Post by “The Saint” Johnny Eden on Jun 8, 2018 6:36:18 GMT -5
(Kevin Bishop)
Seems like a walk down memory lane is in order... Shadowlove who was always the contender never the defender of gold. The sun shines on the dogs and in a split second Shadowlove found out what it was like to be a gold carrying champion... Roll the footage.
The footage goes through the usual UCI brings to you, blah blah blah...
UCI Television Championship
Sah’Ta Thor © vs Shadowlove
Taylor Lorde: The following match is for the UCI Television Champion. Already in the ring from Parts Unknown….he is the UCI Television Champion … "The Raging Storm" Sah'ta Thor!
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Taylor Lorde: The challenger….
Gravedigger: Looking good as he ever does.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
Taylor Lorde: from right here in Beijing...
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
Taylor Lorde: accompanied by "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto
"HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band begins to play throughout the arena. Shadowlove stands in the middle of the ring, spreads his arms straight out and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. Jesus Wept! Ms. Miyamoto, exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the crowd. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Ms. Miyamoto cradles up against Shadowlove's body, caressing his muscular chest with her fingers and raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face, hiding her incandescent green eyes, with her middle finger. Shadowlove raises his head, with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair. He shows off his fighters face, with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "'The Face Of The Franchise’, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of his name.” shit-eating grin as he strips off the black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer.
Taylor Lorde: and his security team…. Black Rain….
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind Ms. Miyamoto outside the squared-circle.
Taylor Lorde: "The Handsome Halfbreed" Shadowlove!
Sebastian Reid: As always, Shadowlove looks like he came from a photoshoot.
Gravedigger: Remember that this match is to be fought under street fight rules with means that there are no disqualifications and falls count anywhere.
Sebastian Reid: It also means that there will be a clear winning of this match.
Jimmy Garcia: Let's not forget that this sudden change of stipulation actually puts the Champion at a disadvantage.
Sebastian Reid: We shall see what this clash of styles presents us in what will surely be an action packed match up.
DING! DING! DING!
In a show of sportsmanship Thor offers his fist in respect to his opponent. Shadow goes to bump knuckles with the champion but at the last second slaps Thor's hand away before starting to circle to the left. Thor shrugs and drops into a defensive stances as he watches Shadowlove intently. He circles to the right and backs up to the ropes to prepare his first move. As he circles right he is suddenly tripped up by Ms. Miyamota which sends the Television Champion sprawling into the center of the ring. As Thor falls forward into the ring Shadowlove connects with a well time European uppercut.
Jimmy Garcia: Shadowlove taking early advantage of the numbers game early on in this street fight.
Gravedigger: You have to remember this is all completely legal even if it does leave the Champion at a handicap.
Sebastian Reid: It was all done by the rules which is the beauty of the randomness of the Wheel of Extreme. Though I wouldn't count the Champion out though.
Shadowlove drops down with a follow up pin attempt but Thor kicks out then rolls the ropes where goes to stand up. With a strange smirk on his lips the Television Champion reaches under the ring and pulls out lead pipe. With a grin he circles around the ring and in a preemptive attack slams the pipe over the back of the heads of each member of the Black Rain security team. As the pair fall Thor jumps over the ring barricade to circle up through the fans.
Gravedigger: Smart move by the Champion to even the odds.
Sebastian Reid: It was perfectly legal and remember that the match can end anywhere.
Ms. Miyamota starts screaming in anger as both her and Shadowlove drop down to check on their bodyguards. Thor ues the chance to circle down through the crowd and ends up at the foot of the ring ramp where stands waiting for Shadowlove to come at him. Shadowlove looks on with a slight anger as he digs under the ring and pulls out a baseball bat before charging up towards Sah'ta Thor. Thor uses the lead pipe to block the incoming attack before slamming his fist into Shadowlove's gut. Shadowlove doubles over and Thor slams the leadpipe over his exposed shoulders.
Jimmy Garcia: Sick shot from the champion!
Shadowlove drops to his knees trying to breath as Ms. Miyamoto comes running at Thor with a Kendo stick. Thor runs up the ramp leaving Shadowlove to catch his breath. There is as short pause at the top of the ramp where Thor turns with a smirk before using the leadpipe to taunt his challenger. As he lowers the pipe Thor rushes to the back as a cameraman rushes to follow him.
Gravedigger: Mind games being played tonight, bit of cat and mouse perhaps.
Sebastian Reid: Both Thor and the challenging duo know a thing or two about the mental gymnastics that go into a match like this.
Thor uses the moment off camera to hide but as soon as Shadowlove rushes past him Thor jumps out from behind a stack of boxes bringing the leadpipe into the Handsome Halfbreed's back. Thor brings the pipe around Shadowlove's neck and locks it into the choke him out. The refbot comes onto the scene while Ms. Miyamoto rushes up and brings the Kendo sticks she was holding down into Thor's back. This forces Thor to break the hold and with a growl of anger he quickly spins and slams the pipe into her gut. As she doubles over he hits her with a spinning backfist that sends her crashing into the wall.
Jimmy Garcia: Not a strategy you see out of many of Shadowlove’s opponents, but Sah’ta Thor doesn’t seem to care as he unloads on Miyamoto right now!
Shadowlove gets back up just as Ms. Miyamoto hits the wall which cause him to rush at Thor in a rage. Thor sees the rush coming and grabs Shadowlove by the arm to spin him into the crate stack that Thor had hidden behind. Meanwhile the pair of Black Rain rush into the backstage area and a start to double team Thor while Shadowlove moves over to check on his valet. The two bodyguards take turns working Thor over with their fists as the Television Champion starts to laugh.
Gravedigger: We’ve seen it used to some success in the past, but the Shadowlove camp is really throwing everything they have at the champion!
There is a sudden commotion as Thor grabs each of Black Rain's arms and uses their momentum against them sending them sprawling against the wall on either side of him. As all of his foes seem to be down Thor grabs his leadpipe and bolts off towards the catering area which has a few of other roster stars floating around trying to get a bite to eat. Shadowlove changes into the area after Thor and the pair collide in an impact that sends them crashing into the lemonade jug in a cascading spray of liquid.
Sebastian Reid: Pure chaos unfolding before us in this one!
