T h e n, N o w, F o r e v e r III
Jan 27, 2019 19:22:47 GMT -5
Lockhart, Wade Moor, and 1 more like this
Post by Alexander Pasternak on Jan 27, 2019 19:22:47 GMT -5
CUT TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY — DAY
A bowling ball CRASHES into pins, SCATTERING them. CHEERS and APPLAUSE erupt from the family of the child who threw the ball, who embraces her mother. A YOUNG MAN, 23, dressed in a pastel pink blazer and mint green pants, watches the family, taking a sip of his Corona. He then turns to face the camera.
YOUNG MAN
What the fuck kind of question is that? 'What does #BeachKrew mean to me?'
What the fuck kind of question is that? 'What does #BeachKrew mean to me?'
CHYRON: Alexander Pasternak, #BeachKrew member (2018-)
An off-screen INTERVIEWER clears their throat.
Interviewer (O.S.)
Well, uh... I mean—
Well, uh... I mean—
ALEXANDER
(sighing)
Fuckin' A, this is the best SB could send? Bois and Biederman did that MMA thing a while back, why not them? Or that one broad... Santana? Nah-nah-nah, Smetana. Right, she got a real job.
(sighing)
Fuckin' A, this is the best SB could send? Bois and Biederman did that MMA thing a while back, why not them? Or that one broad... Santana? Nah-nah-nah, Smetana. Right, she got a real job.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
We... aren't SB Nation. This is an in-house production.
We... aren't SB Nation. This is an in-house production.
Alexander glares at the Interviewer, cocking his head. A grin creeps across his face.
ALEXANDER
No shit? Then I guess someone sees something in you. Gotta say, I ain't convinced yet.
No shit? Then I guess someone sees something in you. Gotta say, I ain't convinced yet.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You still haven't answered the question.
You still haven't answered the question.
Alexander rolls his eyes.
ALEXANDER
Hit me with the next one, I'm sure by the end of this interview you'll have a pretty good idea of what #BeachKrew means to me.
Hit me with the next one, I'm sure by the end of this interview you'll have a pretty good idea of what #BeachKrew means to me.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Very well then, we'll move on. You've been quieter since your return so I have to ask, how do you really feel about #FightSmart?
Very well then, we'll move on. You've been quieter since your return so I have to ask, how do you really feel about #FightSmart?
Alexander
I don't think the hashtag is silent in #FightSmart.
I don't think the hashtag is silent in #FightSmart.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Does that matter?
Does that matter?
ALEXANDER
(mocking)
Does it matter? 'Course it matters. Know your enemy or some shit. I think Copernicus said that.
(mocking)
Does it matter? 'Course it matters. Know your enemy or some shit. I think Copernicus said that.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You mean Confucius-
You mean Confucius-
ALEXANDER
Gesundheit.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Anyway...
ALEXANDER
#FightSmart did an admirable job playing Great Value #BeachKrew for a little while, but now the genuine article's back and man, they really shriveled up, didn't they? It's fucking tragic. But that's what you get when you file the serial numbers off something as authentically inauthentic as #BK and turn it into advertiser-friendly corporate sludge.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
That's an interesting position to take.
ALEXANDER
There just isn't any fucking soul in it, man. That's what this is really about. #FightSmart ripped some identifying features right out of the #BeachKrew playbook, right down to the fucking hashtag. Doesn't surprise me, considering the #BK #B-roll Spencer Adams managed to pull under his influence but man is it grating. That's why their hashtag isn't silent.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Pardon?
ALEXANDER
The hashtag in #FightSmart isn't silent because it isn't even part of the fucking brand. Not really, anyway. It was tacked onto the front of the stable name so that anytime anyone wants to talk about their second favorite stable in Action Wrestling on Twitter they have to add the hashtag and get that fucking abortion trending. It'd almost be clever if it wasn't so goddamn sad. That's what I mean when I call it corporate sludge. It's vapid trend-chasing without putting any thought into why the trends are happening in the first place. It's forced. It's contrived, and frankly, it's fucking insulting. And I'd expect no less from #FightSmart's fearless leader.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You mean Spencer Adams?
ALEXANDER
Of course I mean Spencer Adams. The dog sure as shit ain't the mastermind here, 'less you think Tweakin' Keuchly is running the show.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You don't sound too fond of him.
ALEXANDER
Which one? Spengler or Cuckly?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Yeah.
