Post by Lockhart on May 27, 2018 21:59:06 GMT -5
A camera faced an off-white wall with nothing notable about it. A crack here, a chip in the paint there, but nothing more to be seen. Feet shuffled from behind the camera, which shook a little after being moved slightly by a hand that cupped over the front of it. A moment later, Ryan Lockhart shuffles onto the scene, slumping himself against the wall. His hands shake subtly, eyes red and pupils dilated. His mouth forms a thin, rueful smile, as his right foot taps constantly against the floor beneath him.
‘Hey, Ryan. This is a message for… well, for you in the future, I guess. I normally wouldn’t consider myself the type of guy to do this type of shit, but here I am. Or should I say, here you are. Doing it.’
He chuckles at himself.
‘The reason you’re here is… you’re falling into a dark place. By tomorrow morning, you’ll probably forget you even filmed this shit, so that’s why I’m doing it, to make sure that your thoughts are documented, and that you can make a decision on where you want your life to go once you hit that inevitable crossroads, you know what I’m saying?’
He hesitates, before letting out a lengthy exhale.
‘You’re back on the cocaine, Ryan. You let Amber get you hooked on it again… and I’d be lying if I said it hasn’t been fun. Come on, current me and future me both know that this is the shit we live for. We were off it for a while, but once an addict, always an addict, right? That’s what they always say, so why prove them wrong?
‘Maybe it’d be a good idea to not get hooked onto the shit again, but who knows? I’m still functioning. I’m still competing. I’m still winning, and I’m gonna keep winning. But… you know the less ideal sides of our personality starts to come out when we fall into that hole. That dark place. It’s not the best feeling, but it’s one we’ve lived with, so maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea to just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens? All that carefree shit we’ve lived by for how fuckin’ long now?
‘Who knows, man. Hell, I’m talking to myself in an empty room, making a video that my future self probably won’t even see. But I guess I’m here to make a point, and probably give myself some advice for whatever happens next, so let’s try and make that happen while I still can.’
He gathers his thoughts, eyes drifting away momentarily, before snapping back toward the camera lens.
‘You’re not a good guy, Ryan. You’ve pulled a lot of bullshit on other people. Sure, you have your moments. You’re trying to help your family out through this wrestling gig - and it’s working so far. Mum’s been able to pay off all the bills - including Dads hospital costs. You’re giving Mark a generous split of your earnings, making sure that he’s getting enough to support himself and his girlfriend. After all, why wouldn’t you? You two have been through everything together, why stop now?’
Suddenly, he shakes his head.
‘Hell, you’re even trying to provide some inspiration out there. You’re not exactly great at it, but you’re trying to go into every match with a positive vibe and attitude. You say you don’t care that much about winning or losing, but I guess we’ll find that out when you actually manage to lose a fuckin’ match. Who knows, man. You’re trying your best, but deep down… you know it isn’t working.
‘You’re a shit fuckin’ guy, you know that?’
He laughs.
‘You make a livin’ by beating the shit out of other people. But even before that, even before you were given the incentive of being paid to do it, you loved the fight. You lived for it, just like you lived for the next hit of weed, cocaine, whatever the fuck you were able to afford at the time. You’re a chronic user, not only of substances, but of people. You use them for two things - the fun they can bring you, and the opportunities they can provide. And if you’re lucky, you can get both out of the same person. Maybe that’s why you and Mark are so damn close.
‘Look at Amber. You sulk about her all the time, but at the end of the day, you know you’re only in it for the sex. You THINK you want something more, you think you want to connect on a deeper level, but in reality, that’s just your coping mechanism for the fact that… for the fact that…
‘Let’s not get into that right now.’
Another pause, another deep breath.
‘Look, man. We’re trying here. We’re trying really fuckin’ hard to make something of ourselves. Is it working? I have no clue. I’m gaining a following, I’m becoming respectable. For a solid month or two, I was clean from most drugs except alcohol, I was training regularly, going to scheduled appearances, putting on a good face for the public. Fuck, everything that I thought would be a struggle, I made a regular routine out of it, and I excelled. I performed above expectations. We thrived, Ryan.
‘And we still are. Technically, at least. Still undefeated, pulling in yet another main-event match-up, huh? Look at you go. But I think we both know that the burden is starting to weigh down on us. There’s a lot of pressure, isn’t there? One win after another, they start to stack up. The celebrity lifestyle? It isn’t as clear-cut and simple as they make it out to be. Call it a first-world problem, but the fact is that this shit doesn’t get an easier. In fact, keeping a sane face, and holding back from all the impulses and actions that were once normal to you? It eats away at you, bit by bit, and now there’s only a thread holding you back.
‘That’s why you gotta listen to me. That’s why I’m making this, so whenever I feel myself falling into that hole again, I wake myself the fuck up by watching this, over and over again if I have to. I can’t experience this feeling anymore, it’s happened time and time again, and everytime? It keeps getting worse.
