Post by “The RevolutiDaddy” Wesley on Jun 6, 2019 13:55:56 GMT -5
The Georgia sun beats down on Jenna Bauer as she walks the dirt trail, the camera man following closely behind her. She looks confused as she brushes a strand of hair from her sweaty forehead.
Jenna Bauer: Christ, James, I told Torture if he wants me to do these specialized interviews then I’m going to need a ten percent increase in my salary.
Cameraman James: I swear I’ve seen ten copperheads since we started hiking.
Jenna Bauer: Don’t be so dramatic, James. It was only like four or fi...wait, whats that?
Up ahead of the two, there appears to be a small grass clearing. A beat up Chevy impala is parked in the middle, modified into a lean to, complete with a clothesline, a tanning rack with several snake skins stretched along its length, and a drying rack for meats.
Cameraman James: Oh god it’s like Leatherface. This kids gone off the fucking deep end, I can tell.
Jenna Bauer: ...WESLEY?!
She calls into the clearing. At first, nobody answers, but then a piercing whistle sounds throughout the woods. The two start looking around, Jenna blocks the sun from her eyes by cupping her hands around them. She finally spots “Dream Daddy” Wesley, on top of a hill, perched on a massive boulder. He’s doing a headstand, completely motionless.
Jenna Bauer: What are you doing up there?!
“Dream Daddy” Wesley: Balancing my mind, body, and soul. Perched upon this rock like the mighty eagle I...
Cameraman James: Damn, I fucking told you he’s lost it.
Jenna Bauer: You heard what happened with his wife. Poor kid. Hey! (She shouts) Come down here so we can get this interview going!
Several moments later, Wesley is down by the Chevy Impala, tearing into a can of corn like nobodies business. Jenna looks uncomfortable, but Wesley keeps going hambone on the corn. He finishes and sucks down the last bit of juice in the can before plopping it in a nearby trash receptacle, aka the backseat of the Chevy.
Jenna Bauer: Is everything ok, Wesley?...are you good?
“DD” Wesley: Good, Jenna? Good? I’ve never been better.
He folds his hand as a temple and looks through the open gap in between his palms.
“DD” Wesley: My third eye is finally open. I have forsaken all but my necessary worldly possessions and settled here to realign my spirit.
Cameraman James: What is living like a bum in the middle of the woods supposed to accomplish?
Wesley smiles and laughs.
“DD” Wesley: I wouldn’t expect either of you to understand. You’re just cogs in the corporate zeitgeist. Kind of like my opponent at Evolution, the Television Champion Claire Hawkins. For months, I’ve done everything in my power to get an opportunity, any opportunity. I’ve done things I regret and those ugly thoughts have already started to surface. At the end of the day, what did it get me? Torture hates me, the people hate me...somedays, I even hate myself. That’s why I’ve forsaken that life and decided to live out here among the animals. Except the snakes, man, fuck snakes.
He points his thumb behind him towards the snake skins drying on the rack.
Jenna Bauer: What about your vicious assault and impassioned speech at the end of the UCI - AW Television Championship last week on Clash?
“DD” Wesley: Well, Claire’s a snake. Fuck snakes.
Jenna Bauer: What do you mean?
“DD” Wesley: Well, like you, Hawkins is akin to the corporate zeitgeist as well. She becomes emboldened with each empty victory after the next, more brainwashed with each “successful” title defense. People like Claire Hawkins, once they’ve “arrived”, they’re just okey dokey with being a spoke in the wheel, even though they’ve proffered entirely different up until that point. You could say Hawkins and I were kindred spirits at one point or another, but everything she thought she was is dead and buried under television time and corporate sponsorships.
Me? I’m not going to let this opportunity slip through my fingers. I may have done bad things to get to this point, sometimes the only out of the fire is through it. I’m ok with being the broken spoke, the squeaky wheel, the busted cog in the machine because my very existence raises awareness that something is - in fact - very wrong in Action Wrestling. The fact that I’m even in this match is a total miracle, a glitch in the matrix. I will not squander this match, I will go on to Evolution, beat the everloving shit out Claire Hawkins, and win the Television Championship.
I will become the very thing they don’t want me to be; a star. These people hate me because their perspective is skewed. They don’t realize that I’m one of them, the good and the bad, but I will open their Third Eye and they will see things as I see them. Isn’t that right, James?
Cameraman James slowly sets his camera down on the ground. He “WOOHOOS!” and runs into view, stripping off his clothes as he does! He throws his arms into the air and runs off into the woods.
Jenna Bauer: Umm, he was my ride out of here.
“DD” Wesley: So call an Uber.
Jenna Bauer: I don’t think that “the Chevy in the woods” is an actual address.
“DD” Wesley: We’ll take the Chevy then. Florida is only a couple of hours away, you down for a road trip? I got snake jerky, snake and rice, snake sand...
Jenna Bauer: I think I’ll get snacks somewhere else.
“DD” Wesley: Your call.
Wesley leans over into the camera.
“DD” Wesley: Claire Hawkins, this finally ends at Evolution, and you can see where you’ve gone so wrong in your career. I’ll open your Third Eye too. To thine own self be true, they can’t tell you what to do when you’ve gone Guru.
And you can quote that, Metal Witch.