Post by CJ Phoenix on Nov 12, 2022 13:54:51 GMT -5
I'm not okay.
I don't get to say that often, but it's true. I haven't been for a long time, and I honestly may never be.
November 9th, 2022
5:20AM
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
"Bae, your phone's ringing."
Not exactly the first thing I thought I'd hear. Especially this early in the morning as Kaiyah's voice tore me away from my slumber. I force myself to be awake enough to see who's calling.....
IT'S HIM......DR. FIELD....
Phoenix: Hello?
Dr. Field: Hey there! I just got back from vacation and saw that I missed a few calls. What's going on?
Phoenix: Not much. Just need to talk to you for a bit.
Dr. Field: Okay. How about you come down to my office? I was heading there anyway.
Phoenix: Yeah. I can do that.
Dr. Field: Cool. I should be there in a few minutes. See you then?
Phoenix: Yep. See you then.
I hand up and shake off the rest of my sleepiness.
Kaiyah: You okay?
Phoenix: Sure am. That was Dr. Field. He wants me to meet him at his office. Time to get some answers.
Kaiyah: Good. Just be careful out there, alright?
Phoenix: I will.
Less than 30 minutes later, I pulled up to the Fieldhouse Therapy Center. That's where I saw Dr. Field at the front door. He waved at me with a fake ass friendly smile. I make my way to the entrance where he unlocks the door and holds it open. I've got a bad feeling about this, but I can't turn back now. I can't be afraid. I HAVE to face the truth no matter how much despair it brings.
Dr. Field: My apologies for waking you up so early. I had a feeling this was something important, so I had to make sure we talked right away. So what's on your mind?
Phoenix: Well Doc, I've been having some REALLY strange dreams lately. They feel closer to memories than they do actual dreams.
Dr. Field: Really? That sounds quite interesting. What happens in these dreams?
Phoenix: There's one in particular that's been stuck in my mind. I'd wake up on a hospital bed and I'd see two figures talking. I can't see what they look like, but I've slowly been able to pick up on the sounds of their voices. One of them sounds like Vanessa while the other sounds like you.
The doctor hesitates for a split second.
Dr. Field: That's odd. Obviously it's just a dream though. You didn't meet Vanessa until months after your accident if I remember correctly.
Phoenix: Yeah....yeah that's true, but I'm not sure what happened during those months anymore. My memory tells me that I got accused of a murder I witnessed, and then I had to piece together what actually happened just to clear my name.
Dr. Field: That's still one of the wildest things I've heard you do.
Phoenix: And that's the problem. I don't think it happened.
Dr. Field: But you just said you remembered it.
Phoenix: I remember it, but history doesn't. I looked through a bunch of news articles on and around the trial date.....and I found NOTHING. In the age that we live in now, there's no way that a trial of a pro wrestler being accused of murder goes completely unnoticed.
The doctor puts a hand on his chin.
Phoenix: If I had to guess, and this may sound like a longshot, that trial never happened. I wasn't accused of murder or anything. Something else happened, and YOU know what that something is.
Dr. Field looks confused.
Dr. Field: Are you sure you're feeling okay?
Phoenix: I'm feeling just fine. By the way, I caught what you said earlier.
Dr. Field: What did I say?
Phoenix: When I brought up the dream of waking up in a hospital bed, you brought up the fact that I didn't meet Vanessa until months after the accident. If it was really just a dream, then that wouldn't matter, would it?
Dr. Field: Well, I mean....
Phoenix: Be honest, doc. What actually happened?
The doctor sighs and then he smiles and gives a slow clap.
Dr. Field: Well done, CJ. I don't know how you did it, but you figured me out. I'll tell you the truth....if you're willing to wait for our other two guests to arrive.
Phoenix: And who might they be?
Dr. Field: One you just mentioned, and the other is bringing her here. They should be another ten or so minutes. I have a feeling they're wanting the same truth that you do.
Those ten minutes felt like an eternity. After they passed, the other visitors arrived. One was Vanessa. The other was a tall guy in a cloak and a plague mask. Pretty sure Halloween already ended.
Dr. Field: It has come to my attention that you found a recording of yourself from the past that contradicts your memory. Am I correct?
