Post by Bruce Cheeks on Nov 19, 2022 20:45:30 GMT -5
Standing on the edge of a cliff, Bruce Cheeks, Montana’s #1 Man has a lot on his mind. A two time loser in Action Wrestling.
Sure.
Technically he’s like 1-1 or whatever but that first match was a joke. Anybody who SHARES a win with some fucking human named NIOBE martin or whatever needs a swift kick in the private area via a steel toed boot.
Last Monday Bruce lost once again. This time to an equally bland and insipid character known as Tatiana Jolee. Yes, you read that right. There’s a legit pretend person running around with the name TATIANA JOLEE. It makes no damn sense.
But I guess Jolee signed a new contract and wrestled and beat ole Brucey. How fortuitous for the powers that be at AW. She must have tickled Torture’s taint or however it works to ensure your bland ass character is put over as the next great thing on these shows these days.
Cheeks should have known he was in trouble when he applied to work for a company run by a ‘thing’ called Torture. After all, that’s the best way to describe his entire AW experience thus far. Torture. And not the good kind.
Have all the words he’s heard said about this place over the years...have they all been true?
So far, they’re proving to be 100% valid. AW...where the blandest of the bland come to play.
Whatever.
Bruce ain’t gonna let all that get him down. Standing, staring out over the horizon, he’s in need of a good cleansing. He’s got another big match coming up...one that could get him back on that desired pathway of success. It’s a triple threat against Dionysus and...I’ll be honest, I can’t even remember the other guy...oh, yea, RAY JAGUAR.
Ray fuckin Jaguar.
Finally, a character with some promise and some panache. Finally a character worth fighting.
This energizes Bruce. He stares up into the sky, eyes closed. His fists clinched. An eagle screeches high above. Bruce brings his hand up and begins to slide and spread white liquid all over his face. It appears to be some type of facial cream. Is Bruce exfoliating? I mean, that’d make sense given how beautiful this man’s skin is.
Deep in thought and one with nature, Bruce’s ass cheeks relax and a loud fart rips from his hairy butt cheeks, causing all the nature around him and Dionysus, wherever he is, to quiver.
A breeze picks up, playing with Bruce’s hair and manly beard. Some of the white cream blows into his mouth but Bruce has no issue with that, licking it right up. Our view pans out as “Hero” by Skillet begins to play. A song that is worshipped as the greatest song in the history of music by people who know these types of things.
Another eagle shrieks. We see it soar over Bruce, who has his arms extended. The eagle shits a giant wad of white crap from its Eagle butthole right into Bruce’s hand...Bruce brings his hand to his face and continues to moisturize.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Montana can be pretty wild. The young ruffians of this mountainous state know how to ‘get down’...as they often call it. Or so I’m told that’s what it’s called. We used to put a ‘groove on’ back in my day.
“Right Round” by Flo Rida is playing. Two kegs are flowing. College aged kids are enjoying the Thanksgiving break, back home, pounding away some collegiate frustrations in the form of beer and ass.
But our view point is from the backyard. A man watches, staring through the window at all the fun and frivolity being shared. He belches, bringing a tall boy of PBR to his lips, enjoying a hearty sip of beer. He farts.
His eyes are narrow...an almost feral nature about them as though he’s scouting the ‘talent’ inside.
Is this man stalking these kids? Kinda creepy.
Sputtering and splurging sounds pull us from the man and our view. We pan out a bit to see Bruce’s septic truck behind him. “Puddin Pump 1” hard at work, emptying the home’s septic tank.
Yep, it’s a late night house call. Can’t have backed up sewage lines when 50+ kids are partying hard. Gonna be lots of piss and puke and who knows what else flushed down the several toilets inside.
A bit of sewage spurts up, hitting Bruce in the face. He brings his arm up, wiping it away with his sleeve while simultaneously spitting some tobacco into the ground. A giant wad of chaw pressed into his bottom lip.
Good thing Bruce moisturized because his face is half coated in dried sewage. The Puddin Pump is a messy business...but it’s worth it.
A back door opens and a drunk college guy starts to piss into the pool. He looks up and sees Bruce, “BRUCE MY MAN!”
Bruce raises his PBR and yells, “BOTTOMS UP!”
The kid yells back, “BOTTOMS UP, BABY!”
Together, they chug. Bruce crushes his empty can and tosses it into the yard. He reaches into his truck and grabs another. The college kid finishes pissing, “Come on in, Bruce! Come hang out!”
A mighty fine invitation.
Despite the tempting offer, Bruce is a professional. So, he remains at his post.
That’s okay. Once word spreads within that BRUCE CHEEKS is in the backyard, the party heads outside. They take the party to Bruce.
Bruce starts double fisting PBR’s...gyrating his hips with two college chicks grinding into him.
One college dude looks on, “Bro, I can’t believe my girlfriend is grinding into Bruce Cheeks!”
The other college guy replies, “Same here, man! WHAT A FUCKING HONOR!” They toast solo cups.
A super drunk college guy sees the hose, pumping into the septic tank and he gets an idea. He grabs it and positions it as his dick. “Guys, look at my massive cock!!!”
