Labyrinth IX: Dancing Shadows (ft. Carter Shaw)
Dec 19, 2021 12:37:38 GMT -5
Karlie Nash, Addy A, and 5 more like this
Post by Lissie Hope on Dec 19, 2021 12:37:38 GMT -5
“44 Union, please.” We were stalled in New York traffic on a Friday night - start and stop, inch by inch. Looking out the window, everyone seemed to be moving in unison at a quickened pace, as if their bodies were tethered, and their destinations were reeling them in like the finest catch. Even if the fumes from the vehicles engulfed their nostrils, the sun poked through the clouds, but the towering skyscrapers left shadows dancing on the pavement. “It’ll take ah while, damn cahs ain’t movin’.” “I’m in no hurry.” My driver spoke with a thick Jersey accent, the kind you hear in an old Joe Pesci flick. His hands shook the steering wheel as he tried to navigate the horde of yellow taxis, his impatience growing even as the meter ticked upward. My mind wandered, and I was curious of who each passenger was in each of the neighboring cars, and if their drivers were just as irritable as mine was. I wondered about their stories - were they celebrities? Were they stock market gurus? Hundreds of people were walking on the sidewalks; how many of them were part of the elite social circles, hiding in plain sight? Or how many are just normal, ordinary chameleons who had no reservations acting like they knew they belonged? “Com’ ahnnn!” “It’s okay, really.” He made a sharp turn into the middle lane, cutting off the car behind him. The sound of the blaring horn, held a few seconds longer than needed, muffled his irritation. “Ah fahk off!” Now I understood why people liked walking. I remembered looking out the window of my hotel room earlier, twenty-two stories in the sky. The streets intersected with hundreds of coordinate points, with more crosses than you’d see on Sunday mornings. And it was hours before, but it was the same scene; hundreds of yellow taxis, bumper to bumper, trying to escape the labyrinth below. There was a whole world to explore, but the universe kept them at a standstill. There is safety in complacency. Why take a risk when you aren’t sure if the reward is worth the consequence? “Just gotta hit the highway and we’ll be there in no time.” “It’s fine, I just want to get there in one piece.” “What ah’ yah nervous fah?” “Drivers just seem a little more aggressive here than I’m used to.” “You ain’t from around he’ah?” “Texas.” “Long way from home. What brings yah tah town?” “Just a business meeting.” I hadn’t set foot in the Philidor Holdings office for months. I’d been coming to New York often, but something always seemed to keep me away. I had started to meet girls in the area on my nights out, and they were welcome hosts, showing me around the city. I was actually going to meet them for dinner later - and of course, this was the mecca for FightNYC, and I had been making inroads with some of their superstars lately as well. I was being pulled in every direction here - and I kind of liked it. “What do you know about the Velvet Rabbit?” “It’s a haht spaht on Fridays. Wife thinks it’s a bit of a whorehouse. Why yah ask?” “...no reason in particular.” Twitter was buzzing. Atara Themis was scheduled as a special guest dancer tonight. A part of me came to the Big Apple tonight to see her again, though I couldn’t admit that was my motivation. I scrolled through my direct messages, and everyone was asking for me to make an appearance. Depending on how my meeting went, I might have to do something to make me forget all about it. “Hey Lissie, you in town?” “Yes! What are you doing here?” “Same reason you are. Wanna grab a drink?” “Sure! We haven’t talked in ages.” “We got a lot to discuss. I’ll ping my location.” … “I’ll be right there.” “Sir, change of plans. Can we go here instead?” The driver looked at the address and smiled. He knew this was a fare he’d be unwilling to let go. Plugging it into his GPS, it added twenty minutes to the estimated arrival and doubled the projected fare. I didn’t mind, until he cut back into traffic, and another extended blare of the horn pointed in his direction. “I’ll get yah there, sweetheart.” *** Situated in the middle of the concrete hedgemaze was a tropical-inspired tiki bar, decorated with bright lights and artificial palm logs engraved with Islander carvings. The space heaters inside gave patrons the confidence to dress the part and have an experience unlike what they’d been accustomed to; the coats were left at home or given to the hostess for safekeeping. I saw him glowing under the tiki lamp overhead, seated at the bar, speaking to the good-looking bartender with floppy, left-parted bangs and rugged facial hair. I could see the muscular structure under his unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, and a tattoo of a bear holding the state of California caught my eye. He’d