Vanessa: Yes, and all this time I still don't know where my brother is.
Dr. Field: He's been with you the whole time.
He points at the guy in the mask. The masked man nods and removes the veil over his face. Vanessa looks shocked.
Vanessa: Syrus???
He doesn't answer.
Dr. Field: I'm afraid that hasn't been his name for a long time. He goes by 'Zero' now. He's my apprentice, and I've spent over three years putting him through intense physical and psychological training so that he can be what he is now.
Vanessa: What did you do to him?
Dr. Field: The same thing I did to you two. I've unleashed his full potential by rewriting his memories.
Phoenix: You WHAT!?!? HOW!?
Dr. Field: With a little luck and a lot of patience.....and knowledge of the Simulation Hypothesis.
Vanessa: Huh? What's that?
Dr. Field: The simulation hypothesis proposes that all of our existence is a simulated reality, such as a computer simulation which convinces its inhabitants that the simulation is real. In a sense, a person's coding can be altered. If it's altered the right way enough times, they can be changed completely.
Phoenix: Or traumatized even further.
Vanessa: It sounds like you used a screwed up form of hypnotherapy.
Dr. Field: Bravo! Look at you remembering things! Yes, hypnotherapy is part of it, but the whole goal is to soft reset the mind in a seamless transition. You can't say it hasn't made any of you better.
Vanessa: It gave me NIGHTMARES and made me forget my own brother!
Dr. Field: It's not like he missed you.
Vanessa gasps as her eyes fill with tears.
Vanessa: I......I HATE YOU!
CJ clenches his fists, but before he could run at Sigma, the latter pulls out a pistol and aims it at CJ. Meanwhile, Zero/Syrus sees the tears running down Vanessa's face. He stands there in a stunned gaze.
Dr. Field: What? I'm right. Look at the three of you! Syrus here is my greatest apprentice! He started as a hothead who was so stressed out that it was physically making him sick. Look at him now. Hasn't had so much as a seasonal allergy in over three years. Yes, I may have pushed him to the point where he became completely numb to all emotions and he repressed so many memories that he doesn't remember anything before we met, but that's a small price to pay for what he gained in the process. I've even helped him build upon his already high pain tolerance. He's living his best life now, and so are you, Vanessa. You were one of my assistants. Loyal, sweet, honest to a fault, but also naive. In your case, it took a lot less hypnotic suggestion and no physical trauma to change you. I just made you forget that you're actual parents died and had a couple of older staff members be your parents instead. I even dropped you off at the casino where I would often hang out with CJ and his wife. That way, you'd meet them and be able to monitor CJ's progress. You were just some college graduate with goals that you didn't have the confidence to pursue. Now you're a journalist. You're an assistant at a highly successful wrestling promotion. AND you have your own friends and fans. None of that would've happened without ME! You'd still be the same wide-eyed idiot I let ride my coattails because you were obedient and you knew your brother was already working for me.
You owe ALL of your success to ME. Same goes for you, CJ. You're a special case because you were the trickiest to deal with. Your mind is like a genius's junky room. Everything's all messy, but you know where everything is. It took a LOT to reprogram your mind. First off, you DECLINED my offer for you to take part in this project. So I had to literally run you off the road just to get a hold of you.
Phoenix: You ran me off the road!? So that night....I didn't drive and crash on my own from my depression.
Dr. Field: Nope. That was all me. Fortunately, you didn't die. So Syrus and I had you sedated and we brought you to that room you mentioned waking up in during your 'dreams'. The truth is, we kept having to wake you up, administer hypnosis, and then put you back to sleep. You essentially got the psychological trauma equivalent of what Syrus went through. Amazingly, almost every time you went to sleep, you would have these wild dreams and I would take notes along the way. My favorites were the one about the voices in your head helping you fight a war with yourself and the one where you were on trial for murder and had to prove your innocence. I liked the second one so much that I eventually convinced you that it was reality and that the war within was the only dream. I wanted you to be cold, calculated, and emotionless like Syrus. Sadly, you were so erratic that I wasn't sure how long my hypnotic suggestions would work. So there's your 'TRUTH', CJ. You built a legacy and became one of wrestling's most well-loved people. You oughta get comeback player of the decade for how you turned your career around. You've worked so hard, especially this last year and a half, to build a connection with the people in this world.....all for it to be built on a foundation of LIES! You're not helping the world. You're BETRAYING them! Just like your friends betrayed you and how you betrayed Kaiyah. That's all this world's full of. A bunch of deceivers looking to manipulate each other and none of us in this room are any different!