As the lemonade rains down on the brawling pair Ms. Miyamoto and two security guards rush on to the scene just as Thor is hit with a staggering left hook. Thor stumbles back and moves down the hall tossing a table into the walkway to slow everyone down behind him. He regains his balance and rushes out the first side door he can find to the back parking lot.
Jimmy Garcia: Taking things outside the arena now!
Once Thor gets outside we have yet another referee get involved in things as the Television Champion takes a defensive stance. Shadowlove is the first out the door behind him and rushes Thor with a spear. The move connects sending both mean into the side of a dumpster. At the impact Thor grabs Shadowlove's head and slams him face first into the dumpster several times before going to locking a chokehold. By this point in time Ms. Miyamoto is rushing out the door with a yell. Thor drops Shadowlove and sprints around to the front of the building.
Gravedigger: Not an ounce of quit in either man, but Thor definitely seems to be scheming at the moment.
Thor rushes back into the gymnasium through the main entry followed by Shadowlove. Once the two men are back into the arena a bunch of men and women move to block the door keeping Ms. Miyamoto and Black Rain outside. Thor rushes back to the ring through the crowd and a slides into the ring where he poses for a few seconds. As he does Shadowlove is right on his heels. The two men lock up into the center of the ring and trade a bunch of punches before both men circle back and rush at each other with clothelines. Both men fall to the ring with a thud as the referee watches on.
Sebastian Reid: Thor pushing to his feet, the champion is absolutely relentless tonight!
Gravedigger: Pulling Shadowlove in for Parasite Eve.
Jimmy Garcia: This could be the end if-
The announcer’s are cut off as someone jumps the barricade and slides into the ring after Thor, hitting him with some strikes across the back.
Sebastian Reid: THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE!
Gravedigger: Shadowlove’s...dad? Seriously?
Thor releases Shadowlove who wobbles on his feet a bit as Thor and The Hollywood Blonde engage in a shouting match.
Jimmy Garcia: Thor flipping Shadow Sr. upside down!
Sebastian Reid: PARASITE EVE!
Gravedigger: The Hollywood Blonde wiped out from that one!
Thor pushes to his feet, a look of pride on his face as he turns around into-
Jimmy Garcia: THE DARK GIFT!
Sebastian Reid: Dark Gift DDT from Shadowlove, he falls on top of the champion!
1!
2!
3!
DING DING DING!!
Gravedigger: OH...MY..GOD..
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and newwwww UCI Television Champion, Shadowlove!
Shadow rolls off, still a bit stunned and out of it as he’s handed the TV title. The Handsome Half-Breed scoots towards his downed father, propping him up enough to alert him to the situation as the two chuckle and celebrate in the corner of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Finally, one of the pioneers of UCI can call himself a champion!
Shadow rolls out and helps pull his father out and to his feet on the outside as we fade to commercial with the new champion hoisting his gold high.
The footage cuts off.
(Kevin Bishop)
I applauded the man and welcomed him to the ranks... But he carried the title for a few weeks and choked at Rite of Passage.
More footage plays.
UCI Television Championship
Shadowlove (c) vs. Jack Schlongson vs. Jessica Buck vs. Red Dragon vs. Oblivion
A rose squirts white goo which heralds the presence of Jessica Buck. “Bustin'” by Neil Cicirega hits the P.A system as there is an awkward combination of boos and whistles for the “Master of Sex” that is about to appear before them. Syxx Gibbler appears out first, holding a bottle of baby oil in her hands. She steps aside so Jessica Buck can make her way onto the entryway. Jessica has a white towel that wrapped above her chest down, revealing a very nice pair of legs. She also has a lollipop in her mouth. With an arrogant smile, Jessica Buck steps forward as Syxx comes up from behind her, wraps her arms around her front, and pulls off her towel revealing only a pink bikini that she has designs to wrestle in. Once Syxx pulls off the towel, Jessica starts to grind her hips while caressing herself in the process. She finally stops and struts down to the ring, taking a few licks of the sucker as the fans cheer her on. Syxx follows behind her with the towel and baby oil in hand.
Jessica climbs up the steel steps, but instead of getting in the ring, she falls to the apron and stretches out along it, doing a model like pose. She smiles as people take pictures of her with their phones. She takes another lick of her lolli before laying flat on her back, and hold her left leg toward her face, and rolling in under the bottom rope. Jessica lands in splits. Syxx quickly joins her in the middle of the ring the body of baby oil. Jessica holds her arms out as Syxx squirts some of the oil into her hands and begins to apply it above her chest, on her arms, her stomach, and finally her ass, which gets a saucy expression on Jessica's face ...and one of somewhat discomfort on Syxx's. Once the baby oil is applied, Jessica begins to grind and caress in the ring again. She really drops it like it is hot this time. Before Syxx leaves the ring, Jessica pulls the sucker out of her mouth and leans in for a kiss. Syxx reluctnatly gives her a peck which gets a good reaction from the fans. But before she goes, Jessica shoves her lollipop in Syxx's mouth. Once Syxx exits the ring, Jessica continues to pose until the match starts.
The arena fades to almost complete darkness as lightning flashes on the video wall. Thunderclaps are heard as all the devils toys by deathstars begins to play throughout the arena. Lightning continues to flash on the video wall as a cemetery is panned through. The stage erupts in flames as Red Dragon rises to the stage from below. Around his waist is the SAW heavyweight title and on his right, should is the PWI heavyweight title. Scanning the crowd he grins and begins a slow walk towards the ring as a blood red spotlight is on him. Once at ringside he slides under the bottom rope and rolls up to his feet as a Pentagram appears in the middle of the ring. Fire erupts from all four corner post as he takes the titles off putting them in the corner before leaning against the ropes with the bloody femur in his hands waiting on his opponents.
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around the jam packed United Center. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and the crowd is cheering. "Oblivion" by Mastadon begins to play. The blaring guitar begins to play.
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
BOOM!!
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly comes, with a dead stare. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
Oblivion slowly begins to walk down to the edge of the entrance stage, bringing in the cheers, of the crowd...
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Past the entrance stage there are sixteen hooded cloaked individuals, eight on each side of the aisle, with their heads down. Chanting...
Hooded individuals: A-WHOO!! AWHOO!! AWHOO!!