ALEXANDER
Y'know, it's kinda fitting that this match is happening at Revolution. I don't know if you remember, but last year's Revolution — the first Pay-Per-View event in A-Dub's history — Spencer Adams and I faced off. A 'pair the spares' situation truthfully, we were both coming off semi-finals losses in the inaugural AW World Heavyweight Championship tournament. We were the bronze medal match. And I won. I beat Spencer Adams, but still, I made one giant mistake.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what was that?
ALEXANDER
I told that cocksucker I respected him. Hell, maybe at the time it was true. After all, we were in the same boat: coming off losses to older, more established names that the sponsors were rooting for. He was still dealing with the closure of UCI. At that point, Spencer Adams had eaten shit every single time he took a risk, and he didn't have anything left to lose. Maybe there was something admirable about that. But that was then, this is now, and I can say with full confidence that I have absolutely no respect for Spencer Adams.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And I take it that extends to the rest of #FightSmart?
ALEXANDER
Of course. #FightSmart isn't a wrestling stable. It's a cult to Saint Spencer. No one in that little club has any real identity. They're all nameless, faceless goons at Spencer's beck and call. That's why they can't get a foothold. Why no one fucking remembers who's all even in the stable. Is SJW still a card carrying member? I don't know. And more importantly, I don't care. Neither does Spencer. Saint Adams doesn't give a shit who's in #FightSmart, just that he has numbers. That he can absorb people into the fuckin' zerg. That he can throw them at whatever's threatening his success this week.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Surely you can't say that Spencer doesn't care about his stablemates. Look at how he reacted to #BeachKrew's treatment of Andre—
ALEXANDER
Oh, fuck off with that. Spencer doesn't give a shit about Andre's safety. He's just pissed that one of his dogs went down. And that because he's out of commission, we're one step closer to scalping him. You wanna see how little Spencer Adams cares about the well-being of his so-called 'brothers in arms'? Look no further than Lincoln Keuchly.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You mean 'Killer Keuchly'.
ALEXANDER
My point exactly. Dude's straight bugging, and on the island of no accountability known as #FightSmart, that isn't a cause for alarm. If Spencer cared for the little shit at all, he'd put him in therapy or something. Fucker needs Adderall, not a goddammned name change. But getting him the help he so desperately needs would put Spence at a disadvantage so nah, he's pushed into the fire. Otherwise they might need to drag out the suddenly re-animated corpse of Brooke Bell to be their fourth. That's Spencer Adams back on his leader of men shit, I tell ya: throwing his guys into machine gun fire again. Disgraceful.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Don't you think you're being a tad dismissive of Lincoln? After all, didn't he get one over on you just a couple weeks ago?
Gesundheit.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Anyway...
ALEXANDER
#FightSmart did an admirable job playing Great Value #BeachKrew for a little while, but now the genuine article's back and man, they really shriveled up, didn't they? It's fucking tragic. But that's what you get when you file the serial numbers off something as authentically inauthentic as #BK and turn it into advertiser-friendly corporate sludge.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
That's an interesting position to take.
ALEXANDER
There just isn't any fucking soul in it, man. That's what this is really about. #FightSmart ripped some identifying features right out of the #BeachKrew playbook, right down to the fucking hashtag. Doesn't surprise me, considering the #BK #B-roll Spencer Adams managed to pull under his influence but man is it grating. That's why their hashtag isn't silent.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Pardon?
ALEXANDER
The hashtag in #FightSmart isn't silent because it isn't even part of the fucking brand. Not really, anyway. It was tacked onto the front of the stable name so that anytime anyone wants to talk about their second favorite stable in Action Wrestling on Twitter they have to add the hashtag and get that fucking abortion trending. It'd almost be clever if it wasn't so goddamn sad. That's what I mean when I call it corporate sludge. It's vapid trend-chasing without putting any thought into why the trends are happening in the first place. It's forced. It's contrived, and frankly, it's fucking insulting. And I'd expect no less from #FightSmart's fearless leader.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You mean Spencer Adams?
ALEXANDER
Of course I mean Spencer Adams. The dog sure as shit ain't the mastermind here, 'less you think Tweakin' Keuchly is running the show.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You don't sound too fond of him.
ALEXANDER
Which one? Spengler or Cuckly?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Yeah.
