YOU, FLU and DÉJÀ VU [Part 1 of 2]
Jan 8, 2020 23:53:47 GMT -5
“The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley, Karlie Nash, and 2 more like this
Post by Quixote Della Torre on Jan 8, 2020 23:53:47 GMT -5
It's official - man flu's the worst. Ain't been sick in years but that revolting soup Torrance sprayed all over me has sent me all booger wonderland. I'm wrapped snugly in bed watching some show called "You".
See, this Joe character must be based on Jenna Bauer. Sycophantic, dangerous, manipulative. She stalked the shite out of me. Karlie Nash was right; Jenna was so inappropriate, "fraternising" me bigtime. I was merely her victim. That's what I was. A poor, helpless victim to a very sick, obsessed woman. In fact, "woman" is debatable; I'm not even sure she's human. And, the trouble with psychopathic de Clérambault disorder types, they wanna devour you the second you trigger them by erring even a smidgen from their ridiculous expectations. I'm so much healthier, safer away from her... one second...
AAAACHOOOO! Friggin' germs.
… Predatory attachment. Toxic cow.
Ding dong! The door bell goes.
Piss off. I'm poorly.
WTF?! My door opens and in comes Venus Fly Trap herself, Miss Bauer. She looks like death's arse.
Aw, speak of the Devil. Literally. Carnival's over, lil' Jenna. Go home; you no longer have a ticket to ride the big dipper.
I'm returning my key... Hey, don't think I don't notice the mass of gooey tissues by your bed. Looks like you're missing me!
She does the wanking hand sign. As though I didn't get the "joke".
I have man flu damnit! You wenches don't understand what it's like. But, even so, any man who's screwing you, wet fish, gonna need lots of tissues.
You crying over me again? Waa waa, little bitch.
I didn't need tissues with you. I had my fun with real LIVE women. Interesting ones with a pulse and a voracious sexual appetite... unlike you.
Haha, you mean Tawny Layne. Hmm, she sure is "interesting". Guess I wasn't psycho enough for you.
Hey, don't be hard on yourself. You were plenty psycho. Anyway, Tawny was one of MANY.
Oh really? Funny, I seem to recall you cawing about how much of a loyal guy you are on CruiserClash. "Fortress" isn't it? Cool nickname, dweeb.
Loyal to my fans, yes. Loyal to a vapid cun… vapid fools like you, no way.
NOW she's angry.
What were you gonna call me?
Just leave your key and go swivel, OK.
She throws her key at me. Silly slag.
I can't. I'm here on business. You have an interview, remember...?
You're never interviewing The Fortress again.
Not with me. With HIM.
From behind her, some spotty hobbledehoy rolls in on a wheelchair.
This your new boyfriend?
Hi Mr. Della Torre. I'm Dean Wolfey.
…?
The Make-A-Wish kid? From the Cruiserweight Havoc Rumble? Geoffrey Torrance left in my wheelchair? Remember?
Oh yeah. So AW are so desperate they're killing two birds with one stone by granting your wish to interview me? Not that I blame them. The backstage talent are pretty shoddy.
Umm, no sir. You asked to interview me, remember?
I did? Wait, yeah. I did. Come in, come in, take a seat.
He stares at me vacantly.
Ah sorry, I see you've already got a seat.
Jenna's nostrils flare in disgust.
So Dean, let's talk Geoffrey Torrance...
On the TV screen, Joe Goldberg seizes that obnoxious blonde as she's about to escape his basement. I think I'm starting to like this guy. Jenna gazes at me with obvious concern.
Alright, I get why HE'S here. Why you still lurking, Jenna?
Believe me, I'd rather get slowly pecked to death by a parrot army than be here a second longer. Unfortunately, as Dean Wolfey is a vulnerable adult, the office asked me to stay and make sure you behave.
I open my laptop and Google "parrot army for sale". No luck.
Umm, Mr. Della Torre, is it interview time now?
Whatever. Yes. Tell me, what brought you to the Cruiserweight Havoc Rumble?
My wheelchair.
No, the opportunity.
