Purity

What can be gained by somebody so focused on playing football that she’s barely said anything about a championship defense almost a month in the making? How does one focus on a feud that kicked off because I dropped a glorified reality television host in the middle of a WRESTLING ring, when all she wants to do is play THOT football and carry her boyfriend around in her purse like a little dog?

Truth is that my attack on the LFL has caused such a sensation that not only Lissie, but also the entire league has come at me with the type of slander and degradation deserving of a tyrant. I’ve been called everything from a hypocrite to a feminist, to a jealous old bitch - all because I dared ask why the gear would be different in the LFL than the NFL?


I find it absolutely ludicrous that more focus has gone into my apparent ‘defamation’ of the LFL than has been placed upon the merits of the CBS Championship defense. Lissie has literally devoted herself to standing up for a league that has yet to have their first game over the grievous and weighty prospect of defending her championship against a ‘has-been’ who is ‘too old’ and ‘not talented’ enough to have a chance of dethroning her.



Any cognitive person who doesn’t have meat for brains would see that this whole LFL thing has been a narrative to distract you from the one thing that threatens you most. And yet, instead of steeling yourself for a grudge match… And make no bones about it, Hope - this is a grudge match… You’ve been focused on DEFENDING your precious football league from the opinions of the aforementioned ‘has-been’ you claim to regard with such ill-contempt.

Instead of making defensive plays on the field and shaking that ass for the tens of adoring fans in attendance - you should be focused on TURMOIL and the only person in the locker room who might actually want to legitimately hurt you… And not in the “ouch I’m sore today” kind of way - but rather the “I just got placed on IR before training camp because TJ tore my knee apart” kind of way.



You can’t… And we both know that behind the bluster and bullshit, there’s a part of you that knows this could jeopardize your LFL career. You know what a technician like myself is capable of - and despite my obvious lack of fortune over the past year. I know more about how to bend, twist, and damage any one of your joints and tendons than anyone else on this whole roster.

Perhaps TJ is so pissed, that she’s looking for a statement instead of a win?

Maybe I’m not after the CBS Championship as you think, but rather a way to absolutely ruin 2023 for you by ending your LFL season before it ever begins? Can you be so sure after all the provocation and defamation I’ve suffered at the hands of you and yours - That I might not be looking for glory, but rather revenge?

I might play it straight. Maybe I’ll go out there in front of Florida Man and put on a clinic that hasn’t been seen in this state since the territory days? Maybe I’ll be thorough, accurate, scientific, and logical in my efforts to once again hold gold here in Action Wrestling?

Decisions…. Decisions…








I sat patiently on the edge of this cold steel table, my feet dangling far from the tile floor as I took in the confines of what was a very sanitized and rather disinteresting examination room in the doctor's office… Boredom soon mixed with apprehension as I sat there, dressed in a hospital gown with nothing more than a pair of panties and ankle socks underneath.


The anxiety was unbearable

I began to regret my decision last week. It was foolish to attempt a pre-emptive strike like that… I let my anger and her words overcome my better judgment - and she hit me with such a solid spear that it damaged my ribs.

“More tropes about being old, incoming…”

I muttered under my breath with a roll of my eyes. Maybe it was true? I mean, I wasn’t in my 20’s anymore. And let’s be honest, almost a quarter-century in any combat sport would grind down even the most physically gifted athlete.

I often think I allow myself to fall into the ageism hype as an excuse for my own failings. It was easy to tell oneself that poor form is down to age rather than sloppy technique - especially when I knew it was the latter rather than the former.

“I’ve been more focused on my love life than my wrestling career…”

This was painfully true… I’d lent myself too much slack after coming to the states and have no reason to make excuses for my poor performance. My six-year marriage had come to an end just before the pandemic hit - and after two years of solitary living, I was like a horny teenager eager to get herself back into the love club.

And let’s be honest…
The girls I’ve come to know are anything but mundane

And the one I actually got into a relationship with is a professional drama queen with an ass that could make even the most aloof girl tremble at the knees.

“I’m so weak…”

I loved her, and she wasn’t the cause - but rather the effect. Our long-distance relationship meant long hours on the phone or skyping rather than working out and studying tape. In short - I’d become more concerned with sex than my career

-knock-knock-

My focus broke away from the droning self-evaluation as the doctor made her way back into the room. It was hard to judge her expression and get a read on the news on account of the face mask, so I was kept in suspense for a few more moments as she read from a chart adjacent in her hands.