Sewage spews everywhere!! It flies all over the place, covering all the party patrons.
“My dick is FIRE!” they guy yells.
Bruce looks at the guy, hands on his hips and he shakes his heads, “Kids will be kids.” He laughs and grabs a few more PBRs.
The entire backyard is a giant shit show.
College kids slip and slide all over the place. They dive into it, rolling around.
A ‘sliding lane’ is created. People taking turns to perform their best slide. Of course, it doesn’t take long for all of them to turn and point at Bruce.
“C’mon, Bruce!”
“Let’s go, Bruce!”
“Honor us, Mr. Cheeks!”
“BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
Bruce ain’t usually into this silly stuff. But he’s also a man of and for the people.
So, Bruce backs up, bottoms up both PBR’s, tossing the cans over his shoulders. He digs his hands into the soggy, brown Earth and then charges forward. He performs a very graceful baseball slide...sliding right into our view with his crotch consuming the entire screen. We’re left with darkness and the cheers of a very appreciate, drunk crowd.
LATER
All that work caused Bruce’s bowels to shift. Shift enough to require a seat on the porcelain throne. He heads upstairs where a massive shit is bound to commence.
He steps into the bathroom and turns on the light and is shocked to find one of the girls that was grinding on him from earlier. Her boyfriend is standing next to her.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you guys were in here,” Bruce politely apologizes.
The college dude stops him, “Bruce, no man, no. We were waiting on you.”
Bruce pauses.
“It would be an honor, Bruce, an honor, if you’d get to know my girlfriend, Donna, in a more personal manner.”
Bruce’s eyes narrow as he looks at the college guy and then at his girlfriend, coated in shit.
“Is this what you want,” Bruce’s voice deepens, becoming very husky.
“More than anything, BRUCE,” she speaks back, her voice deepening, becoming raspy.
Bruce licks his lips. The college guy offers a condom. Bruce slaps it away and throws the kid out of the bathroom, sending him crashing into a wall outside before slamming the door. Digging himself out of the hole in the wall the kid says, “Should’ve handed him a magnum. Such an insult. Stupid!”
Size of the condom had nothing to do with it, though. For we all know what Bruce is about. And it ain’t about mass or sass or class. Bruce is all about that ass.
He towers over the college girl. She looks up at him quivering, biting her shit covered bottom lip. Bruce dives in and the two shit covered humans make out for several intense moments before Bruce spins her around with force. He shoves her forward.
“Bottoms up, babe.”
She cracks a half smile, “Anything for you, Brucey.”
She bends over. Bruce’s eyes widen as they seem to become filled with light. He licks his lips, spits out his wad of tobacco and dives in.
Sure.
Technically he’s like 1-1 or whatever but that first match was a joke. Anybody who SHARES a win with some fucking human named NIOBE martin or whatever needs a swift kick in the private area via a steel toed boot.
Last Monday Bruce lost once again. This time to an equally bland and insipid character known as Tatiana Jolee. Yes, you read that right. There’s a legit pretend person running around with the name TATIANA JOLEE. It makes no damn sense.
But I guess Jolee signed a new contract and wrestled and beat ole Brucey. How fortuitous for the powers that be at AW. She must have tickled Torture’s taint or however it works to ensure your bland ass character is put over as the next great thing on these shows these days.
Cheeks should have known he was in trouble when he applied to work for a company run by a ‘thing’ called Torture. After all, that’s the best way to describe his entire AW experience thus far. Torture. And not the good kind.
Have all the words he’s heard said about this place over the years...have they all been true?
So far, they’re proving to be 100% valid. AW...where the blandest of the bland come to play.
Whatever.
Bruce ain’t gonna let all that get him down. Standing, staring out over the horizon, he’s in need of a good cleansing. He’s got another big match coming up...one that could get him back on that desired pathway of success. It’s a triple threat against Dionysus and...I’ll be honest, I can’t even remember the other guy...oh, yea, RAY JAGUAR.
Ray fuckin Jaguar.
Finally, a character with some promise and some panache. Finally a character worth fighting.
This energizes Bruce. He stares up into the sky, eyes closed. His fists clinched. An eagle screeches high above. Bruce brings his hand up and begins to slide and spread white liquid all over his face. It appears to be some type of facial cream. Is Bruce exfoliating? I mean, that’d make sense given how beautiful this man’s skin is.
Deep in thought and one with nature, Bruce’s ass cheeks relax and a loud fart rips from his hairy butt cheeks, causing all the nature around him and Dionysus, wherever he is, to quiver.
A breeze picks up, playing with Bruce’s hair and manly beard. Some of the white cream blows into his mouth but Bruce has no issue with that, licking it right up. Our view pans out as “Hero” by Skillet begins to play. A song that is worshipped as the greatest song in the history of music by people who know these types of things.
Another eagle shrieks. We see it soar over Bruce, who has his arms extended. The eagle shits a giant wad of white crap from its Eagle butthole right into Bruce’s hand...Bruce brings his hand to his face and continues to moisturize.
LATER THAT NIGHT
Montana can be pretty wild. The young ruffians of this mountainous state know how to ‘get down’...as they often call it. Or so I’m told that’s what it’s called. We used to put a ‘groove on’ back in my day.
