Post by John Black on Aug 4, 2022 21:58:31 GMT -5
[It shows Hannibal Buress in a room somewhere, dressed in Ross’s designer sweat suits and pants. Then he pulls out a letter he reads to the camera, before he fixes his glasses and speaks.]
Buress: JB had told me that he won’t be able to do a promo this week, so he got me to do it. We know one another due to his music, and linked up through one of our associates and all that. So here goes nothin.
[Then he takes out a ball of paper that was once discarded in the bin, and he un crumbles it to read what JB had written.]
Buress: Listen up AW, I am not even inclined to bother showing my face around here due to some shit that I can’t get into explaining. So I wanted the world to know that JB might not have his heart set to the tune of the television. I feel like I am not close enough to being a man who has a face for the screen. Hell, I feel like- - -
[Before he can finish the letter, he throws it into the bin once again disgusted over having to read his handwriting that looked like chicken scratch.]
Buress: Fuck all that noise, JB told me he wants me to be his Negrodamous of Action Wrestlng, basically some guy who will tell it like it is, and here’s the deal ya’ll. JB knows that he’s been in the TV title scene for some time now, and he knows fully that he won’t get a second run with that strap. I feel that, after what I’ve seen in that Meltdown and in that Pure Cup thing, he has no chance in hell he’ll come out of this cleanly.
I mean, think about this fact, there’s a billion to one chance he’ll even get an shot like this. But he doesn’t give a damn, and knows that if he tries to be all dead center of it, he’ll just be going in defeated and broken from within all before that bell even rings. He’s told me in private, that this match might not be in his odds at all, but he knows that he’ll have to do what is right for him. Oh yeah, that “tweet” he sent last time was a sight to behold, and normally I don’t like seeing women, especially white women bloody but… take a look at this!
[Buress then pulls out a still shot image of a “bloody” Calaway and shows it on the camera, and he looks at the picture and gives a disgusted look as he shows it to the camera.]
Buress: See, this what i mean by not seeing bitches bloody… she lookin like a bootleg Carrie or sumthin, lets hope she doesn’t have powers to burn down an arena light when JB beats her ass in that ring. No pigs blood for her, but maybe a taste of her own blood while the TV audiences at home will be questioning why they even bothered to tune in to Monday Night Clash, and I know it’s not for what’s to come between JB and Calaway for the TV title, that’s for certain.
Also, let me say this out to Alexandra Calaway, I don’t know you nor care about what you’ve done in the past, I know you are a great wrestler and yady yada yada… that’s fine and dandy and I will give you some flowers on that, but they won’t be on your feet in that ring. They will be in between your hospital bed or somewhere in your house, where you won’t be thinking about getting out of the bed since you will be in so much pain in the hands of JB. You can keep the title warm for as long as you can, because JB will promise you that he will take it off your over shaped waistline back to his (or not), and have you take a stroll on to backyard of RBD’s meth house for a shot at relevancy as he sends you to the nether realm on some Yu Gi Oh shit.
JB has also told me that it doesn’t make a difference who comes out of this match as the winner, because he always knows that he’ll get his money either way. He knows that, if he comes out and shows out, he’s doing the fans a favor enough to make them realize that this Television Championship, is what will make the outsiders who don’t give a damn about wrestling, will want to stop by and see what it's all about. JB ain't a huge draw, not in the slightest, but he knows that he’s a hot commodity enough to beat some sense into Alexandra Calaway to prove it.
So my friends, well see who will be the one comin out with the TV Strap, kinda gives me some old school NWA shit i used to watch when I was comin up in Chi town, and when I see them go at it will light up something in my stand up routine, a brother gotta make some jokes in the process in order to get a point across, and I could see this one end up in the books for all the reasons you folks can come up with on your own.
Let me not take up anymore of your time, and tune into Clash next Monday to see some shit between JB and Calaway for the right for TV time…ah shit im kiddin, for the big ol silver strap!
[Then we hear JB laughing off screen as Buress was laughing as well for that ending, then it fades into the AW logo.]