Oh! Truthfully, I don't know. I asked Make-A-Wish if I could visit my LIFETIME HERO, Geoffrey Torrance. They told me to show up on December 22nd. When I got to the arena, an official rolled me through the curtain and said I'd meet my idol by the commentary booth.
Wait, how could Torrance be your idol? He'd only appeared once, at Turmoil, and he stunk the place out.
The heart wants what it wants. Especially a COPD heart.
Never mind. So how was your meeting with said "hero"?
He clotheslined me out of the ring, stole my wheelchair and refused to give it back; telling me he needed it as his wingman to score some, and I quote, "dank gape bleeding heart sorority sluts". This meant that my parents weren't able to afford me any Christmas presents as they needed to buy me a new wheelchair. It was the worst holidays ever. So overall, not fantastic.
Is he still your hero?
No. Graham Baker all the way!
I hurl my laptop on the floor. Jenna recoils as it smashes into smithereens. Pffft, I'll order a better one.
WOULD EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT BAKER!!!!!
Quixote, you're scaring him.
And you can shut your hole too, Jenna. Not that it ever really opens. Moving on, Dean, I am your hero now. Not Baker, not Torrance, ME. QDT. I am your Fortress.
He laughs awkwardly. Dick.
With that in mind, why do you think the people have DESERTED ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST?!?!?!?
I think they just found you a sanctimonious prick. The Tawny thing did you no favours. Plus, like, you were wayyyy harsh on Vayden. But it turns out he's a prick too, so all power to ya there.
Don't you just think I got too successful for my own good and they just couldn't relate to me anymore because they're all virgin losers? Who I love, of course! I got nothing against virgin losers.
No, we just think you suck.
I grip his hand as it rests on his wheelchair arm.
Thank you for your... candour.
OWW you're hurting me!
QUIXOTE!
But SURELY you people love me more than that Torrance dingus? He's the least likeable pondweed in the whole fed, behind Baker of course.
Choosing between you two is like choosing between being kicked in the balls or anally probed by a cat o' nine tails.
Waste of time. Jenna, get him outta here!
She wheels him out, slamming the door ferociously. ACHOOO! Crap damnit, there's phlegm in my hair. I'm feeling a soliloquay coming on...
TO BE CONTINUED
See, this Joe character must be based on Jenna Bauer. Sycophantic, dangerous, manipulative. She stalked the shite out of me. Karlie Nash was right; Jenna was so inappropriate, "fraternising" me bigtime. I was merely her victim. That's what I was. A poor, helpless victim to a very sick, obsessed woman. In fact, "woman" is debatable; I'm not even sure she's human. And, the trouble with psychopathic de Clérambault disorder types, they wanna devour you the second you trigger them by erring even a smidgen from their ridiculous expectations. I'm so much healthier, safer away from her... one second...
AAAACHOOOO! Friggin' germs.
… Predatory attachment. Toxic cow.
Ding dong! The door bell goes.
Piss off. I'm poorly.
WTF?! My door opens and in comes Venus Fly Trap herself, Miss Bauer. She looks like death's arse.
Aw, speak of the Devil. Literally. Carnival's over, lil' Jenna. Go home; you no longer have a ticket to ride the big dipper.
I'm returning my key... Hey, don't think I don't notice the mass of gooey tissues by your bed. Looks like you're missing me!
She does the wanking hand sign. As though I didn't get the "joke".
I have man flu damnit! You wenches don't understand what it's like. But, even so, any man who's screwing you, wet fish, gonna need lots of tissues.
You crying over me again? Waa waa, little bitch.
I didn't need tissues with you. I had my fun with real LIVE women. Interesting ones with a pulse and a voracious sexual appetite... unlike you.
Haha, you mean Tawny Layne. Hmm, she sure is "interesting". Guess I wasn't psycho enough for you.
Hey, don't be hard on yourself. You were plenty psycho. Anyway, Tawny was one of MANY.
Oh really? Funny, I seem to recall you cawing about how much of a loyal guy you are on CruiserClash. "Fortress" isn't it? Cool nickname, dweeb.
