Post by CJ Phoenix on Nov 6, 2022 14:35:30 GMT -5
Two months have gone by since I started investigating my past and those weird dreams that felt more like reality than reality itself. Unfortunately, I've hit a wall. Doctor Field's been on 'vacation', so I can't get any answers from him. All I can do is question what's real until I find out the truth. Fortunately, the Trios Tournament has been a healthy distraction. Especially with Jonny Cedrone getting more well-deserved recognition and Spencer Adams getting another trophy to add to his impressive collection. Even having Jonny's back after he got attacked post-match tonight kept mind off things. It makes me want to just let go of it all and just enjoy being a wrestler, but minutes after Clash ended, I came across Vanessa, who was dressed as a witch, and her presence reminded me that I'm only pretending that everything's fine.
You're getting sick of seeing my face, aren't you? I can tell from the despair in your eyes and the 'Dammit, not CJ Phoenix again! Anyone but him!' echoing through your mind. I'm here for the hat trick of wins over you in a four-month span, Odin. First, we crossed paths in the #1 battle royale for the tag team titles. King Shit won and went on to become Tag Champs. Then, I stomped your ass out again in the Trios Tournament....on the way to winning that too. Now, I'm gonna knock you out of the Wrestler of the Year tournament en route to winning that too.
The only difference here is that it's a one-on-one match this time. I don't have Spencer Adams or even Jonny Cedrone to tag in for this one. It's just you and me. I know you think that gives you a better chance of winning, but I assure you that it doesn't. I'm every bit as lethal of a singles competitor as I am a tag team titan. I've already proven it, but I STILL haven't done more than scratch the surface of what I'm truly capable of. Truthfully, I need this win a hell of a lot more than you do and I'm gonna get it. Meanwhile, this tournament doesn't mean shit to you and you don't mean shit to it. Seriously, what do you have to lose here? Pride? Maybe that's it. You're upset because you're not viewed as the raid boss that you once were. How does it feel to know that you not only couldn't crack the top eight in seeding, but you also won't make it to the top eight in the tournament itself? Though I must say that 9 spot is perfect for you. The top part of the lower half. That's what you've sunk to in Action Wrestling. You're still good and capable of putting on a great match, but you're no longer able to carry this company. That's MY destiny. Just as your destiny is to fall once again to the Luminary of Despair.
No one's gonna be surprised when I beat you by the way. It'll simply be another day in the office. That shows how much you and I have changed since we first crossed paths. I've become the top draw that you WISH you could become again. I'm the true heir to the throne of Action Wrestling, and you're nothing more than my tour guide. A stepping stone that I leap off of to reach heights that you could only dream of reaching. It's no longer just an honor for me to face you, Odin. Now, it's a PRIVILEGE for you to be defeated by me. On the bright side, since you won't be making it past the first round, you can get back to doing what you do best that much sooner..... throwing your weight around and PRETENDING to be a god amongst mortals.
Vanessa: CJ! I'm gonna put a spell on you!
Phoenix: It's not a curse, is it?
Vanessa: Nope! I'm not allowed to learn dark magic.
Phoenix: That's a relief.
Vanessa: Why does everyone say that? Humph.
Phoenix: Because we care about you and we want you to be safe. Besides, dark magic is more dangerous than you think.
Nessa hasn't had any luck understanding her nightmares either. Luckily, she hasn't had any new ones in a while, but she can't get the thoughts out of her mind either. Every time I see her, I can't help but feel upset at myself. Seeing a friend suffering....and not being able to fix it in that moment.....is frustrating. So I fake a smile in order to keep my friend happy...just as I do to keep my fans and family happy. That's all I can do...fake happiness until I know what's real again.
Vanessa: Really? Have you done it before?
Phoenix: Yes, and there are serious consequences and repercussions.
Vanessa: Oh my....well I'll take your word for it.
Phoenix: Good. So how's the witching going?
Her eyes light up in excitement after hearing the question.
Vanessa: It's been enchanting!!! Or uhhhhh I'VE been enchanting. I've been doing magic tricks all day long, and I haven't gotten in a lot of trouble this time.
Phoenix: Good job. I'm proud of you.
Vanessa: Thanks! Ooh! Wanna see my magic in action!?
Phoenix: Sure, why not.
She holds up her wand and points it down the hall.
Vanessa: Okay, here goes! Azareth....Metrion....Zi-
A crashing sound interrupts her, followed by a staff member yelling 'shit!' in the distance. The sudden noise catches our attention.
Vanessa: Oh no! I hurt somebody!
