Post by Odin Balfore on Mar 11, 2022 11:35:03 GMT -5
Odin Balfore
Vs
James Payne
The Gambit of Verscingetroix Part I
_________________________
GOAT
Conrads Estate. Houston, Tx.
Odin and Conrad tour the vault where *some* of his valuables are kept but chief among them were his wrestling memorabilia from his brief stint in Pro Wrestling. In a second room was the broken glass case that contained the WCF TV Championship. The shards were still there. They were sloppy. Conrad kept it there to remind him of one thing. Don’t get sloppy.
“So Black Gate Security sold you this belt?” Odin asked, examining the case.
“Yah, they were hard up for cash. I didn't think this was gonna be a whole fucking issue. I wrestled so that I didn't have to deal with this shit. These Twitter Try-hards are getting fucking desperate.”
“Did they sell you anything else?”
“Yah, the Alpha Pro Hardcore Championship and the BPW - “ The bleeping of a goat can be heard echoing throughout the room and halls.
“Why do I hear Russians?” Asks Odin, interrupting.
“Oh, that's not Russian, it’s Goat.”
“It sounds Russian.”
“Nope. Goat. You’d be surprised the overlap between Russian and Goat..”
“Wait, you freaked out because the WCF Hardcore title was haunted by Switch-Fever but you can understand goat?”
“For twenty years you talked to a raccoon but suddenly its a problem that I can speak Russian?”
“NO! Its the fact that you speak Goat!”
“It’s not my fault that Russians developed language parallel to the goat. Who’d you hire anyways, why’d they want this?”
“I hired a couple of Canadians, No one suspects the Canadians.”
Conrad nods. “ That's true because I certainly didnt.”
“I got a better question for you, whos name was on the belt?”
_______________
THE GAMBIT OF VERSCINGETEIOX
The Premier of Ontario Residence. Ottawa, Ontario
At a 20 seat long table in one of the many lavish rooms in the premiers residence, Odin sits with Ontarios premiere, Douglas Robert Ford, Jr. Each sit with a cup of tea and a plate of fresh pastries, cheeses and grapes between them as an oil painting of Robert Bruce Ford hangs at either end of the room, looking down on them.
"Thank you, again, Odin, for coming. I know I should have called CJ Phoenix but he's as useful as senator Raphael cruz-castro in a snow storm. With all these so called "freedom convoys" mucking about, I knew that I needed someone who has experience quashing rebellions."
Robert sips his tea with a satisfied pursing of his lips.
"Indeed, and with Putin having his polish Vietnam, one could hardly blame you."
"This convoy is really dragging Canada down and Trudeau is too much of a bitch to put this down and NOW!" The Premier pounds the table with his fist, shaking the china just as China shakes in its proverbial military boots.
Odin ponders over the matter, stirring raw brown sugar into his cup.
"These are facts. Trudeau is a punk bitch. One thing we have is this Ukraine fiasco. Gas is out the ass and it's hard to have a convoy if you can't afford it."
"So, do we let them starve themselves out Ala Cesear and verscingetroix?"
"That's a deep cut and a dated reference, however, a deep cut is what we need. If the prime bitch-minister can't be bothered, it's up Canada's mayor. It's what Rob would do."
"It is, isn't it."
"I'll call Roger and have him set up some road blocks because this will head to DC."
"That'll be great. This really is the gambit of Verscingetroix."
"Your brother would be proud."
" I know he would. I know."
___________________________
ONLY FANS
James Payne,
You want to make the Cursed Idol the Canadian Championship when Odin helped put new wave proto-maple-Mussolini on the fucking map. We can’t blame you for not knowing wrestling history, especially as rich and complex as Odin Balfore’s. Just know that it comes with the territory and you, you, are in uncharted territory. The Fords, they know Canadian Pride. They speak for the one true Canada. We’re half curious to see what you’d do but then again, we know that we’re going to steam roll you.
You want to be the Canadian Champion but again, it looks like Odin Balfore beat you to that as well.
Oh, and BT- Dubs, The TJ Greymore puss,
It wasnt worth it.
That's why they make Only Fans.
For people like you.
Who are Only Fans
_______________
BONUS SCENE
The Premier of Ontario Residence. Ottawa, Ontario.
The CBS agent presents himself to the Premier of Ontario, The Honorable Douglas Robert Ford, Jr. The agent kneels with the WCF TV Championship before a large wooden desk, so behemoth that he disappears behind it. Sitting behind it was the Honorable Douglas Robert Ford, Jr. Respect on his name and Cuban twisted tightly in his lips. Large oil painting of his brother, Robert Bruce Ford hung above them.Fine Italian shoes adorn Douglas's princely feet whos heels are perched on the face of the desk.
“Premier, It has taken us incalculable time and the suffrage of many losses but we - I - I have recovered the WCF Television Championship. I thank you for this honor.” Says the agent with reverence. Douglas Robert Ford, Jr. blows smoke from his cigar that billows out into the room but somehow finds its way down toward the agent, encircling the neck of the agent and bringing him to his feet. Douglas Robert Ford, Jr, the Premier of Ontario leans in close.
“I believe the words you’re looking for are YOU'RE WELCUM"