Post by CJ Phoenix on Aug 21, 2022 13:28:08 GMT -5
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I can see it on the horizon...
The most pressure-packed seven day stretch I've had all year. Could this be the turning point? The moment I finally overcome two of my strongest enemies. Two opponents that have been living rent free in my head for far too long. Trashing the land of calmness that kept me at peace. That's right. Self-doubt and Self-deprecation.
I've been having these weird dreams for the past few weeks. I keep seeing people shape shifting so much that it's almost starting to feel like I'm not a part of reality anymore. Even the last few days, I've kept seeing these two shadows following me around that would turn into different pairings. Kemp and DiVito. Jill and Regan. Downfall and Dion. Blake and Bacchus. And then those voices....those constant reminders of depression. Time after time, reminding me of what a failure I truly am..... I don't know if I hate them more or myself for their existence. I'm just so......TIRED of dealing with them. Almost makes me want to never sleep again, but even those weird dreams weren't as crazy as the one I had last night. I'm still not sure if it was a dream...
OR A MEMORY
You want to be a mastermind so badly, don't you Ash? The true final boss lurking in the shadows. Watching as you manipulate others into being your personal meat shields. You'll cut every corner if it takes so that you can be a lazy stack of shit while taking credit for the blood your puppets she'd. 2021 was the best year of your life. It was the peak of your miserable existence....and even then, like so many things in Johnny's life....
...IT ENDED IN TRAGEDY
O how the mighty hath fallen, eh Ash? The once great Balakay now barely qualifies as a shell of her former self. It was bound to happen though. The ironic fate that the villain's undoing partially came from being overtaken by their own subordinate. Did you enjoy your descent into despair? Falling off the top of the mountain with no one or nothing to catch you on the way down. No Carter Shaw. No Lissie Hope. No Philidor. Just you. Lost, alone, scared, and traumatized. A puppet master with no puppets is just a lunatic playing with string, you know. A sad one at that. Almost as sad as you were when you became a side-character in Shaw's story after months of it being the other way around. You never fully recovered from that fall, did you?
Sure, you took your anger out in the Hardcore division and finally got your "revenge" on Bacchus for "conquering" Philidor, but not even that felt satisfying, did it? Then, to pour salt on the wound, you ended up crawling back to the same person who was a part of your mental demise. That kind of desperation is a VERY far fall from grace. Know what happened to you, Ashley?
YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FOUND YOURSELF IN DESPAIR
I remember everything being blurry. I was fading in and out of consciousness in an operating room. It had to have been after the crash. There were two figures standing next to me, but I couldn't make out who they were visually. Moving wasn't an option either. Fortunately, my sense of hearing was at least somewhat intact. I heard two voices, one man and one woman, talking to each other....and one of them sounded familiar.
Woman: ....is he okay?
Man: He's stabilizing. We'll be able to start the experiment soon.
Woman: God, I'm so nervous. Are you sure this will work?
Man: I don't pay you to be nervous, Vanessa. I pay you to be a nurse, right?
Vanessa: ...right, but I can't help but be nervous since I'm part of the experiment too.
Before I could ask anything, I woke up...in broad daylight...about to run off the road!? Apparently, I'm behind the wheel of my Hellcat and I must've fallen asleep behind the wheel. I swerve instinctively to avoid the tree as tire tracks litter the road. It takes a moment, but I make it back to the asphalt. After taking a deep breath, I shout in frustration.
Phoenix: AHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?
That was Nessa's voice. I KNOW it was. I have to call her. She HAS to know something....but why would she hide that she met me before? Unless that really was a dream....but I truly feel like that happened. I.... remember it...
Oh what could've been, Johnny boy. Every time we face off, there's gold on the line. This could've been the rivalry of the future. The most prestigious in history. Instead, I'm not even happy to see you anymore. Your presence disappoints me, though it does lead me to ask a question.
Is THIS the real you?
When you put on that mask, is it to cover your face or the fact you're a fraud whose facade's been found out? I must say. You're even sadder than I thought. Not even two years into your career and you've already lost everything that made you different. Everything that gave you a SOUL. That moment of triumph you had against Philidor was the beginning of your downfall...the word, not the guy who keeps kicking your ass. Though one did lead to the other. For many months, you were an underdog story of a bright-eyed kid trying to overcome the odds, but after Philly Phil felly fell, there was nothing left for you to chase in your mind. No overwhelming presences. No insurmountable odds.
You were FREE...but that FREEDOM is what TRAPPED you.
In your mind, you felt like you had no more reasons to get better. Because of that, you stagnated until you fell.
You lost to Ash Blake because you lacked that same motivation to overcome oppression.