ALEXANDER
Y'know, it's kinda fitting that this match is happening at Revolution. I don't know if you remember, but last year's Revolution — the first Pay-Per-View event in A-Dub's history — Spencer Adams and I faced off. A 'pair the spares' situation truthfully, we were both coming off semi-finals losses in the inaugural AW World Heavyweight Championship tournament. We were the bronze medal match. And I won. I beat Spencer Adams, but still, I made one giant mistake.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what was that?
ALEXANDER
I told that cocksucker I respected him. Hell, maybe at the time it was true. After all, we were in the same boat: coming off losses to older, more established names that the sponsors were rooting for. He was still dealing with the closure of UCI. At that point, Spencer Adams had eaten shit every single time he took a risk, and he didn't have anything left to lose. Maybe there was something admirable about that. But that was then, this is now, and I can say with full confidence that I have absolutely no respect for Spencer Adams.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And I take it that extends to the rest of #FightSmart?
ALEXANDER
Of course. #FightSmart isn't a wrestling stable. It's a cult to Saint Spencer. No one in that little club has any real identity. They're all nameless, faceless goons at Spencer's beck and call. That's why they can't get a foothold. Why no one fucking remembers who's all even in the stable. Is SJW still a card carrying member? I don't know. And more importantly, I don't care. Neither does Spencer. Saint Adams doesn't give a shit who's in #FightSmart, just that he has numbers. That he can absorb people into the fuckin' zerg. That he can throw them at whatever's threatening his success this week.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Surely you can't say that Spencer doesn't care about his stablemates. Look at how he reacted to #BeachKrew's treatment of Andre—
ALEXANDER
Oh, fuck off with that. Spencer doesn't give a shit about Andre's safety. He's just pissed that one of his dogs went down. And that because he's out of commission, we're one step closer to scalping him. You wanna see how little Spencer Adams cares about the well-being of his so-called 'brothers in arms'? Look no further than Lincoln Keuchly.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
You mean 'Killer Keuchly'.
ALEXANDER
My point exactly. Dude's straight bugging, and on the island of no accountability known as #FightSmart, that isn't a cause for alarm. If Spencer cared for the little shit at all, he'd put him in therapy or something. Fucker needs Adderall, not a goddammned name change. But getting him the help he so desperately needs would put Spence at a disadvantage so nah, he's pushed into the fire. Otherwise they might need to drag out the suddenly re-animated corpse of Brooke Bell to be their fourth. That's Spencer Adams back on his leader of men shit, I tell ya: throwing his guys into machine gun fire again. Disgraceful.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Don't you think you're being a tad dismissive of Lincoln? After all, didn't he get one over on you just a couple weeks ago?
No sooner do the words leave the Interviewer's mouth than Alexander pops out of his chair and storms over, arms outstretched, leaving the shot and presumably grabbing the Interviewer around the collar.
ALEXANDER
Don't you fucking mention that around me again.
Don't you fucking mention that around me again.
Alexander returns his arms to his side and sighs, retreating back to his seat.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
(panting)
How about we pull back from this topic for a second? Tell me about your hiatus. What were you doing before you linked up with #BeachKrew?
(panting)
How about we pull back from this topic for a second? Tell me about your hiatus. What were you doing before you linked up with #BeachKrew?
Alexander smiles like a man facing the firing squad.
AlEXANDER
Killing myself. See, after my match with Wade at Battlefield I uh, well, let's just say I didn't quite taking that loss as well as I could have.
Killing myself. See, after my match with Wade at Battlefield I uh, well, let's just say I didn't quite taking that loss as well as I could have.
CUT TO:
INT. RATHOLE APARTMENT — DAY
A YOUNG WOMAN, 22, (probably) hasn't showered in a week, sits on a tattered sofa, lighting a cigarette.
CHYRON: Jana Horvat, girlfriend
JANA
He lost his fucking mind. What little he had left of it, anyway.
He lost his fucking mind. What little he had left of it, anyway.
She presses the cigarette to her lips and takes a deep drag.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Care to elaborate?
JANA
(blowing smoke)
Well, we were 'seeing other people' at the time and he was on the other side of the country but like, he'd call me in the middle of the fucking night all strung out and shit. It was pretty scary.
(blowing smoke)
Well, we were 'seeing other people' at the time and he was on the other side of the country but like, he'd call me in the middle of the fucking night all strung out and shit. It was pretty scary.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And that wasn't normal for him?
Jana
No. I mean, yeah sure he was always hyper and yeah, he was always a hard partier, but never like that.
And that wasn't normal for him?
Jana
No. I mean, yeah sure he was always hyper and yeah, he was always a hard partier, but never like that.
