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Post by Kyrie King on Dec 9, 2021 16:08:33 GMT -5
Hey everyone, if you get the chance to read my rp, can you give me some feedback on it.
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Feedback
Dec 9, 2021 17:42:11 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Odin Balfore on Dec 9, 2021 17:42:11 GMT -5
I'm not a judge. I'm just objectively giving you my thoughts. In a as fair a way that I can give you. I know I can be overly critical, so don't take anything to heart. I'm not here to rip you down. Just to give an objective look at the work.
RP: reckless & limited
Handler: Kryrie King
overview thoughts:
A debut RP some if the hardest to do but you framed it perfectly
GRADE: 3 out of 5
RANK: C
BREAKDOWN
Scene Description: 3
Character Development: 3
Shoot: 3
Flow: 4
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CRITICAL REVIEW
You framed psycho pretty well opposed to you. You set a tone that X style isn't going to work against you and that you'll make him pay for it. However, I feel that's where you stopped. You made a good frame but didn't put anything in it.
When you say:
"You're not from the hood because you don't move in silence."
That could and prolly should be expanded on.
It's not like it's bad, but I felt like I wanted more and didn't get it. However, it's not your fault. You have too many beats to hit with limited word count.
Debut, intro yourself. Boost yourself. Slam on the opponent. Show you can win..
And you end up middle of the road. It's a sour option but it's also your best option.
The flaw I can see is you talked about vindel too much. There's an abundance of taking psycho to task but not what you'll accomplish.
Win? Yeah. Beat him? Sure. But there's nothing major to cement that other than the line that I mentioned above.
I wanna see kyrie, not kyrie put vindel over.
When the promo boils down to:
"You have success but your trash." Isn't the Play you think it is.
My point is that there are other routes you could have taken and I wish you did. What was presented wasn't bad. I enjoy basic takes that arnt overly complex. I just think that debut + word count puts you in a tough spot.
With that said, did you write a complete promo? Yes.
You have scene description.
You have a character voice and style
You have some shoot
And the flow was fine.
I think the promo served its purpose given the circumstances and you'll break out in a week or two.
I like it, I want to see more of kyrie.
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FAV. LINE:
At Monday Night Clash, I'm going to inject myself into the system of Action wrestling and cleanse this company of wasted talent such as yourself. You are a disease that needs to be eradicated, and I'll be the one to do it.
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SUGGESTIONS
-> none at this time.
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Post by Kyrie King on Dec 10, 2021 14:32:22 GMT -5
Appreciate it, man, and I get where you coming from on seeing more from Kyrie. The limited word count didn't help, but I think next time, I can give a more inside look to him.
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Feedback
Dec 10, 2021 16:25:32 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Odin Balfore on Dec 10, 2021 16:25:32 GMT -5
Appreciate it, man, and I get where you coming from on seeing more from Kyrie. The limited word count didn't help, but I think next time, I can give a more inside look to him. It'll work out fine. Debuts are the worst lol There's a lot to build on.
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