You lost to Downfall because you lacked the drive that he had and that you used to have.
You came back from getting injured in that L to Dan Fehl just to damn fail in the ladder match to challenge for the World Title because you didn't have the unpredictability that the match itself had.
You lost to Regan Voorhees because you were NO LONGER an underdog and thus lacked the mentality that went with it.
Every time you went out there, you lost a piece of yourself to the shadows. Once you finally ran out, you were nothing but a marionette looking for someone to pull your strings so that you can feel alive again. You know why you feel so empty now, Johnny boy? It's simple.
YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FOUND YOURSELF IN DESPAIR
I've gotta find a way to get rid of all of this. Spencer's counting on me. After all the hell he's been through, I've gotta get him at least one more tag title run, but it's gonna be a lot harder to do that if I'm daydreaming behind the wheel when I'm not even tired. Dammit! Why am I so fucked up? Why does my mind go into the darkest places at the worst times? Why did I stop myself from crashing just now? I had a golden opportunity to finally put an end to my life...but I didn't.
Maybe I should have...
Maybe I still should....
.....
No. Not yet. Not until I get closure.
I call Nessa. The phone rings.....and rings.....and rings.....until it goes to voicemail.
"Hey there! You've reached nurse Vanessa Rivers! I'm sorry for missing your call, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be sure to call you back! Have a great day!"
It wasn't a dream. It was a memory. I'm sure of it now...but why does this keep happening? Every time I trust someone, they betray that trust. Who's next? Kaiyah? Spencer? Me!? Spencer said he had something important that he wanted to talk to me about in person. That's the reason I'm driving right now instead of watching TV in my hotel room. What if he's just setting me up like everyone else?
I slam a hand on the top of the steering wheel.
Stop it! This isn't the time to be doubtful! Especially before a title match! Come on, Phoenix! You're better than this!!
I take a deep breath. And then another. Then a third for good measure.
Relax. Just. Relax. Vanessa's probably just sleeping. You can call her later. Just meet up with Spencer, find out what he's talking about, and prepare for Monday. One objective at a time. You can do this.
You
HAVE
To
Do
This!
You're not gonna like hearing this, but you NEED us to win this match. You need King Shit to walk out the new Tag Team champions because that's the only thing that can give meaning back to your careers...your lives even. Because ONCE AGAIN....
YOU BOTH GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FIND YOURSELVES IN DESPAIR
Baby boy Bacchus has reached declining celebrity status where he constantly does controversial things just to try and stay relevant. Meanwhile, Ashy Bashy's got herself a new puppet, but he's just as lifeless as she is. You're nothing more than a couple of tin soldiers too prideful to admit they've lost their PURPOSE!
Congratulations. We found you a purpose. In fact, we shall BECOME your purpose the moment we take those titles from you Monday night. Without King Shit, the tag division is nothing but broken teams with fractured dreams, Insurgentsia included. Which reminds me, what the FUCK makes EITHER of you think you qualify to be insurgents? Ash was already part of the problem while Johnny lost his will to be part of the solution. So what are you rebelling against? Action Wrestling getting better? A true uplifting of the tag division?
You have NO REASON to fight until WE GIVE YOU ONE by TAKING what you THOUGHT you needed!
Spencer and I are the TRUE insurgents here. WE'VE been the ones going against the grain and fighting through the revolving door of egocentric narcissists and undisciplined degenerates! WE'RE the ones that have been pushing AW forward! WE give the people something to be excited about and look FORWARD to while they see you and only see what once was....which wasn't all that great by the way. This isn't some emotional fighting foreplay before your inevitable fuck fest after the show like your battle with the Swallowing was. It's a wake-up call for you to GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER!
Here's what's gonna happen Monday. It's a chain reaction, so try to keep up. First, King Shit's gonna win the gold. Then, Insurgentsia will finally get what they've been longing for. Bacchus gets to eat a WHOLE humble pie while being able to answer the question "Who is Johnny Bacchus?" For the first time in about ten months. I know you keep wanting us to wonder because you don't know yourself. That's why you let Ash tell you who you should be. It's the only thread of sanity she's clinging to right now...until King Shit gives her a reason to get off her lazy ass and match wits with people who won't fold into being her pawns. We don't share the same emotional instability that Johnny does, Ash, and you're gonna be reminded of that the hard way.
If there's any trace of the Johnny Bacchus worth calling an honorable opponent and a molecule of Ash Blake worth salvaging, we'll see them show up after we take home the win and inject Insurgentsia with inspiration to truly be the rebellion that they lie about being.
I can see it on the horizon...