Jana stares blankly into space. An awkward beat.
JANA
After a few late-night shouting matches, finally realized that—
ALEXANDER (V.O, Prelap)
I had a problem. Have a problem, I guess. But I really had one then.
After a few late-night shouting matches, finally realized that—
ALEXANDER (V.O, Prelap)
I had a problem. Have a problem, I guess. But I really had one then.
CUT TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY — DAY
Alexander's grin fades.
ALEXANDER
It's kind of a surreal feeling, y'know, when you face the fact that you shouldn't be doing the thing you already kinda knew you shouldn't have been doing. Like, yeah, I always knew that cocaine would probably make my heart explode. And that didn't stop me until it did. All the warnings finally hit home or something, I guess.
It's kind of a surreal feeling, y'know, when you face the fact that you shouldn't be doing the thing you already kinda knew you shouldn't have been doing. Like, yeah, I always knew that cocaine would probably make my heart explode. And that didn't stop me until it did. All the warnings finally hit home or something, I guess.
Alexander shakes his head.
ALEXANDER
Nah, that ain't it. It was one night, I was alone in some shitty motel in Eloy, Arizona. I'd done way too much; I was seeing things, I thought my chest had sunk in, my head was gonna explode, the works. I had a seizure lying there, in a puddle of my own vomit. I guess I must've somehow dialed Jana up in the middle of it, because at one point, the room fell silent and all I could hear was the sound of her sobbing on the other end. I think I kinda internalized this idea that my death was my death, right? That I'd ultimately only be hurting myself in the long run. I could die choking on puke in the middle of nowhere and everyone would forget I ever existed in about two weeks. I don't think I've ever been happier to be proven wrong.
JANA (V.O, PRELAP)
(chuckling)
Fuckin' asshole hung up on me that night.
Nah, that ain't it. It was one night, I was alone in some shitty motel in Eloy, Arizona. I'd done way too much; I was seeing things, I thought my chest had sunk in, my head was gonna explode, the works. I had a seizure lying there, in a puddle of my own vomit. I guess I must've somehow dialed Jana up in the middle of it, because at one point, the room fell silent and all I could hear was the sound of her sobbing on the other end. I think I kinda internalized this idea that my death was my death, right? That I'd ultimately only be hurting myself in the long run. I could die choking on puke in the middle of nowhere and everyone would forget I ever existed in about two weeks. I don't think I've ever been happier to be proven wrong.
JANA (V.O, PRELAP)
(chuckling)
Fuckin' asshole hung up on me that night.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT — DAY
Jana ashes her cigarette and rubs her eyes.
JANA
It's funny now, I guess. Now that I know he called me twelve hours later, telling me he was going to some in-patient facility in Arizona City. But those twelve hours were agony. It's funny now, though.
It's funny now, I guess. Now that I know he called me twelve hours later, telling me he was going to some in-patient facility in Arizona City. But those twelve hours were agony. It's funny now, though.
CUT TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY — DAY
ALEXANDER
It's hokey as shit, I know, but the road to recovery really does start with coming to grips with the fact that you got a problem. But like, at the same time, realizing that you got the problem ain't the same thing as starting to fix it, ya feel?
It's hokey as shit, I know, but the road to recovery really does start with coming to grips with the fact that you got a problem. But like, at the same time, realizing that you got the problem ain't the same thing as starting to fix it, ya feel?
Alexander finally finishes off his Corona and sets the bottle on the table behind him.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
I'm not quite sure I follow.
ALEXANDER
Like, just because you know you got this issue and that it's bad, don't mean you're fixing it, right? Self-awareness without self-improvement is basically just masturbation. You feel real good in the moment, but you end up right back where you started. And you can see that in action with Lincoln Keuchly.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Killer Keuchly.
ALEXANDER
I'm not calling him by that fucking moniker. That's part of the problem. People keep humoring him. Maybe he's finally admitted that management isn't plotting to fuck him over every time he draws a breath, but that doesn't mean he's actually taken responsibility for his own actions. All he's doing is swapping one cliche for another. I get that he's #FightSmart and lathering yourself in endless cliches like an NFL coach at a press conference is kinda their thing, but fuckin' hell. For all his talk about accountability and bettering himself, you'd almost think you were listening to Mike fucking Tomlin.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what makes you the expert on self-improvement? How are you so sure that Keuchly is just going through the motions?