‘Time to get off the coke, for real now. That success I was talking about? I need to keep living up to that, proving myself everyday. Not to other people, but to myself. If you’re only working to satisfy other people, then your motivation will never remain steadfast. It’ll just fade away slowly, as you realize that being accepted and adored by other people… doesn’t really mean all that much, once you think about it.
‘So for once, listen to your own advice. You’re happy to give advice to your opponents every week, like some sort of weird fuckin’ psychologist trying to sort out his different patients. Maybe it’s time to stop being so damn pretentious and get into the real world. You’re not a kid anymore.’
Out of impulse, he points a finger at the camera.
‘You can hide your demons inside of you, and it’ll work for a while, Ryan. But the thing about demons?’
He smiles sadly.
‘They always come out. They’ll find a way to slip through the cracks, eventually.’
A blank screen transitions into a highlight package of Ryan Lockhart’s career thus far, showing some of his wins, his best moves, and his performance in the Havoc Rumble, in which he finished second to Wade Moor. Suddenly, his voice can be heard, while the footage continues to play out.
‘It’s that time again, huh? Time for me to go out here, tell you all why exactly my team and I are going to walk into Monday Night Clash and come away with a victory, and all that good shit. Usually, I wouldn’t just hide behind some audio recording, but I haven’t been feeling the best lately, meaning I may be a little harsher than usual. But I shouldn’t even apologize for hiding, considering that’s why my opponents this week seem to do when they’re faced with even the slightest hint of controversy.
‘Let’s start with you, Lincoln. You saw that your career wasn’t exactly working out the way yiou thought it would, right? You come up in here as a Singles competitor, looking to make your mark on the world. You’re brash, you’re talented, you’re arrogant, and you’ve got a hell of a mouth on you. How does that shit work out for you though, when one second you’re talking all this mad shit, and then the next you’re getting fuckin’ decked by anyone and everyone? You’re supposedly meant to be some sort of threat in this industry, as you yourself seem to love to tell us, but when it comes to bringing in the results? You don’t really leave a much of a mark. It’s starting to become a running gag, to be honest. The amount of times you step up to the plate, only to showcase mediocrity. Hell, even when you had a shot at some championship gold in the Television Title, you weren’t able to come away with it, leaving you looking fuckin’ stupid, and more importantly, humbled.. Scratch the last part, actually. You still haven’t learned what it’s like to be humbled, because here you are, still running your mouth, still getting your ass kicked… and now? Now you have some backup.
‘You were smart enough to realize that you’d never be able to cut it on your own. After all, look at you. Sure, you’ve had your wins every now and then. But in terms of influence? In terms of popularity? You were nothing. It sucks to hear, but it’s the damn truth. You’re a mid-carder who is trying to act and walk in the boots of a main-eventer, but that isn’t you. It’s how you portray yourself, sure. But you? You don’t have the guts, the vigor, or the ferocity that will ever turn you into somebody worthy of holding that World Championship.
‘So you went and sold out. “The Man Who Sold The World” became “The Man Who Sold The Fuck Out” real quick. Jump ship to the guy who you thought could take you to the promised land. Two legitimate competitors in Kyle Kemp and Spencer Adams, and here you are thinkin’ they can fuckin’ save you for what’s to come.
‘You’ve made a crucial mistake, Lincoln. You see, you can never rely on other people to do your work for you. You can have friends, you can have close friends, you can even have people you call “brother” who you think will never leave you, and will always remain supportive. But at the end of the day, almost everyone has an agenda, and these two? Fuck, you’ve picked two of the least trustworthy people on the roster. Not only in terms of their personalities, but in terms of their ring work. You can never be certain what they’re going to bring to the table, and that shit will backfire on you real quick if you don’t get the fuck out of there while you still can.
‘#FightSmart sounds like another way of saying that you’re just too scared to come to terms with your issues and sort them out. Like you need to take the easy way out in order to secure the victory. I can guarantee you that shit won’t be going down when Wade, Camila and I step into that ring, looking to smack the taste out of your mouth, Lincoln. You think you were smart by joining forces with these two? You’ll be wishing you picked some better company, friend.
‘Next is you, Kemp. And what else is there to say but… what the fuck has taken you so long, man? Whenever people talk about you, it’s the same old shit. They say you’re on the brink of being a perennial main-eventer, of being someone who can be consistently counted on to put on a good fuckin’ show and bring himself closer toward that World Title. But instead, you’re just some inconsistent dickhead who can’t seem to figure it out. Are you a bad guy who sometimes does good things? Are you a secretly good guy who is doing bad things to get people to like him? Who the fuck knows. Either way, this shit ain’t working out for you.
‘Your debut into #FightSmart went almost exactly the same way your debut into the #BeachKrew went. You watched your buddy get fucked up by a better competitor, and then you ran on in to save the day with your sweet little punt kick. Congratulations, your biggest career milestone is:
“I helped Spencer Adams win the World Champioship.”