definitely be my type - if only he was a few inches taller. “Hey Lissie, thanks for coming.” “It’s been too long. We haven’t really had a chance to talk since… y’know.” Carter Shaw stood up from his seat and opened his chest to me; I sank into his body like quicksand, feeling his arms squeeze around me. “I’m sorry, Carter.” “You don’t have anything to apologize for. You did what you felt you had to do.” “But I feel like I was the first domino to fall. Like I’m responsible for the implosion. And for everything else.” “What do you mean?” “Johnny’s hurt. You’re not the champion anymore. Ash is the only one who still hasn’t really felt any consequence.” “She’s lost a lot, Lissie.” “I just needed to get out. And they wouldn’t just let me.” “Well, you got what you needed. And more.” We went silent for a bit, and I allowed the weight of his words to keep me anchored to the stool like fetters shackled around my ankles. The bartender broke the silence. “Welcome! I’m Mikey, can I get you started on one of our specialties?” He spoke a mile a minute, the movement in his hands never ceased as he described an elaborate backstory to a tropi-cocktail and the many infused rums he could mix and prepare for us. He was excitable and adorable and Carter just looked at him, overwhelmed and confused as Mikey finished up his presentation. “But if that doesn’t tickle your fancy - ” Giggle. “ - maybe our Brochacho Punch is more your style.” “I’ll just have a Jameson on rocks, thanks.” With a smile, I added - “I’ll have the same thing, but make mine with soda. And a double.” “You’re drinking drinking again?” “Carter… you invited me to a bar. I didn’t think this would be a surprise.” “I just want you to take care of yourself. Don’t get too crazy.” “I’ll be alright. Things are different this time.” Though I was in the throes of relapse, I still felt like I could control it. Was I drinking again? Yeah— but now? I knew my limitations. And I was drinking socially, just among friends - I wasn’t using my vices to escape anymore. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have anything I was running from. “Philidor did help me. And so did you.” I hooked his arm and leaned my head on his shoulder as Mikey arrived with our glasses. “Let me know if you guys want to try anything more exotic later!” “Thanks dude, I think we’ll stick with the Jameson.” His face sunk, dejected, and I just wanted to humor him a little. Just pinch his cheeks, give him my bedroom eyes, feed his ego a bit. Stop being so boy crazy, I told myself. But he was like a little puppy who needed an acknowledging pat on the head - and anywhere else. I knew that feeling. I’d lived that feeling. “It’s hard to believe we helped you, Lissie, when you’re falling back into your old patterns.” I unhooked his elbow and stirred my drink. I hadn’t tasted it yet, but I knew it was going to burn. And that burn was addictive. “I’m here, aren’t I?” “Are you?” My face contorted in stunned silence. Carter spun in his seat and placed a finger under my chin, his sea-blue pupils reflecting off my moistened irises. “Why did you ask me to come here?” “I saw you were heading to New York, and I wanted to beat you to the punch.” “But why?” “Have you been to the offices yet?” “No… that’s why I’m here.” “And that’s what I was afraid of.” “I need closure, Carter.” “But this isn’t the way.” “I’ve let you all dictate what I do, and how I do it, for a year. I can’t let you call the shots anymore, Carter. I appreciate you, you’ve helped me change, you’ve helped me adapt, evolve, survive - but I need to stand on my own again. If I fall on my face, I need to learn how to get back up… independent of you.” “You’re not going to get closure by going to 44, Lissie.” “Why not?” “Because it’s not there anymore.” That hit me like a brick to the temple. I felt a dizzying sense of uncomfort, and I hadn’t even tasted my drink yet. “Everything they’ve ever told us has been a lie, Lissie. They took everything from me, and they vanished.” “That doesn’t make any sense…” “And if they haven’t done the same to you, yet -” A pause. “I just want you to prepare yourself for what’s coming. Because it’s not over, Lissie. You aren’t going to be able to just walk away.” “What did they take from you?” “My house is gone. I’ve been living in suitcases since Hellimination.” My mind immediately raced to the remodeled home in Conroe where my ‘ma was living. Surely, they wouldn’t have put her on the streets, would they? Come to think of it, I hadn’t heard from her lately, and I began to panic, my heart beating out of my chest. “If something happened to my ‘ma, I would know about it…” I tried to convince myself, but even saying it out loud didn’t calm my nerves. “You should talk to her - she probably doesn’t even know what’s happening.” “I will.” I took a sip of the Jameson. That was enough to settle my impending