“Well Tatiana, the good news is that the rib isn’t dislodged as we initially feared. Though the x-ray does indicate a small hairline fracture on number six L”

“Soooo, no clean break, just a crack?”

“Just a crack isn’t great either”


“The blood you were coughing up was the result of a bruised lung, something which likely happened when you were tackled”

“Quite frankly, you’re fortunate not to have suffered a collapsed lung. And if you are actually competing on Monday, I would recommend wearing some sort of flak jacket or brace to help mitigate the potential of re-injury”

NO way I was wearing a vest… It would impact my ability to properly utilize my skill set

“I can do that”

I lied with a smile.

“In the meantime, I want you to get plenty of rest and ice. I’ve sent a prescription of Vicodin into the pharmacy to help you sleep at night. And please, please be careful on Monday. You were lucky to have not been seriously hurt last week”

“Scouts honor”

As if being careful was ever an option in a combat sport…

“Good… I think we’ve covered all bases, so you can go ahead and get dressed. Please check out with the receptionist so we can schedule a follow up sometime in a week or two”

I had cleared the first hurdle… Now all I had to do was go out there and fight against a woman who literally wants to break my bones over one of her meaty thighs.










Let's get real for a moment, Lis…
I know what you think of me, and to be honest with you… Some of it is merited.

Yeah, I haven’t had a great time of it over the past year - and as result, I've fallen victim to my own hype by blaming everyone but myself for these failings. At first it was ring rust, then it was the time zone change, followed by the fans not giving me the appreciation I thought I deserved… And finally, I fell upon the poisoned arrow and began to ply myself with conspiracy theories about the elites holding me down.

I was wrong
And unlike you - I can admit it.

My career in Action Wrestling was supposed to end at the start of the month. I was going to ride off into the sunset… Turn my attention to a new location and start anew - yet here I am. Not because I want to be, but because Torture was so desperate to keep me around that he was willing to pick up my option after insinuating he wouldn’t as he tried to lock me up in a long-term deal.

What value does some washed up ‘has-been’ have?

Honestly, it’s because he recognizes that I’m a rare bird in the business of pro-wrestling.

See, you’re a dime-a-dozen mouthpiece who knows how to kiss the right asses and hype herself on social media… Anyone can do that and gain a following… But me? I’m an old school, hard-knocks grappler who isn’t given into the stylings of speed and hype. I’m a veteran with more experience than you’ll ever even have. And I come with a style that is abhorrent to everything you stand for.

You’re an average wrestler with an above-average mind for PR
I’m a no-nonsense grappler focused on her craft

There are three types in the modern era of wrestling

Type A: The Highflier
Type B: The Heavy Hitter
Type C: The Hardcore Brawler

And I fit into none of these categories.

It’s easy to punch hard and kick harder.
It’s easy to talk a big game and show off

But being an actual, traditionalist… A wrestling PURIST… Is way more than you’ll ever be able to comprehend - much less achieve - because it would distract you from being a reality TV football star.

And we both know hype is more important to you than substance.

So let me give you this bit of advice.
And pay attention for a moment - Big Brother will wait.

TURMOIL isn’t about who’s right or wrong. It’s not about who is a better fighter, or a bigger star. And it’s certainly not about what’s happened in the past. It’s about the future of professional wrestling - it’s about the SALVATION of wrestling purity and the shunning of this malignant hype machine that’s exposed our sport to people who would rather be on TV than learn how to WRESTLE.

That’s why I’m changing the rules for the CBS Championship after I beat you. It'll no longer be about celebrity and fame, but rather the ART and TACT of pure wrestling. I’m here to save wrestling purity - and every defense of the CBS Title will take place within the traditional rules of pro wrestling

What does that mean?

It means that there will be no exiting the ring for any reason during the match
No climbing the top ropes to do BS flying trash
Rope Breaks will result in an immediate break
Outlaw moves will be banned
And no gimmicks will be allowed

Failure to adhere to the rules of the CBS Purity Championship will result in disqualification.

You’ll crow about how boring that is
But the real fans find interest in the ART of wrestling

So, if you decide you’re brave enough to ask for your rematch… You’ll have to actually wrestle to earn the title back. And trust me when I tell you that the LAST thing you want is to be forced into a chain wrestling match with someone like me.

That’s how clowns like you get exposed.

But hey… At least you always have the LFL to fall back on.
Assuming it’s around for more than a few months.