Post by Tatiana on Aug 28, 2022 9:57:24 GMT -5
“Sometimes I just feel like no matter how hard I try, I just can’t find the acceptance that I have back home.”
I said in a docile tone, my eyes staring upward at a rather plain white ceiling in the fairly nondescript office of my psychologist. The sofa was comfy and familiar, and my mind drifted in and out of this brooding quagmire of action and inaction.
“Politics are always a divisive line to dance on. It’s all good to have political views, but the question you should be asking yourself is whether or not it’s helpful to share them?”
“You run the risk of alienating fans who are on the fence by getting political. Many of which may be turning to sports for some level of escapism from the world around us”
I let out a sigh while giving a little nod. I knew he was right, and really the political stuff hasn’t done anything for me… I mean yeah, I’ve gotten a little added heat. But it hasn’t convinced the booking committee to put me in a bigger feud to capitalize on it.
“I knoooow….”
“And right when I had her where I wanted her… They let that little weasel Mason Jones jump the apple cart and screw me over. Why? Because they couldn’t possibly let Lissie go into a supershow as the #1 Contender after losing to me. So they protected her by convincing Jones that he should get involved”
“Do you know that for certain?”
Uh… Duh
Why else would he get involved?
“Didn’t you injure this Jones fellow just a month or so ago?”
Injure was a big word… Maybe not so much as he was taught a lesson that needed to be taught. I mean Mason is like a waffle cone with maple syrup for brains. He has no grasp on reality, he seems interesting on the outside, but offers no real redeeming qualities aside from being a soggy oaf.
“I gave him a little taste of reality… Did we rough him up a bit? Yeah… But that’s the business, man”
“But getting attacked during your own match in retaliation isn’t just business?”
I rolled my eyes once again
I hated when he had a point like this…
“Regardless…. He cost me the claim to a World title shot. And as a consolation prize, I get a stupid gimmick match against that ass bag. Bullrope whatever… I don’t know… But I’d rather not be tethered to somebody so unhinged”
“Did you request to get out of the match?”
“Goodness no… They’d paint me a coward”
“So why is it cowardly to ask out of a match that you don’t want… But not when you tell me you want out of it in private?”
I remained quiet for a moment, my eyes darting around the ceiling as I tried to come to grips with that question… Why was it not cowardly to talk about not wanting the match - and cowardly to openly ask out of it? I mean… I felt that was pretty obvious.
“Well, you’re a therapist… Not like… The entire internet.”
“How does that change anything?”
“You knowing I don’t want this match isn’t the same as the whole industry knowing. They’d put me on blast, call me a coward, a quitter… They’d claim I was afraid of Jones… But you”
“But I’m not supposed to have an opinion, so it’s safe to admit these things to me?”
“It’s true, I’m not here to judge you… My job is to try and help you make sense of yourself. But the point is still fundamentally the same. You have an addiction to peer affirmation. And a fear that they will all turn on you”
“I think that it may stem from your teenage years… Always worried if people found out that you were gay, they’d hate you”
“It goes back to your high school peers teasing you about your last name and calling you Tatiana Gaymore”
IT’S GREYMORE!
I clenched my fists and exhaled slowly…
“It’s not the 90’s anymore… You shouldn’t be afraid to be you. For better or for worse”
“So you’re saying it’s all in my head?”
“No… I’m saying that you commit too much of your attention to what others think and not enough attention to how you think. Stop trying to get ‘over’ and just work hard. Let it come naturally”
I sighed and slumped into the sofa
“There will always be people who dislike you for irrational reasons. Right now you’re letting them win… Stop worrying about them and take the power back. It’s never too late to start over”
“So batter Jones and see what comes next?”
I could do that….
I said in a docile tone, my eyes staring upward at a rather plain white ceiling in the fairly nondescript office of my psychologist. The sofa was comfy and familiar, and my mind drifted in and out of this brooding quagmire of action and inaction.