ALEXANDER
Because he hasn't fucking changed. He hasn't bettered himself. He's doing the same exact thing as before but painting himself a different color. A haircut ain't a face turn and a name change ain't an attitude adjustment. I can't help but feel bad for the little shit, though.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And why's that?
ALEXANDER
Because he probably thinks this is the path self-improvement. Because, as with everything #FightSmart related, all roads lead back to Spencer Adams. Saint Spencey's probably whispering in Lincoln's ear, telling him that it's great that Link's finally holding himself accountable or some shit and that he should just keep doing what he's doing. It's typical Spencer Adams: clip the wings of all your buds to ensure that you're King of the dirt mound. Lincoln Keuchly is going to get dropped on his head every single time he squares off with someone worth a shit so long as Spencer is holding his collar. That's exactly what Spencer wants: a perpetually frustrated, stunted lap dog to sic on the bad people. If Lincoln had a sense of self-worth he would've smacked that smug fucking cunt in the mouth months ago and struck out on his own. He probably could make it.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Didn't expect to hear something that positive.
ALEXANDER
It's the truth. Do I think that Lincoln Keuchly is inherently incapable of breaking through? Fuck no, but he will be so long as he lets Spence push him around and force him to take a backseat to his own ambitions. But I fear it'll take a lot to get Lincoln to wake the fuck up to that reality.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Why?
ALEXANDER
Because, for all his posturing, he still hasn't actually taken responsibility. He likes the complacency that Spencer has allowed him to cultivate. He's treading water just like he was when he was blaming everyone else for his failures. The only difference is that his buzzwords have changed. It's groanworthy hearing him bloviate about being a new man. Motherfucker, if you're a new man then I'm straight edge. What a waste.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Interesting.
ALEXANDER
What?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
'What a waste.' Are you implying that you had higher expectations for Lincoln?
ALEXANDER
I had higher expectations for everyone stuck in Adams' orbit. Cuckly, Andre, Brooke Bell, and don't even get me started on the Mis-Education of Kyle Kemp.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
The what?
ALEXANDER
Let me just start with a hot take, here's some bulletin board material: Kyle Kemp would fucking body Spencer Adams. Straight up, one on one, no holding back, Kemp would dog walk Spencer and I'm being generous to the glorious leader. But you're not gonna see that any time soon since Spencer done went and mindfucked his buddy enough to keep him at his right hand. He ensured his place at the top of the heap by setting fire to it. Look at him. Look into Kyle Kemp's eyes and tell me that isn't a broken man. His swagger, gone. His fire, gone. His fucking identity, error 404. All he is, is a mindless husk for the #FightSmart machine because no one in #FightSmart can be better than Spencer Adams. It's one of the bylaws or something.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Your interpretation of Kyle Kemp almost makes him sound tragic, no?
ALEXANDER
First off, it ain't 'my interpretation,' it's the goddamn truth and second, nah. This ain't to generate sympathy for the shmuck. Kyle Kemp is the biggest cuckold in the business for letting this happen to him. Sure, he may try to step up to other people and likely gets slapped down for the effort, but he'll never turn on his master. He's #BetterThanYou but not #BetterThanSpencer. He's patiently waiting for the day Spencer pats him on the shoulder and tells him that it's his turn. His time. Problem is, that day's never going to come. So long as #FightSmart exists, it will always be Spencer's turn. He's never going to let you have yours, regardless if your name is Kyle Kemp, Lincoln Keuchly, Andre Aquarius, et-fucking-cetra. Newsflash, Kyle, if you really are this blind: your fearless leader is a neurotic egomaniac so obsessed with the idea of relative gains that he feeds you table scraps and you mistake that for having a seat at the table. He was so terrified that you'd usurp him that he dragged you into a tag title run. How did that feel, Kyle? Did that fill you up? Fucking pathetic.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And how will #BeachKrew handle something like the tag titles, or title runs in general?
ALEXANDER
Considering #BeachKrew doesn't exist to prop up one member's ego, you're not going to see a desperation move like that to keep someone from jumping the queue as it were, because there isn't a queue to jump. Wade and I aren't waiting around for Ryan to tell one of us it's our turn to play with the World Title. Jared isn't charting up a pecking order for the group. When #BeachKrew goes after the tag belts, it'll be because #BeachKrew wants them. End of story. As it should be.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
So, would you say that you and the rest of the #BeachKrew guys are friends?
