Post by Bruce Cheeks on Nov 26, 2022 22:49:36 GMT -5
Bruce had to let off some steam.
He lost another match. I wish I could remember the name but, to be honest with you folks, it’s Thanksgiving week and I’ve devoted about 2.5 minutes to researching whatever’s going on in Action Wrestling.
Which is probably more time than this place deserves.
Action Wrestling is a shit hole.
But Bruce likes shit.
So heeeereeee we go.
Bruce is at a strip club, chilling by the stage. Stripper music is playing. Lots of Katy Gaga and Lady Perry. And some Mariah Carey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!!!
All the strippers turn and point at Bruce during the refrain. Bruce’s chest hair stands up as he lets out a low growl, staring at their asses. He knows what he wants. And they know what he wants.
It’ll be chow time soon.
Bruce has his “Puddin Pump” attire on. A busy day as evidenced by all the brown stains. His shirt unbuttoned down to beneath his gut, letting all the hair on the front of his body loose.
The owner walks by, “Bruce, my man!”
Bruce taps the guy in the nuts. The owner doubles over, wincing in pain, “Haha, good one, Bruce!”
Bruce snarls, “BRING ME SOME ASS”
“You got it, Bruce!”
Once upon a time fifteen years ago Bruce first walked into a strip club. He thought paying for female attention was loathsome and weak. That’s until he met Suzy Streetwalker. The whoriest of whores.
She changed his life that night, fifteen years ago. The moon was full. The mood was right.
Suzy did things a woman shouldn’t be allowed to do to a man or his butt cheeks.
It changed Bruce’s life.
Ever since he’s been a fan and friend to the stripper profession. Especially during the holidays.
Sadly, Suzy Streetwalker would pass away due to a tragic popcorn accident a few years later. Real messy scene.
RIP Suzy Streetwalker.
You will forever be remembered.
Back to the present day, a couple of filthy strippers surround Bruce. “Brucey, baby, pick me!” one says.
“Nah, Bruce magoose, pick me, hot cheeks,” a second begs.
“BRUCE-AH” a deep voice ravaged by years of smoking speaks out, “YOU KNOW YOU GOT YOUR EYE ON OLE TAMMY AND THAT RING BETWEEN MY BUTT CHEEKS. I BLEACHED MY ENTIRE ASSHOLE FOR YA, BRUCE-AH!” Her voice is so deep and gravelly. The lights work their magic, but they can only do so much...this woman has seen some SHIT. Major wear and tear.
Bruce looks up at her, “Tammy.”
“Yes, BRUCE-AH”
“You,” he points at her. The other two strippers are crestfallen, walking away complaining about how they waxed their buttholes for nothing.
Bruce lifts his right cheek, ripping a nasty fart. Tammy sets on his lap. “Bruce-ah...you won’t be disappointed.”
“I know that, Tammy.”
They both get a whiff of the gas from Bruce’s ass.
“Let’s head to the back.”
He gets no argument from Tammy. She hops on the stage and helps Bruce up. She’s taking him backstage.
Bruce stands atop the stage and everyone goes wild.
“BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
Bruce runs his hands through his hairy chest. Dollar bills fly through the air, onto the stage. Bruce bends over and touches his toes...his pants explode open, revealing his hairy ass. Bruce shakes it and farts in the face of all the patrons.
They wince. Some liquid gas hits them in the eye. They all wrinkle their noses...but continue to chant and throw money at Bruce.
“That Bruce, he has so much charisma!” one of the men says, wiping liquid ass gas from his mouth.
“Man, if only I could be HIM for a DAY!” another man says, licking his lips, staring at Bruce’s ass.
“Hey guys!” a third jumps in, “make a wish!!!”
He slings a quarter at Bruce’s ass...it splits the crack and goes right up his asshole. Bruce stands up, eyes wide.
Everybody in the bar yells out, “I WISH I COULD BE LIKE BRUCE CHEEKS!”
They all go wild. “BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
“Allstar” by Smash Mouth plays as Bruce stomps around. His ass hanging out of his pants. Tammy grabs him by the arm, ready for Bruce to get down to business.
Backstage, Tammy drags Bruce by the beard into the middle of the dressing room. In normal lighting she seems to instantly age like 30 years. Bruce doesn’t care...his eyes are wide, his mouth is open. Saliva drops from his bottom lip into his beard.
