Promo #3: Little Big Man

“Happy? No, we are not happy.”

Luis Carrillo acknowledged this backstage at the season premiere of Monday Night Clash. He and Frumious Benderstretch had been asked for a comment by an intern for the John Thomas Show about the latter’s performance in the Five Way Match.

“Don’t get us wrong, Jeff: a win is a win, especially in a company as stacked with talent as Action Wrestling. However, the point of any match is to have one, clear, decisive victor. We did not get that tonight. Instead, due to either referee negligence and indifference, Action Wrestling was denied the right to learn who was the better man between Big Frum or Sam Kidsgrove.”

Frumious grunted and spat when the Hollywood Elitist’s name was mentioned; an act that caught the attention of both interviewer and subject.

Carrillo quickly moved to contextualize his client’s pique, “It’s been three long, agonizing weeks since Frumious last competed. His match against Cassidy Adler embarrassed him. Despite dominating most of it, Big Frum was unable to put the slippery little ferret away, and it cost him. The Powerhouse Primordial has been champing at the bit to return to the place he feels most at peace, the ring, and move past that loss. To finally have that chance, and suffer through that unsatisfying conclusion, well, it only served to make Chris Avery’s allusion to the New Year’s Eve bacchanals at the Lerch estate more apt. Hah ha.”

The agent smirked and winked at the camera. Again he looked over his shoulder to check Benderstretch’s reaction. Receiving nothing but a dull, implacable stare, Luis gave a nervous cough before continuing.

“If the referee couldn’t decide who's three count came first he should have restarted the match, or, even better, Frum and Sam should have been allowed to fight one on one to decide a true winner. It’s what they deserved. It’s what the fans of Action Wrestling deserved. Instead, we have to hope my client and Kidsgrove will meet in the Trials of Despair Finals to settle things.”

“I was going to ask you about the tournament,” Jeff Hero noted, “Seeing your client’s name among the eight participants was something of a surprise.”

“It shouldn’t be. Anyone who’s paid attention knows how dangerous my client is. Frum will destroy Holden Ross next week, beat Lissie Hope the following, and- if Kids can meet his half of the obligation, be the last man standing when they have their rematch.”

“You sound pretty confident.”

“Yeah.”

The Benderstretch’s voice, blunted and fathomless, startled both Luis and Jeff. Hero went on to prove himself anything but by reflexively shying away when the masked giant stepped around his handler to come closer. A large, calloused paw beckoned him back, and to raise the microphone, which he did.

“Ah winnin dis turnament. Sea Jay Feenix callin it “De Try-Alls ov Dispare” but it not dat fur me. Dis whut Ah want, whut Ah hunguhr fer. Dis no Try-All, dis Solace. De only dispare Ah feel is wen Ah owt frum beetween dem ropes. Ah gunna walk thru See Jay Feenix’s gawntlet and maik de Yewnited Staits Tituhl mine. Dat a prawmiss.”

Hero nodded, “Strong words, Frumious. It was great hearing your own perspective. I was wondering if at some point you’d be open to sitting down and-”

“Naw.”

Frumious lumbered away, leaving behind a bemused looking Luis. He shrugged apologetically to the interviewer and then checked his smartphone.

“Oh, dear! Oh, dear! We shall be too late!”

He paused for effect.

“Seriously, Big Frum’s got places to be. However, if you want to learn his thoughts about his tourney match with Holden Ross, tune into Paramount Plus this Sunday. Luis Carrillo Representation is sponsoring an exclusive peek into the other side of the looking glass, featuring the Atlas of Agony and a debuting member of our troupe. It’s a must watch.”

With that guarantee, the interview ends.


“Ah bin hopin dis match cum soon, Holdun Ross. Yew and Ah sine wit Ackshun de same time. Too hosses, too monstahs, each looking to fill de void faleyers like Cory Bull, Doon, and Todd Metzguh culdn’t.”

“Now we git to fite, and Ah git to show whut a frawd yew are.”

“Yew maik a lotta noise, Holdun Ross. Yew typen on de computah, yew watchin de show in yer luckshury bocks, tryin to git noticed.”

“Ah notice yew. An yew no whut Ah see?”

“A curr beggin to have its belly skritched.”

“Yew no Bastuhrd, Holdun Ross. Yew no soldjuh in de war against hewmanity. Dem emptee slowguns. Yew ain’t tru to yerself. Yew a biggah ackter den Sam Kidgrov, and dat his jawb.”

“Yer clamed misanthropy is faik, and dat a sine of weakness. Yew care too mutch whut uthers think: Yer peers, de Awfiss, de crowds. Yew call yerself a ‘bad guy’ but reely yew kraiv uhproval.”

“No wunder yew and ‘Lizzie Hoap so convivial; yer too pees in a pod.”

“Meentime, yew and Ah arr not de sahme.”

Frumious tapped his face mask.

“Dis hydes nuthin, Holdun Ross. Dis shows me as whut Ah truly am. It show de best of me.”

“De beest of me.”

“Yew gunna see dat up close at Clash. Yew gunna feel it when Ah stretch yew owt, nock yew arownd dat ring, and lift yew up fer de Jabbahwracked.”

“Dat when Ah prov who de neckst monstah of Ackshun Wrasslin gunna be.”

“Enjoy de view while yew up dere, Holdun Ross, becuz it will be de only time yew gunna be abuv me."