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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 29, 2018 23:00:28 GMT -5
Terrible attempt at self-demeaning humor aside, feel free to send me any thoughts or criticisms you may have my way for either of my characters. To help me keep track of any that I may get, I shall keep shorthand notes. Despite the fact that it's all just going to be here in the thread.
Note: this also includes any roleplays that I submit for each character. Past, present, or future.
Claire Hawkins How do I want the character to evolve? Balance plot & shoot elements
Roderick Cage:
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Dionysus
Professional Wrestler
Contains 50% Fruit Juice
Posts: 582
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Post by Dionysus on May 30, 2018 19:58:37 GMT -5
You know me; I think Claire is the coolest character you've used, whether its here or elsewhere.
The question basically becomes, how do you want Claire to evolve in a new environment? Its what I thought of when I was working on Dionysus. I didn't intend to go full god or anything, but the more I workshopped the idea, the more I realized it could pay off in the long run. This is a great time to think of ways you can have Claire standout from what she was in the past.
I got nothin' on Roderick. XD
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 31, 2018 13:27:25 GMT -5
Well Dion, after spending some time reflection on that question I have come to realize a few things.
First, the Hawkins character that you knew was very different then how it was when I first debuted her.
Secondly, the reason for why they were different is due to how I adapted her to the different environments or situations she was in. Nothing was planned and was kind of an organic thing.
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Jun 8, 2018 16:25:14 GMT -5
Keep going with the organic thing, I love the Claire Hawkins character. I love that she seems to get frustrated by losses and eventually I'd love to see that as a plot device or something for you to get a good breakthrough. I'd love to see a little more plot development rather than mostly shoot. A little more balance would even out the RP a little I think.
I was thinking the other day that you got a harsh ride lately with who you came up against and that can only stand you in good stead. You stood toe to toe with some of the best in here and didn't phase. It's a good sign.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jun 8, 2018 23:33:20 GMT -5
So what you're telling me is that I should keep using my feelings to continue further develop the character in an organic manner? I think I might be able to manage that. Honestly, I am quite blown away by how many people seem to enjoy the character. My confidence is pretty much at the level at which one might derive from the title and as such, I often worry about if anything I write is found to be enjoyable. Generally, I just give it my best shot and try to post before the deadline. I know this is odd to say considering how all over the place my roleplays have been, but I've tried to keep to keep them loosely threaded together so that it's just one big underlying plot. Granted it seems questionable, but clues are there. Their just hidden and are more than likely just plain bad, but they're there. (I hope)
I wouldn't go as far as saying she "stood toe-to-toe" with any of them. It's more like "she acted as a jobber without actually being a jobber" with how most of the matches went. yours is a much nicer sentiment. THink I'll just stick with that instead.
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Sam Kidsgrove
Professional Wrestler
International Champion
Posts: 476
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Post by Sam Kidsgrove on Jun 9, 2018 1:22:21 GMT -5
Yeah, building an organic character based on how you're feeling is my jam. When people do that you can tell and you get more invested. My first guy, Jenson had the same problem. After a strong start he started losing a lot. I changed 2 things. 1: I tweaked the narrator to be more like a sarcastic version of myself, letting him organically become a character in itself. 2: I remembered that story is king and, as long as you're enjoying things and telling story then w/l doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Trust me though, those losses were closer than you realise and you were facing some of the best here. Except me. I'm poop, you should be embarrased
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jun 9, 2018 2:06:19 GMT -5
I shall do my best to keep that in mind. As of right now, I have a general idea of where I want the character go, but no big plot points planned out or anything. It's just going to be kept simple and just what feels natural for this version of her. What happens will happen. Unfortunately, and I feel silly about this, but I would say they have/had a similar problem except she had more of a weak start and has pretty much stayed there. lol
Joke all you want, but I know when I'm completely outmatched. Unfortunately, that's pretty much everybody here. Oh well, it is what it is.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jul 15, 2018 22:47:41 GMT -5
Roleplay for Pandemic is up and I'm pretty sure I got thrashed regardless, but hey let me know what you all think. I tried a couple of different things so any feedback would be awesome. Thanks!