Between being the accused and the accuser, the cursed and the accursed.
“I mean I have fans… And they have always been so amazing to me. But I can’t manage any headway here in the states. I’ve tried everything from appeasing those looking for some sort of hero, to going full bad guy and chastising them over all the political stuff going on here”
“Politics are always a divisive line to dance on. It’s all good to have political views, but the question you should be asking yourself is whether or not it’s helpful to share them?”
Harmful…
Always harmful…
I let out a sigh while giving a little nod. I knew he was right, and really the political stuff hasn’t done anything for me… I mean yeah, I’ve gotten a little added heat. But it hasn’t convinced the booking committee to put me in a bigger feud to capitalize on it.
“I knoooow….”
I whined a bit with a roll of my eyes.
“Two weeks ago, I was finally given a main event match against the number one contender to the World Title… Lissie Hope is one of their chosen elites, one of the top stars in Action Wrestling… And we had a hell of a match… A match that I had all-but won. Here I was - about to beat the #1 contender in an instant classic”
All while nursing a shoulder injury, I might add…
“And right when I had her where I wanted her… They let that little weasel Mason Jones jump the apple cart and screw me over. Why? Because they couldn’t possibly let Lissie go into a supershow as the #1 Contender after losing to me. So they protected her by convincing Jones that he should get involved”
“Do you know that for certain?”
Uh… Duh
Why else would he get involved?
“Didn’t you injure this Jones fellow just a month or so ago?”
Injure was a big word… Maybe not so much as he was taught a lesson that needed to be taught. I mean Mason is like a waffle cone with maple syrup for brains. He has no grasp on reality, he seems interesting on the outside, but offers no real redeeming qualities aside from being a soggy oaf.
His only redeeming quality is that he’s good punchline material for promos.
“But getting attacked during your own match in retaliation isn’t just business?”
I rolled my eyes once again
I hated when he had a point like this…
“Regardless…. He cost me the claim to a World title shot. And as a consolation prize, I get a stupid gimmick match against that ass bag. Bullrope whatever… I don’t know… But I’d rather not be tethered to somebody so unhinged”
“Did you request to get out of the match?”
“Goodness no… They’d paint me a coward”
“So why is it cowardly to ask out of a match that you don’t want… But not when you tell me you want out of it in private?”
I remained quiet for a moment, my eyes darting around the ceiling as I tried to come to grips with that question… Why was it not cowardly to talk about not wanting the match - and cowardly to openly ask out of it? I mean… I felt that was pretty obvious.
“Well, you’re a therapist… Not like… The entire internet.”
“How does that change anything?”
“You knowing I don’t want this match isn’t the same as the whole industry knowing. They’d put me on blast, call me a coward, a quitter… They’d claim I was afraid of Jones… But you”
“But I’m not supposed to have an opinion, so it’s safe to admit these things to me?”
I turned my gaze to him as he cracked a little smile
Uh… My JOB was to be noticed, to be respected.
I was in a sport that was part entertainment
“I think that it may stem from your teenage years… Always worried if people found out that you were gay, they’d hate you”
That wasn’t just a baseless fear in the 1990’s
It was a fact… One that could see you ostracized
Or worse…
“It goes back to your high school peers teasing you about your last name and calling you Tatiana Gaymore”
IT’S GREYMORE!
I clenched my fists and exhaled slowly…
“It’s not the 90’s anymore… You shouldn’t be afraid to be you. For better or for worse”
“So you’re saying it’s all in my head?”
“No… I’m saying that you commit too much of your attention to what others think and not enough attention to how you think. Stop trying to get ‘over’ and just work hard. Let it come naturally”
I sighed and slumped into the sofa
“There will always be people who dislike you for irrational reasons. Right now you’re letting them win… Stop worrying about them and take the power back. It’s never too late to start over”
“So batter Jones and see what comes next?”
I could do that….