The most pressure-packed seven day stretch I've had all year. Could this be the turning point? The moment I finally overcome two of my strongest enemies. Two opponents that have been living rent free in my head for far too long. Trashing the land of calmness that kept me at peace. That's right. Self-doubt and Self-deprecation.
Well....it's eviction time.
I've been having these weird dreams for the past few weeks. I keep seeing people shape shifting so much that it's almost starting to feel like I'm not a part of reality anymore. Even the last few days, I've kept seeing these two shadows following me around that would turn into different pairings. Kemp and DiVito. Jill and Regan. Downfall and Dion. Blake and Bacchus. And then those voices....those constant reminders of depression. Time after time, reminding me of what a failure I truly am..... I don't know if I hate them more or myself for their existence. I'm just so......TIRED of dealing with them. Almost makes me want to never sleep again, but even those weird dreams weren't as crazy as the one I had last night. I'm still not sure if it was a dream...
OR A MEMORY
You want to be a mastermind so badly, don't you Ash? The true final boss lurking in the shadows. Watching as you manipulate others into being your personal meat shields. You'll cut every corner if it takes so that you can be a lazy stack of shit while taking credit for the blood your puppets she'd. 2021 was the best year of your life. It was the peak of your miserable existence....and even then, like so many things in Johnny's life....
...IT ENDED IN TRAGEDY
O how the mighty hath fallen, eh Ash? The once great Balakay now barely qualifies as a shell of her former self. It was bound to happen though. The ironic fate that the villain's undoing partially came from being overtaken by their own subordinate. Did you enjoy your descent into despair? Falling off the top of the mountain with no one or nothing to catch you on the way down. No Carter Shaw. No Lissie Hope. No Philidor. Just you. Lost, alone, scared, and traumatized. A puppet master with no puppets is just a lunatic playing with string, you know. A sad one at that. Almost as sad as you were when you became a side-character in Shaw's story after months of it being the other way around. You never fully recovered from that fall, did you?
Sure, you took your anger out in the Hardcore division and finally got your "revenge" on Bacchus for "conquering" Philidor, but not even that felt satisfying, did it? Then, to pour salt on the wound, you ended up crawling back to the same person who was a part of your mental demise. That kind of desperation is a VERY far fall from grace. Know what happened to you, Ashley?
YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FOUND YOURSELF IN DESPAIR
I remember everything being blurry. I was fading in and out of consciousness in an operating room. It had to have been after the crash. There were two figures standing next to me, but I couldn't make out who they were visually. Moving wasn't an option either. Fortunately, my sense of hearing was at least somewhat intact. I heard two voices, one man and one woman, talking to each other....and one of them sounded familiar.
Woman: ....is he okay?
Man: He's stabilizing. We'll be able to start the experiment soon.
Woman: God, I'm so nervous. Are you sure this will work?
Man: I don't pay you to be nervous, Vanessa. I pay you to be a nurse, right?
Vanessa: ...right, but I can't help but be nervous since I'm part of the experiment too.
Before I could ask anything, I woke up...in broad daylight...about to run off the road!? Apparently, I'm behind the wheel of my Hellcat and I must've fallen asleep behind the wheel. I swerve instinctively to avoid the tree as tire tracks litter the road. It takes a moment, but I make it back to the asphalt. After taking a deep breath, I shout in frustration.
Phoenix: AHHHHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?
That was Nessa's voice. I KNOW it was. I have to call her. She HAS to know something....but why would she hide that she met me before? Unless that really was a dream....but I truly feel like that happened. I.... remember it...
Oh what could've been, Johnny boy. Every time we face off, there's gold on the line. This could've been the rivalry of the future. The most prestigious in history. Instead, I'm not even happy to see you anymore. Your presence disappoints me, though it does lead me to ask a question.
Is THIS the real you?
When you put on that mask, is it to cover your face or the fact you're a fraud whose facade's been found out? I must say. You're even sadder than I thought. Not even two years into your career and you've already lost everything that made you different. Everything that gave you a SOUL. That moment of triumph you had against Philidor was the beginning of your downfall...the word, not the guy who keeps kicking your ass. Though one did lead to the other. For many months, you were an underdog story of a bright-eyed kid trying to overcome the odds, but after Philly Phil felly fell, there was nothing left for you to chase in your mind. No overwhelming presences. No insurmountable odds.
You were FREE...but that FREEDOM is what TRAPPED you.
In your mind, you felt like you had no more reasons to get better. Because of that, you stagnated until you fell.
You lost to Ash Blake because you lacked that same motivation to overcome oppression.
You lost to Downfall because you lacked the drive that he had and that you used to have.