Before I could even respond, she was already preemptively apologizing as we ran towards the sound of the impact. One of the camera crewmen fumbled a camera, and it took us almost ten minutes to convince Vanessa that she didn't cause the camera to fall. Fortunately, the guy didn't get hurt, but that didn't stop Nessa from running off to 'work on perfecting her skills'. I decided to resume my walk towards the exit. I needed to keep my mind off of all of this weird stuff with my memories. Can't have that distracting me with the Wrestler of the year tournament just a week away. Most of all, I just wanted to be in a better place mentally. Between wrestling and trying to figure out what's real in my life.....I've been stressing out, but I can't give up. I can't stop and I can't slow down. I have people counting on me and even more that look up to me. Damn, life was so much easier when I couldn't feel my emotions.
It's ironic how our careers are traveling in opposite directions. You, a self-proclaimed god still struggling to come to grips with his mortality, and me, a mere mortal who has gone from being written off to being in the midst of my own deification. It's been a long, painful process, but it's one that I WILL complete successfully. Every time I go out to that ring, the world gets reminded that as long as CJ Phoenix is here, Action Wrestling is in good hands. They've seen my failures. They've seen my successes. Most of all, they see the fact that I keep getting better. It's not my youth that's gonna secure my win over you. It's my wisdom. It's my dedication to the craft. I go back and I watch the matches we had. I see the little mistakes I need to fix, and I see your mistakes that I can exploit. I'm a true student of the game, Odin. I'm not dumb enough to underestimate you because you're out of your prime. I'm just smart enough to bet on myself because I've EARNED the right to. I know I'll win Monday because I out-work you, I out-strategize you, and I'm gonna outplay you in that ring.
It doesn't feel good when the tables have turned, does it? All those years of you looming over those inferior to you, and now YOU'RE the one that's become inferior to ME! In your mind, you keep telling yourself 'if I were still in my prime, I bet I could win' so you can have an excuse as to why I keep stomping you out instead of just flat out admitting that I've become the better wrestler. Hate to break it to you, but I'm still ascending towards my prime, and it'll be a lot greater than yours ever was. Face it. You knew you didn't stand a chance the moment John Thomas revealed you as my opponent. Now YOU'RE the one looking up to the heavens and praying for the gods to show you mercy. Unfortunately for you, there will be no mercy.
Only.....DESPAIR!
As I approached my Hellcat in the parking lot, I checked to see where the next Clash will take place.
Phoenix: NOLA....nice. At least I'll be close to home.
I enter my vehicle, but I don't put the key in the ignition. Instead, my head leans against the steering wheel. The mental exhaustion is starting to become physical. I hear a voice beside me. A cheerful, loud, and familiar one. It must be Ibuki.
Ibuki: HELLO!
Phoenix: Hey, Ibuki.
I didn't even turn my head. My voice was pancake flat. I guess my depression triggered the cheerful voice in my head to show up for comfort.
Ibuki: Hold on. Where's the hype in your voice? You're a champion, remember?
Phoenix: I don't....feel like one.
Ibuki: Why not? You literally have a title in the car with you.
Phoenix: I know, but I just can't stop thinking about this memory stuff. There's too much not adding up for it all to be a coincidence, but I can't figure it out. I feel like I'm missing some pieces.
Ibuki: What's wrong with waiting for those pieces to show up?
Phoenix: The fact that I'm not the only one being affected. If it was just me, I could just repress it, but it's not. Nessa's affected. Chances are Kaiyah's affected. Who knows how far this goes? It feels like a problem that I KNOW I'm capable of solving, but I still haven't....and.....a part of me is starting to not want to.
Ibuki: Why not? Are you afraid of the truth?
Phoenix: ......possibly. I'm worried that everything that I've been working on these last two years has been for nothing. What if I find out the truth and it turns out I did something terrible? What if the genuine connection I made with the fans was all built on a foundation of lies that I didn't know weren't truths? It feels like I don't know who I am now. How can I be the best version of myself if I don't know who I am?
Ibuki: If you don't know who you are, then you're free to be whatever you want! Like me, I'm a HORSEY! Meow!
Phoenix: That....that's not even close.
Ibuki: Maybe not, but it won't stop me from meowing again. Just because you don't know your past doesn't mean you can't shape the future anymore. Besides, you can't see the world in front of you from the rearview mirror.
Phoenix: Yeah....you're right.
Ibuki: Nooooooo, I'm Ibuki!
Phoenix: I.....sure.
Ibuki: There's a smile! We need more of those. It's getting really dark in your mind again. Scary too. I'm gonna find a flashlight and brighten the place up! I'm a racecar! Vroom vroom!
She disappears and I'm left alone with my thoughts once more. Ibuki has a point though. I need to stop being afraid of what the truth could be. No matter how despairingly bad it could be, I have to face it. It's the only way I can move on and continue to build a better life for myself and those around me.