‘Nice work, man. You couldn’t manage to do it yourself, and you probably never will. But hey, at least you can wake up one morning and show your grandkids some footage on winning another man the World Title. And then, when they ask you if you ever won it yourself, you can look them in the eye and honestly just say: “I wasn’t good enough.”
‘Are you still running with that #BetterThanYou shit? If so, it’s probably about time you cut it out. Clearly, you’ve admitted to yourself subconsciously that you simply aren’t “better” than Spencer Adams, nor are you “better” than myself, Wade, or Camila. You’re a good competitor, but that’s about it. Will you have some title reigns here? For sure. A tag title here, a United States championship run somewhere or another, but that? That’s your ceiling. That’s what you were born to do. There’s nothing wrong with it, and maybe if you were a hard enough worker, and not so fuckin’ delusional as to think you were already superior to everyone, you’d be able to aim higher. But right now? That’s all you are. So stick to your fuckin’ role, and keep looking up at the people you put on a pedestal, as you help them win titles that you’ll simply never be able to hold yourself.
‘And that leaves you, Spencer. I’d congratulate you on your World Title win, but that would be a bit hollow, wouldn’t it? After all, you’re going to get embarrassed by Wade at Evolution, and then after that? It’ll be him and I duking it out for the World Title in what should be considered the real match-up for the best wrestler in the world.
‘I’m not saying you’re shit or anything. Far from it. I used to like you back in the day, when you had that positive attitude to keep pushing forward, even though you were getting your ass kicked pretty much every week. Sure, it was shit to see someone who worked so hard get pushed down time and time again, but it was inspiring to watch as it never seemed to faze you… or did it? Maybe that’s why you are the way you are now. Maybe that constant state of defeat left you longing for more, and that’s why you’ve resorted to having other people help you earn things that you never should have won in the first place.
‘Look at that World Title, Spencer. Do you feel pride? Do you feel like you earned it? Do you have even the slightest bit of guilt in knowing that, at the end of the day, you weren’t REALLY the one who won that belt? Instead, you had to rely on a person from your past, a rival at that, to help you, since you weren’t good enough to do it on your own? I don’t know who I should scoff at more, Kemp for being enough of a bitch to win the belt for you, or you for letting him do it in the first place.
‘It’s fuckin’ disgraceful, if you ask me. Though, to be fair, I don’t know the length at which one would go to win that belt. I haven’t even been a wrestler for three months, yet. You’ve been in the business for much longer. You’ve gone through more struggles, you’ve seen your opportunities slip past you time and time again… while I’ve only been on the up and up. I don’t know what it’s like to suffer defeat, to watch something that I thought was mine be taken away, at least not when it comes to wrestling.
‘So maybe I don’t get it, and that’s okay. But what I do get, is that you still allowed yourself to be overcome by your greed. You allowed yourself to be fine with letting someone else be the source of your victory.
‘It’s true that the details of victory and defeat get blurred years down the road. I bet in a year or two, you’ll be able to tell everyone that you knocked Donald Deruty out, and that you pinned him clean in the middle of the ring for the one, two, three. You’ll say that, and nobody will blink, everyone will just look at you like you’re some fuckin’ god who managed to win the World Title whilst competing in an era where the roster was as stacked as it probably ever will be.
‘But truthfully, you’ll know that’s not how it went down. You’ll know you needed to rely on another man to bring that title to you, and when you lose that belt, you’ll find that you wish you went about things the right way, rather than allowing yourself to behave like an ungrateful little child, who couldn’t possibly bare to do it all by himself without throwing a tantrum.
‘Now you’ve got your help, Spencer. You’ve got #FightSmart behind you, you’ve got everything you could ask for. Now, the bright lights, the attention? It’s all on you. Everyone is waiting for your next word, waiting to see how the conflict between you and Wade will play out.
‘But that’s not the story this week. The story this week… the story everyone will be talking about? Is how Wade Moor, Camila Gonzalez, and Ryan Lockhart, walked into Monday Night Clash and absolutely obliterated a #FightSmart Trio led by the World Champion, Spencer Adams. That’s when people will start talking. They’ll begin to question you, whether or not you have what it takes to really be the face of the franchise. And then…
‘And then they’ll look to a guy like me.
‘Young, undefeated, full of fire, heart and determination. They’ll see a guy who, for all his flaws, is trying to work past that shit, put on a show for all the fans, and ultimately… be the best wrestler on the planet, without the help of anyone but himself.
‘They’ll look at me, and they’ll reference me as “The Future”.
‘And then they’ll look at you. The disappointment. The man whose biggest accomplishment was having his lifeless carcass be dragged to a World Title by another man.
‘And that, Spencer… it’ll never leave you.’
The audio cuts out.