the ever loving fuck…”
TWO POLICE OFFICERS.
Not one.
BUT TWO.
Why the shit is that detail necessary? Disgusting.
And why is it in brackets? Does that make it eventful but not too eventful? Like it’s something you casually drop into a conversation.
“Woman sits at a table, talking to a guy while they’re on their first date. ‘So, yea, I grew up on the streets, I was tough, real tough. Yep, a real tough lady. So tough.’ She leans in and whispers, in a deep, strange voice, ‘I was also raped by TWO POLICE OFFICERS’ she nods, winks and starts talking about a wacky escapade she had with friends at the local skating rink.”
I don’t know where to begin.
What’s a woman’s worst nightmare?
TWO POLICE OFFICERS
“Say Bruce,” a woman asks, peeking her head into the bathroom.
He farts liquid shit everywhere, “Ya?”
“I lost my pearl necklace and called the police to report it stolen.”
“WHOA” Bruce nearly leaps off his seat. “Was it one or TWO POLICE OFFICERS?”
“Just one.”
Bruce wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, “Whew.”
COMING SOON TO THEATERS THIS SUMMER
‘RAPENING’
A GUT WRENCHING TALE OF A WOMAN OVERCOMING AN ASSAULT SHE SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF not one BUT TWO POLICE OFFICERS
DON’T MISS RAPENING STARRING GABBY ORTIZ
A guy steals a woman’s purse. She runs to the nearest officer, “OFFICER, MY PURSE WAS STOLEN.”
The officer responds, “Hold on, lady.” His eyes narrow, a sinister look covers his face, “Let me grab my partner.”
THE WOMAN SCREAMS
FIVE THINGS WOMEN FEAR MOST
5 – losing an argument
4 – going bald
3 – getting fat
2 – terminal illness
1 – TWO POLICE OFFICERS
“I stood in the lamplight late at night waiting on my uber to pick me up. It’d been a rough day, to say the LEAST. The app pinged. He was around the corner. I’ll never forget the fog that night. Reminded me of a british mystery or whatever. A voice called, I turned and saw an officer heading my way. He called me ma’am and wanted to know if I was alone. I felt safe and confident in responding. Until his partner emerged behind him. You know what that meant? TWO POLICE OFFICERS. And we all know what that means, as women, right? I ran, diving off the nearby bridge, into the freezing cold water. A dangerous move, sure. But it beat the odds of facing down TWO POLICE OFFICERS.”
Hey, what do you get when you put two police officers together?
Rape, apparently.
But enough about TWO POLICE OFFICERS AND HOW THEY ARE A CONSTANT THREAT TO A WOMAN’S PURITY.
I just had the ‘pleasure’ of enduring a promo from our dear Addy A
And
All I can say
is
WTF
She’s a fuckin champion?
Geezus
I knew Action Wrestling was akin to that sports team that lets everybody play and half the players aren’t wearing the correct jerseys and don’t know how to tie their shoes and run in the wrong direction and whatnot...but I figured the CHAMPIONS would have some semblance of coherence.
This bitch is fuckin incoherent.
She’s talking about the proletariat like it’s some apt metaphor for modern wrestling.
She name drops Lissie Hope as if Bruce Cheeks could be bothered to give two giant, nasty shits.
“I’m like a forgotten landmine in the poppy fields of Cambodia”
I mean what the fuck does that even mean?
Is she trying to say people forget about the TV Champion? If so, I don’t want the fuckin thing. Why would I want a title that gets left in some third world country for so long that people forget its there?
I’d rather be that fuckin volcano that’s scorching Hawaii right now.
I’m sure there’s more I could cringe at but to be honest I didn’t even pay attention to the story portion of her bullshit out of fear that there’d be more rape involving multiple police officers.
Cambodia. FORGOTTEN LAND MINES. Poppy Fields. Lissie Hope. Proletariat. TWO POLICE OFFICERS. And Rape.
This woman is about as coherent and organized as a morning shit after a long night of beer and hot wings.
Speaking of...looks like I’m done taking my shit.
Let me go ahead and wipe my ass with Addy’s biography. Plenty of paper to spare, by the way...this thing isn’t exactly brief.
Alright, pull my boxers up.
Say, is that the doorbell? I’d better head on down there.
Let me skip down the stairs...click my heels a few times because I’m a happy man.
Gonna open the door and...OH FUCK OH NO
IT’S TWO POLICE OFFICERS.
Or soft. Physically. The hard part is the mental anguish. And the rectal burning.
Bruce takes a seat atop his porcelain throne. Several tiny farts popping and squirting from his hairy asshole.
He flips over a giant sheet of paper and stares.
IT’S ADDY A’S PROFILE
OMG Bruce is gonna do some research.
“Let’s see what all the fuss is about.”
He looks.
It’s quite the profile.
Not quite as long as War and Peace. But pretty fuckin close.
‘Adelaide (Addy) was born into the welfare system of the western suburbs of Sydney, Australia in the year of 1999, on the fifteenth day of the month of January. -’
“BORING” Bruce yells.