Taylor Lorde: Coming down to the ring... The UCI Television Champion!! From The Deepest and Darkest Side of a Sick Man's Mind... Weighing in at 325 pounds... IT is The Monster... Oblivion!!
Oblivion drags IT's right leg as drags along a sledgehammer. The Monster snears at a nearby camera, right before Oblivion slowly run up the steel steps and climb the turnbuckle from out the ring, once again throwing up IT's massive right arm.
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Oblivion leaps into the ring, stomping around, taking long strides, barking, shaking the top ring rope.
A spotlight falls onto the entrance ramp as silence fills the arena. From behind the curtains you can hear a group of voices singing a familiar tune.
Jimmy Garcia: Whats this?
Sebastian Reid: Another grand entrance as you will soon see.
The tune grows in volume as a large group of men come filing out onto the entrance ramp, slowly revealing it to be something of a parade. As we can hear the words clearly, it is revealed to us that the song being sung is none other than Jack Schlongson's theme "Technicolor Shades" by Yourenigma. Speaking of which, lifted upon the shoulders is none other than the man himself, dressed as famed Gay Icon Harvey Milk. Throwing up V signs, and upon specifically the shoulders of the Rekt 'Em crew, Jack is carried to the ring and placed upon the apron, the gathering, crowding around the ring and applauding. He bows and rallies them up into a loud cheer, before they depart, continuing to sing the theme, leaving only Rekt 'Em and Jack left.
Sebastian Reid: As many of you know, Harvey Milk was a famous gay rights activist who was sadly assassinated. This entrance is not only paying homage, but sending a message that Jack's own revolution has come.
Jack slips between the top and middle rope before moving to his corner.
“PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system throughout the arena.
A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminates throughout the arena with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The audience throughout the arena stands in unison and waiting in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" fashion wrestling trend in the United Championship Infinite’s season.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, First Couple of Professional Wrestling. Your favorite modern day charismatic and charming, egotistical, narcissistic, politically incorrect, felicitating, self-righteous, second-generation megalomaniac and apex predator, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his the simply ravishing femme fatale temptress, and personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto.
His classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair was perfect and showing off his chiseled fighter's face with an ice cold stare radiating from his sparkling blue eyes. He was stripped to the waist showing off the upper body of a Greek God, with washboard abs, in a newly fresh and crisp custom-made Calvin Klein stark liquid white leather trench-coat with fringe along with his custom-made Calvin Klein crocodile skinned pants and custom-made Calvin Klein alligator skinned boots.
Her raven black hair was pulled back in a French braid showing off her angelic face with her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes remained hidden behind a pair of RayBan sunglasses on her perfectly flawless nose. Her attractively well-proportioned, slim, trim, toned body built for sin encased in a form-fitting shimmering silver and Vantablack Mandarin sequin dress with a French-cut up the side to her thigh designed by Stella McCartney and Vantablack Jimmy Choo stilettos.
They stop for a second, taking in the aura of throughout the arena, and pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
The audience throughout the arena starts going wild and begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere.
She leads the way down the aisle with flirty seductive confidence as he follows a few steps behind her enjoying the view and make their way to the squared-circle.
He slides into the squared-circle like, well, like the slithering snake in the grass that he is so proudly of being in the United Championship Infinite.
And his sweet and lovely Miyamoto, with Bushidō catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps with flirty, seductive confidence and enters the squared-circle through the second rope.
“HER STRUT” by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system throughout the arena.
He stands in the middle of the squared-circle and spreads his arms straight out from his sides and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. And on the third day, Jesus Wept!
The audience throughout the arena starts going wild and begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere for Mr. UCI.
She exudes fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around him to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the audience throughout the arena.
The audience throughout the arena keep going wild and keep clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere for Mr. UCI’s better half, Ms. United Championship Infinite.
She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
She takes her proper place cradling against his muscular body and moving very little, never turning her head, or revealing any kind of expression that gives the viewing audience at home a clue as to her innermost thoughts. With the exception of a very sharp and penetrating affection and devilishly delicious, malevolent and pleasurable, mischievously smile coming from her very luscious and alluring lips, she starts caressing his muscular chest with her fingers.
He raises his head with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair in slow motion and shows off his chiseled fighter's face and stares out at the magnificent crowd throughout the arena with an ice cold stare which radiants from his sparkling blue eyes.
His heart rate was a very relaxed 40 beats a minute as the oxygen in his blood helped the preternatural powers of his mind’s eye remain focused and alert to the surroundings around him.
A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "I believed that I need no introduction, I’m The Face Of The Franchise, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of my name” shit-eating grin as he strips off his newly fresh and crisp custom-made Calvin Klein stark liquid white leather trench-coat with fringe like a Chippendale's dancer.
His sweet and lovely Miyamoto raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face while hiding her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes with her middle finger. And with Bushidō catlike precision, she exits the squared-circle through the second rope and walks down the ringside steps with flirty seductive confidence.
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind her outside the squared-circle.
DING! DING!
Jimmy Garcia: The bell sounds and the match is underway.
The five competitors stand across from each other, sizing each other up, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Sebastian Reid: A combination of different styles here. It'll be interesting to see the chemistry between such a number of opponents.
Gravedigger: Also, who retrieves the first ladder?
Red Dragon charges in with the first blow at Oblivion, clearly looking to take the big guy down first, but is caught after leaping into the air, Oblivion holding him sideways. Jack Schlongson comes sliding in under Oblivion and trips him up, sending him face first to the match, crushing Red Dragon under him, but as Jack gets to his feet, he is met with a stiff european uppercut from Shadowlove which sends him to the ground. Jessica Buck comes in with a flying high kick, but Shadow ducks out of the way, showing the reason he is currently the champion.
Jimmy Garcia: Great scouting by Shadowlove, being the only one not to get the negative end of an exchange there.
Shadowlove capitalizes on the situation by raising Buck to her feet, whipping her into the ropes and hitting a crisp snap belly-to-belly suplex. He picks up Jack Schlongson next, but before he can whip him into the ropes as well, Oblivion is back on his feet and charges in, clotheslining both Shadowlove and Jack.
Sebastian Reid: Great trading of blows between the competitors thus far early on in the match up.
