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Post by Holden Ross on Nov 30, 2021 17:50:19 GMT -5
Right, wrong, whatevs....
Been awhile since I wrote anything. How's my chit?
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Dec 1, 2021 14:27:14 GMT -5
I initially read this as "How's my clit?" While I cannot speak to *that*, I'll hit you up after the show goes up with some feedback on this week's stuff!
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Post by Odin Balfore on Dec 1, 2021 14:57:28 GMT -5
Not gonna lie
I can't unsee "clit" lmao
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Post by Holden Ross on Dec 1, 2021 15:08:14 GMT -5
I am the C.L.I.T. Commander!
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Post by Odin Balfore on Dec 1, 2021 15:29:48 GMT -5
Snoogings
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Dec 7, 2021 13:32:45 GMT -5
Let's flick the feedback bean...
I really dig the story telling you're doing. I feel like I get a good impression of your character and your NPCs and you accomplish that efficiently (which is good in a limited word count arena).
As far as some potential spots to watch or consider tweaking, I have two suggestions, the former will be more significant than the other, but neither of them are by any means a big deal. (1) As a reader, the insider language and terminology makes me wonder if AW in Holden's world is legit competition or worked matches. I think the majority - majority of the fed, of the judges, etc. - would advise you to treat the matches as legit/shoots. Breaking that wall of kayfabe might run you too close to no selling at some point, so you're better off if the way you handle matches is as if they're legit. (2) This is explicitly a matter of personal preference that you'll see doesn't concretely effect your results in AW if you look at the overwhelming success of a guy like Downfall, but I think RPs look better with some color. You can indicate who is speaking and reduce the potential of confusion for readers if Holden is ALWAYS one color and Frank is ALWAYS another one.
That all said, you're doing an awesome job thus far, man. You flesh out a great little world, and I felt very much like I could see the place you set your piece in and feel the emotional conditions of your characters. You've got a bright future! Good luck!
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Post by Holden Ross on Dec 7, 2021 13:49:57 GMT -5
Let's flick the feedback bean... I really dig the story telling you're doing. I feel like I get a good impression of your character and your NPCs and you accomplish that efficiently (which is good in a limited word count arena). As far as some potential spots to watch or consider tweaking, I have two suggestions, the former will be more significant than the other, but neither of them are by any means a big deal. (1) As a reader, the insider language and terminology makes me wonder if AW in Holden's world is legit competition or worked matches. I think the majority - majority of the fed, of the judges, etc. - would advise you to treat the matches as legit/shoots. Breaking that wall of kayfabe might run you too close to no selling at some point, so you're better off if the way you handle matches is as if they're legit. (2) This is explicitly a matter of personal preference that you'll see doesn't concretely effect your results in AW if you look at the overwhelming success of a guy like Downfall, but I think RPs look better with some color. You can indicate who is speaking and reduce the potential of confusion for readers if Holden is ALWAYS one color and Frank is ALWAYS another one. That all said, you're doing an awesome job thus far, man. You flesh out a great little world, and I felt very much like I could see the place you set your piece in and feel the emotional conditions of your characters. You've got a bright future! Good luck! I used to use color in another fed but there I was advised against it. Thank you And as for the shoot thing, thank you very much. I wasn't sure so was treating it as worked. Makes things even easier to treat em as real fights. Thank you, again, sir
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Dec 7, 2021 14:59:31 GMT -5
100% my pleasure. Good work, man. Keep it up!
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Post by Holden Ross on Mar 23, 2022 10:45:45 GMT -5
it's been awhile. anything I can change/work on/do "better". My work isn't as good as it was before my stroke in 2017. I wanna get back there. Anything helps
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