Fun with Flags

Flags. They mean a lot to a lot of people. They can symbolise a nation, an organisation, an ideal or a movement. They can stir even the most repressed of emotions or trigger pride and hatred at a glance. Or, as in this case, they can be a nice tablecloth.



Hi folks Narrator here, back at ya with another Andre Jenson thing. Today he’s having a picnic in Kem. The aforementioned tablecloth is the Canadian flag. He’s sitting with some of his old friends, they’re having a merry old time.



“What’s the tablecloth about, Andre?” Asks Amy - a close confidant of Jenson of many years.



“Oh apparently it’s a flag”. He responds, rather amused. He used air quotes for the flag portion of the sentence.



“Er, OK?” Amy responds, rather bemused - she knows Canada and the flag, after all she’s Canadian. She was just asking in the context of why.



“Some fictional place called Canada. I managed to find it in a bargain bucket somewhere. Which was weird, it was sandwiched between seal meat and Maple syrup.”



“Right.”



Jenson finally realises she meant why does he have it, not what it is.”Oh it’s because of the damn heritage, more specifically Bryan Blaze.



You see, this guy from this fictional land decided to desecrate the great flag of Kem. I get it, he’s pissed because Teo is better than him. He’s supremely annoyed that he can’t just bully people in Cruiserclash and get what he wants. He’s absolutely livid that whatever he does the gents get the best of him. So you know what he does? He goes on a crusade against us.



I can handle being put through tables. I can handle when my dressing room is trashed or stuff is damaged. That’s just money and my body, I’ve broken my body more than anyone out there and I have too much money to use anyway so whatever right?



But when you burn the flag of the great nation of Kem? No. That’s where I draw the line. This is why we’re eating sausage rolls from the Canadian flag.



I am a proud Kemsian, Teo is a proud American. I will be fighting this jackass for both of our great nations and I am not going to fail.



Blaze has been banging on for months about how much he’s been screwed by me. This is why he ratcheted up his campaign from just talking nonsense to actual acts because I did the right thing and ignored him - because that’s what you do with toddlers right? You ignore them if they are screaming nonsense. It wasn’t my fault I was pinned to lose the title, I wanted to win that title for the two gents more than anyone! It wasn’t my fault I was appointed the referee for his match but to be perfectly honest, Teo beat him that soundly they could have had his best buddy in the ring as referee and he would have still counted to three even if he did one every 4 hours. I had the time to cartwheel into the count for Odin’s sake!



So yeah, everything the guy has accused me of was stuff out of my control, stuff that wasn’t my fault. It just smacks of a bully who doesn’t get what he wants for the first time in his life lashing out because he’s been bested by superior athletes and gentlemen. Men who never need to gloat, or feel angry because they lost, or make up excuses or even countries for that matter! We have faced down bigger and angrier people than him before and we will again, because the Gents are eternal. We are gents.



But you know what will be my fault? When I go out there at Uprising. I kick him from here to Sydney, which apparently is in Canada, so now I know he’s making it up, drape him with the Kem and US flags and see the referee count to 3. When he lays on the floor, looking up, seeing only the stars and stripes and the great Ewock staring back at him then he’ll finally be validated.



That’s 100% gonna be on me.