Red Dragon finally back on his feet, positions himself behind Oblivion and dropkicks his knee from behind, sending the monster down onto one knee. He bounces off the ropes and clobbers Oblivion with a hard clothesline. Jessica and Dragon both get to their feet and begin to trade blows back and forth.
Gravedigger: Oblivion rolling to the outside now, using that nearby ladder to prop himself up.
Jessica manages to get the better of the exchange, pulling Dragon in, turning him around and throwing him up to come down for the lumbar check. Dragon lands square on Jessica's knees.
Jimmy Garcia: Sick shot there! Jessica to her feet, Obi as well on the outside as he scoops up the first ladder!
Jessica turns to Oblivion who launches the ladder up and over at her.
Sebastian Reid: She catches it! Great scouting by Buck there in avoiding a big collision perhaps-
Gravedigger: BULLDOG FROM THE CHAMPION! BUCK LANDING ALL GUT ON THAT LADDER!
Jimmy Garcia: Big move from the champion!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Buck rolls over as Shadowlove turns into Jack Schlongson who hits the champion with a picture perfect enzuigiri.
Sebastian Reid: Dropping the champ with that one!
Jack staggers toward Buck a bit who plays a bit of possum before countering with a-
Jimmy Garcia: DROP TOE HOLD FROM BUCK! JACK LANDS FACE FIRST INTO THAT LADDERS SURFACE!
Schlongson instantly rolls over, falling to the outside quickly as his hands grab at a now blood soaked face.
Gravedigger: Shades of Joey Mercury right now!
Crowd: RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP!
Buck pushes off, grabbing at her own face still as she pulls the ladder along with her and placing it over her head.
Sebastian Reid: Spinning around now with that ladder on her shoulders as Red Dragon gets up and-
Gravedigger: LADDER TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!
Oblivion slides into the ring and-
Jimmy Garcia: BOOT FROM THE MONSTER!
Buck drops to the mat, freeing up the ladder as Oblivion turns around into a-
Sebastian Reid: DARK GIFT FROM THE CHAMPION!
Oblivion is dropped as Shadowlove smiles at the ladder in the center of the ring.
Sebastian Reid: Shadowlove setting the ladder up here, he’s all alone!
Some of the crowd cheers on the Handsome Half-Breed, Miyamoto shouting in support of Shadow as he ascends the ladder towards his championship.
Jimmy Garcia: Buck is up! How is Buck up?!
Jessica Buck grabs at the bottom rung and Shadowlove instantly shoots all attention down at her, motioning for the challenger to bring it. She obliges as she pulls herself up the ladder, still favoring the battered face a bit.
Gravedigger: Buck is up top, Shadowlove with a big haymaker!
Sebastian Reid: That one wobbles her!
Looking to avoid the exchange, Buck pulls herself back and uses the momentum to slam her head into Shadowlove’s, sending the champion to the mat with a thud.
Jimmy Garcia: BUCK’S GOT IT! ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS REACH UP!
As Buck lifts a hand skyward, she’s joined by Miyamoto who has rushed the ring and practically leaps to the top, hitting the challenger with a barrage of slaps before Buck counters with another nasty headbutt.
Gravedigger: Hard strike there, but Miyamoto still hanging on here!
Sebastian Reid: She’s smiling through what appears to be a bloody mouth!
Jimmy Garcia: WHAT’S THIS?!
Sebastian Reid: SCHLONGSON IS IN THE RING! BLOOD POURING DOWN, BUT HE’S UP!
Gravedigger: Jack with a hold on the ladder.
Jimmy Garcia: LOOK OUT BELOW!
The two women coming crashing down as the shaking of the ladder causes Jack to nearly fall over himself, but he’s able to reposition and rebalance.
Sebastian Reid: Jack Schlongson all alone now, willing himself up to the belt!
Gravedigger: This can’t be happening.
Jimmy Garcia: It’s happening, Digger!
As he reaches the top, Jack takes a moment to catch his breath, wiping a line of blood from his dripping forehead before reaching up.
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and NEWWWWW UCI Television Champion, Jack Schlongson!
Sebastian Reid: Jack has done it! Of course, he got himself a nasty new opening that is definitely gonna need stitches after this, but we’ve got a new champion!
Jack slips off to the mat below, clinging dearly to the gold as the crowd lets out a round of applause. Medics check on the competitors as we fade.
The footage cuts off.
(Kevin Bishop)
And people actually wonder what Shadowlove is going to bring to Evolution? It's going to be the same old song and dance with the same old copy and paste filler. Shadowlove has proven that he isn't a champion and he doesn't give a damn about UCI. But that's what Shadow does, right? Pretends he's too cool for titles because he doesn't know how to hold them... Pretends he's too cool to stand on his own achievements so he takes credits for other people's successes... Shadowlove will forever been seen as a contender and never a defender of gold... Action Wrestling will be no different for him.
Seems like a walk down memory lane is in order... Shadowlove who was always the contender never the defender of gold. The sun shines on the dogs and in a split second Shadowlove found out what it was like to be a gold carrying champion... Roll the footage.
The footage goes through the usual UCI brings to you, blah blah blah...
UCI Television Championship
Sah’Ta Thor © vs Shadowlove
Taylor Lorde: The following match is for the UCI Television Champion. Already in the ring from Parts Unknown….he is the UCI Television Champion … "The Raging Storm" Sah'ta Thor!
"PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode begins to play throughout the darkened Arena. A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminate the Arena along with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The Audience throughout the Arena stand in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" wrestling trend in the UCI.
Taylor Lorde: The challenger….
Gravedigger: Looking good as he ever does.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" in all of sports entertainment, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto, stopping for a second, taking in the aura of the Arena, pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
Taylor Lorde: from right here in Beijing...
The Audience throughout the Arena begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere. Ms. Miyamoto leads the way down the aisle with "flirty" confidence as Shadowlove, a few steps behind her, enjoying the view. "The First Couple of Professional Wrestling" make their way to the squared circle. Shadowlove slides into the ring like a snake. Ms. Miyamoto, with catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps and seductively enters the ring through the second rope.