hysterics. “I’m just glad you still have her to go back to, Lissie. I know how important she could be for you.” “What are you gonna do?” “I don’t know yet. I haven’t really thought it through - I’m just going through the motions, really. Taking things night by night; show by show. Have you heard about Last Dance?” “Corey Bull?” “Yeah - I’ve heard that they’re planning to put us together.” “Oh nice! Against who? I love teaming with you.” “Lissie - against each other.” “ - why?” “Seems like a sick joke, really. Like we’re the two Corey Bull ruined, who Corey Bull changed for the worst - and they just want us to tear each other apart for his amusement. Which is why it makes no sense to me that you could forgive him, of all people.” “I’ve grown beyond Corey Bull, Carter. I couldn’t continue enabling him and letting him linger and affect me, even subconsciously, after he’s long gone. And you shouldn’t either.” “I can’t believe you hugged him in the middle of the ring.” “I had to forgive him, Carter.” “Do you know how hypocritical you sound?” He caught his own voice raising in anger, grabbing the attention of Mikey behind the bar. He stuck out a thumb, asking if everything was okay, and I nodded in acquiescence. “I understand why you can’t. And I won’t hold it against you. We all have our reasons.” “What are we gonna do about this match, Lissie?” I shook my head, unable to articulate much of anything. “It’s our first one-on-one ever.” “I guess we just have to give ‘em a show.” “I love you, Carter. Despite everything, you’re the closest thing I’ve had to a brother - ” With a grin, he leaned in closer, rubbing the tears off my cheek. But my voice quivered, and rose in tone. “ - which is why it’s hard for me to understand why you just stood there.” “What do you mean?” “How could you just watch when I had no choice but to put that target on my back? I knew I would feel the wrath of Philidor after I confronted them, after I turned my back on them - but you, Carter? You turned your back on me.” “Is this how you really feel?” “You should’ve stood by me, Carter. You slithered away like a viper and now I’m facing the consequences.” “You don’t think I’ve had consequences?” My eyes began to run again. “After I just told you what I’ve been going through?” Taking a sip of my drink, I let him continue. The deep tone of his voice tinged of anger and resentment. “I gave Philidor every part of me. And you should know what it’s like to feel completely deserted and betrayed and abandoned - I figured we’d be able to identify with each other over this. But you need everyone to understand your plights, and your struggles, but you can’t begin to reciprocate it, Lissie. And that’s why you’re alone. It’s always about you.” “Is this how you really feel?” “I love you too, Lissie, but you have to grow up. Take some accountability. Acknowledge your own culpability.” “Why did you really want me in Philidor Holdings?” “Don’t change the subject, Lissie.” “What was in it for you? What did you have to gain?” “I just wanted to protect you.” “From who??” He paused, listening to my voice break in tearful agony. “From yourself.” I felt his sincerity as he cupped the top of my knuckles, and our fingers interlocked as I wiped my tears on his shoulder. Again, he placed his arm around my shoulder and held me in silence. I knew there was more to be said, but I don’t think I was ready to listen. Maybe some other time. A slow country song I didn’t recognize started playing over the speakers. I didn’t care. “Will you dance with me?” I didn’t let him answer. I confidently grabbed his hand and led him to his feet. We didn’t even move towards the center; we just swayed together, behind our stools, as I felt his warm body envelop me. Comforting me. Protecting me. Mikey noticed us having a moment, and he dimmed the lights overhead. “I don’t want to lose you too, Carter.” He didn’t say anything. I watched our silhouettes cast dancing shadows on the hardwood below. “I don’t know how to be here for you anymore, Lissie. And you don’t know how to be here for me, either.” He was right. Our love for one another had fragmented, chiseled away by the sowing seeds of distrust. Philidor Holdings were the glue which held us together for so long, but we couldn’t rationalize and justify our bond any longer. Not until we could both move beyond Philidor Holdings - on our own terms. “I’ve gotta go.” I released him from the embrace, but he kept his hands wrapped around my wrists. “Don’t do anything crazy tonight.” “I’m a creature of habit, Carter. I’m going to do what I need to do.” I fought off his grip for a second, but he surrendered, knowing he could no longer influence me. “Thank you for the dance. Goodbye, Carter.” *** “Where ‘ya headed?” I sunk into the backseat of the cab, watching the driver’s eyes in the rear-view mirror. “Velvet Rabbit, please.” |