Take An L Like Your Name Lincoln
Jun 26, 2018 2:12:05 GMT -5
T.F.K., Bonnie Blue, and 1 more like this
Post by Talent Enhancers on Jun 26, 2018 2:12:05 GMT -5
(We see Timothy James and Jordan Lee, the Talent Enhancers, sitting outside of a liquor store on the hood of their El Camino. They're smoking that green green and chit chatting.)
Timothy James
Sorry I let you down bro bro. I was close though!
Jordan Lee
Bro, don't even trip, we all know deep down Lincoln Kuechly can't hang, and that's why he sucker punched me and then used that distraction to beat you! Besides, you're so handsome and dreamy, how could anyone ever be disappointed or mad at you sweet thang.
Timothy James
Thanks bro bro. He's a piece of shit, huh?
Jordan Lee
Tip to tail, piece. Of. Shit.
Timothy James
I've never seen you mad, bro bro, what you got planned for Monday?
Jordan Lee
You know all the bad parts of the Harry Potter films?
Timothy James
Yeah!
Jordan Lee
I'ma do alllll of those things to Lincoln, then pin him, and take his Television Championship.
Timothy James
I'm so in love with that I can piss my panties.
Jordan Lee
Then, I'm going to defend against you like we used to do on a trampoline in your step-dads backyard!
Timothy James
I'm going to go inside and get another 40, you want one?
(Jordan Lee looks at him like Paul Rudd looks at Judd Apatow.)
Timothy James
You got it, I'll be right back!
(Timothy goes in to buy some more 40's, and Jordan Lee begins to shit talk Lincoln to himself in a faint whisper voice)
Jordan Lee
Hmm? Got an 8 pack? Well I got an 8 pack of whooping your ass you little mother fucker. You want this? You wannnttt this? MM! PILE DRIVER YOU DICK. THATS RIGHT A PILE DRIVER, MY FRIEND. Oh you change your hair style, im gonna make you change your sexual preference and make you want to fuck me you gay man, I will make you gay.
Timothy James
Here's your 40 good sir! Who you talking to?
Jordan Lee
Nobody!
Timothy James
Hey bro bro, did I ever tell you the story of when I met my best friend?
Jordan Lee
Oh, I know the story but pleaaaseeee do tell!
(Jordan smiles like he has a school girl crush)
Timothy James
Basically, I was born in the same hospital as him, and then we grew up 2 houses away from each other, and then we became friends on the school yard. Wanna know why? Because a 3rd grader came over to the first grade class where we were playing and started picking on me and my new best friend came over and kicked him in the shin and challenged him to a game of one on one. Over the next 14 minutes of that one on one game, I witnessed some of the best ball handling, and three point shooting I've ever seen. He was sinking em', he was jukin' em, he was making it rain. He shut that bully up and went on to become my best friend.
Jordan Lee
Sniff sniff
Timothy James
That best friend has a Television Championship match on Clash and he's going to shut the new bully up!
Jordan Lee
You're one great best friend. I love you.
Timothy James
Love you too, bro bro.
(They hug on the hood of the El Camino. Scene fades away)
(Bonus Scene: Timmy is adjusting his pillow late at night getting ready for bed thinking Jordan is asleep already so he's being extra quiet and to make himself fall asleep he thinks of Jordan, his best friend and sings softly.
Timothy James
You are the one that I loveeeee, you are the one that I loveeeee
Jordan Lee
You ARE THE one that I loveeeeeeeeee, youuuuuuu are the one that I loveeeeee
(Tim is surprised he's awake but they keep singing together in harmony.)
Timothy James
YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I LOVEEEEEEEEE
Jordan Lee
You are the one that I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooou are the one that I loveeeeeee
(Scene fades away.)
Timothy James
Sorry I let you down bro bro. I was close though!
Jordan Lee
Bro, don't even trip, we all know deep down Lincoln Kuechly can't hang, and that's why he sucker punched me and then used that distraction to beat you! Besides, you're so handsome and dreamy, how could anyone ever be disappointed or mad at you sweet thang.
Timothy James
Thanks bro bro. He's a piece of shit, huh?
Jordan Lee
Tip to tail, piece. Of. Shit.
Timothy James
I've never seen you mad, bro bro, what you got planned for Monday?
Jordan Lee
You know all the bad parts of the Harry Potter films?
Timothy James
Yeah!
Jordan Lee
I'ma do alllll of those things to Lincoln, then pin him, and take his Television Championship.
Timothy James
I'm so in love with that I can piss my panties.
Jordan Lee
Then, I'm going to defend against you like we used to do on a trampoline in your step-dads backyard!
Timothy James
I'm going to go inside and get another 40, you want one?
(Jordan Lee looks at him like Paul Rudd looks at Judd Apatow.)
Timothy James
You got it, I'll be right back!
(Timothy goes in to buy some more 40's, and Jordan Lee begins to shit talk Lincoln to himself in a faint whisper voice)
Jordan Lee
Hmm? Got an 8 pack? Well I got an 8 pack of whooping your ass you little mother fucker. You want this? You wannnttt this? MM! PILE DRIVER YOU DICK. THATS RIGHT A PILE DRIVER, MY FRIEND. Oh you change your hair style, im gonna make you change your sexual preference and make you want to fuck me you gay man, I will make you gay.
Timothy James
Here's your 40 good sir! Who you talking to?
Jordan Lee
Nobody!
Timothy James
Hey bro bro, did I ever tell you the story of when I met my best friend?
Jordan Lee
Oh, I know the story but pleaaaseeee do tell!
(Jordan smiles like he has a school girl crush)
Timothy James
Basically, I was born in the same hospital as him, and then we grew up 2 houses away from each other, and then we became friends on the school yard. Wanna know why? Because a 3rd grader came over to the first grade class where we were playing and started picking on me and my new best friend came over and kicked him in the shin and challenged him to a game of one on one. Over the next 14 minutes of that one on one game, I witnessed some of the best ball handling, and three point shooting I've ever seen. He was sinking em', he was jukin' em, he was making it rain. He shut that bully up and went on to become my best friend.
Jordan Lee
Sniff sniff
Timothy James
That best friend has a Television Championship match on Clash and he's going to shut the new bully up!
Jordan Lee
You're one great best friend. I love you.
Timothy James
Love you too, bro bro.
(They hug on the hood of the El Camino. Scene fades away)
(Bonus Scene: Timmy is adjusting his pillow late at night getting ready for bed thinking Jordan is asleep already so he's being extra quiet and to make himself fall asleep he thinks of Jordan, his best friend and sings softly.
Timothy James
You are the one that I loveeeee, you are the one that I loveeeee
Jordan Lee
You ARE THE one that I loveeeeeeeeee, youuuuuuu are the one that I loveeeeee
(Tim is surprised he's awake but they keep singing together in harmony.)
Timothy James
YOU ARE THE ONE THAT I LOVEEEEEEEEE
Jordan Lee
You are the one that I loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooou are the one that I loveeeeeee
(Scene fades away.)