The doctor gets a crazed look in his eyes.
Dr. Field: You know, with a little more trauma and some hypnotherapy to chase it down, I bet I can fix your erratic behavior for good this time. So let's get to fixing!
He moves his arm, now pointing the gun at Vanessa.
Phoenix: NO!
I tried to move towards Nessa, but I was too far away. Sigma pulled the trigger and I froze. First in fear of losing one of my closest friends. Then, in confusion when I saw what actually happened.
Dr. Field: ZERO! Why the hell did you get in the way!? I did NOT tell you to-
Syrus: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Vanessa: Syrus! Are you okay?
Syrus looks at his sister and smiles.
Syrus: Yeah. I've been shot before. Still a 0/10 experience.
Seeing Nessa cry must've triggered enough memories to get him back to his senses. Even more so when Sigma point a whole ass gun at her. He shoved her out of the way, taking a bullet to she shoulder in the process. Sigma was so distraught about what just happened that I saw a window open to disarm him. So I went for it. Three long strides and a diving tackle. Almost felt like I was in the ring for a moment. He fumbled the gun in the process, which made it easier to subdue him. At last, this nightmare was finally over.....at least that's what I thought.
Vanessa: Wait, what are you doing?
Syrus: Putting an end to this for good.
During the tussel between myself and Dr. Field, Syrus, fueled by adrenaline and fury, managed to get a hold of the gun. I had to let go of the doctor so that I could try to talk some sense into him. It was no use.
I'm not okay......I went hunting for the truth...and I found it......almost makes me regret ever looking. It's a reminder that I am the Luminary of Despair. That title is more than just a name. What the people see is only the good side. They don't know the cost of bearing this curse. The truth is, when you're the Luminary of Despair.......
*BANG! BANG!*
I don't get to say that often, but it's true. I haven't been for a long time, and I honestly may never be.
November 9th, 2022
5:20AM
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
"Bae, your phone's ringing."
Not exactly the first thing I thought I'd hear. Especially this early in the morning as Kaiyah's voice tore me away from my slumber. I force myself to be awake enough to see who's calling.....
IT'S HIM......DR. FIELD....
Phoenix: Hello?
Dr. Field: Hey there! I just got back from vacation and saw that I missed a few calls. What's going on?
Phoenix: Not much. Just need to talk to you for a bit.
Dr. Field: Okay. How about you come down to my office? I was heading there anyway.
Phoenix: Yeah. I can do that.
Dr. Field: Cool. I should be there in a few minutes. See you then?
Phoenix: Yep. See you then.
I hand up and shake off the rest of my sleepiness.
Kaiyah: You okay?
Phoenix: Sure am. That was Dr. Field. He wants me to meet him at his office. Time to get some answers.
Kaiyah: Good. Just be careful out there, alright?
Phoenix: I will.
Less than 30 minutes later, I pulled up to the Fieldhouse Therapy Center. That's where I saw Dr. Field at the front door. He waved at me with a fake ass friendly smile. I make my way to the entrance where he unlocks the door and holds it open. I've got a bad feeling about this, but I can't turn back now. I can't be afraid. I HAVE to face the truth no matter how much despair it brings.
Dr. Field: My apologies for waking you up so early. I had a feeling this was something important, so I had to make sure we talked right away. So what's on your mind?
Phoenix: Well Doc, I've been having some REALLY strange dreams lately. They feel closer to memories than they do actual dreams.
Dr. Field: Really? That sounds quite interesting. What happens in these dreams?
Phoenix: There's one in particular that's been stuck in my mind. I'd wake up on a hospital bed and I'd see two figures talking. I can't see what they look like, but I've slowly been able to pick up on the sounds of their voices. One of them sounds like Vanessa while the other sounds like you.
The doctor hesitates for a split second.