Tammy turns around, bends over and flips her skirt up, revealing her bare ass. Bruce howls and steps forward, ripping her ass cheeks apart.
He looks down, ready to chow down...but Tammy’s asshole opens up, releasing a giant cloud of smoke. Bruce inhales. Menthol.
The asshole then starts to talk.
“Look inside me, Bruce. Deep inside.”
Bruce’s brow furrows as he leans down, staring deep inside the stripper’s aging asshole.
A polar bear dances on a floating block of ice. It’s drinking a coca cola. The bear shimmies its shoulders while shuffling its feet. Bruce, looking on, gives the bear a thumbs up.
The polar bear finishes its coca cola and tosses the bottle into the ocean. It continues to dance.
A seal swims by, “ARF ARF!”
The polar bear reaches in and pulls the seal out of the water, ripping it’s throat wide open and savagely removes its insides.
Bruce rears back. That was kinda mean. The polar bear then uses the seal’s skin and tosses it around it’s shoulders as a shawl. It models the bloody shawl.
Cheeks holds up seven fingers. A seven out of ten, not bad. The polar bear will take it. It devours the seal skin shawl.
The polar bear starts to disco dance. Until a couple of killer whales leap out, taking the polar bear off the ice and murdering it. Blood fills the water. Bruce looks on, concerned.
The Killer Whales then breach the surface, their heads staring at Bruce...they start to dance around, showing off their moves. Bruce nods and shimmies his shoulders to some fun music that’s playing in the distance.
The whales dance and kick their fins around.
Suddenly, harpoons fly from off screen, killing the whales instantly. Their bodies float to the surface with more blood filling the ocean. Bruce turns and sees a boat of ruthless fishermen. They go wild, cheering their fresh kill.
The fishermen start to do the Macarena. They are doing it very well. So well, in fact, that Bruce can’t be angry as he, too, starts to do the Macarena
He floats through the air toward the boat, soaring above the fishermen. They do the macarena, looking up at Bruce. He does the macarena back. They drop to their knees, worshipping Bruce as he does the macarena high above them. The sun shines bright upon the deity known as Bruce Cheeks.
Bruce turns, staring into the sun. The sun smiles down at him...it then turns around and flashes its butt cheeks at Bruce. Bruce licks his lips.
The fishermen laugh and roll around the deck of the boat. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Bruce looks down at them and gives them a thumbs up. They then all turn into giant burritos. Bruce’s eyes widen and he dives down, head first into the collection of human burritos. He starts eating them. So delicious. So many beans.
The sun’s ass shakes, shooting light rays down on Bruce. Bruce finally looks up, sauce, beans, meat, cheese, and guac covering his face and beard. He stares at the sun’s plump ass.
“Eat me, Bruce. Eat me.”
Bruce does the macarena. He nods at the sun and slowly rises back into the air. He releases a huge fart and it propels him toward the sun.
“Eat me, Bruce. Eat me!!”
Bruce flies at the sun as fast as he can, propelling his face directly at the sun’s ass.
“Eat me Bruce. EAT MEEEEEE!!!!”
Furiously, like a comet reversing course...Bruce’s body shoots up into the atmosphere, toward the sun...he flies through space, giving a salute at Uranus, which sets off in the vast spacial distance. He heads for the sun.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT ME BABY”
Bruce is like Icarus. Or, more like...Assacrus! He heads straight for the sun’s ass...closer and closer. Closer and closer. The sun’s ass begins to split open, it’s giant, flaming asshole invites Bruce in.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT MY SUNNY ASSHOLE YOU HAIRY BITCH”
Bruce yells out that he’s cumming! He dives head first toward the sun, heading straight into the sun’s asshole!!!
Darkness.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT ME MOTHER FUCKER!”
Bruce opens his eyes and he’s back in the strip club, staring at Tammy’ ass.
“Well, what are ya waiting for? Eat my ass, Bruce!”
“Sorry, zoned out for a second there, Tammy.”
Bruce licks his lips and he dives into Tammy’s old, wrinkled ass. As he does, all the other strippers stand around, shaking their asses at Bruce.
