Post by Tony Savage on Mar 27, 2022 10:33:04 GMT -5
"Oh, Yah!" Tony grins, talking in that corny accent by Francis McDormand’s character in his third favorite Cohen Brothers movie, Fargo.
Tony likes to troll North Dakota. A lot. For years he thought it was a Canadian province they just didn't talk about up North. Like a dirty secret or bummy cousin you keep hidden from the public. He’s really egging them on, though, standing in front of a tractor wearing a North Dakota State hoodie and a John Deer hat, looking country bumpkin with those rain boots on. He keeps talking in that silly accent.
“So, that Action Wrestling hired a bunch of these really famous people not too long ago. Gonna have a big, BIG show at Luigi’s. Aunt Edna’s super excited! Oh, Yah! She’s even making her potato salad when she comes in from Bismarck to go to the show. She’s moving so well after her hip replacement.”
“One of them is that Tony Savage guy from Britain. Yah, I’m not a fan of him making fun of my state. We don’t drive tractors everywhere!” Tony Dakota gripes indignantly. “They don’t have parking spots for my combine at the arena.”
“Now that Tony guy’s all sorts of fancy. Wrestling in places like London, Chicago, New York. He even wrestled in Transylvania one time. So, high affluent, yah!? Mr. Man of the world that one is. Well, Grand Forks may not have London Bridge or Madison Square Garden, but you know what we have that the world doesn’t? You guessed it…”
“Splashers of The South Seas. Biggest water park/arcade in North Dakota. 100o South 42nd Street, Grand Forks. More slides than any other water park in the state, and kids under 6 eat for free!”
Did…did Tony just slip in a local ad in the middle of a promo?
“Half priced pizza on Wednesdays and new games every month! But, despite him saying driving through North Dakota’s like driving through Hell with worse radio reception, he’s a pretty good fighter. Plus, my sister-in-law thinks he’s cute. Unless she’s just saying that to make her husband angry. They’ve been having some marital issues lately. He’s gonna be wrestling that Brandon Moore guy, another one of those big names blessing our town and water park hopefully.”
“Oh, gee, that Brandon guy is messy. Supposedly that guy was trained by Putin. Very exotic, yah!? Although considering how the war in Ukraine’s going, if his uncle trains fighters like his troops, Brandon might be better off attacking civilians in the stands with steel chairs, ‘cause OH BOY is that little spat going wrong for him! I’d go as far to say if Brandon fights like Putin, the U.N. might as well throw sanctions on him for faking the funk and fooling everybody into thinking he’s a superpower.”
“Oh, I kid! Not really. Anywho, former KGB trained super sadboi turned guy that got beat in a bare-knuckle fight against a guy in his late 40’s in New York last week aside, he’s not bad. Obviously, AW spent all that big money on him because he’s a big name. They spent a lot of money getting new faces to keep Action Wrestling hot, making enough money to come do shows here, enjoy our water park and bajillion acres of wheat fields and weird roadside attractions to see briefly as you drive by at 95mph to get to another state….”
“Unless it’s South Dakota. Don’t go to South Dakota; they’re weird down there and Mt. Rushmore is really overrated.”
“Honestly, as much as I don’t like Tony and him calling us North Dakota vanilla people whose only thing we have going for us is a really good mid-division level college football team, it’s hard to bet against this guy, especially since he hasn’t lost a title match or contenders match in over a year no matter what company he’s working in. Hard to bet against one of the longest reigning UGWC Chaos champions in their company’s history and hottest free agent on the market. Multiple awards, world titles, always has minty fresh breath. And the best part about it…”
“He don’t need to name drop belligerent old bald guys like Uncle Vlad and Damon Riggs to get people to pay attention to him.” Tony winks.
“But jokes aside, this is a big, big deal. 2 huge names in the industry (well, one huge name and one trying to get huge) are gonna duke it out for a shot at that Television title, and it’s going to be an epic clash. Similar styles, similar physical stats; on paper, it looks almost even. Except for the experience, the resume and the reputation that Tony has when it comes to being clutch when the trophy’s involved. It just boils down to one guy being simply better than the other. Brandon’s like the water park in Fargo; it’s nice, but it’s not Tony. Or South Seas Waterpark and Arcade. 1000 S. 42nd street, 2 blocks from the Holiday Inn Express.”
“2 for 1 token day at the arcade on Friday from noon to 5 p.m.”
Goddamn, the dude is a money grubber.
“But in all seriousness, folks.” Tony dips back to his actual accent. “On Monday, you will see a match that could potentially steal the show at Clash. But that’s the only thing Brandon’s stealing on Monday. After that, the only question people will be asking is this…”
“How the hell did a Fading Star ever think they can outshine a supernova under the lights?”