Taylor Lorde: accompanied by "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto
"HER STRUT" by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band begins to play throughout the arena. Shadowlove stands in the middle of the ring, spreads his arms straight out and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. Jesus Wept! Ms. Miyamoto, exuding fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the crowd. She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her incandescent green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
Ms. Miyamoto cradles up against Shadowlove's body, caressing his muscular chest with her fingers and raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face, hiding her incandescent green eyes, with her middle finger. Shadowlove raises his head, with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair. He shows off his fighters face, with an ice cold stare which radiants from his blue eyes. A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "'The Face Of The Franchise’, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of his name.” shit-eating grin as he strips off the black leather trench-coat like a Chippendale's dancer.
Taylor Lorde: and his security team…. Black Rain….
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind Ms. Miyamoto outside the squared-circle.
Taylor Lorde: "The Handsome Halfbreed" Shadowlove!
Sebastian Reid: As always, Shadowlove looks like he came from a photoshoot.
Gravedigger: Remember that this match is to be fought under street fight rules with means that there are no disqualifications and falls count anywhere.
Sebastian Reid: It also means that there will be a clear winning of this match.
Jimmy Garcia: Let's not forget that this sudden change of stipulation actually puts the Champion at a disadvantage.
Sebastian Reid: We shall see what this clash of styles presents us in what will surely be an action packed match up.
DING! DING! DING!
In a show of sportsmanship Thor offers his fist in respect to his opponent. Shadow goes to bump knuckles with the champion but at the last second slaps Thor's hand away before starting to circle to the left. Thor shrugs and drops into a defensive stances as he watches Shadowlove intently. He circles to the right and backs up to the ropes to prepare his first move. As he circles right he is suddenly tripped up by Ms. Miyamota which sends the Television Champion sprawling into the center of the ring. As Thor falls forward into the ring Shadowlove connects with a well time European uppercut.
Jimmy Garcia: Shadowlove taking early advantage of the numbers game early on in this street fight.
Gravedigger: You have to remember this is all completely legal even if it does leave the Champion at a handicap.
Sebastian Reid: It was all done by the rules which is the beauty of the randomness of the Wheel of Extreme. Though I wouldn't count the Champion out though.
Shadowlove drops down with a follow up pin attempt but Thor kicks out then rolls the ropes where goes to stand up. With a strange smirk on his lips the Television Champion reaches under the ring and pulls out lead pipe. With a grin he circles around the ring and in a preemptive attack slams the pipe over the back of the heads of each member of the Black Rain security team. As the pair fall Thor jumps over the ring barricade to circle up through the fans.
Gravedigger: Smart move by the Champion to even the odds.
Sebastian Reid: It was perfectly legal and remember that the match can end anywhere.
Ms. Miyamota starts screaming in anger as both her and Shadowlove drop down to check on their bodyguards. Thor ues the chance to circle down through the crowd and ends up at the foot of the ring ramp where stands waiting for Shadowlove to come at him. Shadowlove looks on with a slight anger as he digs under the ring and pulls out a baseball bat before charging up towards Sah'ta Thor. Thor uses the lead pipe to block the incoming attack before slamming his fist into Shadowlove's gut. Shadowlove doubles over and Thor slams the leadpipe over his exposed shoulders.
Jimmy Garcia: Sick shot from the champion!
Shadowlove drops to his knees trying to breath as Ms. Miyamoto comes running at Thor with a Kendo stick. Thor runs up the ramp leaving Shadowlove to catch his breath. There is as short pause at the top of the ramp where Thor turns with a smirk before using the leadpipe to taunt his challenger. As he lowers the pipe Thor rushes to the back as a cameraman rushes to follow him.
Gravedigger: Mind games being played tonight, bit of cat and mouse perhaps.
Sebastian Reid: Both Thor and the challenging duo know a thing or two about the mental gymnastics that go into a match like this.
Thor uses the moment off camera to hide but as soon as Shadowlove rushes past him Thor jumps out from behind a stack of boxes bringing the leadpipe into the Handsome Halfbreed's back. Thor brings the pipe around Shadowlove's neck and locks it into the choke him out. The refbot comes onto the scene while Ms. Miyamoto rushes up and brings the Kendo sticks she was holding down into Thor's back. This forces Thor to break the hold and with a growl of anger he quickly spins and slams the pipe into her gut. As she doubles over he hits her with a spinning backfist that sends her crashing into the wall.
Jimmy Garcia: Not a strategy you see out of many of Shadowlove’s opponents, but Sah’ta Thor doesn’t seem to care as he unloads on Miyamoto right now!
Shadowlove gets back up just as Ms. Miyamoto hits the wall which cause him to rush at Thor in a rage. Thor sees the rush coming and grabs Shadowlove by the arm to spin him into the crate stack that Thor had hidden behind. Meanwhile the pair of Black Rain rush into the backstage area and a start to double team Thor while Shadowlove moves over to check on his valet. The two bodyguards take turns working Thor over with their fists as the Television Champion starts to laugh.
Gravedigger: We’ve seen it used to some success in the past, but the Shadowlove camp is really throwing everything they have at the champion!
There is a sudden commotion as Thor grabs each of Black Rain's arms and uses their momentum against them sending them sprawling against the wall on either side of him. As all of his foes seem to be down Thor grabs his leadpipe and bolts off towards the catering area which has a few of other roster stars floating around trying to get a bite to eat. Shadowlove changes into the area after Thor and the pair collide in an impact that sends them crashing into the lemonade jug in a cascading spray of liquid.
Sebastian Reid: Pure chaos unfolding before us in this one!
As the lemonade rains down on the brawling pair Ms. Miyamoto and two security guards rush on to the scene just as Thor is hit with a staggering left hook. Thor stumbles back and moves down the hall tossing a table into the walkway to slow everyone down behind him. He regains his balance and rushes out the first side door he can find to the back parking lot.
Jimmy Garcia: Taking things outside the arena now!
Once Thor gets outside we have yet another referee get involved in things as the Television Champion takes a defensive stance. Shadowlove is the first out the door behind him and rushes Thor with a spear. The move connects sending both mean into the side of a dumpster. At the impact Thor grabs Shadowlove's head and slams him face first into the dumpster several times before going to locking a chokehold. By this point in time Ms. Miyamoto is rushing out the door with a yell. Thor drops Shadowlove and sprints around to the front of the building.
Gravedigger: Not an ounce of quit in either man, but Thor definitely seems to be scheming at the moment.