Loyal to my fans, yes. Loyal to a vapid cun… vapid fools like you, no way.
NOW she's angry.
What were you gonna call me?
Just leave your key and go swivel, OK.
She throws her key at me. Silly slag.
I can't. I'm here on business. You have an interview, remember...?
You're never interviewing The Fortress again.
Not with me. With HIM.
From behind her, some spotty hobbledehoy rolls in on a wheelchair.
This your new boyfriend?
Hi Mr. Della Torre. I'm Dean Wolfey.
…?
The Make-A-Wish kid? From the Cruiserweight Havoc Rumble? Geoffrey Torrance left in my wheelchair? Remember?
Oh yeah. So AW are so desperate they're killing two birds with one stone by granting your wish to interview me? Not that I blame them. The backstage talent are pretty shoddy.
Umm, no sir. You asked to interview me, remember?
I did? Wait, yeah. I did. Come in, come in, take a seat.
He stares at me vacantly.
Ah sorry, I see you've already got a seat.
Jenna's nostrils flare in disgust.
So Dean, let's talk Geoffrey Torrance...
On the TV screen, Joe Goldberg seizes that obnoxious blonde as she's about to escape his basement. I think I'm starting to like this guy. Jenna gazes at me with obvious concern.
Alright, I get why HE'S here. Why you still lurking, Jenna?
Believe me, I'd rather get slowly pecked to death by a parrot army than be here a second longer. Unfortunately, as Dean Wolfey is a vulnerable adult, the office asked me to stay and make sure you behave.
I open my laptop and Google "parrot army for sale". No luck.
Umm, Mr. Della Torre, is it interview time now?
Whatever. Yes. Tell me, what brought you to the Cruiserweight Havoc Rumble?
My wheelchair.
No, the opportunity.
Oh! Truthfully, I don't know. I asked Make-A-Wish if I could visit my LIFETIME HERO, Geoffrey Torrance. They told me to show up on December 22nd. When I got to the arena, an official rolled me through the curtain and said I'd meet my idol by the commentary booth.
Wait, how could Torrance be your idol? He'd only appeared once, at Turmoil, and he stunk the place out.
The heart wants what it wants. Especially a COPD heart.
Never mind. So how was your meeting with said "hero"?
He clotheslined me out of the ring, stole my wheelchair and refused to give it back; telling me he needed it as his wingman to score some, and I quote, "dank gape bleeding heart sorority sluts". This meant that my parents weren't able to afford me any Christmas presents as they needed to buy me a new wheelchair. It was the worst holidays ever. So overall, not fantastic.
Is he still your hero?
No. Graham Baker all the way!
I hurl my laptop on the floor. Jenna recoils as it smashes into smithereens. Pffft, I'll order a better one.
WOULD EVERYONE JUST SHUT UP ABOUT BAKER!!!!!
Quixote, you're scaring him.
And you can shut your hole too, Jenna. Not that it ever really opens. Moving on, Dean, I am your hero now. Not Baker, not Torrance, ME. QDT. I am your Fortress.
He laughs awkwardly. Dick.
With that in mind, why do you think the people have DESERTED ME WHEN I NEED THEM THE MOST?!?!?!?
I think they just found you a sanctimonious prick. The Tawny thing did you no favours. Plus, like, you were wayyyy harsh on Vayden. But it turns out he's a prick too, so all power to ya there.
Don't you just think I got too successful for my own good and they just couldn't relate to me anymore because they're all virgin losers? Who I love, of course! I got nothing against virgin losers.
No, we just think you suck.
I grip his hand as it rests on his wheelchair arm.
Thank you for your... candour.
OWW you're hurting me!
QUIXOTE!
But SURELY you people love me more than that Torrance dingus? He's the least likeable pondweed in the whole fed, behind Baker of course.
Choosing between you two is like choosing between being kicked in the balls or anally probed by a cat o' nine tails.
Waste of time. Jenna, get him outta here!
She wheels him out, slamming the door ferociously. ACHOOO! Crap damnit, there's phlegm in my hair. I'm feeling a soliloquay coming on...
TO BE CONTINUED