Post by Andre Jenson on Jan 29, 2022 12:00:10 GMT -5
Hi folks, narrator here - back once again with another fable taking in a day in the life of your heroes, the fantabulous two gents!
In this case, it’s one gent and a President. Andre Jenson, as the King of the sovereign nation of Kem is in the oval office, chatting with Joe Biden. It’s official Kem business, so he’s wearing his greatest finery, his cape has at least a 6 foot trail and his crown can only be described as “ridiculous.” Biden, to his credit, doesn't seem to mind, or he just didn’t notice. You never know.
“So, Joe, what are we doing about this Russia situation?” Asks Jenson, gently sipping the tea he’s been served.
Biden shrugs, “Andre, Andre, don’t worry about it, we got it in hand. All I want for you to do right now is chill, get your dice, let’s get a bit loosey goosey in here. Y’know since I became President I haven’t had the chance to throw some dice, so let’s get back to that campaign y’know?”
“But Joe, it’s serious, we…”
“Andre, just two words. Tiamat’s lair.” Joe spends his time headlining the words with his hands.”
“Joe…”
“Oh fine, if you won’t talk about doing a campaign with me, let’s talk about this match on my lawn or whatever. You’ve changed since Teo became champion.”
“Say what?”
“I know, it happens. You know when Barack became president and I was his VP - I felt the same, like I was in a shadow. Like everything’s about him, but look at me now! I’m the guy in charge. See that desk? I sit there. See that button? I can press that. I don’t know what it does, but only the president can press it and I can. You see? You’re a shadow Andre, hell you weren’t even named in the match to begin with!”
“Honestly Joe, that was an admin error and I’m just happy for Teo, I’m just concentrating on the match. There’s like 7 other guys to worry about! And then I’m in Teo’s corner where he has another like 23 guys to worry about! That’s a huge amount of guys!
And the guys I have to fight so Teo can defend his title are a who’s who of guys. Well there’s also a few girls, but you know what I mean!
I gotta contend with Karlie Nash, you know - the same one we went to war with for 2 years to show who the superior team is on CruiserClash. She’s just never gonna give up and she will do whatever it takes to win.
Then I got Dark Kent, new up and coming superstar, who’s young, hungry and stronger than a speeding bullet, Romeo Finet who I became acquainted with last week - he hits like a truck. My tag team partner last week, not Teo who equalled me in hand to hand combat so much that it was almost like Teo was there, is in the match as well.
They are a veritable mix of legends and hungry young superstars and that’s only just over half of them! The other three are just as big!
Alice Gemini! A new aspiring cultist who’s here directly from the Tumblr federation, she’s seen too much Buffy and Instagram then went to Hot Topic and here we are, she’s young, she’s angry and wants to kick some sparkly vampires!”
“Wasn’t that Twilight?”
“I don’t know, all I know is Jess Cannon is also back. LEGEND! I missed her, she was awesome and being in this match is amazing. It’s an honour to face her.
Also Dion, the guy who’s going through the exact same thing as me on the other show. His partner is now the big guy, he’s a part of the biggest and baddest tag team on that show and now everyone thinks he’s “In Downfall’s shadow” which of course is patently nonsense.
The fact is, we’ve not been left on the sidelines. We know our worth, we are the greatest two tag teams in this industry and that’s because we are teams of equals. Teo hits hard, I hit hard. Dion hits hard, Downfall hits hard. It doesn’t matter if your partner is doing well because for us, when your partner wins, you win.
So I have to ask the other 6, are they ready to face the champion? Are they ready to face the top dog? They face me, they face Teo. They face Dion, they face Downfall.
The only question is which championship is better?
I’m gonna go out there on your lawn and prove it’s CruiserClash and then we’ll party.”
“Party? We’re in COVID times man! What do you think we are, the UK Government?”
“Two words Joe. ”
Joe’s eyes light up. “Tiamat’s Lair!”