Thor rushes back into the gymnasium through the main entry followed by Shadowlove. Once the two men are back into the arena a bunch of men and women move to block the door keeping Ms. Miyamoto and Black Rain outside. Thor rushes back to the ring through the crowd and a slides into the ring where he poses for a few seconds. As he does Shadowlove is right on his heels. The two men lock up into the center of the ring and trade a bunch of punches before both men circle back and rush at each other with clothelines. Both men fall to the ring with a thud as the referee watches on.
Sebastian Reid: Thor pushing to his feet, the champion is absolutely relentless tonight!
Gravedigger: Pulling Shadowlove in for Parasite Eve.
Jimmy Garcia: This could be the end if-
The announcer’s are cut off as someone jumps the barricade and slides into the ring after Thor, hitting him with some strikes across the back.
Sebastian Reid: THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDE!
Gravedigger: Shadowlove’s...dad? Seriously?
Thor releases Shadowlove who wobbles on his feet a bit as Thor and The Hollywood Blonde engage in a shouting match.
Jimmy Garcia: Thor flipping Shadow Sr. upside down!
Sebastian Reid: PARASITE EVE!
Gravedigger: The Hollywood Blonde wiped out from that one!
Thor pushes to his feet, a look of pride on his face as he turns around into-
Jimmy Garcia: THE DARK GIFT!
Sebastian Reid: Dark Gift DDT from Shadowlove, he falls on top of the champion!
1!
2!
3!
DING DING DING!!
Gravedigger: OH...MY..GOD..
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and newwwww UCI Television Champion, Shadowlove!
Shadow rolls off, still a bit stunned and out of it as he’s handed the TV title. The Handsome Half-Breed scoots towards his downed father, propping him up enough to alert him to the situation as the two chuckle and celebrate in the corner of the ring.
Jimmy Garcia: Finally, one of the pioneers of UCI can call himself a champion!
Shadow rolls out and helps pull his father out and to his feet on the outside as we fade to commercial with the new champion hoisting his gold high.
The footage cuts off.
(Kevin Bishop)
I applauded the man and welcomed him to the ranks... But he carried the title for a few weeks and choked at Rite of Passage.
More footage plays.
UCI Television Championship
Shadowlove (c) vs. Jack Schlongson vs. Jessica Buck vs. Red Dragon vs. Oblivion
A rose squirts white goo which heralds the presence of Jessica Buck. “Bustin'” by Neil Cicirega hits the P.A system as there is an awkward combination of boos and whistles for the “Master of Sex” that is about to appear before them. Syxx Gibbler appears out first, holding a bottle of baby oil in her hands. She steps aside so Jessica Buck can make her way onto the entryway. Jessica has a white towel that wrapped above her chest down, revealing a very nice pair of legs. She also has a lollipop in her mouth. With an arrogant smile, Jessica Buck steps forward as Syxx comes up from behind her, wraps her arms around her front, and pulls off her towel revealing only a pink bikini that she has designs to wrestle in. Once Syxx pulls off the towel, Jessica starts to grind her hips while caressing herself in the process. She finally stops and struts down to the ring, taking a few licks of the sucker as the fans cheer her on. Syxx follows behind her with the towel and baby oil in hand.
Jessica climbs up the steel steps, but instead of getting in the ring, she falls to the apron and stretches out along it, doing a model like pose. She smiles as people take pictures of her with their phones. She takes another lick of her lolli before laying flat on her back, and hold her left leg toward her face, and rolling in under the bottom rope. Jessica lands in splits. Syxx quickly joins her in the middle of the ring the body of baby oil. Jessica holds her arms out as Syxx squirts some of the oil into her hands and begins to apply it above her chest, on her arms, her stomach, and finally her ass, which gets a saucy expression on Jessica's face ...and one of somewhat discomfort on Syxx's. Once the baby oil is applied, Jessica begins to grind and caress in the ring again. She really drops it like it is hot this time. Before Syxx leaves the ring, Jessica pulls the sucker out of her mouth and leans in for a kiss. Syxx reluctnatly gives her a peck which gets a good reaction from the fans. But before she goes, Jessica shoves her lollipop in Syxx's mouth. Once Syxx exits the ring, Jessica continues to pose until the match starts.
The arena fades to almost complete darkness as lightning flashes on the video wall. Thunderclaps are heard as all the devils toys by deathstars begins to play throughout the arena. Lightning continues to flash on the video wall as a cemetery is panned through. The stage erupts in flames as Red Dragon rises to the stage from below. Around his waist is the SAW heavyweight title and on his right, should is the PWI heavyweight title. Scanning the crowd he grins and begins a slow walk towards the ring as a blood red spotlight is on him. Once at ringside he slides under the bottom rope and rolls up to his feet as a Pentagram appears in the middle of the ring. Fire erupts from all four corner post as he takes the titles off putting them in the corner before leaning against the ropes with the bloody femur in his hands waiting on his opponents.
The house lights go out, as lighter colored lights come on. The multiple cameras pan around the jam packed United Center. The fans are holding up various signs. The atmosphere is explosive and the crowd is cheering. "Oblivion" by Mastadon begins to play. The blaring guitar begins to play.
The house lights go out. The crowd begins to murmur. Strobe lights begin to flash, as bright white lasers begin to flash. Two bright spotlights hit the entrance stage. The music continues to thump. Some of the fans are thrashing and/or dancing a long with the music...
BOOM!!
Explosive fire pyro shoots straight up, on the stage and down the ramp. Then right about that time, Oblivion slowly comes, with a dead stare. The music continues the blare out and rattled the arena.
Oblivion slowly begins to walk down to the edge of the entrance stage, bringing in the cheers, of the crowd...
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Past the entrance stage there are sixteen hooded cloaked individuals, eight on each side of the aisle, with their heads down. Chanting...
Hooded individuals: A-WHOO!! AWHOO!! AWHOO!!
Taylor Lorde: Coming down to the ring... The UCI Television Champion!! From The Deepest and Darkest Side of a Sick Man's Mind... Weighing in at 325 pounds... IT is The Monster... Oblivion!!
Oblivion drags IT's right leg as drags along a sledgehammer. The Monster snears at a nearby camera, right before Oblivion slowly run up the steel steps and climb the turnbuckle from out the ring, once again throwing up IT's massive right arm.