Dr. Field: That's odd. Obviously it's just a dream though. You didn't meet Vanessa until months after your accident if I remember correctly.
Phoenix: Yeah....yeah that's true, but I'm not sure what happened during those months anymore. My memory tells me that I got accused of a murder I witnessed, and then I had to piece together what actually happened just to clear my name.
Dr. Field: That's still one of the wildest things I've heard you do.
Phoenix: And that's the problem. I don't think it happened.
Dr. Field: But you just said you remembered it.
Phoenix: I remember it, but history doesn't. I looked through a bunch of news articles on and around the trial date.....and I found NOTHING. In the age that we live in now, there's no way that a trial of a pro wrestler being accused of murder goes completely unnoticed.
The doctor puts a hand on his chin.
Phoenix: If I had to guess, and this may sound like a longshot, that trial never happened. I wasn't accused of murder or anything. Something else happened, and YOU know what that something is.
Dr. Field looks confused.
Dr. Field: Are you sure you're feeling okay?
Phoenix: I'm feeling just fine. By the way, I caught what you said earlier.
Dr. Field: What did I say?
Phoenix: When I brought up the dream of waking up in a hospital bed, you brought up the fact that I didn't meet Vanessa until months after the accident. If it was really just a dream, then that wouldn't matter, would it?
Dr. Field: Well, I mean....
Phoenix: Be honest, doc. What actually happened?
The doctor sighs and then he smiles and gives a slow clap.
Dr. Field: Well done, CJ. I don't know how you did it, but you figured me out. I'll tell you the truth....if you're willing to wait for our other two guests to arrive.
Phoenix: And who might they be?
Dr. Field: One you just mentioned, and the other is bringing her here. They should be another ten or so minutes. I have a feeling they're wanting the same truth that you do.
Those ten minutes felt like an eternity. After they passed, the other visitors arrived. One was Vanessa. The other was a tall guy in a cloak and a plague mask. Pretty sure Halloween already ended.
Dr. Field: It has come to my attention that you found a recording of yourself from the past that contradicts your memory. Am I correct?
Vanessa: Yes, and all this time I still don't know where my brother is.
Dr. Field: He's been with you the whole time.
He points at the guy in the mask. The masked man nods and removes the veil over his face. Vanessa looks shocked.
Vanessa: Syrus???
He doesn't answer.
Dr. Field: I'm afraid that hasn't been his name for a long time. He goes by 'Zero' now. He's my apprentice, and I've spent over three years putting him through intense physical and psychological training so that he can be what he is now.
Vanessa: What did you do to him?
Dr. Field: The same thing I did to you two. I've unleashed his full potential by rewriting his memories.
Phoenix: You WHAT!?!? HOW!?
Dr. Field: With a little luck and a lot of patience.....and knowledge of the Simulation Hypothesis.
Vanessa: Huh? What's that?
Dr. Field: The simulation hypothesis proposes that all of our existence is a simulated reality, such as a computer simulation which convinces its inhabitants that the simulation is real. In a sense, a person's coding can be altered. If it's altered the right way enough times, they can be changed completely.
Phoenix: Or traumatized even further.
Vanessa: It sounds like you used a screwed up form of hypnotherapy.
Dr. Field: Bravo! Look at you remembering things! Yes, hypnotherapy is part of it, but the whole goal is to soft reset the mind in a seamless transition. You can't say it hasn't made any of you better.
Vanessa: It gave me NIGHTMARES and made me forget my own brother!
Dr. Field: It's not like he missed you.
Vanessa gasps as her eyes fill with tears.
Vanessa: I......I HATE YOU!
CJ clenches his fists, but before he could run at Sigma, the latter pulls out a pistol and aims it at CJ. Meanwhile, Zero/Syrus sees the tears running down Vanessa's face. He stands there in a stunned gaze.