Rey Jaguar and Mason Jones suck.
He lost another match. I wish I could remember the name but, to be honest with you folks, it’s Thanksgiving week and I’ve devoted about 2.5 minutes to researching whatever’s going on in Action Wrestling.
Which is probably more time than this place deserves.
Action Wrestling is a shit hole.
But Bruce likes shit.
So heeeereeee we go.
Bruce is at a strip club, chilling by the stage. Stripper music is playing. Lots of Katy Gaga and Lady Perry. And some Mariah Carey.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU!!!
All the strippers turn and point at Bruce during the refrain. Bruce’s chest hair stands up as he lets out a low growl, staring at their asses. He knows what he wants. And they know what he wants.
It’ll be chow time soon.
Bruce has his “Puddin Pump” attire on. A busy day as evidenced by all the brown stains. His shirt unbuttoned down to beneath his gut, letting all the hair on the front of his body loose.
The owner walks by, “Bruce, my man!”
Bruce taps the guy in the nuts. The owner doubles over, wincing in pain, “Haha, good one, Bruce!”
Bruce snarls, “BRING ME SOME ASS”
“You got it, Bruce!”
Once upon a time fifteen years ago Bruce first walked into a strip club. He thought paying for female attention was loathsome and weak. That’s until he met Suzy Streetwalker. The whoriest of whores.
She changed his life that night, fifteen years ago. The moon was full. The mood was right.
Suzy did things a woman shouldn’t be allowed to do to a man or his butt cheeks.
It changed Bruce’s life.
Ever since he’s been a fan and friend to the stripper profession. Especially during the holidays.
Sadly, Suzy Streetwalker would pass away due to a tragic popcorn accident a few years later. Real messy scene.
RIP Suzy Streetwalker.
You will forever be remembered.
Back to the present day, a couple of filthy strippers surround Bruce. “Brucey, baby, pick me!” one says.
“Nah, Bruce magoose, pick me, hot cheeks,” a second begs.
“BRUCE-AH” a deep voice ravaged by years of smoking speaks out, “YOU KNOW YOU GOT YOUR EYE ON OLE TAMMY AND THAT RING BETWEEN MY BUTT CHEEKS. I BLEACHED MY ENTIRE ASSHOLE FOR YA, BRUCE-AH!” Her voice is so deep and gravelly. The lights work their magic, but they can only do so much...this woman has seen some SHIT. Major wear and tear.
Bruce looks up at her, “Tammy.”
“Yes, BRUCE-AH”
“You,” he points at her. The other two strippers are crestfallen, walking away complaining about how they waxed their buttholes for nothing.
Bruce lifts his right cheek, ripping a nasty fart. Tammy sets on his lap. “Bruce-ah...you won’t be disappointed.”
“I know that, Tammy.”
They both get a whiff of the gas from Bruce’s ass.
“Let’s head to the back.”
He gets no argument from Tammy. She hops on the stage and helps Bruce up. She’s taking him backstage.
Bruce stands atop the stage and everyone goes wild.
“BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
Bruce runs his hands through his hairy chest. Dollar bills fly through the air, onto the stage. Bruce bends over and touches his toes...his pants explode open, revealing his hairy ass. Bruce shakes it and farts in the face of all the patrons.
They wince. Some liquid gas hits them in the eye. They all wrinkle their noses...but continue to chant and throw money at Bruce.
“That Bruce, he has so much charisma!” one of the men says, wiping liquid ass gas from his mouth.
“Man, if only I could be HIM for a DAY!” another man says, licking his lips, staring at Bruce’s ass.
“Hey guys!” a third jumps in, “make a wish!!!”
He slings a quarter at Bruce’s ass...it splits the crack and goes right up his asshole. Bruce stands up, eyes wide.
Everybody in the bar yells out, “I WISH I COULD BE LIKE BRUCE CHEEKS!”
They all go wild. “BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
“Allstar” by Smash Mouth plays as Bruce stomps around. His ass hanging out of his pants. Tammy grabs him by the arm, ready for Bruce to get down to business.
Backstage, Tammy drags Bruce by the beard into the middle of the dressing room. In normal lighting she seems to instantly age like 30 years. Bruce doesn’t care...his eyes are wide, his mouth is open. Saliva drops from his bottom lip into his beard.