Crowd: OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!! OBI!!
Oblivion leaps into the ring, stomping around, taking long strides, barking, shaking the top ring rope.
A spotlight falls onto the entrance ramp as silence fills the arena. From behind the curtains you can hear a group of voices singing a familiar tune.
Jimmy Garcia: Whats this?
Sebastian Reid: Another grand entrance as you will soon see.
The tune grows in volume as a large group of men come filing out onto the entrance ramp, slowly revealing it to be something of a parade. As we can hear the words clearly, it is revealed to us that the song being sung is none other than Jack Schlongson's theme "Technicolor Shades" by Yourenigma. Speaking of which, lifted upon the shoulders is none other than the man himself, dressed as famed Gay Icon Harvey Milk. Throwing up V signs, and upon specifically the shoulders of the Rekt 'Em crew, Jack is carried to the ring and placed upon the apron, the gathering, crowding around the ring and applauding. He bows and rallies them up into a loud cheer, before they depart, continuing to sing the theme, leaving only Rekt 'Em and Jack left.
Sebastian Reid: As many of you know, Harvey Milk was a famous gay rights activist who was sadly assassinated. This entrance is not only paying homage, but sending a message that Jack's own revolution has come.
Jack slips between the top and middle rope before moving to his corner.
“PERSONAL JESUS” by Depeche Mode starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system throughout the arena.
A mixture of multicolored laser lights and strobe lights illuminates throughout the arena with theatrical smoke and fog sets the scene like a Four Season Fashion Show. The audience throughout the arena stands in unison and waiting in anticipation for what is about to be the "New and Improved" fashion wrestling trend in the United Championship Infinite’s season.
Coming through the theatrical smoke and fog and appearing under the fashion show lighting is the one and only, First Couple of Professional Wrestling. Your favorite modern day charismatic and charming, egotistical, narcissistic, politically incorrect, felicitating, self-righteous, second-generation megalomaniac and apex predator, "The Handsome Half-breed" Shadowlove, along with his the simply ravishing femme fatale temptress, and personal bodyguard/valet, "The Fashionista Sensei" Ms. Miyamoto.
His classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair was perfect and showing off his chiseled fighter's face with an ice cold stare radiating from his sparkling blue eyes. He was stripped to the waist showing off the upper body of a Greek God, with washboard abs, in a newly fresh and crisp custom-made Calvin Klein stark liquid white leather trench-coat with fringe along with his custom-made Calvin Klein crocodile skinned pants and custom-made Calvin Klein alligator skinned boots.
Her raven black hair was pulled back in a French braid showing off her angelic face with her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes remained hidden behind a pair of RayBan sunglasses on her perfectly flawless nose. Her attractively well-proportioned, slim, trim, toned body built for sin encased in a form-fitting shimmering silver and Vantablack Mandarin sequin dress with a French-cut up the side to her thigh designed by Stella McCartney and Vantablack Jimmy Choo stilettos.
They stop for a second, taking in the aura of throughout the arena, and pose like fashion models on a catwalk.
The audience throughout the arena starts going wild and begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere.
She leads the way down the aisle with flirty seductive confidence as he follows a few steps behind her enjoying the view and make their way to the squared-circle.
He slides into the squared-circle like, well, like the slithering snake in the grass that he is so proudly of being in the United Championship Infinite.
And his sweet and lovely Miyamoto, with Bushidō catlike precision, walks up the ringside steps with flirty, seductive confidence and enters the squared-circle through the second rope.
“HER STRUT” by Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band starts to play on the Bose® (product placement) SoundTouch® (product placement) indoor/outdoor surround sound system throughout the arena.
He stands in the middle of the squared-circle and spreads his arms straight out from his sides and bows his head, as if, being crucified on a cross. And on the third day, Jesus Wept!
The audience throughout the arena starts going wild and begin clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere for Mr. UCI.
She exudes fantastic supermodel energy, as she walks with a stiff, erect, and apparently arrogant and conceited "Strut" around him to a rousing "Standing Ovation" from the audience throughout the arena.
The audience throughout the arena keep going wild and keep clicking away with their cameras like the paparazzi during a "Hollywood" premiere for Mr. UCI’s better half, Ms. United Championship Infinite.
She lowers her RayBan sunglasses down her perfectly flawless nose of her angelic looking face showing off her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes, nodding in approval at such a Magnificent Specimen, while tapping a rolled-up copy of the Wall St. Journal in the palm of her hand.
She takes her proper place cradling against his muscular body and moving very little, never turning her head, or revealing any kind of expression that gives the viewing audience at home a clue as to her innermost thoughts. With the exception of a very sharp and penetrating affection and devilishly delicious, malevolent and pleasurable, mischievously smile coming from her very luscious and alluring lips, she starts caressing his muscular chest with her fingers.
He raises his head with his classically masculine and modern mussed, razor-textured, choppy finished dark brown hair in slow motion and shows off his chiseled fighter's face and stares out at the magnificent crowd throughout the arena with an ice cold stare which radiants from his sparkling blue eyes.
His heart rate was a very relaxed 40 beats a minute as the oxygen in his blood helped the preternatural powers of his mind’s eye remain focused and alert to the surroundings around him.
A malevolent, tight wolfish, whiplash smile, slowly appearing on his lips showing off perfectly white even teeth in a "I believed that I need no introduction, I’m The Face Of The Franchise, the whole ‘F’N’ Show, Mr. UCI, if you will, or whatever expletive that you want to put in front of my name” shit-eating grin as he strips off his newly fresh and crisp custom-made Calvin Klein stark liquid white leather trench-coat with fringe like a Chippendale's dancer.
His sweet and lovely Miyamoto raises her RayBan sunglasses up her perfectly flawless nose on her angelic looking face while hiding her intoxicatingly, incandescent almond shaped green eyes with her middle finger. And with Bushidō catlike precision, she exits the squared-circle through the second rope and walks down the ringside steps with flirty seductive confidence.
A couple of salty looking Japanese dudes named Kyodai and Shatei, known as the bodyguard duo of Black Rain, both sporting jet-black crew-cut hair, sunglasses, custom-made black Giorgio Armani business suits appear out of nowhere and stand in an on guard, very protective, ever vigilant attack formation behind her outside the squared-circle.