Dr. Field: What? I'm right. Look at the three of you! Syrus here is my greatest apprentice! He started as a hothead who was so stressed out that it was physically making him sick. Look at him now. Hasn't had so much as a seasonal allergy in over three years. Yes, I may have pushed him to the point where he became completely numb to all emotions and he repressed so many memories that he doesn't remember anything before we met, but that's a small price to pay for what he gained in the process. I've even helped him build upon his already high pain tolerance. He's living his best life now, and so are you, Vanessa. You were one of my assistants. Loyal, sweet, honest to a fault, but also naive. In your case, it took a lot less hypnotic suggestion and no physical trauma to change you. I just made you forget that you're actual parents died and had a couple of older staff members be your parents instead. I even dropped you off at the casino where I would often hang out with CJ and his wife. That way, you'd meet them and be able to monitor CJ's progress. You were just some college graduate with goals that you didn't have the confidence to pursue. Now you're a journalist. You're an assistant at a highly successful wrestling promotion. AND you have your own friends and fans. None of that would've happened without ME! You'd still be the same wide-eyed idiot I let ride my coattails because you were obedient and you knew your brother was already working for me.
You owe ALL of your success to ME. Same goes for you, CJ. You're a special case because you were the trickiest to deal with. Your mind is like a genius's junky room. Everything's all messy, but you know where everything is. It took a LOT to reprogram your mind. First off, you DECLINED my offer for you to take part in this project. So I had to literally run you off the road just to get a hold of you.
Phoenix: You ran me off the road!? So that night....I didn't drive and crash on my own from my depression.
Dr. Field: Nope. That was all me. Fortunately, you didn't die. So Syrus and I had you sedated and we brought you to that room you mentioned waking up in during your 'dreams'. The truth is, we kept having to wake you up, administer hypnosis, and then put you back to sleep. You essentially got the psychological trauma equivalent of what Syrus went through. Amazingly, almost every time you went to sleep, you would have these wild dreams and I would take notes along the way. My favorites were the one about the voices in your head helping you fight a war with yourself and the one where you were on trial for murder and had to prove your innocence. I liked the second one so much that I eventually convinced you that it was reality and that the war within was the only dream. I wanted you to be cold, calculated, and emotionless like Syrus. Sadly, you were so erratic that I wasn't sure how long my hypnotic suggestions would work. So there's your 'TRUTH', CJ. You built a legacy and became one of wrestling's most well-loved people. You oughta get comeback player of the decade for how you turned your career around. You've worked so hard, especially this last year and a half, to build a connection with the people in this world.....all for it to be built on a foundation of LIES! You're not helping the world. You're BETRAYING them! Just like your friends betrayed you and how you betrayed Kaiyah. That's all this world's full of. A bunch of deceivers looking to manipulate each other and none of us in this room are any different!
The doctor gets a crazed look in his eyes.
Dr. Field: You know, with a little more trauma and some hypnotherapy to chase it down, I bet I can fix your erratic behavior for good this time. So let's get to fixing!
He moves his arm, now pointing the gun at Vanessa.
Phoenix: NO!
I tried to move towards Nessa, but I was too far away. Sigma pulled the trigger and I froze. First in fear of losing one of my closest friends. Then, in confusion when I saw what actually happened.
Dr. Field: ZERO! Why the hell did you get in the way!? I did NOT tell you to-
Syrus: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Vanessa: Syrus! Are you okay?
Syrus looks at his sister and smiles.
Syrus: Yeah. I've been shot before. Still a 0/10 experience.
Seeing Nessa cry must've triggered enough memories to get him back to his senses. Even more so when Sigma point a whole ass gun at her. He shoved her out of the way, taking a bullet to she shoulder in the process. Sigma was so distraught about what just happened that I saw a window open to disarm him. So I went for it. Three long strides and a diving tackle. Almost felt like I was in the ring for a moment. He fumbled the gun in the process, which made it easier to subdue him. At last, this nightmare was finally over.....at least that's what I thought.
Vanessa: Wait, what are you doing?
Syrus: Putting an end to this for good.
During the tussel between myself and Dr. Field, Syrus, fueled by adrenaline and fury, managed to get a hold of the gun. I had to let go of the doctor so that I could try to talk some sense into him. It was no use.
I'm not okay......I went hunting for the truth...and I found it......almost makes me regret ever looking. It's a reminder that I am the Luminary of Despair. That title is more than just a name. What the people see is only the good side. They don't know the cost of bearing this curse. The truth is, when you're the Luminary of Despair.......
*BANG! BANG!*
EVERY DAY IS A TRAGEDY