“Right Round” by Flo Rida is playing. Two kegs are flowing. College aged kids are enjoying the Thanksgiving break, back home, pounding away some collegiate frustrations in the form of beer and ass.
But our view point is from the backyard. A man watches, staring through the window at all the fun and frivolity being shared. He belches, bringing a tall boy of PBR to his lips, enjoying a hearty sip of beer. He farts.
His eyes are narrow...an almost feral nature about them as though he’s scouting the ‘talent’ inside.
Is this man stalking these kids? Kinda creepy.
Sputtering and splurging sounds pull us from the man and our view. We pan out a bit to see Bruce’s septic truck behind him. “Puddin Pump 1” hard at work, emptying the home’s septic tank.
Yep, it’s a late night house call. Can’t have backed up sewage lines when 50+ kids are partying hard. Gonna be lots of piss and puke and who knows what else flushed down the several toilets inside.
A bit of sewage spurts up, hitting Bruce in the face. He brings his arm up, wiping it away with his sleeve while simultaneously spitting some tobacco into the ground. A giant wad of chaw pressed into his bottom lip.
Good thing Bruce moisturized because his face is half coated in dried sewage. The Puddin Pump is a messy business...but it’s worth it.
A back door opens and a drunk college guy starts to piss into the pool. He looks up and sees Bruce, “BRUCE MY MAN!”
Bruce raises his PBR and yells, “BOTTOMS UP!”
The kid yells back, “BOTTOMS UP, BABY!”
Together, they chug. Bruce crushes his empty can and tosses it into the yard. He reaches into his truck and grabs another. The college kid finishes pissing, “Come on in, Bruce! Come hang out!”
A mighty fine invitation.
Despite the tempting offer, Bruce is a professional. So, he remains at his post.
That’s okay. Once word spreads within that BRUCE CHEEKS is in the backyard, the party heads outside. They take the party to Bruce.
Bruce starts double fisting PBR’s...gyrating his hips with two college chicks grinding into him.
One college dude looks on, “Bro, I can’t believe my girlfriend is grinding into Bruce Cheeks!”
The other college guy replies, “Same here, man! WHAT A FUCKING HONOR!” They toast solo cups.
A super drunk college guy sees the hose, pumping into the septic tank and he gets an idea. He grabs it and positions it as his dick. “Guys, look at my massive cock!!!”
Sewage spews everywhere!! It flies all over the place, covering all the party patrons.
“My dick is FIRE!” they guy yells.
Bruce looks at the guy, hands on his hips and he shakes his heads, “Kids will be kids.” He laughs and grabs a few more PBRs.
The entire backyard is a giant shit show.
College kids slip and slide all over the place. They dive into it, rolling around.
A ‘sliding lane’ is created. People taking turns to perform their best slide. Of course, it doesn’t take long for all of them to turn and point at Bruce.
“C’mon, Bruce!”
“Let’s go, Bruce!”
“Honor us, Mr. Cheeks!”
“BRUCE! BRUCE! BRUCE!”
Bruce ain’t usually into this silly stuff. But he’s also a man of and for the people.
So, Bruce backs up, bottoms up both PBR’s, tossing the cans over his shoulders. He digs his hands into the soggy, brown Earth and then charges forward. He performs a very graceful baseball slide...sliding right into our view with his crotch consuming the entire screen. We’re left with darkness and the cheers of a very appreciate, drunk crowd.
LATER
All that work caused Bruce’s bowels to shift. Shift enough to require a seat on the porcelain throne. He heads upstairs where a massive shit is bound to commence.
He steps into the bathroom and turns on the light and is shocked to find one of the girls that was grinding on him from earlier. Her boyfriend is standing next to her.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you guys were in here,” Bruce politely apologizes.
The college dude stops him, “Bruce, no man, no. We were waiting on you.”
Bruce pauses.
“It would be an honor, Bruce, an honor, if you’d get to know my girlfriend, Donna, in a more personal manner.”
Bruce’s eyes narrow as he looks at the college guy and then at his girlfriend, coated in shit.
“Is this what you want,” Bruce’s voice deepens, becoming very husky.
“More than anything, BRUCE,” she speaks back, her voice deepening, becoming raspy.
Bruce licks his lips. The college guy offers a condom. Bruce slaps it away and throws the kid out of the bathroom, sending him crashing into a wall outside before slamming the door. Digging himself out of the hole in the wall the kid says, “Should’ve handed him a magnum. Such an insult. Stupid!”
Size of the condom had nothing to do with it, though. For we all know what Bruce is about. And it ain’t about mass or sass or class. Bruce is all about that ass.
He towers over the college girl. She looks up at him quivering, biting her shit covered bottom lip. Bruce dives in and the two shit covered humans make out for several intense moments before Bruce spins her around with force. He shoves her forward.
“Bottoms up, babe.”
She cracks a half smile, “Anything for you, Brucey.”
She bends over. Bruce’s eyes widen as they seem to become filled with light. He licks his lips, spits out his wad of tobacco and dives in.