DING! DING!
Jimmy Garcia: The bell sounds and the match is underway.
The five competitors stand across from each other, sizing each other up, waiting for the other to make the first move.
Sebastian Reid: A combination of different styles here. It'll be interesting to see the chemistry between such a number of opponents.
Gravedigger: Also, who retrieves the first ladder?
Red Dragon charges in with the first blow at Oblivion, clearly looking to take the big guy down first, but is caught after leaping into the air, Oblivion holding him sideways. Jack Schlongson comes sliding in under Oblivion and trips him up, sending him face first to the match, crushing Red Dragon under him, but as Jack gets to his feet, he is met with a stiff european uppercut from Shadowlove which sends him to the ground. Jessica Buck comes in with a flying high kick, but Shadow ducks out of the way, showing the reason he is currently the champion.
Jimmy Garcia: Great scouting by Shadowlove, being the only one not to get the negative end of an exchange there.
Shadowlove capitalizes on the situation by raising Buck to her feet, whipping her into the ropes and hitting a crisp snap belly-to-belly suplex. He picks up Jack Schlongson next, but before he can whip him into the ropes as well, Oblivion is back on his feet and charges in, clotheslining both Shadowlove and Jack.
Sebastian Reid: Great trading of blows between the competitors thus far early on in the match up.
Red Dragon finally back on his feet, positions himself behind Oblivion and dropkicks his knee from behind, sending the monster down onto one knee. He bounces off the ropes and clobbers Oblivion with a hard clothesline. Jessica and Dragon both get to their feet and begin to trade blows back and forth.
Gravedigger: Oblivion rolling to the outside now, using that nearby ladder to prop himself up.
Jessica manages to get the better of the exchange, pulling Dragon in, turning him around and throwing him up to come down for the lumbar check. Dragon lands square on Jessica's knees.
Jimmy Garcia: Sick shot there! Jessica to her feet, Obi as well on the outside as he scoops up the first ladder!
Jessica turns to Oblivion who launches the ladder up and over at her.
Sebastian Reid: She catches it! Great scouting by Buck there in avoiding a big collision perhaps-
Gravedigger: BULLDOG FROM THE CHAMPION! BUCK LANDING ALL GUT ON THAT LADDER!
Jimmy Garcia: Big move from the champion!
Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!
Buck rolls over as Shadowlove turns into Jack Schlongson who hits the champion with a picture perfect enzuigiri.
Sebastian Reid: Dropping the champ with that one!
Jack staggers toward Buck a bit who plays a bit of possum before countering with a-
Jimmy Garcia: DROP TOE HOLD FROM BUCK! JACK LANDS FACE FIRST INTO THAT LADDERS SURFACE!
Schlongson instantly rolls over, falling to the outside quickly as his hands grab at a now blood soaked face.
Gravedigger: Shades of Joey Mercury right now!
Crowd: RIP! RIP! RIP! RIP!
Buck pushes off, grabbing at her own face still as she pulls the ladder along with her and placing it over her head.
Sebastian Reid: Spinning around now with that ladder on her shoulders as Red Dragon gets up and-
Gravedigger: LADDER TO THE SIDE OF THE HEAD!
Oblivion slides into the ring and-
Jimmy Garcia: BOOT FROM THE MONSTER!
Buck drops to the mat, freeing up the ladder as Oblivion turns around into a-
Sebastian Reid: DARK GIFT FROM THE CHAMPION!
Oblivion is dropped as Shadowlove smiles at the ladder in the center of the ring.
Sebastian Reid: Shadowlove setting the ladder up here, he’s all alone!
Some of the crowd cheers on the Handsome Half-Breed, Miyamoto shouting in support of Shadow as he ascends the ladder towards his championship.
Jimmy Garcia: Buck is up! How is Buck up?!
Jessica Buck grabs at the bottom rung and Shadowlove instantly shoots all attention down at her, motioning for the challenger to bring it. She obliges as she pulls herself up the ladder, still favoring the battered face a bit.
Gravedigger: Buck is up top, Shadowlove with a big haymaker!
Sebastian Reid: That one wobbles her!
Looking to avoid the exchange, Buck pulls herself back and uses the momentum to slam her head into Shadowlove’s, sending the champion to the mat with a thud.
Jimmy Garcia: BUCK’S GOT IT! ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS REACH UP!
As Buck lifts a hand skyward, she’s joined by Miyamoto who has rushed the ring and practically leaps to the top, hitting the challenger with a barrage of slaps before Buck counters with another nasty headbutt.
Gravedigger: Hard strike there, but Miyamoto still hanging on here!
Sebastian Reid: She’s smiling through what appears to be a bloody mouth!
Jimmy Garcia: WHAT’S THIS?!
Sebastian Reid: SCHLONGSON IS IN THE RING! BLOOD POURING DOWN, BUT HE’S UP!
Gravedigger: Jack with a hold on the ladder.
Jimmy Garcia: LOOK OUT BELOW!
The two women coming crashing down as the shaking of the ladder causes Jack to nearly fall over himself, but he’s able to reposition and rebalance.
Sebastian Reid: Jack Schlongson all alone now, willing himself up to the belt!
Gravedigger: This can’t be happening.
Jimmy Garcia: It’s happening, Digger!
As he reaches the top, Jack takes a moment to catch his breath, wiping a line of blood from his dripping forehead before reaching up.
DING DING DING!!
Taylor Lorde: The winner of this match and NEWWWWW UCI Television Champion, Jack Schlongson!
Sebastian Reid: Jack has done it! Of course, he got himself a nasty new opening that is definitely gonna need stitches after this, but we’ve got a new champion!
Jack slips off to the mat below, clinging dearly to the gold as the crowd lets out a round of applause. Medics check on the competitors as we fade.
The footage cuts off.
(Kevin Bishop)
And people actually wonder what Shadowlove is going to bring to Evolution? It's going to be the same old song and dance with the same old copy and paste filler. Shadowlove has proven that he isn't a champion and he doesn't give a damn about UCI. But that's what Shadow does, right? Pretends he's too cool for titles because he doesn't know how to hold them... Pretends he's too cool to stand on his own achievements so he takes credits for other people's successes... Shadowlove will forever been seen as a contender and never a defender of gold... Action Wrestling will be no different for him.