‘She grew up with her uncaring alcoholic single mother. She learnt to hang on the streets with the cool kids, where being tough was better than being smart. ‘
Blah blah. Broken household. Forced to live on the streets which made her TOUGH AND ROUGH AND NOT LIKE YOUR AVERAGE GIRL.
Bruce farts and sprays some shit into the bowl that looks way too close to the food he ate earlier.
‘[At 11, she was raped by two police officers.]’
He stops. He re-reads. His eyes widen, “Come again?”
He leans back.
“What in the ever loving fuck…”
TWO POLICE OFFICERS.
Not one.
BUT TWO.
Why the shit is that detail necessary? Disgusting.
And why is it in brackets? Does that make it eventful but not too eventful? Like it’s something you casually drop into a conversation.
“Woman sits at a table, talking to a guy while they’re on their first date. ‘So, yea, I grew up on the streets, I was tough, real tough. Yep, a real tough lady. So tough.’ She leans in and whispers, in a deep, strange voice, ‘I was also raped by TWO POLICE OFFICERS’ she nods, winks and starts talking about a wacky escapade she had with friends at the local skating rink.”
I don’t know where to begin.
What’s a woman’s worst nightmare?
TWO POLICE OFFICERS
“Say Bruce,” a woman asks, peeking her head into the bathroom.
He farts liquid shit everywhere, “Ya?”
“I lost my pearl necklace and called the police to report it stolen.”
“WHOA” Bruce nearly leaps off his seat. “Was it one or TWO POLICE OFFICERS?”
“Just one.”
Bruce wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, “Whew.”
COMING SOON TO THEATERS THIS SUMMER
‘RAPENING’
A GUT WRENCHING TALE OF A WOMAN OVERCOMING AN ASSAULT SHE SUFFERED AT THE HANDS OF not one BUT TWO POLICE OFFICERS
DON’T MISS RAPENING STARRING GABBY ORTIZ
A guy steals a woman’s purse. She runs to the nearest officer, “OFFICER, MY PURSE WAS STOLEN.”
The officer responds, “Hold on, lady.” His eyes narrow, a sinister look covers his face, “Let me grab my partner.”
THE WOMAN SCREAMS
FIVE THINGS WOMEN FEAR MOST
5 – losing an argument
4 – going bald
3 – getting fat
2 – terminal illness
1 – TWO POLICE OFFICERS
“I stood in the lamplight late at night waiting on my uber to pick me up. It’d been a rough day, to say the LEAST. The app pinged. He was around the corner. I’ll never forget the fog that night. Reminded me of a british mystery or whatever. A voice called, I turned and saw an officer heading my way. He called me ma’am and wanted to know if I was alone. I felt safe and confident in responding. Until his partner emerged behind him. You know what that meant? TWO POLICE OFFICERS. And we all know what that means, as women, right? I ran, diving off the nearby bridge, into the freezing cold water. A dangerous move, sure. But it beat the odds of facing down TWO POLICE OFFICERS.”
Hey, what do you get when you put two police officers together?
Rape, apparently.
But enough about TWO POLICE OFFICERS AND HOW THEY ARE A CONSTANT THREAT TO A WOMAN’S PURITY.
I just had the ‘pleasure’ of enduring a promo from our dear Addy A
And
All I can say
is
WTF
She’s a fuckin champion?
Geezus
I knew Action Wrestling was akin to that sports team that lets everybody play and half the players aren’t wearing the correct jerseys and don’t know how to tie their shoes and run in the wrong direction and whatnot...but I figured the CHAMPIONS would have some semblance of coherence.
This bitch is fuckin incoherent.
She’s talking about the proletariat like it’s some apt metaphor for modern wrestling.
She name drops Lissie Hope as if Bruce Cheeks could be bothered to give two giant, nasty shits.
“I’m like a forgotten landmine in the poppy fields of Cambodia”
I mean what the fuck does that even mean?
Is she trying to say people forget about the TV Champion? If so, I don’t want the fuckin thing. Why would I want a title that gets left in some third world country for so long that people forget its there?
I’d rather be that fuckin volcano that’s scorching Hawaii right now.
I’m sure there’s more I could cringe at but to be honest I didn’t even pay attention to the story portion of her bullshit out of fear that there’d be more rape involving multiple police officers.
Cambodia. FORGOTTEN LAND MINES. Poppy Fields. Lissie Hope. Proletariat. TWO POLICE OFFICERS. And Rape.
This woman is about as coherent and organized as a morning shit after a long night of beer and hot wings.
Speaking of...looks like I’m done taking my shit.
Let me go ahead and wipe my ass with Addy’s biography. Plenty of paper to spare, by the way...this thing isn’t exactly brief.
Alright, pull my boxers up.
Say, is that the doorbell? I’d better head on down there.
Let me skip down the stairs...click my heels a few times because I’m a happy man.
Gonna open the door and...OH FUCK OH NO
IT’S TWO POLICE OFFICERS.