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Jul 29, 2018 23:11:13 GMT -5
SO yeah, I ran out of time today but I still wanted to toss something up. I know it really isn't much but let me know what you think! I know it's not the walls of text full of babble you may have been hoping for, but I wanted to try out a few things despite the limited time I had. Plus I love how people seemed to enjoy RC's roleplay that was even more hastily thrown together
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Aug 12, 2018 22:55:40 GMT -5
Both roleplays are up for both characters and are open to thoughts and whatnot.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Oct 9, 2018 19:44:54 GMT -5
As always any feedback is appreciated. I know my stuff tends to be all over the place and I apologize about that, but any feedback shall help! Maybe.....
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Post by Dandy DiVito on Oct 9, 2018 23:47:11 GMT -5
I dig what you’re doing. I love how your style uses the omni-narrator and such descriptive presentation. While I rely on dialog, you don’t. I’d guess that’s a strength for you more often than it’s a problem or a weakness. And the internal voices allow you to do so much with only one technical character in play. I like it a lot. Keep it up.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Oct 10, 2018 21:26:31 GMT -5
Thanks, Dandyman! I appreciate the feedback! Personally, I find that the details help make the product. Sure you can a fair amount of dialog, but the message hidden in the words can change just by how they present themselves or the tone of voice they use. That's not to say that relying on the dialog is a bad thing. In fact, I think we have a couple of amazing people here that do just that! Honestly, I'm pretty jealous of them. lol
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Post by Claire Hawkins on Mar 4, 2019 16:54:26 GMT -5
Hi-ya everybody!
Claire here trying to revive this feedback thread! So feel free to tell me what you think thus far!
Gimmick Character Character development Rps old and new Or if you just have questions you want clarified
All are welcome!
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 6, 2019 18:55:37 GMT -5
Well, its time to try to resurrect this ol' thing. Especially since I'm now working in the 1k department. So yeah, feel free to tell me what you think whenever you get a chance. Good Comments Negative Comments Constructive comments Roasty-toasty comments All are welcome. I'm just trying to improve lol Witch Beats BitchWord Count: 977 This would be the one that won the TV title. However, I strongly feel like Hazel could have easily beaten me if she hadn't posted a sub-500-word rp. The scary part is that she has gotten much better!The Witch: Television Champion?!Word COunt: 728 First defense. Unfortunately, Baz seems to have disappeared. If he hadn't then I feel like he could have won, because I had a hell of a time trying to come up with anything.
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Post by Lissie Hope on May 6, 2019 19:52:02 GMT -5
I’ll properly feed tonight or tomorrow, but I just wanna say that I love your shoot voice to death.
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 8, 2019 23:26:29 GMT -5
I look forward to it! Thanks, though I'm not always sure what or how her voice will turn out from week to week. I mean, just because I read it a certain way doesn't mean the reader will. lol
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 13, 2019 0:58:32 GMT -5
For the record; yes I will keep adding to this thread weekly, In the event that somebody feels like they're in a feedback giving mood than by all means drop some hot wisdom on me. Witch Beats Bitch Part IIWord Count: 999 For the most part I thought that the rp turned out okay, but I feel like maybe I should have put a little less effort into setting the scene up and more on the shoot or the end to properly finish it out.
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Post by Wade Moor on May 24, 2019 9:14:08 GMT -5
For the record; yes I will keep adding to this thread weekly, In the event that somebody feels like they're in a feedback giving mood than by all means drop some hot wisdom on me. Witch Beats Bitch Part IIWord Count: 999 For the most part I thought that the rp turned out okay, but I feel like maybe I should have put a little less effort into setting the scene up and more on the shoot or the end to properly finish it out.NeEdS mOaR dReAm DaDdy Lol, jokes aside, this was an awesome promo! Claire Hawkins - and yourself - are obviously very proud to be Television Champion. It sounds like you’re having fun writing your promos and it shows in your work! Vivid, beautiful scene setup leads right into a meaty portion of shoot, the lions share of this promo which is incredible! A+! Really, no gripes. This was a well rounded promo, crafted perfectly for Television Championship matches!
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Post by Claire Hawkins on May 26, 2019 20:17:16 GMT -5
Of WItches and PrincessesWord count: 1000Full hard cap this week. I tried my best to not go overboard with the scene description, but I feel like the shoot went awry. That being said, I just hope its good enough to give Estrella a run for her money! William Moor- Thanks a bunch! However, Odin was more than accurate in saying that the scene description was overboard. Doesn't mean it was any less fun writing it out though!
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