ALEXANDER
Definitely. I trust those duders with my life.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Is it possible that Spencer and Kyle went after the tag belts because they're friends?
ALEXANDER
(laughing)
You're funny, fam. That ain't what friends do for each other. Not like that. Let me tell you a little something about friendship-
I'm not quite sure I follow.
ALEXANDER
Like, just because you know you got this issue and that it's bad, don't mean you're fixing it, right? Self-awareness without self-improvement is basically just masturbation. You feel real good in the moment, but you end up right back where you started. And you can see that in action with Lincoln Keuchly.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Killer Keuchly.
ALEXANDER
I'm not calling him by that fucking moniker. That's part of the problem. People keep humoring him. Maybe he's finally admitted that management isn't plotting to fuck him over every time he draws a breath, but that doesn't mean he's actually taken responsibility for his own actions. All he's doing is swapping one cliche for another. I get that he's #FightSmart and lathering yourself in endless cliches like an NFL coach at a press conference is kinda their thing, but fuckin' hell. For all his talk about accountability and bettering himself, you'd almost think you were listening to Mike fucking Tomlin.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what makes you the expert on self-improvement? How are you so sure that Keuchly is just going through the motions?
ALEXANDER
Because he hasn't fucking changed. He hasn't bettered himself. He's doing the same exact thing as before but painting himself a different color. A haircut ain't a face turn and a name change ain't an attitude adjustment. I can't help but feel bad for the little shit, though.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And why's that?
ALEXANDER
Because he probably thinks this is the path self-improvement. Because, as with everything #FightSmart related, all roads lead back to Spencer Adams. Saint Spencey's probably whispering in Lincoln's ear, telling him that it's great that Link's finally holding himself accountable or some shit and that he should just keep doing what he's doing. It's typical Spencer Adams: clip the wings of all your buds to ensure that you're King of the dirt mound. Lincoln Keuchly is going to get dropped on his head every single time he squares off with someone worth a shit so long as Spencer is holding his collar. That's exactly what Spencer wants: a perpetually frustrated, stunted lap dog to sic on the bad people. If Lincoln had a sense of self-worth he would've smacked that smug fucking cunt in the mouth months ago and struck out on his own. He probably could make it.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Didn't expect to hear something that positive.
ALEXANDER
It's the truth. Do I think that Lincoln Keuchly is inherently incapable of breaking through? Fuck no, but he will be so long as he lets Spence push him around and force him to take a backseat to his own ambitions. But I fear it'll take a lot to get Lincoln to wake the fuck up to that reality.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Why?
ALEXANDER
Because, for all his posturing, he still hasn't actually taken responsibility. He likes the complacency that Spencer has allowed him to cultivate. He's treading water just like he was when he was blaming everyone else for his failures. The only difference is that his buzzwords have changed. It's groanworthy hearing him bloviate about being a new man. Motherfucker, if you're a new man then I'm straight edge. What a waste.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Interesting.
ALEXANDER
What?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
'What a waste.' Are you implying that you had higher expectations for Lincoln?
ALEXANDER
I had higher expectations for everyone stuck in Adams' orbit. Cuckly, Andre, Brooke Bell, and don't even get me started on the Mis-Education of Kyle Kemp.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
The what?
ALEXANDER
Let me just start with a hot take, here's some bulletin board material: Kyle Kemp would fucking body Spencer Adams. Straight up, one on one, no holding back, Kemp would dog walk Spencer and I'm being generous to the glorious leader. But you're not gonna see that any time soon since Spencer done went and mindfucked his buddy enough to keep him at his right hand. He ensured his place at the top of the heap by setting fire to it. Look at him. Look into Kyle Kemp's eyes and tell me that isn't a broken man. His swagger, gone. His fire, gone. His fucking identity, error 404. All he is, is a mindless husk for the #FightSmart machine because no one in #FightSmart can be better than Spencer Adams. It's one of the bylaws or something.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Your interpretation of Kyle Kemp almost makes him sound tragic, no?
