The Ring III: Is It Something I (also) Said?
Mar 27, 2022 10:00:46 GMT -5
Karlie Nash, Addy A, and 6 more like this
Post by Lissie Hope on Mar 27, 2022 10:00:46 GMT -5
INCOMING VIDEO CONFERENCE
DR. STETZLER
(210) 346-XXXX
This was the third time today that Dr. Stetzler had attempted to reach me. The call box appeared in the bottom right-hand corner of my iMac screen, and finally - I decided to indulge him.
“Hello, Lissie - you’re a hard woman to reach.”
I smirked, concealing my rolling eyes with a pair of sunglasses. I sat in my APWO lockerroom, just hours from my match with Cypher. With my mind branching off in every direction, it was hard to simply enjoy the atmosphere and the architecture of Rome, Italy. Earlier, I sat outside, sipping coffee and overlooking a bridge - and the city still felt so isolating, despite the roads and walkways never being vacated.
“Sorry, doc. I’ve been all over the world these last couple of weeks. I haven’t had a lot of time for conversation.”
“You should always make some time for it,” he told me. “Conversation is good for the soul, you know?”
“I’m used to internalizing,” I admitted. “Letting things build and build until it boils over and I blow through the ceiling.”
“And do you feel validated when that happens?”
I paused for a moment, nervously picking at my cuticles. Finally, I looked up at the camera and shook my head no.
“Remove your sunglasses, would you?”
“Why?”
“I would like to look in your eyes.”
With hesitation, I obliged. My cheeks were flushed and my eyes were red and moist.
“What’s bothering you?”
His concern was genuine as he shifted in his chair - still, it was hard to gauge his sincerity. It felt more like a prodding corporate interview, where the conductor intended to trip you up rather than focus on how you’ve carefully crafted how you planned to sell yourself - instead, the only thing by the end that you felt you sold was your soul.
“I just haven’t got enough sleep lately. The travel is long, the pain is constant -”
“- Physical?” he interrupted. I looked down at the keyboard and forced my eyes shut. I didn’t want any tears to fall.
“Who asked you to call me?”
“Nobody did. You missed your last couple of appointments, and I felt you needed a follow-up.”
I didn’t disagree.
“Are you going to figure out what’s wrong with me?”
“There’s nothing wrong with you,” he assured. I scoffed with derision, leaning back in my chair. “The idea is to focus on the things that are troubling you, and make changes in order to rectify them. Your health is the upmost priority.”
“Whose priority?”
“Yours.”
I sat silent for a moment, unwilling to take him at face value.
“Everyone’s got their own motivations,” I said. “Something to gain. Nobody is truly noble, and philanthropic.”
“That’s a hell of an outlook.”
“It’s the truth. I throw myself into the fire for everybody. I know my value and my worth in this industry, and I know how to put asses in those seats. And I have to kill myself every night, like I’m going to do tonight - and for what? For whose benefit?”
My voice cracked, but he didn’t interrupt. Instead, he palmed his chin, tugging at a few loose strands of his beard.
“It’s not for mine. It’s not for Addy.”
“Is wrestling your distraction -” he started. “-or are you distracting yourself from wrestling?”
“What do you mean?”
“What is your priority?”
I let his question linger, and I wasn’t sure how to answer.
“I’ve tried every-which-way to convince the world, and convince myself, that there’s nothing more important to me than the ring.”
“And do you think you’ve succeeded?”
My eyes veered towards the top shelf of my locker.
“I just want something to be proud about again. I haven’t been proud of myself for a long time,” a long pause followed before I continued. “The Heritage can lose every match they’re booked in, and it doesn’t matter - they still maintain that sense of pride in what they do and where they’re from. I envy that. I’m jealous of their self-awareness. Of how they don’t need to have all of the expectation. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to fail Addy - like I’m going to take her loyalty for granted. Like I did before.”
He stared at me through the screen, encouraging me to continue.
“I stuck her in the back - I hit every organ except her heart.”
I allowed my metaphor to marinate, feeling my eyelids get heavy, like a raincloud about to burst. I thought about how I was feeling about Emma - in that very moment.
“I know there’s consequences for my actions. I know I’m not innocent - I know my culpability - Emma didn’t just decide to leave me. I drove her away. I drive everybody away. And maybe I need to endure the punishment - maybe it’s the only thing that’s going to heal me - y’know - up here.”
I tapped my cranium.
“You seem like you’ve resigned yourself to accepting punishment,” Dr. Setzler observed. “As if you think you deserve it.”
“Maybe I do.”
His audible sigh dripped with frustration. A head poked into my locker room.
“Lissie, we’re ready for you.”
I nodded my head to the stagehand and turned my attention back to the computer.
“Doc, I gotta go. Thanks for hearing me out.”
I saw him scribbling some notes.
“We need to talk again. Come see me as soon as you can.”
Confused by his assertiveness, I nodded before clicking end on the call.
Maybe it was something I said?