Tammy turns around, bends over and flips her skirt up, revealing her bare ass. Bruce howls and steps forward, ripping her ass cheeks apart.
He looks down, ready to chow down...but Tammy’s asshole opens up, releasing a giant cloud of smoke. Bruce inhales. Menthol.
The asshole then starts to talk.
“Look inside me, Bruce. Deep inside.”
Bruce’s brow furrows as he leans down, staring deep inside the stripper’s aging asshole.
A polar bear dances on a floating block of ice. It’s drinking a coca cola. The bear shimmies its shoulders while shuffling its feet. Bruce, looking on, gives the bear a thumbs up.
The polar bear finishes its coca cola and tosses the bottle into the ocean. It continues to dance.
A seal swims by, “ARF ARF!”
The polar bear reaches in and pulls the seal out of the water, ripping it’s throat wide open and savagely removes its insides.
Bruce rears back. That was kinda mean. The polar bear then uses the seal’s skin and tosses it around it’s shoulders as a shawl. It models the bloody shawl.
Cheeks holds up seven fingers. A seven out of ten, not bad. The polar bear will take it. It devours the seal skin shawl.
The polar bear starts to disco dance. Until a couple of killer whales leap out, taking the polar bear off the ice and murdering it. Blood fills the water. Bruce looks on, concerned.
The Killer Whales then breach the surface, their heads staring at Bruce...they start to dance around, showing off their moves. Bruce nods and shimmies his shoulders to some fun music that’s playing in the distance.
The whales dance and kick their fins around.
Suddenly, harpoons fly from off screen, killing the whales instantly. Their bodies float to the surface with more blood filling the ocean. Bruce turns and sees a boat of ruthless fishermen. They go wild, cheering their fresh kill.
The fishermen start to do the Macarena. They are doing it very well. So well, in fact, that Bruce can’t be angry as he, too, starts to do the Macarena
He floats through the air toward the boat, soaring above the fishermen. They do the macarena, looking up at Bruce. He does the macarena back. They drop to their knees, worshipping Bruce as he does the macarena high above them. The sun shines bright upon the deity known as Bruce Cheeks.
Bruce turns, staring into the sun. The sun smiles down at him...it then turns around and flashes its butt cheeks at Bruce. Bruce licks his lips.
The fishermen laugh and roll around the deck of the boat. Back and forth. Back and forth.
Bruce looks down at them and gives them a thumbs up. They then all turn into giant burritos. Bruce’s eyes widen and he dives down, head first into the collection of human burritos. He starts eating them. So delicious. So many beans.
The sun’s ass shakes, shooting light rays down on Bruce. Bruce finally looks up, sauce, beans, meat, cheese, and guac covering his face and beard. He stares at the sun’s plump ass.
“Eat me, Bruce. Eat me.”
Bruce does the macarena. He nods at the sun and slowly rises back into the air. He releases a huge fart and it propels him toward the sun.
“Eat me, Bruce. Eat me!!”
Bruce flies at the sun as fast as he can, propelling his face directly at the sun’s ass.
“Eat me Bruce. EAT MEEEEEE!!!!”
Furiously, like a comet reversing course...Bruce’s body shoots up into the atmosphere, toward the sun...he flies through space, giving a salute at Uranus, which sets off in the vast spacial distance. He heads for the sun.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT ME BABY”
Bruce is like Icarus. Or, more like...Assacrus! He heads straight for the sun’s ass...closer and closer. Closer and closer. The sun’s ass begins to split open, it’s giant, flaming asshole invites Bruce in.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT MY SUNNY ASSHOLE YOU HAIRY BITCH”
Bruce yells out that he’s cumming! He dives head first toward the sun, heading straight into the sun’s asshole!!!
Darkness.
“Eat me, Bruce. EAT ME MOTHER FUCKER!”
Bruce opens his eyes and he’s back in the strip club, staring at Tammy’ ass.
“Well, what are ya waiting for? Eat my ass, Bruce!”
“Sorry, zoned out for a second there, Tammy.”
Bruce licks his lips and he dives into Tammy’s old, wrinkled ass. As he does, all the other strippers stand around, shaking their asses at Bruce.
Rey Jaguar and Mason Jones suck.