ALEXANDER
First off, it ain't 'my interpretation,' it's the goddamn truth and second, nah. This ain't to generate sympathy for the shmuck. Kyle Kemp is the biggest cuckold in the business for letting this happen to him. Sure, he may try to step up to other people and likely gets slapped down for the effort, but he'll never turn on his master. He's #BetterThanYou but not #BetterThanSpencer. He's patiently waiting for the day Spencer pats him on the shoulder and tells him that it's his turn. His time. Problem is, that day's never going to come. So long as #FightSmart exists, it will always be Spencer's turn. He's never going to let you have yours, regardless if your name is Kyle Kemp, Lincoln Keuchly, Andre Aquarius, et-fucking-cetra. Newsflash, Kyle, if you really are this blind: your fearless leader is a neurotic egomaniac so obsessed with the idea of relative gains that he feeds you table scraps and you mistake that for having a seat at the table. He was so terrified that you'd usurp him that he dragged you into a tag title run. How did that feel, Kyle? Did that fill you up? Fucking pathetic.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And how will #BeachKrew handle something like the tag titles, or title runs in general?
ALEXANDER
Considering #BeachKrew doesn't exist to prop up one member's ego, you're not going to see a desperation move like that to keep someone from jumping the queue as it were, because there isn't a queue to jump. Wade and I aren't waiting around for Ryan to tell one of us it's our turn to play with the World Title. Jared isn't charting up a pecking order for the group. When #BeachKrew goes after the tag belts, it'll be because #BeachKrew wants them. End of story. As it should be.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
So, would you say that you and the rest of the #BeachKrew guys are friends?
ALEXANDER
Definitely. I trust those duders with my life.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Is it possible that Spencer and Kyle went after the tag belts because they're friends?
ALEXANDER
(laughing)
You're funny, fam. That ain't what friends do for each other. Not like that. Let me tell you a little something about friendship-
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT — DAY
A SHORT MAN, 23, with a bent nose and a patchy beard, sits in a cheap plastic booth, elbows rested on the table.
CHYRON: Bledar Domi, friend
BLEDAR
Alex and I met in middle school. I got pushed around a lot back then - I was always small for my age. He always looked out for me though. Caught a suspension in 9th grade for breaking a dude's nose after he smacked me in the mouth in the cafeteria. People got the message after that.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Would you call Alexander Pasternak a good person?
BLEDAR
Yes.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
(chuckling nervously)
Didn't expect you to answer that fast.
BLEDAR
Why wouldn't I? Has he said some dumb shit before, done some bad shit? Sure, but we've all done that. If you judge a man's soul by his worst moment, you'll be disappointed in everyone man. You wanna know the real Alex Pasternak?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
More than anything.
BLEDAR
This was a while back, before he started working for AW. We were at a party in Alex's building, some Bulgarian's birthday or some shit. I'd had a few and was pretty faded when some dude bumped into me. Spilled his drink all over my new Members Only jacket. Alex tried to calm me down but hey, it was a nice jacket. So I swung at the guy. Turns out he was the host. Before I could even connect his boys were on me, dragging my ass outside in the snow so they could kick my ass. Most guys would duck out in that situation. Not Alex, though. Even though he tried to stop me, he started swinging at the dude's goons. Dropped one of them before they held him back. Took three guys. Then when they finished pounding me, he put me in the back seat of his car, bloody and all, and drove me to the hospital. We didn't talk much on the way to there, he was busy on the phone rounding up the troops to get some payback on those fucks.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Wow.
BLEDAR
That's the kind of guy Alex is. He'd take a bullet for you.
Alex and I met in middle school. I got pushed around a lot back then - I was always small for my age. He always looked out for me though. Caught a suspension in 9th grade for breaking a dude's nose after he smacked me in the mouth in the cafeteria. People got the message after that.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Would you call Alexander Pasternak a good person?
BLEDAR
Yes.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
(chuckling nervously)
Didn't expect you to answer that fast.
BLEDAR
Why wouldn't I? Has he said some dumb shit before, done some bad shit? Sure, but we've all done that. If you judge a man's soul by his worst moment, you'll be disappointed in everyone man. You wanna know the real Alex Pasternak?
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
More than anything.
BLEDAR
This was a while back, before he started working for AW. We were at a party in Alex's building, some Bulgarian's birthday or some shit. I'd had a few and was pretty faded when some dude bumped into me. Spilled his drink all over my new Members Only jacket. Alex tried to calm me down but hey, it was a nice jacket. So I swung at the guy. Turns out he was the host. Before I could even connect his boys were on me, dragging my ass outside in the snow so they could kick my ass. Most guys would duck out in that situation. Not Alex, though. Even though he tried to stop me, he started swinging at the dude's goons. Dropped one of them before they held him back. Took three guys. Then when they finished pounding me, he put me in the back seat of his car, bloody and all, and drove me to the hospital. We didn't talk much on the way to there, he was busy on the phone rounding up the troops to get some payback on those fucks.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Wow.