You came back from getting injured in that L to Dan Fehl just to damn fail in the ladder match to challenge for the World Title because you didn't have the unpredictability that the match itself had.
You lost to Regan Voorhees because you were NO LONGER an underdog and thus lacked the mentality that went with it.
Every time you went out there, you lost a piece of yourself to the shadows. Once you finally ran out, you were nothing but a marionette looking for someone to pull your strings so that you can feel alive again. You know why you feel so empty now, Johnny boy? It's simple.
YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FOUND YOURSELF IN DESPAIR
I've gotta find a way to get rid of all of this. Spencer's counting on me. After all the hell he's been through, I've gotta get him at least one more tag title run, but it's gonna be a lot harder to do that if I'm daydreaming behind the wheel when I'm not even tired. Dammit! Why am I so fucked up? Why does my mind go into the darkest places at the worst times? Why did I stop myself from crashing just now? I had a golden opportunity to finally put an end to my life...but I didn't.
Maybe I should have...
Maybe I still should....
.....
No. Not yet. Not until I get closure.
I call Nessa. The phone rings.....and rings.....and rings.....until it goes to voicemail.
"Hey there! You've reached nurse Vanessa Rivers! I'm sorry for missing your call, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be sure to call you back! Have a great day!"
It wasn't a dream. It was a memory. I'm sure of it now...but why does this keep happening? Every time I trust someone, they betray that trust. Who's next? Kaiyah? Spencer? Me!? Spencer said he had something important that he wanted to talk to me about in person. That's the reason I'm driving right now instead of watching TV in my hotel room. What if he's just setting me up like everyone else?
I slam a hand on the top of the steering wheel.
Stop it! This isn't the time to be doubtful! Especially before a title match! Come on, Phoenix! You're better than this!!
I take a deep breath. And then another. Then a third for good measure.
Relax. Just. Relax. Vanessa's probably just sleeping. You can call her later. Just meet up with Spencer, find out what he's talking about, and prepare for Monday. One objective at a time. You can do this.
You
HAVE
To
Do
This!
You're not gonna like hearing this, but you NEED us to win this match. You need King Shit to walk out the new Tag Team champions because that's the only thing that can give meaning back to your careers...your lives even. Because ONCE AGAIN....
YOU BOTH GOT WHAT YOU WANTED....BUT YOU STILL FIND YOURSELVES IN DESPAIR
Baby boy Bacchus has reached declining celebrity status where he constantly does controversial things just to try and stay relevant. Meanwhile, Ashy Bashy's got herself a new puppet, but he's just as lifeless as she is. You're nothing more than a couple of tin soldiers too prideful to admit they've lost their PURPOSE!
Congratulations. We found you a purpose. In fact, we shall BECOME your purpose the moment we take those titles from you Monday night. Without King Shit, the tag division is nothing but broken teams with fractured dreams, Insurgentsia included. Which reminds me, what the FUCK makes EITHER of you think you qualify to be insurgents? Ash was already part of the problem while Johnny lost his will to be part of the solution. So what are you rebelling against? Action Wrestling getting better? A true uplifting of the tag division?
You have NO REASON to fight until WE GIVE YOU ONE by TAKING what you THOUGHT you needed!
Spencer and I are the TRUE insurgents here. WE'VE been the ones going against the grain and fighting through the revolving door of egocentric narcissists and undisciplined degenerates! WE'RE the ones that have been pushing AW forward! WE give the people something to be excited about and look FORWARD to while they see you and only see what once was....which wasn't all that great by the way. This isn't some emotional fighting foreplay before your inevitable fuck fest after the show like your battle with the Swallowing was. It's a wake-up call for you to GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER!
Here's what's gonna happen Monday. It's a chain reaction, so try to keep up. First, King Shit's gonna win the gold. Then, Insurgentsia will finally get what they've been longing for. Bacchus gets to eat a WHOLE humble pie while being able to answer the question "Who is Johnny Bacchus?" For the first time in about ten months. I know you keep wanting us to wonder because you don't know yourself. That's why you let Ash tell you who you should be. It's the only thread of sanity she's clinging to right now...until King Shit gives her a reason to get off her lazy ass and match wits with people who won't fold into being her pawns. We don't share the same emotional instability that Johnny does, Ash, and you're gonna be reminded of that the hard way.
If there's any trace of the Johnny Bacchus worth calling an honorable opponent and a molecule of Ash Blake worth salvaging, we'll see them show up after we take home the win and inject Insurgentsia with inspiration to truly be the rebellion that they lie about being.
Monday, the Kings rebel and eviscerate the pseudo-rebellion!