BLEDAR
That's the kind of guy Alex is. He'd take a bullet for you.
CUT TO:
INT. BOWLING ALLEY — DAY
Alexander stands up, chuckling.
ALEXANDER
That's it, right? Real great to meet you-
(shakes head)
Right, right, there's one last elephant in the room.
That's it, right? Real great to meet you-
(shakes head)
Right, right, there's one last elephant in the room.
He retakes his seat, crossing one leg over the other.
ALEXANDER
You're fucking welcome, Torture.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What should he be thanking you for?
ALEXANDER
Take your fuckin' pick, bae. Boosting ratings, giving AW a real main event for this Pay-Per-View, a billion other things that he has plausible deniability for and won't give us our due on, but I think the thing he really owes us some gratitude for is stomping Andre Aquarius.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Why should the C.O.O of Action Wrestling thank you for assaulting a member of the roster and leaving him unable to compete?
ALEXANDER
Because we opened the door for him to be a hero. He took his fucking ball and went home while we were wrecking shit. He couldn't deal, so he threw Camilla Gonzales to the wolves and told her she was on her own. But now, Andre is hurt and #FightSmart needs a fourth man. Who else would it be? Now it looks like a gambit and not like giving up. He looks like a mighty gladiator and not a bitch made coward who threw in the towel when the going got tough. Once again, Spencer didn't want anyone on his side who'd upstage him. It's fitting, really.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What is?
ALEXANDER
Torture going to bat for #FightSmart like this. #FightSmart is his vision for the company. Not literally, I don't think he gives a shit whether Spencer Adams snakes his way into another World Title reign at this point. But the #FightSmart ethos of bland gestures towards chaos while fitting in with the safe corporate hegemony he's desired since he got AW picked up by CBS. #FightSmart offers a light, user-friendly anarchy. The illusion of danger. #FightSmart is Rent, basically. The cleaned up, white-washed, made for TV version of the real shit. The raw shit. The people who can actually afford Broadway tickets weren't equipped to handle the realities of the AIDS Crisis and the suits in the press box aren't capable of handling raw, unfiltered #BeachKrew. Neither is #FightSmart. It's a match made in Heaven. Commander Corporate and the Clout-Chasing Crew. They're getting the fucking wall.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what do you think this match will mean in the long run? How will Revolution affect the future of #BeachKrew?
ALEXANDER
Funny you should ask.
You're fucking welcome, Torture.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What should he be thanking you for?
ALEXANDER
Take your fuckin' pick, bae. Boosting ratings, giving AW a real main event for this Pay-Per-View, a billion other things that he has plausible deniability for and won't give us our due on, but I think the thing he really owes us some gratitude for is stomping Andre Aquarius.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
Why should the C.O.O of Action Wrestling thank you for assaulting a member of the roster and leaving him unable to compete?
ALEXANDER
Because we opened the door for him to be a hero. He took his fucking ball and went home while we were wrecking shit. He couldn't deal, so he threw Camilla Gonzales to the wolves and told her she was on her own. But now, Andre is hurt and #FightSmart needs a fourth man. Who else would it be? Now it looks like a gambit and not like giving up. He looks like a mighty gladiator and not a bitch made coward who threw in the towel when the going got tough. Once again, Spencer didn't want anyone on his side who'd upstage him. It's fitting, really.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
What is?
ALEXANDER
Torture going to bat for #FightSmart like this. #FightSmart is his vision for the company. Not literally, I don't think he gives a shit whether Spencer Adams snakes his way into another World Title reign at this point. But the #FightSmart ethos of bland gestures towards chaos while fitting in with the safe corporate hegemony he's desired since he got AW picked up by CBS. #FightSmart offers a light, user-friendly anarchy. The illusion of danger. #FightSmart is Rent, basically. The cleaned up, white-washed, made for TV version of the real shit. The raw shit. The people who can actually afford Broadway tickets weren't equipped to handle the realities of the AIDS Crisis and the suits in the press box aren't capable of handling raw, unfiltered #BeachKrew. Neither is #FightSmart. It's a match made in Heaven. Commander Corporate and the Clout-Chasing Crew. They're getting the fucking wall.
INTERVIEWER (O.S.)
And what do you think this match will mean in the long run? How will Revolution affect the future of #BeachKrew?
ALEXANDER
Funny you should ask.
CUT TO: