Post by Action Reel on Jul 7, 2021 11:04:44 GMT -5
2019 #QuagCup
First Round
First Round
EUROPE/OCEANIA BRACKET
Ace Andrews [Switzerland] vs Megan Treamon [England]
The first match of the night pits a young girl who does not know her geography very well, against a seasoned competitor who seemed to have completely forgotten about what is important in his busy schedule. While the bell goes ding ding to signal the start of the match, Ace is still dressed in his flashy robe made for his entrance, and as he takes a day and age to take it off, Megan sees an opportunity to capitalize, snatching the robe off Ace and then wrangling it around his neck to strangle him straight away in her REAR NAKED CHOKE known as the DEANIMATION.
The ref politely reminds Megan to cut it out as using clothes for a prop was not legal in a sanctioned wrestling match. Megan, with the hold firmly locked in, calmly informed the referee that it was a hardcore rules match, and anything is fair game. A replacement referee quickly rushes in and informs the first referee he is fired for being an idiot. He remains stubborn in leaving, so Megan releases Ace from her choke hold, and then applies it to the first referee as the crowd go nuts. The new referee then stomps a mud hole on the first referee, as Megan and the new referee are in cahoots. They then jointly toss out the first referee, who is quickly dragged quickly away from the Gardens by the Quagliaterre security team.
Back in the ring, the referee and Megan discuss the Download Festival which the Emo Princess could be attending instead of this cakewalk of a wrestling match. Thinking of cake, Megan then puts the icing on a dominant performance over Ace Andrews, making her first pin attempt, and securing the victory
WINNER: MEGAN TREAMON
TIME: 2:30
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Wow! I can’t believe that actually happened! I don’t think anyone expected Megan Treamon to beat Ace Andrews, and especially not in the manner she just did. I guess pigs can fly!
MIXED BRACKET MATCH
Elena DeDraca [England] vs Lara Chambers [Purgatory]
Once tag team partners many moons ago, straight away both of the ladies were out for blood, as they collided in a fist fight, with several punches and jabs, and illegal closed fists landed to each others faces, turning each other purple and blue.
They continued this exchange with Lara getting the upper hand due to her MMA striking skills. Lara then noticing she had the advantage went for a Bitch Slap to add insult to injury. But Elena being the tactician she is, predicted this and latched onto Lara knocking her down into a body scissors submission, and then transitioning it into a Kimura Lock. Lara sensing that going into a mat based exchange with Elena was not wise, desperately tried to wriggle free sliding herself towards the ropes and eventually slugging her way to break the hold.
Elena blew a cheeky kiss in the air for Lara, as she felt Lara had a lot to learn to keep up to her level. Lara smiled back and then caught Elena off guard attempting to position her into a Lotus Lock for The Chambers of Hell, but Elena quickly negated her from fully locking in the hold attempting to switch it into a Pale Horse. However she could not get into the full position of the hold, as Lara quickly rolled her body out of harm’s way.
Both ladies realizing their styles were countering one another, then went to grab their toys. Lara got a Nailed Baseball Bat, while Elena got out a Barbed Wire Baseball Bat. They then went simultaneously to swing the weapons at each other with all their might. The bats ended up colliding, and the smack of the aftershock knocked out both Elena and Lara to tumble to the mat. As they tumbled down, Lara’s body unintentionally landed on top of Elena, which caused the referee to make a count for the pinfall, and Lara secured the victory!
WINNER: LARA CHAMBERS
TIME: 6:06
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Now that is what you call a match! A real kick starter. Extremely proud of both these girls, they have nothing to be ashamed of here. Lara surprisingly in the most unusual of circumstances will be going to Round Two!
EUROPE/OCEANIA BRACKET
#10 NICK SANDERSON [Israel] vs Eli Goode [Scotland]
Eli Goode started off the match hot off the gate, rushing Nick and catching him off guard with like a ball of fire with a 540 Kick, a Pele Kick, and a Running Corner Dropkick rocking Nick to his core.
Eli kept up the intensity and continuously pressed Nick giving him no room to breathe, following up his kick clinique with a springboard flying forearm smash, a hurricanrana, a sling blade, and a thesz press opening a serious can of whoopass on Nick.
Eli then went for flare, with a Swanton Bomb, but this is where Nick spotted a turning point to swing the pendulum in his favor, as he countered the aerial moves with Eli landing on Nick’s elevated knees, putting a holt to his accelerated pace of the matchup and getting himself out of a tricky predicament
After regaining his breath from the pounding he took, Nick then used his size advantage and experience to full effect hitting a NBC (Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) a chimeraplex which is a variant of a german into a dragon, ending in a straight jacket suplex. This completely knocked the wind out of Eli’s sails. Nick then swung Eli to the floor with a armdrag and went for a fujiwara armbar on Eli. Eli quickly countered and somehow managed to muster the strength to pull out a kendo stick from underneath the ring while locked in the hold, and went to smack Nick with it but he dodged out of the way.
Eli then went to whack Nick with the Kendo Stick, but missed, and within a flash, Nick bounced off the ropes at lightning speed, and leapt himself up into the air and out of seemingly nowhere caught Eli flush with a Bioshock (Curb Stomp) to the top of his head and hooked up Eli’s legs for the three count.
WINNER: NICK SANDERSON
TIME: 8:24
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: A good fight brought by the young Eli Goode, but ultimately experience came into play. Me and Baby Sanderson totally approve of what we just saw. My oh my oh Nicky made hard work of that! It’s ok though because isn’t he just such a dream?!?
FICTIONAL BRACKET
#13 JETT WILDER [Wilder Nation] vs Mikhail Reinhardt [Neither Heaven Nor Hell]
Jett mouths off at Mikhail attempting to psyche him out, but the physically intimidating man stands his ground firmly, and this causes Jett to hesitate slightly shook by his presence. Jett attempts to brawl with Mikhail, but this a fatal error as Mikhail is a natural brawler, and he beats the shit out of Jett with a series of lefts and right hooks, followed by a wicked Concussion (Roundhouse kick to the head) which dazes Jett.
The self proclaimed Devil then goes for a Heartkiller a double foot stomp to the chest in hopes to end it, he goes for the three count, and has it!?!
NO! Jett had his foot on the ropes, which the referee catches at the last split second. Mikhail speaks in devil tongue attempting to curse the referee for the decision, frustrated, which wastes some time allowing Jett to recuperate and get back up to warn Mikhail to not try his voodoo powers to gain an advantage.
Mikhail having had enough of Jett’s backtalk, goes for a modified octopus hold, but Jett escapes by tickling him on the side of the chest. Mikhail does not laugh, but this irks him in to releasing the hold.
Jett then responds by running in on Mikhail hoping to hit a Lariat. Mikhail does not flinch, and attempts to go for a Uranage. Jett blocks it with several elbows, and then roaring out loudly, runs off against the ropes and returns with a WILDIN’ OUT, sending Mikhail flying in the air. Jett then climbs up to the top turnbuckle quickly, flexes his nonexistent muscles to the crowd to pose for some picture perfect snaps with The Wilder Nation and then lands a devastating SWAG SPLASH on Mikhail to get the three count!
WINNER: JETT WILDER
TIME: 7:37
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Jett Wilder certainly can talk for the love of humanity. Thankfully he backed it up here tonight, otherwise he would have never heard the end of it from Alessandro. A good showing by Mikhail Reinhardt, but the evasiveness of Jett Wilder pays dividends in the end.
#10 NICK SANDERSON [Israel] vs Eli Goode [Scotland]
Eli Goode started off the match hot off the gate, rushing Nick and catching him off guard with like a ball of fire with a 540 Kick, a Pele Kick, and a Running Corner Dropkick rocking Nick to his core.
Eli kept up the intensity and continuously pressed Nick giving him no room to breathe, following up his kick clinique with a springboard flying forearm smash, a hurricanrana, a sling blade, and a thesz press opening a serious can of whoopass on Nick.
Eli then went for flare, with a Swanton Bomb, but this is where Nick spotted a turning point to swing the pendulum in his favor, as he countered the aerial moves with Eli landing on Nick’s elevated knees, putting a holt to his accelerated pace of the matchup and getting himself out of a tricky predicament
After regaining his breath from the pounding he took, Nick then used his size advantage and experience to full effect hitting a NBC (Nuclear, Biological, Chemical) a chimeraplex which is a variant of a german into a dragon, ending in a straight jacket suplex. This completely knocked the wind out of Eli’s sails. Nick then swung Eli to the floor with a armdrag and went for a fujiwara armbar on Eli. Eli quickly countered and somehow managed to muster the strength to pull out a kendo stick from underneath the ring while locked in the hold, and went to smack Nick with it but he dodged out of the way.
Eli then went to whack Nick with the Kendo Stick, but missed, and within a flash, Nick bounced off the ropes at lightning speed, and leapt himself up into the air and out of seemingly nowhere caught Eli flush with a Bioshock (Curb Stomp) to the top of his head and hooked up Eli’s legs for the three count.
WINNER: NICK SANDERSON
TIME: 8:24
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: A good fight brought by the young Eli Goode, but ultimately experience came into play. Me and Baby Sanderson totally approve of what we just saw. My oh my oh Nicky made hard work of that! It’s ok though because isn’t he just such a dream?!?
FICTIONAL BRACKET
#13 JETT WILDER [Wilder Nation] vs Mikhail Reinhardt [Neither Heaven Nor Hell]
Jett mouths off at Mikhail attempting to psyche him out, but the physically intimidating man stands his ground firmly, and this causes Jett to hesitate slightly shook by his presence. Jett attempts to brawl with Mikhail, but this a fatal error as Mikhail is a natural brawler, and he beats the shit out of Jett with a series of lefts and right hooks, followed by a wicked Concussion (Roundhouse kick to the head) which dazes Jett.
The self proclaimed Devil then goes for a Heartkiller a double foot stomp to the chest in hopes to end it, he goes for the three count, and has it!?!
NO! Jett had his foot on the ropes, which the referee catches at the last split second. Mikhail speaks in devil tongue attempting to curse the referee for the decision, frustrated, which wastes some time allowing Jett to recuperate and get back up to warn Mikhail to not try his voodoo powers to gain an advantage.
Mikhail having had enough of Jett’s backtalk, goes for a modified octopus hold, but Jett escapes by tickling him on the side of the chest. Mikhail does not laugh, but this irks him in to releasing the hold.
Jett then responds by running in on Mikhail hoping to hit a Lariat. Mikhail does not flinch, and attempts to go for a Uranage. Jett blocks it with several elbows, and then roaring out loudly, runs off against the ropes and returns with a WILDIN’ OUT, sending Mikhail flying in the air. Jett then climbs up to the top turnbuckle quickly, flexes his nonexistent muscles to the crowd to pose for some picture perfect snaps with The Wilder Nation and then lands a devastating SWAG SPLASH on Mikhail to get the three count!
WINNER: JETT WILDER
TIME: 7:37
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Jett Wilder certainly can talk for the love of humanity. Thankfully he backed it up here tonight, otherwise he would have never heard the end of it from Alessandro. A good showing by Mikhail Reinhardt, but the evasiveness of Jett Wilder pays dividends in the end.
ASIA/AFRICA BRACKET
#9 KIMITSU ZOMBIE [North Korea] vs Ethan Giles [Samoa]
The man dubbed as a samoan bananaman in a gimp mask by Alessandro, was absolutely bananas in the beginning. Kimitsu remained in her corner, warming herself up, while Ethan imitated a puppy by rolling on the floor, and wagging his imaginary tail via his legs. Kimitsu smiled in response not sure what to make of his shenanigans.
Ethan then ran at Kimitsu hoping to tackle her like the big puppy he was, but Kimitsu was not a doggy by nature, because she was a killer in execution from her Zombie roots. Mounting him into a doggystyle position. Kimitsu effed him up figuratively with a Shotei, Kicking Combination, Dragon Screw, Groin Claw, Head Lock with Punches. A rolling savate kick. An elbow to the back, finished off with a jumping DDT.
Surprisingly despite getting served up, as Kimitsu landed him onto the floor for the DDT, Ethan managed to trap Kimitsu into a inside cradle pin, and almost got the three count if it were not for Kimitsu’s wherewithal to avoid a catastrophe and kick out. Ethan then went for a running clothesline with his banana like reflexes. Kimitsu however saw it coming a mile away, and dodged to his backside and literally grabbed him by the balls, as she did a groin claw from behind with both hands, and then suplexed him for a brilliant BALLSPLEX.
She then danced on her feet, waiting for Ethan to get back up, and as he was bent over trying to lift himself up Kimitsu put him out of his misery with a devastating BANZAI GOD KICK putting the big puppy to sleep with the three count!
WINNER: KIMITSU ZOMBIE
TIME: 3:21
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: The ever dangerous Kimitsu proving she may appear soft and pretty, but she is as deadly as they come. The big puppy tried to bark at Miss Zombie, but she ate him right up like it was her dinner. A good win for North Korea.
EUROPE/OCEANIA BRACKET
#5 FINN WHELAN [Ireland] vs Auburn Cox [Northern Ireland]
The match kicks off with Auburn Cox trying to rally the crowd into singing her song like a karaoke night as she dances the night away on the top turnbuckle. Finn who did not come for a game of Dance Dance Revolution, quickly brang Auburn to reality as he gives her a heads up he’s going to back fist her off the top. Auburn does not heed the warning, and for her troubles gets whacked off the top with a simply nudged back fist.
With Auburn fallen on the mat, Finn lists a variety of reasons why Northern Ireland is the fake Ireland. Auburn pops back up and responds with her variation of the YES! Kicks known as the “YasYasYasYas” kicks. The Broad City chicks would be outraged, and so is Finn who despite taking repeated kicks to the midsection, before Auburn can deliver the final killer blow of the last kick, Finn dodges it, kips back up getting a second wind out of nowhere and shows great dexterity with a Asai DDT called ScRM which is a beautiful maneuver.
Finn then toys with Auburn, having done extensive research to find out that she is somewhat of a kick master, so he returns the favor by delivering a kicking masterclass with multiple kick variations, ranging from a enzuigiri, a springboard dropkick, a savate kick, a super kick, and then a pele kick to conclude.
With the inexperienced Auburn not knowing what hit her, Finn then goes in for the kill, first with an almost neck breaking Seattle Terror Curbstomp, followed by giving Auburn a lesson in bible studies with his favorite passage in REVELATION 6:4, a nasty Modified Pumphandle Slam also known as the Bitter End. And that was all she wrote for Auburn, as Finn hooked the legs, and got the 3 count!
WINNER: FINN WHELAN
TIME: 6:04
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Auburn tried to bring the good fight, but this young girl was seriously outclassed. A dominant win for Finn Whelan who just proved why he is one of the best in the business, and a Dual Champion soon looking to making himself a Triple Champion. Dare I say it with the performance he put on here tonight, he could be a Quadruple Champion come the end of the month.
#5 FINN WHELAN [Ireland] vs Auburn Cox [Northern Ireland]
The match kicks off with Auburn Cox trying to rally the crowd into singing her song like a karaoke night as she dances the night away on the top turnbuckle. Finn who did not come for a game of Dance Dance Revolution, quickly brang Auburn to reality as he gives her a heads up he’s going to back fist her off the top. Auburn does not heed the warning, and for her troubles gets whacked off the top with a simply nudged back fist.
With Auburn fallen on the mat, Finn lists a variety of reasons why Northern Ireland is the fake Ireland. Auburn pops back up and responds with her variation of the YES! Kicks known as the “YasYasYasYas” kicks. The Broad City chicks would be outraged, and so is Finn who despite taking repeated kicks to the midsection, before Auburn can deliver the final killer blow of the last kick, Finn dodges it, kips back up getting a second wind out of nowhere and shows great dexterity with a Asai DDT called ScRM which is a beautiful maneuver.
Finn then toys with Auburn, having done extensive research to find out that she is somewhat of a kick master, so he returns the favor by delivering a kicking masterclass with multiple kick variations, ranging from a enzuigiri, a springboard dropkick, a savate kick, a super kick, and then a pele kick to conclude.
With the inexperienced Auburn not knowing what hit her, Finn then goes in for the kill, first with an almost neck breaking Seattle Terror Curbstomp, followed by giving Auburn a lesson in bible studies with his favorite passage in REVELATION 6:4, a nasty Modified Pumphandle Slam also known as the Bitter End. And that was all she wrote for Auburn, as Finn hooked the legs, and got the 3 count!
WINNER: FINN WHELAN
TIME: 6:04
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Auburn tried to bring the good fight, but this young girl was seriously outclassed. A dominant win for Finn Whelan who just proved why he is one of the best in the business, and a Dual Champion soon looking to making himself a Triple Champion. Dare I say it with the performance he put on here tonight, he could be a Quadruple Champion come the end of the month.
AMERICAS BRACKET
#15 ANDRE HOLMES [U.S.A] vs QT Reese [Newfoundland]
QT Reese insisted the referee checks his and Andre pockets for foreign objects. The referee says foreign objects are allowed as it’s a hardcore match. However QT goes on a long speech convincing him otherwise. Meanwhile Andre is soaking in the crowds atmosphere, who have plenty of crowd signs and chants in support for the CWC United States Champion. QT Reese has the support of Ike from South Park, along with Terrance and Phillip.
After the referee had done his pat downs, he found Andre’s wallet, QT quickly snatches it and grabs his credit card and says he’s going to max it out. This causes something within Andre to spark, and he kicks QT in the gut and Powerbombs the crap out of QT with a Kentucky powerbomb, a Liger powerbomb, a Gutwrench Power, and then a Tiger Powerbomb. QT rolls around on the floor wondering why he was being treated like a bad episode of Animal Farm.
Andre then ricochets off the top turnbuckle onto a fallen QT with a Ghetto Stomp. QT could not contend with these gangster tactics, so he rolled out of the ring, and went underneath it to grab a few props. When he returns back to the ring, he has a fire extinguisher and pepper spray with him. Seemingly eager to use the fire extinguisher on Andre, he does not know how to use it and ends up spraying himself, and slips on the floor. Andre laughs and begans banging his foot against the mat waiting for QT to get back up to deliver a Thrust Kick. QT appears as if he’s toiling back up to his feet, but gets a sudden speed burst, grabs Andre’s credit card, and lowblows him in the groin with it, causing Andre to stumble, and then QT delivers a Bladder Buster shocking Andre for the 3 count.
WINNER: QT REESE
TIME: 5:43
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Oh No! We have our first upset of the night. The unseeded QT Reese knocks off the 15th Seed. I don’t think anyone saw this coming, and neither did I. QT Reese is such a hoot I can’t believe he actually pulled this off with one of the most sloppiest moves I have ever seen in my life.
#15 ANDRE HOLMES [U.S.A] vs QT Reese [Newfoundland]
QT Reese insisted the referee checks his and Andre pockets for foreign objects. The referee says foreign objects are allowed as it’s a hardcore match. However QT goes on a long speech convincing him otherwise. Meanwhile Andre is soaking in the crowds atmosphere, who have plenty of crowd signs and chants in support for the CWC United States Champion. QT Reese has the support of Ike from South Park, along with Terrance and Phillip.
After the referee had done his pat downs, he found Andre’s wallet, QT quickly snatches it and grabs his credit card and says he’s going to max it out. This causes something within Andre to spark, and he kicks QT in the gut and Powerbombs the crap out of QT with a Kentucky powerbomb, a Liger powerbomb, a Gutwrench Power, and then a Tiger Powerbomb. QT rolls around on the floor wondering why he was being treated like a bad episode of Animal Farm.
Andre then ricochets off the top turnbuckle onto a fallen QT with a Ghetto Stomp. QT could not contend with these gangster tactics, so he rolled out of the ring, and went underneath it to grab a few props. When he returns back to the ring, he has a fire extinguisher and pepper spray with him. Seemingly eager to use the fire extinguisher on Andre, he does not know how to use it and ends up spraying himself, and slips on the floor. Andre laughs and begans banging his foot against the mat waiting for QT to get back up to deliver a Thrust Kick. QT appears as if he’s toiling back up to his feet, but gets a sudden speed burst, grabs Andre’s credit card, and lowblows him in the groin with it, causing Andre to stumble, and then QT delivers a Bladder Buster shocking Andre for the 3 count.
WINNER: QT REESE
TIME: 5:43
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Oh No! We have our first upset of the night. The unseeded QT Reese knocks off the 15th Seed. I don’t think anyone saw this coming, and neither did I. QT Reese is such a hoot I can’t believe he actually pulled this off with one of the most sloppiest moves I have ever seen in my life.
EUROPE/OCEANIA BRACKET
#6 JOE STANTON [Norway] vs Konrad Raab [Germany]
Both men made a pact prematch not to use any weapons despite it being a Hardcore Rules match and both men obliged much to the disappointment of the crowd in attendance. The match started off slow with a old fashioned grappling contest in a test of strength between both Joe and Konrad which Konrad got the upper hand in.
Konrad then used this to capitalize with a combination of boxing punches, rocking Joe into the corner, and then delivering The Iceinator into the corner dropping Joe down into a seated position. Konrad then Top rope elbow drop for flair, but Joe conveniently rolled away before Konrad could connect causing him to eat the canvas instead.
Joe then decided to counter through a rush of adrenaline, by going up to the second buckle rope himself for a aerial move. However before he could do anything, once Joe realized where he was, began to freak out, and quickly dropped down two buckles to the mat due to his acrophobia. He then sped towards Konrad who was trying to reach back up to his feet with a Flirtin’ With Disaster Curbstomp. Not wanting to go any higher than where Konrad was, Joe kept his offense to a low center of gravity with a Hope Rides Alone Regalplex. The effects of it didn’t seem to affect Konrad at all, as he countered Joe into a ICE LOCK.
Konrad attempted to lock in the full torque of the move, but Joe wisely crawled to the ropes, and once Konrad released the hold Joe pounced on him like a spider from behind with a Wicked Lullaby submission. He made sure to leave Konrad stranded in the middle of the ring, and held on for dear life. Konrad attempted to break out for it, but he was fading fast. Konrad refused to tap, but his bravery cost him, as Joe held on with everything he had, and Konrad passed out which caused the referee to signal the end of the match.
WINNER: JOE STANTON
TIME: 6:30
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a competitive match that was! Both men gave it their all and showed a huge amount of respect to one another. The crowd were disappointed by both of them not using weapons, but they certainly made up for it with the end to end action. A important win for Joe Stanton here, but take nothing away from Konrad Raab here, he’s a class act.
#6 JOE STANTON [Norway] vs Konrad Raab [Germany]
Both men made a pact prematch not to use any weapons despite it being a Hardcore Rules match and both men obliged much to the disappointment of the crowd in attendance. The match started off slow with a old fashioned grappling contest in a test of strength between both Joe and Konrad which Konrad got the upper hand in.
Konrad then used this to capitalize with a combination of boxing punches, rocking Joe into the corner, and then delivering The Iceinator into the corner dropping Joe down into a seated position. Konrad then Top rope elbow drop for flair, but Joe conveniently rolled away before Konrad could connect causing him to eat the canvas instead.
Joe then decided to counter through a rush of adrenaline, by going up to the second buckle rope himself for a aerial move. However before he could do anything, once Joe realized where he was, began to freak out, and quickly dropped down two buckles to the mat due to his acrophobia. He then sped towards Konrad who was trying to reach back up to his feet with a Flirtin’ With Disaster Curbstomp. Not wanting to go any higher than where Konrad was, Joe kept his offense to a low center of gravity with a Hope Rides Alone Regalplex. The effects of it didn’t seem to affect Konrad at all, as he countered Joe into a ICE LOCK.
Konrad attempted to lock in the full torque of the move, but Joe wisely crawled to the ropes, and once Konrad released the hold Joe pounced on him like a spider from behind with a Wicked Lullaby submission. He made sure to leave Konrad stranded in the middle of the ring, and held on for dear life. Konrad attempted to break out for it, but he was fading fast. Konrad refused to tap, but his bravery cost him, as Joe held on with everything he had, and Konrad passed out which caused the referee to signal the end of the match.
WINNER: JOE STANTON
TIME: 6:30
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a competitive match that was! Both men gave it their all and showed a huge amount of respect to one another. The crowd were disappointed by both of them not using weapons, but they certainly made up for it with the end to end action. A important win for Joe Stanton here, but take nothing away from Konrad Raab here, he’s a class act.
FICTIONAL BRACKET
Rumble Reyes [Wakanda] vs Amy Jo Smyth [Fucktopia]
Before the match could begin there was a large protest happening outside The Quagliaterre Estate in regards to the inclusion of AmyJo Smyth in the tournament. It is a bunch of ladies with Giraffe themed t-shirts, most notably Eli Carlson fangirls. They were strongly against an accused domestic violence abuser being allowed to work, and were not happy for the tournament harboring hypocrites.
The Quagliaterre security team, instead of fighting with protesters, allowed them into the event, and offered them refreshments. This calmed the protesters down and they were allowed to continue their protest within the crowd.
Rumble Reyes acknowledge the protesters and let them know that Wakanda was forever, and so were Giraffes. This whole ordeal got Amy Jo Smyth livid, and despite the huge size difference between Rumble and Amy Jo, Amy Jo went to work on Rumble beating the crap out of him.
She began the onslaught with a fireball a mixed variation of claws and nerve pinches to get Rumble out of his element. This barely tickled Rumble, so Amy Jo decided to bring her kick game into effect with the Kimberly Hart Collection. A backflip jumping split kick, a cartwheel kick, a split dodge kick, and a somersault dropkick which caused Rumble to vibrate from the ferocity of the attack. This still however did not fully ground Rumble, so Amy Jo grabbed a steel chair and went for Rumble Two Front Teeth with a Running Jumping Double Knee Strike to the face with the assist of the chair. This knocked Rumble down, so Amy Jo went in for the kill attempting to lock her Eat Me Out triangle choke.
But Rumble was not hungry. He was angry. Having decided enough is enough and that he had let Amy Jo pound on him for long enough. Rumble decided to Rumble Up. He escaped the attempted chokehold, hoisted Amy Jo up by her hair and delivered the biggest back hand to the chest IN THE WORLD with a BOLO CHOP! This completely depleted Amy Jo, and Rumble put the exclamation mark on his feat of strength, lifting her up to the heavens, and then dropping her down with a RICHTER 9 POWERBOMB FOR THE WIN!
WINNER: RUMBLE REYES
TIME: 9:58
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: It was a classic tale of Beauty vs The Beast. The valiance of Amy Jo was evident here, and she tried to break Rumble down, and she almost had it with that Two Front Teeth move. But this monster of a man was ultimately just too much power for Amy Jo in the end. #CryHavoc and Dogs Of War fully represented. I think the most important story here was that WAKANDA IS FOREVER! AND SO ARE GIRAFFES!
Rumble Reyes [Wakanda] vs Amy Jo Smyth [Fucktopia]
Before the match could begin there was a large protest happening outside The Quagliaterre Estate in regards to the inclusion of AmyJo Smyth in the tournament. It is a bunch of ladies with Giraffe themed t-shirts, most notably Eli Carlson fangirls. They were strongly against an accused domestic violence abuser being allowed to work, and were not happy for the tournament harboring hypocrites.
The Quagliaterre security team, instead of fighting with protesters, allowed them into the event, and offered them refreshments. This calmed the protesters down and they were allowed to continue their protest within the crowd.
Rumble Reyes acknowledge the protesters and let them know that Wakanda was forever, and so were Giraffes. This whole ordeal got Amy Jo Smyth livid, and despite the huge size difference between Rumble and Amy Jo, Amy Jo went to work on Rumble beating the crap out of him.
She began the onslaught with a fireball a mixed variation of claws and nerve pinches to get Rumble out of his element. This barely tickled Rumble, so Amy Jo decided to bring her kick game into effect with the Kimberly Hart Collection. A backflip jumping split kick, a cartwheel kick, a split dodge kick, and a somersault dropkick which caused Rumble to vibrate from the ferocity of the attack. This still however did not fully ground Rumble, so Amy Jo grabbed a steel chair and went for Rumble Two Front Teeth with a Running Jumping Double Knee Strike to the face with the assist of the chair. This knocked Rumble down, so Amy Jo went in for the kill attempting to lock her Eat Me Out triangle choke.
But Rumble was not hungry. He was angry. Having decided enough is enough and that he had let Amy Jo pound on him for long enough. Rumble decided to Rumble Up. He escaped the attempted chokehold, hoisted Amy Jo up by her hair and delivered the biggest back hand to the chest IN THE WORLD with a BOLO CHOP! This completely depleted Amy Jo, and Rumble put the exclamation mark on his feat of strength, lifting her up to the heavens, and then dropping her down with a RICHTER 9 POWERBOMB FOR THE WIN!
WINNER: RUMBLE REYES
TIME: 9:58
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: It was a classic tale of Beauty vs The Beast. The valiance of Amy Jo was evident here, and she tried to break Rumble down, and she almost had it with that Two Front Teeth move. But this monster of a man was ultimately just too much power for Amy Jo in the end. #CryHavoc and Dogs Of War fully represented. I think the most important story here was that WAKANDA IS FOREVER! AND SO ARE GIRAFFES!
AMERICAS BRACKET
#8 MARIANO FERNANDEZ [Argentina] vs Julie Miri [Mexico]
Mariano wanted to wish Julie good luck as he was a real sport. Julie however, had a glint in her eyes, with one arm at the front, and her other arm behind her back, hiding something. Mariano enquired what she had behind her, and she pulled out what looked like a humongous horse dildo, but it was actually a singapore cane. Julie mouthed to Manny that he knew where that stick was heading.
Mariano shrieked out loudly, as he did not want to be pegged. Julie began a cat and mouse style chase around the ring, as she wanted to send the Cane where the sun don’t shine, and Mariano wanted to protect himself from being violated. The referee had no clue what was going on, as he didn’t understand the bit, so he interjected in between the two, which led him to eating a Singapore Cane shot from Julie.
Mariano and Julie both went to check on the referee who was unconscious from a simple whack by Julie. Another referee came down, and despite her blatant and accidental code violation for attacking a referee Julie was let off scot free because Mariano did not kick up too much of a fuss, and as a potential family member of AQ sharing the same forehead pending a genealogy report, Julie was given special treatment.
The action then got serious halfway through the match as Mariano went for The Gadfly, which he totally botched, allowing Julie to respond with a kneeling jawbreaker. She tossed Mariano into the corner, and extending her legs out for a Corner Foot Choke. Julie did a hip swivel pointing towards the sky to indicate reaching towards the stars.
With her head on cloud nine, Mariano was back on planet earth, and stunned Julie with a TROLLFACE yelling out “PROBLEM?” before spraying asian mist into Julie’s face followed up by a Shining Wizard combination. This sent Julie into a seated position, wobbled by Manny’s disgusting mist in her face. The ref got a towel, and helped her clean her face up. But by the time she got her vision back, Mariano was already midair shouting out “FOR THE EMPEROR” before delivering a picture perfect Phenomenal Forearm THE WARHAMMER to smash Julie’s light out, and get the pin.
WINNER: MARIANO FERNANDEZ
TIME: 8:44
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: We all hoped to finally see what the world had been waiting for and Manny to get pegged. Julie Miri is a bright star and one to watch for the future. Unfortunately Manny’s variant of laying a Asian version of a money shot on Julie’s face is what swung the match in his favor. And DA TROLL GUY not DA PEG GUY will be having the backing of Argentina all the way into Round Two!
#8 MARIANO FERNANDEZ [Argentina] vs Julie Miri [Mexico]
Mariano wanted to wish Julie good luck as he was a real sport. Julie however, had a glint in her eyes, with one arm at the front, and her other arm behind her back, hiding something. Mariano enquired what she had behind her, and she pulled out what looked like a humongous horse dildo, but it was actually a singapore cane. Julie mouthed to Manny that he knew where that stick was heading.
Mariano shrieked out loudly, as he did not want to be pegged. Julie began a cat and mouse style chase around the ring, as she wanted to send the Cane where the sun don’t shine, and Mariano wanted to protect himself from being violated. The referee had no clue what was going on, as he didn’t understand the bit, so he interjected in between the two, which led him to eating a Singapore Cane shot from Julie.
Mariano and Julie both went to check on the referee who was unconscious from a simple whack by Julie. Another referee came down, and despite her blatant and accidental code violation for attacking a referee Julie was let off scot free because Mariano did not kick up too much of a fuss, and as a potential family member of AQ sharing the same forehead pending a genealogy report, Julie was given special treatment.
The action then got serious halfway through the match as Mariano went for The Gadfly, which he totally botched, allowing Julie to respond with a kneeling jawbreaker. She tossed Mariano into the corner, and extending her legs out for a Corner Foot Choke. Julie did a hip swivel pointing towards the sky to indicate reaching towards the stars.
With her head on cloud nine, Mariano was back on planet earth, and stunned Julie with a TROLLFACE yelling out “PROBLEM?” before spraying asian mist into Julie’s face followed up by a Shining Wizard combination. This sent Julie into a seated position, wobbled by Manny’s disgusting mist in her face. The ref got a towel, and helped her clean her face up. But by the time she got her vision back, Mariano was already midair shouting out “FOR THE EMPEROR” before delivering a picture perfect Phenomenal Forearm THE WARHAMMER to smash Julie’s light out, and get the pin.
WINNER: MARIANO FERNANDEZ
TIME: 8:44
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: We all hoped to finally see what the world had been waiting for and Manny to get pegged. Julie Miri is a bright star and one to watch for the future. Unfortunately Manny’s variant of laying a Asian version of a money shot on Julie’s face is what swung the match in his favor. And DA TROLL GUY not DA PEG GUY will be having the backing of Argentina all the way into Round Two!
EUROPE/OCEANIA BRACKET
Jan van der Roost [Netherlands] vs Owen Gonsalves [Australia]
The beginning stages of the match was like a chess match between two experienced wrestlers who had seen it all and done it all in this business. Instead of going for a glorified stunt match, with light tubes, thumbtacks, barbwires, chairs and tables, these two put on more of an instant classic that was worth its weight in gold for every second you were watching. Jan wasn’t the quickest out of the blocks due to his age, but he was certainly the most wisest.
Jan did not do anything flashy, but it was the small things that are underappreciated which he did well. He began by giving Owen’s chest a whipping with a Triple Chop, three consecutive open hand chops that slammed Owen into the corner, with the 3rd chop paused for a few seconds before it’s delivery for added effect. He then followed this up with The Rooster Stomp, a Garvin Stomp ending with his foot across the forehead of Owen. He went for a pin attempt but Owen just about got his elbow up at 2.
Jan in clear cruise control, then saw the pendulum swing in Owen’s favor following a Bridging O’Connor Roll Pin by Owen which caught Jan by surprise and almost led to a three count out of nowhere which Jan narrowly escaped. Owen then turned the screw on Jan with a knife edge chop and shoot kick, which lead to Jan caving in the corner allowing Owen to hit a Turnbuckle Powerbomb. Owen then hit a Soul-Stealing 7-Star Strike, followed by a Paroxysm Snap Dragon Suplex. This sequence was then completed with a Darkest Lariat.
Jan appeared to be on the ropes and out of it, which lead to Owen leading up to a swift double underhook piledriver for the Final Gambit, but before he could finish the execution… Jan countered it catching Owen off guard with a Flip Piledriver of his own in The Dutch Death Spike! Jan then covered him absolutely spent after hitting the move, and seemingly got the 3 count?!? But OWEN KICKED OUT!
Owen then applied a Omoplata Armbar known as the KRUKENBERG out of nowhere. Jan was instantly in trouble, as Owen added more aggression to the hold by bending back the fingers of Jan, bending in awkward directions and using his free leg to stomp Jan’s shoulder. Jan tried his best to resist the pain, but it was too much and he was forced to tap out.
WINNER: OWEN GONSALVES
TIME: 12:13
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: What a scintillating finishing sequence that was. Owen Gonsalves appeared to have this match locked, loaded and secured, but the veteran instinct of Jan van der Roost kicked in when he needed it most for a crucial counter to lead him to Victory. Jan may be one of the oldest in this competition, but he certainly proved tonight that this old dog still has plenty of flight left in him. Congratulations!
Jan van der Roost [Netherlands] vs Owen Gonsalves [Australia]
The beginning stages of the match was like a chess match between two experienced wrestlers who had seen it all and done it all in this business. Instead of going for a glorified stunt match, with light tubes, thumbtacks, barbwires, chairs and tables, these two put on more of an instant classic that was worth its weight in gold for every second you were watching. Jan wasn’t the quickest out of the blocks due to his age, but he was certainly the most wisest.
Jan did not do anything flashy, but it was the small things that are underappreciated which he did well. He began by giving Owen’s chest a whipping with a Triple Chop, three consecutive open hand chops that slammed Owen into the corner, with the 3rd chop paused for a few seconds before it’s delivery for added effect. He then followed this up with The Rooster Stomp, a Garvin Stomp ending with his foot across the forehead of Owen. He went for a pin attempt but Owen just about got his elbow up at 2.
Jan in clear cruise control, then saw the pendulum swing in Owen’s favor following a Bridging O’Connor Roll Pin by Owen which caught Jan by surprise and almost led to a three count out of nowhere which Jan narrowly escaped. Owen then turned the screw on Jan with a knife edge chop and shoot kick, which lead to Jan caving in the corner allowing Owen to hit a Turnbuckle Powerbomb. Owen then hit a Soul-Stealing 7-Star Strike, followed by a Paroxysm Snap Dragon Suplex. This sequence was then completed with a Darkest Lariat.
Jan appeared to be on the ropes and out of it, which lead to Owen leading up to a swift double underhook piledriver for the Final Gambit, but before he could finish the execution… Jan countered it catching Owen off guard with a Flip Piledriver of his own in The Dutch Death Spike! Jan then covered him absolutely spent after hitting the move, and seemingly got the 3 count?!? But OWEN KICKED OUT!
Owen then applied a Omoplata Armbar known as the KRUKENBERG out of nowhere. Jan was instantly in trouble, as Owen added more aggression to the hold by bending back the fingers of Jan, bending in awkward directions and using his free leg to stomp Jan’s shoulder. Jan tried his best to resist the pain, but it was too much and he was forced to tap out.
WINNER: OWEN GONSALVES
TIME: 12:13
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: What a scintillating finishing sequence that was. Owen Gonsalves appeared to have this match locked, loaded and secured, but the veteran instinct of Jan van der Roost kicked in when he needed it most for a crucial counter to lead him to Victory. Jan may be one of the oldest in this competition, but he certainly proved tonight that this old dog still has plenty of flight left in him. Congratulations!
FICTIONAL BRACKET
#16 MONGOOSE [Skull Island] vs Milisandre Crowthorne [R’lyeh] vs Aaron Whelan [Azeroth]
Milisandre went straight for Mongoose’s throw, slapping him like the bitch he was right off the bat. Mongoose held his cheek wondering why Milisandre was being such a bully. As this was helping, Aaron hid in plain sight in stealth mode by the power of Azeroth. Mongoose then did all the monkeys proud, going bananas at Milisandre with a Snot Rocket, where Mongoose shot a snot rocket from his nose into Milisandre’s face. This disgusted Milisandre into a frozen shock, which Mongoose followed up with a suplex.
He then went even more down and dirty, as he ran his hand down the back of his tights around his butt, and then pulled his hand out, and slapped Milisandre in the face for a Stink Palm. Milisandre not happy about being treated like a skunk then charged Mongoose down with a Lou Thesz Press, followed by grabbing a set of tube lights, and then smashing it over Mongoose repeatedly into the shards of the tubelight went everywhere all over Mongoose. Mongoose rolled out of the ring as EMTs checked up on him.
Aaron then decided to get involved in the match, with a wicked chair shot that completly missed almost hitting herself instead with a bounce off the ropes, the speed of the force almost went back towards Milisandre but she ducked out of the way and the chair went flying out of the ring. Milisandre then responded by wrapping herself around Aaron into a Royal Octopus Hold known as the Grip of Cthulhu. Mongoose was outside the ring licking a lollipop as the EMTs had fixed up his boo boo from the tubelights. When he realized that Milisandre was close to winning the match, he decided to play spoiler, climbing up to the top corner turnbuckle, fragments of tubelights still splurting out of his body, and then going airborne with an amazing Corkscrew Shooting Star Press known as The Happy Ending. This knocked both ladies out, and Mongoose just so happened to land on top of Aaron to make the pinfall, and secure the victory!
WINNER: MONGOOSE
TIME: 9:69 a.k.a 10:09
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Eek! That was some seriously gnarly action. Mongoose being Mongoose as always. Milisandre Crowthorne, almost stealing one under Mongoose’s nose and battering him to pieces. Only for the Gooseman to fly to the skies to score the victory!
#16 MONGOOSE [Skull Island] vs Milisandre Crowthorne [R’lyeh] vs Aaron Whelan [Azeroth]
Milisandre went straight for Mongoose’s throw, slapping him like the bitch he was right off the bat. Mongoose held his cheek wondering why Milisandre was being such a bully. As this was helping, Aaron hid in plain sight in stealth mode by the power of Azeroth. Mongoose then did all the monkeys proud, going bananas at Milisandre with a Snot Rocket, where Mongoose shot a snot rocket from his nose into Milisandre’s face. This disgusted Milisandre into a frozen shock, which Mongoose followed up with a suplex.
He then went even more down and dirty, as he ran his hand down the back of his tights around his butt, and then pulled his hand out, and slapped Milisandre in the face for a Stink Palm. Milisandre not happy about being treated like a skunk then charged Mongoose down with a Lou Thesz Press, followed by grabbing a set of tube lights, and then smashing it over Mongoose repeatedly into the shards of the tubelight went everywhere all over Mongoose. Mongoose rolled out of the ring as EMTs checked up on him.
Aaron then decided to get involved in the match, with a wicked chair shot that completly missed almost hitting herself instead with a bounce off the ropes, the speed of the force almost went back towards Milisandre but she ducked out of the way and the chair went flying out of the ring. Milisandre then responded by wrapping herself around Aaron into a Royal Octopus Hold known as the Grip of Cthulhu. Mongoose was outside the ring licking a lollipop as the EMTs had fixed up his boo boo from the tubelights. When he realized that Milisandre was close to winning the match, he decided to play spoiler, climbing up to the top corner turnbuckle, fragments of tubelights still splurting out of his body, and then going airborne with an amazing Corkscrew Shooting Star Press known as The Happy Ending. This knocked both ladies out, and Mongoose just so happened to land on top of Aaron to make the pinfall, and secure the victory!
WINNER: MONGOOSE
TIME: 9:69 a.k.a 10:09
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Eek! That was some seriously gnarly action. Mongoose being Mongoose as always. Milisandre Crowthorne, almost stealing one under Mongoose’s nose and battering him to pieces. Only for the Gooseman to fly to the skies to score the victory!
AMERICAS BRACKET
#7 TEDMUND MONTGOMERY [U.S.A] vs Persephone Marquis [Cuba]
The match began with Tedmund getting on the microphone and delivering one of his inspring Ted Talks, hoping to spread his message across not just across but the global universe what with all the delegates from different countries in attendance. A small section of mothers, members of Parents Against Offensive Wrestling showed their excitement for Ted by throwing their panties at him in admiration. Some of them were soiled. Ted picked up the panties and threw them back in the crowd, telling the mothers to not be corrupted by the objectification of their bodies America had brainwashed them into believing.
While all this was happening, Persephone was chill as anything amusing herself watching something better than Ted’s stupid talk, K-Pop videos on her phone. The ref then reminded both of them to cut out the antics as the match started a few minutes ago. Persephone then obliged, walking straight up to Ted in the middle of his talk to the audience, swinging him around, and kicking him in the shin, feeling disrespected that Ted was wasting her time.
Ted shouts at Persephone, that how dare he kick her while he was making his professional debut. The two then hugged, or more specifically got engaged in a chain of wrestling holds, of which Ted got the upperhand due to his amazing technical skills that we were seeing for the very first time. He wrangled Persephone into a inverted facelock, and then slowly went around the ring listing all the reasons why she was a terrible human being.
Persephone went to wriggle herself out, but Ted’s grip was pretty firm, happy to keep the match in a resting wrestling chain hold duel. He switched up the inverted facelock into a stretch plum as he enjoyed fruit and needed one of his five a day. Persephone’s diet consisted of a lot more greasy alternatives, and she decided enough was enough, escaping the hold and then going wild like Chun Li from Street Fighter, with a combination of Kicks Upon Kicks, of which the commentator would have definitely said My Kid, if this were not summaries.
Ted dropped to the mat like a stone, unable to contend with the barrage of kicks. He breathed in, and breathed out, trying to condition himself back to stability. She went to suffocate Ted with a Pending Payment Crossface, but she was unable to get it fully locked in, as Ted countered it brilliantly into a crossface of his own. Persephone then mustered towards the ropes but couldn’t reach them fully. However what she could reach was the wooden edge of one of Ted’s signs which was hanging into the ring. She grabbed it with her free hand, and then swung it over herself smashing it straight into Ted’s face to break the hold. After regaining her breath recovering from the hold, she then lifted up a groggy Ted, ran with him towards the corner turnbuckle, hoisted herself up the buckles with Ted still held in her grasp, and bounced back for a wicked Petty Cash Springboard Tornado DDT, knocking Ted out, lifting up his legs, for the 3 count!
WINNER: PERSEPHONE MARQUIS
TIME: 10:10
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: OH NO! We have an upset! The Number 7 seed has been ousted by the unseeded Persephone Marquis! This was meant to be Tedmund Montgomery’s tournament, deary me except a inquisition, the PAOW will be livid! In what was a breathtaking professional debut by Tedmund, ultimately turned into catastrophe with the experienced instinct of Miss Marquis paying dividends in the end. Viva La Cuba!
#7 TEDMUND MONTGOMERY [U.S.A] vs Persephone Marquis [Cuba]
The match began with Tedmund getting on the microphone and delivering one of his inspring Ted Talks, hoping to spread his message across not just across but the global universe what with all the delegates from different countries in attendance. A small section of mothers, members of Parents Against Offensive Wrestling showed their excitement for Ted by throwing their panties at him in admiration. Some of them were soiled. Ted picked up the panties and threw them back in the crowd, telling the mothers to not be corrupted by the objectification of their bodies America had brainwashed them into believing.
While all this was happening, Persephone was chill as anything amusing herself watching something better than Ted’s stupid talk, K-Pop videos on her phone. The ref then reminded both of them to cut out the antics as the match started a few minutes ago. Persephone then obliged, walking straight up to Ted in the middle of his talk to the audience, swinging him around, and kicking him in the shin, feeling disrespected that Ted was wasting her time.
Ted shouts at Persephone, that how dare he kick her while he was making his professional debut. The two then hugged, or more specifically got engaged in a chain of wrestling holds, of which Ted got the upperhand due to his amazing technical skills that we were seeing for the very first time. He wrangled Persephone into a inverted facelock, and then slowly went around the ring listing all the reasons why she was a terrible human being.
Persephone went to wriggle herself out, but Ted’s grip was pretty firm, happy to keep the match in a resting wrestling chain hold duel. He switched up the inverted facelock into a stretch plum as he enjoyed fruit and needed one of his five a day. Persephone’s diet consisted of a lot more greasy alternatives, and she decided enough was enough, escaping the hold and then going wild like Chun Li from Street Fighter, with a combination of Kicks Upon Kicks, of which the commentator would have definitely said My Kid, if this were not summaries.
Ted dropped to the mat like a stone, unable to contend with the barrage of kicks. He breathed in, and breathed out, trying to condition himself back to stability. She went to suffocate Ted with a Pending Payment Crossface, but she was unable to get it fully locked in, as Ted countered it brilliantly into a crossface of his own. Persephone then mustered towards the ropes but couldn’t reach them fully. However what she could reach was the wooden edge of one of Ted’s signs which was hanging into the ring. She grabbed it with her free hand, and then swung it over herself smashing it straight into Ted’s face to break the hold. After regaining her breath recovering from the hold, she then lifted up a groggy Ted, ran with him towards the corner turnbuckle, hoisted herself up the buckles with Ted still held in her grasp, and bounced back for a wicked Petty Cash Springboard Tornado DDT, knocking Ted out, lifting up his legs, for the 3 count!
WINNER: PERSEPHONE MARQUIS
TIME: 10:10
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: OH NO! We have an upset! The Number 7 seed has been ousted by the unseeded Persephone Marquis! This was meant to be Tedmund Montgomery’s tournament, deary me except a inquisition, the PAOW will be livid! In what was a breathtaking professional debut by Tedmund, ultimately turned into catastrophe with the experienced instinct of Miss Marquis paying dividends in the end. Viva La Cuba!
AMERICAS BRACKET
American Tommy [U.S.A] vs James Ceno [Canada]
The match starts with James Ceno questioning the weapon his opponent had in his position. American Tommy had a toilet seat which he had totally not ripped off Alessandro’s bathroom. The Quagliaterre security team looked suspiciously at Tommy wondering where he had obtained said seat from, which he claimed he got from the local hardware store, with a mischievous smile.
Ceno responded with showing off his weapon. A flaming torch. Tommy looked on in surprise, both men charged at one another with their respective weapons, Tommy slipped on a banana peel as he was wrestling barefoot causing him to slip, and the toilet seat to fly behind him. The banana peel inadvertedly flew into Ceno’s face, causing him to drop the flaming torch into the ropes. Setting the ropes alight. The referee went to ask for a fire extinguisher to stop the ropes from melting, but Tommy insisted to leave it changing the match effectively into a burning ropes match. Ceno then locked Tommy up in a test of strength, which he easily got the better of, and then his veteran skills began schooling the much younger Thomas.
American Tommy attempted to escape but James got him secured with a Muay Thai Clinch followed by knees to the head and body of Tommy. This was followed up with Muay Thai kicks to the legs/body of Tommy.
James attempted to thrust Tommy towards the burning ropes, but Tommy prevented that from happening instead picking up the toilet seat, and cracking it over Ceno’s bald eagle head, causing him to stumble into the flaming ropes, and then dance around the ring like a chicken attempting to stop drop and roll to put the flames out.
Tommy then laughed, and added insult to injury by poking Ceno in the eye, with his toes and a toothbrush he had in his pocket.
When the fire subsided Ceno responded with a kitchen sink knee into targeted stomps showing Tommy that foot business was no joke to the firestorm. Tommy tried to bait Ceno into looking behind so he could say haha made you look. Ceno was wiser than to fall for this trap, but when he said someone was burning the Canadian flag this caused Ceno to flinch, and Tommy tried to give him a wedgie, but this was deflected by Ceno wrangling Tommy into a suplex barrage. He went for his Suplex Central Station a series of German, belly to belly, capture, t-bone, and rounded of with a fisherman suplex with a pin attempt, but Tommy kicked out just in the nick of time.
Tommy then lifted his feet back to his feet and that sentence makes no sense. Ceno attempted to deliver Electric Bell fire a powerboat into a one-handed chokeslam. But before he could get Tommy into a powerbomb position Tommy pulled out his wand and stabbed Cenotaph in the head with it. He then pulled it out of Ceno head causing blood to spurt everywhere. Tommy then cast a spell on the ropes to stop them from burning, climbed all the way to the top turnbuckle to hit a Mongolian Stomp from the top rope known as Gryffindor Stomp. Tommy then uses his feet to cover and get the win.
WINNER: AMERICAN TOMMY
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
TIME: 11:15
Pixie: Footgasm!
ASIA/AFRICA BRACKET
#11 ALICIA LUKAS [Syria] vs Tommy Knox [Japan]
Alicia charged straight at Tommy with a Kendo Stick, and whacked him on his nogging with the stick, flatlining him from the get go. She then used the stick to repeatedly bash at Tommy to gain a level playing field as Tommy was almost double her size. With Tommy seeing tweedy birds round his face, Alicia lifted him back up, and used the disfigured stick again to whack it across his cheek. A piece of the stick went in his mouth, and a sixth sense kicked in inside of him, as he pulled a lighter and some medicinal marijuana out of nowhere, lighting up the stick to smoke some green.
This hallucinogenic then gave Tommy a second wind, as he was smacked off his face, he then used the blunt to punch Alicia in her tits, and then bulldogged her to the ground. With Alicia grounded he then attacked her knees and ankles, stomping a mudhole on her ho ass in his own words. He cleaned his mouth, and then gave Alicia a wet willie in her ear which absolutely disgusted her. Tommy then locked in a dragon sleeper, but his dragon was having him seeing twenty twenty vision which meant he could not fully lock in the hold on Alicia.
This is why you should not do drugs IRL.
As they both were getting back up, Alicia flipped two birds at Tommy, and then hit a kneeling stunner for a pure slobberknocker. Alicia then got back up feeling a surge of adrenaline, and then grabbed Tommy slicing him up in a Gorilla lock for a standing cloverleaf ankle lock known as the Lioness Bite.
Tommy sensing danger, said he wasn’t tapping out if his life depended on it. Alicia continued to stretch the hell out of Tommy, and Tommy screamed out in pain, surprised that somebody like Alicia could put him in this level of discomfort. Alicia tried with all her might to tap him out, and in the heat of the moment, Tommy farted for a long time, with the stench almost laying out Alicia unconscious causing her to break the hold. Even the referee got a whiff of Tommy’s wind, and was laid out. A second referee then came out with a gas chamber mask round his face to be immune from Tommy’s toxic fecal matter evaporation. Tommy then asked if the referee was a stormtrooper, to which he replied no. Alicia had regained consciousness and screamed at Tommy running towards him for a snapmare followed by a penalty kick to his back.
The kick seemed to ignite a fire deep within Tommy, who stunned back to his feet and headbutted Alicia in her tits, realling working on her chest as he felt it was the source of Alicia’s powers. He then went for a open hand slap and a thumb to the eye, but as he went for the thumb to the eye, Alicia kneeled, and then hoisted him up in her shoulders, muttered something in Syrian. YES SHE LEARNT SYRIAN! And then deadlifted him over her shoulders in an amazing feat of strength for him to fall flat on her knees to land The Georgia Drop fully to get the 3 count!
Godzilla came out of nowhere and then ate Tommy Knox up before jumping in the air to fly away like in Pacific Rim
WINNER: ALICIA LUKAS
TIME: 12:12
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Wow, what a end to match by both competitors. Tommy really tried to work the chest of Alicia, but Alicia remained professional throughout. The referee was knocked out for the umpteenth time tonight, but when it mattered, and Alicia was needed to be counted on The strong style southern belle came up good! And she’s learning Arabic. How respectful!
American Tommy [U.S.A] vs James Ceno [Canada]
The match starts with James Ceno questioning the weapon his opponent had in his position. American Tommy had a toilet seat which he had totally not ripped off Alessandro’s bathroom. The Quagliaterre security team looked suspiciously at Tommy wondering where he had obtained said seat from, which he claimed he got from the local hardware store, with a mischievous smile.
Ceno responded with showing off his weapon. A flaming torch. Tommy looked on in surprise, both men charged at one another with their respective weapons, Tommy slipped on a banana peel as he was wrestling barefoot causing him to slip, and the toilet seat to fly behind him. The banana peel inadvertedly flew into Ceno’s face, causing him to drop the flaming torch into the ropes. Setting the ropes alight. The referee went to ask for a fire extinguisher to stop the ropes from melting, but Tommy insisted to leave it changing the match effectively into a burning ropes match. Ceno then locked Tommy up in a test of strength, which he easily got the better of, and then his veteran skills began schooling the much younger Thomas.
American Tommy attempted to escape but James got him secured with a Muay Thai Clinch followed by knees to the head and body of Tommy. This was followed up with Muay Thai kicks to the legs/body of Tommy.
James attempted to thrust Tommy towards the burning ropes, but Tommy prevented that from happening instead picking up the toilet seat, and cracking it over Ceno’s bald eagle head, causing him to stumble into the flaming ropes, and then dance around the ring like a chicken attempting to stop drop and roll to put the flames out.
Tommy then laughed, and added insult to injury by poking Ceno in the eye, with his toes and a toothbrush he had in his pocket.
When the fire subsided Ceno responded with a kitchen sink knee into targeted stomps showing Tommy that foot business was no joke to the firestorm. Tommy tried to bait Ceno into looking behind so he could say haha made you look. Ceno was wiser than to fall for this trap, but when he said someone was burning the Canadian flag this caused Ceno to flinch, and Tommy tried to give him a wedgie, but this was deflected by Ceno wrangling Tommy into a suplex barrage. He went for his Suplex Central Station a series of German, belly to belly, capture, t-bone, and rounded of with a fisherman suplex with a pin attempt, but Tommy kicked out just in the nick of time.
Tommy then lifted his feet back to his feet and that sentence makes no sense. Ceno attempted to deliver Electric Bell fire a powerboat into a one-handed chokeslam. But before he could get Tommy into a powerbomb position Tommy pulled out his wand and stabbed Cenotaph in the head with it. He then pulled it out of Ceno head causing blood to spurt everywhere. Tommy then cast a spell on the ropes to stop them from burning, climbed all the way to the top turnbuckle to hit a Mongolian Stomp from the top rope known as Gryffindor Stomp. Tommy then uses his feet to cover and get the win.
WINNER: AMERICAN TOMMY
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
TIME: 11:15
Pixie: Footgasm!
ASIA/AFRICA BRACKET
#11 ALICIA LUKAS [Syria] vs Tommy Knox [Japan]
Alicia charged straight at Tommy with a Kendo Stick, and whacked him on his nogging with the stick, flatlining him from the get go. She then used the stick to repeatedly bash at Tommy to gain a level playing field as Tommy was almost double her size. With Tommy seeing tweedy birds round his face, Alicia lifted him back up, and used the disfigured stick again to whack it across his cheek. A piece of the stick went in his mouth, and a sixth sense kicked in inside of him, as he pulled a lighter and some medicinal marijuana out of nowhere, lighting up the stick to smoke some green.
This hallucinogenic then gave Tommy a second wind, as he was smacked off his face, he then used the blunt to punch Alicia in her tits, and then bulldogged her to the ground. With Alicia grounded he then attacked her knees and ankles, stomping a mudhole on her ho ass in his own words. He cleaned his mouth, and then gave Alicia a wet willie in her ear which absolutely disgusted her. Tommy then locked in a dragon sleeper, but his dragon was having him seeing twenty twenty vision which meant he could not fully lock in the hold on Alicia.
This is why you should not do drugs IRL.
As they both were getting back up, Alicia flipped two birds at Tommy, and then hit a kneeling stunner for a pure slobberknocker. Alicia then got back up feeling a surge of adrenaline, and then grabbed Tommy slicing him up in a Gorilla lock for a standing cloverleaf ankle lock known as the Lioness Bite.
Tommy sensing danger, said he wasn’t tapping out if his life depended on it. Alicia continued to stretch the hell out of Tommy, and Tommy screamed out in pain, surprised that somebody like Alicia could put him in this level of discomfort. Alicia tried with all her might to tap him out, and in the heat of the moment, Tommy farted for a long time, with the stench almost laying out Alicia unconscious causing her to break the hold. Even the referee got a whiff of Tommy’s wind, and was laid out. A second referee then came out with a gas chamber mask round his face to be immune from Tommy’s toxic fecal matter evaporation. Tommy then asked if the referee was a stormtrooper, to which he replied no. Alicia had regained consciousness and screamed at Tommy running towards him for a snapmare followed by a penalty kick to his back.
The kick seemed to ignite a fire deep within Tommy, who stunned back to his feet and headbutted Alicia in her tits, realling working on her chest as he felt it was the source of Alicia’s powers. He then went for a open hand slap and a thumb to the eye, but as he went for the thumb to the eye, Alicia kneeled, and then hoisted him up in her shoulders, muttered something in Syrian. YES SHE LEARNT SYRIAN! And then deadlifted him over her shoulders in an amazing feat of strength for him to fall flat on her knees to land The Georgia Drop fully to get the 3 count!
Godzilla came out of nowhere and then ate Tommy Knox up before jumping in the air to fly away like in Pacific Rim
WINNER: ALICIA LUKAS
TIME: 12:12
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: Wow, what a end to match by both competitors. Tommy really tried to work the chest of Alicia, but Alicia remained professional throughout. The referee was knocked out for the umpteenth time tonight, but when it mattered, and Alicia was needed to be counted on The strong style southern belle came up good! And she’s learning Arabic. How respectful!
MIXED BRACKET MATCH
Chris Matthews [China] vs Bryan Williams [U.S.A]
Bryan pretended to walk around the ring with his tongue out of his face, mocking the down syndrome which he thought Chris Matthews had suffered from. Chris didn’t too kindly to this blatant disrespect, and furiously speared Bryan to the ground, and then clobbered him with a series of right and left punches, clubbing him like a punching bag letting all his anger out of the way.
He then followed up this assault with a concession of multiple shots to Bryan’s chest known as SEAL KICKS. Chris then ran against the ropes and paused midway delivering a standing shooting star press to show off his great athleticism. He then twisted Bryan like a pretzel into a STF, trying to make him tap out. Bryan who should have been in excruciating pain, instead chucked. The level of Chris Matthew’s brutality had no effect on the stamina of Bryan, who told Chris he was barely tickling him.
This irked Chris who wrapped up Bryan into a wrist lock then transition it into a short- arm bicycle high knee known as the Coup De Grace. Which had no relation to the million inverted foot stomps we had seen through the night by a heavy majority of competitors. Chris Matthews then got a load of thumbtacks and spread it out by the ring hitting a SHI NO HAKOBI-TE.
Bryan wisely in the pain, rolled out of the ring. This prevented Chris from scoring a pin attempt. Irritated that his body was full of thumbtacks, when Chris went to retrieve Bryan from the outside. Bryan responded by grabbing a steel chair, and cracking Chris Matthews in the face, which almost caused him to get cross eyed and knock his teeth down his throat. Bryan then began to turn the screw in the match, swinging the pendulum of momentum into his favor. He began with a series of clubs to Chris’s face with a forearm smash, a elbow smash, and a european uppercut.
Bryan shoved Chris back into the ring, and began Suplexing the fuck out of him. First with a Exploder, then a German, then a Straight Jacket, then a Rolling Release, capped off with a Belly to Belly. Bryan then span around striking Chris flush with a Spinning Backfist to Bicycle Knee known as the Raging Demon.
Bryan then went up high for a aerial move with a diving elbow drop which was like a splint to the heart of Chris. Chris completely discombobulated tried to catch Bryan off guard with a seated rear naked choke and body scissors, but Bryan was in the zone and shut the attempts right down hitting a Triangle Choke of his own with the Globalist Special.
Bryan however wanted to put a exclamation mark on proceedings, so with Chris still locked on the chokehold, he lifted up his dead weight, moved his head into a brainbuster and smacked him onto his knee for the CTE! Bryan then hooked his leg for the 3 count!
WINNER: BRYAN WILLIAMS
TIME: 10:00
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a scintillating showing by both competitors. Chris Matthews bought a hell of a fight, but ultimately the tactical prowess and experience of Bryan Williams is what pulled through for the American. A suave performance by a suave individual, who steamrolls his way into the next round in emphatic fashion. Congratulations Mr. Williams, commiserations to Mr. Matthews.
Chris Matthews [China] vs Bryan Williams [U.S.A]
Bryan pretended to walk around the ring with his tongue out of his face, mocking the down syndrome which he thought Chris Matthews had suffered from. Chris didn’t too kindly to this blatant disrespect, and furiously speared Bryan to the ground, and then clobbered him with a series of right and left punches, clubbing him like a punching bag letting all his anger out of the way.
He then followed up this assault with a concession of multiple shots to Bryan’s chest known as SEAL KICKS. Chris then ran against the ropes and paused midway delivering a standing shooting star press to show off his great athleticism. He then twisted Bryan like a pretzel into a STF, trying to make him tap out. Bryan who should have been in excruciating pain, instead chucked. The level of Chris Matthew’s brutality had no effect on the stamina of Bryan, who told Chris he was barely tickling him.
This irked Chris who wrapped up Bryan into a wrist lock then transition it into a short- arm bicycle high knee known as the Coup De Grace. Which had no relation to the million inverted foot stomps we had seen through the night by a heavy majority of competitors. Chris Matthews then got a load of thumbtacks and spread it out by the ring hitting a SHI NO HAKOBI-TE.
Bryan wisely in the pain, rolled out of the ring. This prevented Chris from scoring a pin attempt. Irritated that his body was full of thumbtacks, when Chris went to retrieve Bryan from the outside. Bryan responded by grabbing a steel chair, and cracking Chris Matthews in the face, which almost caused him to get cross eyed and knock his teeth down his throat. Bryan then began to turn the screw in the match, swinging the pendulum of momentum into his favor. He began with a series of clubs to Chris’s face with a forearm smash, a elbow smash, and a european uppercut.
Bryan shoved Chris back into the ring, and began Suplexing the fuck out of him. First with a Exploder, then a German, then a Straight Jacket, then a Rolling Release, capped off with a Belly to Belly. Bryan then span around striking Chris flush with a Spinning Backfist to Bicycle Knee known as the Raging Demon.
Bryan then went up high for a aerial move with a diving elbow drop which was like a splint to the heart of Chris. Chris completely discombobulated tried to catch Bryan off guard with a seated rear naked choke and body scissors, but Bryan was in the zone and shut the attempts right down hitting a Triangle Choke of his own with the Globalist Special.
Bryan however wanted to put a exclamation mark on proceedings, so with Chris still locked on the chokehold, he lifted up his dead weight, moved his head into a brainbuster and smacked him onto his knee for the CTE! Bryan then hooked his leg for the 3 count!
WINNER: BRYAN WILLIAMS
TIME: 10:00
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a scintillating showing by both competitors. Chris Matthews bought a hell of a fight, but ultimately the tactical prowess and experience of Bryan Williams is what pulled through for the American. A suave performance by a suave individual, who steamrolls his way into the next round in emphatic fashion. Congratulations Mr. Williams, commiserations to Mr. Matthews.
ASIA/AFRICA BRACKET
#14 SAMMY 3.0 [Japan] vs Melissa Aki [Palestine]
Sammy throws Rotten meat down Maki’s throat, and Maki pukes it out as she may be vegetarian her dietary preference remains unknown to the Quagliaterre booking team. Maki then pulls out a baseball bat ready to whack Sammy’s head off, and Sammy responds with a Half Bat, a baseball bat that was cut in half by Anna Mathews a long time ago. The two then go to swing each other’s respective bats, and as Maki had a full bat, she ends up cracking the glass mainframe of Sammy’s head.
This angers Sammy who responds with a reflex Savat Kick on Maki’s chin, and then a Running Body Splash sending Maki to do a roly poly on the floor. Sammy then shows she is more than just a Android, applying on a Basic Sleeper Hold. This proved especially painful as her arms and legs were removable, which meant she could twist Maki in unimaginable ways.
Maki however was resilient, and despite representing Palestine and not Japan, she countered the hold into a Japanese Arm bar, which for the purpose of this match was renamed the Palestinian Arm bar. Maki then showed off her strength, moving the arm bar into a wrist clutch exploder, sending Sammy flying halfway across the ring.
Maki then began rubbing her leg, charging for a super fast roundhouse kick known as the Makihouse Kick to Sammy, but she missed, and then Sammy responded by stealing Maki’s move, and performing the exact same move for the Makihouse Kick on Maki! She went for the 3 count, but Maki kicked out to save herself the embarrassment of losing to her own finishing move.
Maki then decided to take the action aerial, first off with a Top Rope Juvi Driver, and then a Tiger Suplex off the second turnbuckle in an amazing show of strength and flair.
With Sammy rocked, Maki went to finish things off, she tried to apply a crossface with a chicken wing lock on her, but was unsure were or how to apply it on Sammy’s mechanics.
Maki then opted to drag Sammy up to the top rope, and then sends her towards the direction of God, before dropping her from the high heavens with a Makinoku Driver which blasts Sammy to smithereens. The Android is destroyed and the crowd chant holy shit. Maki wonders how to cover the broken mess of the dead Sammy, however while she can figure it out, a regenerated Sammy is spawned where her AI entered the new Android, and tackles Maki down to her feet. The new Sammy then races off the ropes, and jerks up her legs for a Face crushing Curbstomp known as the ANDROID DANCE! Maki is stunned, and Sammy 3.0 covers for the 3.0 count minus the decimals!
WINNER: SAMMY 3.0
TIME: 11:44
UNANIMOUS DECISON
Pixie: Wow! Robots can wrestle. Who knew? I thought Maki had done the whole world a favor and got rid of the Android and/or Robot known as Sammy 3.0 out for good. That was absolutely shocking how she smashed Sammy to pieces. But the robot did robot things, regenerated and then out of nowhere almost broke Maki’s neck for the win. Congratulations to Japan, and the Robot. She’s going to Round Two! That’s a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
#14 SAMMY 3.0 [Japan] vs Melissa Aki [Palestine]
Sammy throws Rotten meat down Maki’s throat, and Maki pukes it out as she may be vegetarian her dietary preference remains unknown to the Quagliaterre booking team. Maki then pulls out a baseball bat ready to whack Sammy’s head off, and Sammy responds with a Half Bat, a baseball bat that was cut in half by Anna Mathews a long time ago. The two then go to swing each other’s respective bats, and as Maki had a full bat, she ends up cracking the glass mainframe of Sammy’s head.
This angers Sammy who responds with a reflex Savat Kick on Maki’s chin, and then a Running Body Splash sending Maki to do a roly poly on the floor. Sammy then shows she is more than just a Android, applying on a Basic Sleeper Hold. This proved especially painful as her arms and legs were removable, which meant she could twist Maki in unimaginable ways.
Maki however was resilient, and despite representing Palestine and not Japan, she countered the hold into a Japanese Arm bar, which for the purpose of this match was renamed the Palestinian Arm bar. Maki then showed off her strength, moving the arm bar into a wrist clutch exploder, sending Sammy flying halfway across the ring.
Maki then began rubbing her leg, charging for a super fast roundhouse kick known as the Makihouse Kick to Sammy, but she missed, and then Sammy responded by stealing Maki’s move, and performing the exact same move for the Makihouse Kick on Maki! She went for the 3 count, but Maki kicked out to save herself the embarrassment of losing to her own finishing move.
Maki then decided to take the action aerial, first off with a Top Rope Juvi Driver, and then a Tiger Suplex off the second turnbuckle in an amazing show of strength and flair.
With Sammy rocked, Maki went to finish things off, she tried to apply a crossface with a chicken wing lock on her, but was unsure were or how to apply it on Sammy’s mechanics.
Maki then opted to drag Sammy up to the top rope, and then sends her towards the direction of God, before dropping her from the high heavens with a Makinoku Driver which blasts Sammy to smithereens. The Android is destroyed and the crowd chant holy shit. Maki wonders how to cover the broken mess of the dead Sammy, however while she can figure it out, a regenerated Sammy is spawned where her AI entered the new Android, and tackles Maki down to her feet. The new Sammy then races off the ropes, and jerks up her legs for a Face crushing Curbstomp known as the ANDROID DANCE! Maki is stunned, and Sammy 3.0 covers for the 3.0 count minus the decimals!
WINNER: SAMMY 3.0
TIME: 11:44
UNANIMOUS DECISON
Pixie: Wow! Robots can wrestle. Who knew? I thought Maki had done the whole world a favor and got rid of the Android and/or Robot known as Sammy 3.0 out for good. That was absolutely shocking how she smashed Sammy to pieces. But the robot did robot things, regenerated and then out of nowhere almost broke Maki’s neck for the win. Congratulations to Japan, and the Robot. She’s going to Round Two! That’s a sentence I never thought I would ever say.
FICTIONAL BRACKET
Riley Savell [Fantastica] vs Betsy Granger [Dorne]
Riley has an ice sculpted dildo with a mini replica tardis stuck in the middle of it. Betsy has a Toronto Frost LFL football in her hand. Riley runs at Betsy to smack her with the ice dildo tardis, but Betsy ducks, and then throws a bullet pass with the football onto Riley’s forehead. The ball bounces off her head, and then Riley gets mad and stabs Betsy in the eye with the ice dildo, causing it to crack to pieces, until the tardis falls on the floor.
Betsy tries to defend herself, in the defensive position. Riley then went for a Buzzsaw kick, and went for a sitting fujiwara armbar known as the God Lock. Betsy however did not believe in God, but instead the Power of the Time Lord so she easily escaped.
Betsy then ripped off the boots off Riley and used the steel caps on her boots to bash her midsection, winding Riley out. That was until Riley used a set of brass knuckles to punch Betsy in the face, grazing her cheek causing her to get cut up and fall on the ground.
Riley then went for a Running Shooting Star Press, followed by a Sac-Town Kick. While Riley was pacing around, Betsy then regrouped and hit a hurricanrana driver out of nowhere known as the Plante de Visage. She then went for a technical move with a cobra clutch leg sweep known as a Stop and Drop submission hold.
Riley was well versed in the art of the Cobra, as she was a natural snake in demeanor, or so we thought, as she slithered out of the way after a extended period of being in the lock, and tried to catch Betsy unsuspectingly with a Roll Up of Doom.
However Betsy was more mature than a school, and kicked out at two. She then proved she was grown up by showing off her great skill of Brain Games, which was also a Snapmare driver turning Riley into a right mare. Betsy then took a bit of a breather as she stepped away from Riley and relaxed in the corner turnbuckle. Riley got back to her feet, and then charged furiously at Betsy for a Corner Shining Wizard, Betsy had brilliant reflexes though, so shuck and jived out of the way and then grabbed Riley’s calf for a calf slicer known as the Ich Muss Dich Brechen. Riley screamed out in pain, and hobbled towards the ropes, but could not reach them.
Instead she was able to grab an umbrella hanging out ringside just by the ropes, and used the umbrella to act as a prop to smash Betsy behind her breaking the hold. Riley then hobbled to her feet, and began coiling for Betsy to get up , and with her head slightly lifted she went for a variant of the Curb Stomp known as The God Stomp, but Betsy moved away at the last second, causing Riley to stomp the mat and eat canvas instead. Betsy then leg sweeped Riley’s hobbled bad leg down, applied an Indian deathlock surfboard transitioned into a bridging counter for the #ShadeStyle and secured the 3 count!
WINNER: BETSY GRANGER
TIME: 11:44
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: That was a breathtaking match by two highly competitive wrestlers. Riley who was once undefeated, showing exactly why here. It was a toss-up where either lady could have taken it. The evasiveness and survival skills of Betsy Granger proved too much. The mystical realm of Dorne marches onto Round Two, but taking nothing away from the sheer fight and toughness of Riley Savell, this was a proper match.
Riley Savell [Fantastica] vs Betsy Granger [Dorne]
Riley has an ice sculpted dildo with a mini replica tardis stuck in the middle of it. Betsy has a Toronto Frost LFL football in her hand. Riley runs at Betsy to smack her with the ice dildo tardis, but Betsy ducks, and then throws a bullet pass with the football onto Riley’s forehead. The ball bounces off her head, and then Riley gets mad and stabs Betsy in the eye with the ice dildo, causing it to crack to pieces, until the tardis falls on the floor.
Betsy tries to defend herself, in the defensive position. Riley then went for a Buzzsaw kick, and went for a sitting fujiwara armbar known as the God Lock. Betsy however did not believe in God, but instead the Power of the Time Lord so she easily escaped.
Betsy then ripped off the boots off Riley and used the steel caps on her boots to bash her midsection, winding Riley out. That was until Riley used a set of brass knuckles to punch Betsy in the face, grazing her cheek causing her to get cut up and fall on the ground.
Riley then went for a Running Shooting Star Press, followed by a Sac-Town Kick. While Riley was pacing around, Betsy then regrouped and hit a hurricanrana driver out of nowhere known as the Plante de Visage. She then went for a technical move with a cobra clutch leg sweep known as a Stop and Drop submission hold.
Riley was well versed in the art of the Cobra, as she was a natural snake in demeanor, or so we thought, as she slithered out of the way after a extended period of being in the lock, and tried to catch Betsy unsuspectingly with a Roll Up of Doom.
However Betsy was more mature than a school, and kicked out at two. She then proved she was grown up by showing off her great skill of Brain Games, which was also a Snapmare driver turning Riley into a right mare. Betsy then took a bit of a breather as she stepped away from Riley and relaxed in the corner turnbuckle. Riley got back to her feet, and then charged furiously at Betsy for a Corner Shining Wizard, Betsy had brilliant reflexes though, so shuck and jived out of the way and then grabbed Riley’s calf for a calf slicer known as the Ich Muss Dich Brechen. Riley screamed out in pain, and hobbled towards the ropes, but could not reach them.
Instead she was able to grab an umbrella hanging out ringside just by the ropes, and used the umbrella to act as a prop to smash Betsy behind her breaking the hold. Riley then hobbled to her feet, and began coiling for Betsy to get up , and with her head slightly lifted she went for a variant of the Curb Stomp known as The God Stomp, but Betsy moved away at the last second, causing Riley to stomp the mat and eat canvas instead. Betsy then leg sweeped Riley’s hobbled bad leg down, applied an Indian deathlock surfboard transitioned into a bridging counter for the #ShadeStyle and secured the 3 count!
WINNER: BETSY GRANGER
TIME: 11:44
SPLIT DECISION DECIDED VIA TWITTER ANALYTICS
Pixie: That was a breathtaking match by two highly competitive wrestlers. Riley who was once undefeated, showing exactly why here. It was a toss-up where either lady could have taken it. The evasiveness and survival skills of Betsy Granger proved too much. The mystical realm of Dorne marches onto Round Two, but taking nothing away from the sheer fight and toughness of Riley Savell, this was a proper match.
ASIA/AFRICA BRACKET
#12 DEUCE HOLMES [Japan] vs Qiang Chen [China]
The main event starts, and the crowd is still somehow hot as hell for it. Both men despite wanting to kill each other, shake each other hands for good sportsmanship. The nice Chen and Holmes then got thrown out the window as they went to tear each other apart. Chen as promised went straight to rip Deuce’s beard off his chin. Deuce however smacked him flush in the side of his head with his Barefoot strong style, and fragments of his toenail ended up on Chen’s face which totally grossed him out.
Deuce then did a yoga squat, as he was seriously flexible, and he may have never done yoga in his life before now, but he was learning new things as he is a multicultural individual, despite being from Japan where there letters look like egyptian hieroglyphics minus the funny symbols.
Qiang then looked seriously pissed off, and came up to Deuce’s face spraying him with a mist of Chinese alcohol Maotai blinding him with the Maotai Mist. Deuce was seeing blank spaces, and Qiang looked to give Deuce the ultimate embarrassment by ripping off his beard again. But despite being eye crippled, Deuce beard had a life of his own, and was super hardened to protect itself, using the ruggedness of it’s hairs to irritate and frustrate Qiang from ripping it off. Qiang however was able to work the rest of Deuce’s body, with a open palm slap to the chest, followed by a short octopus stretch, and then a powerbomb followed up by a senton drop.
Qiang then instead of using any weapons, continued his relentless pressure, with a Mongolian Chop, Mounted Open Palm Strikes, and a Fall Away Slam almost going through his whole moveset repertoire.
Deuce sensing he was in serious trouble, had some foot smelling salts in his pocket which he sniffed, to help clear the blurred vision and sting of the alcohol which Qiang had spat at him. This still gave him a limited vision without full eyesight, but he could atleast see something, instead of nothing. Qiang however was still looking to be in control with a variant of the Torture Rack known as the Jìnsè jī jià hoping to squeeze Deuce out to sleep.
Deuce however had nerves of steel, and rided the storm of pain he was put in flopping to the floor. He then saw a piece of spinach in the ring, and eat it, and like Popeye got super strength out of nowhere he perked up and clobbered Qiang with a corner to corner eye rake from the top rope followed up by a ten turnbuckle smash!
Qiang seeing nickels, span around not knowing where he was, and Deuce decided to capitalize going in for the kill, despite being half blind, hitting a basement version from downtown of an Osaka Street Cutter. The crowd watched on in awe at this amazing athleticism, and Deuce went for the pinfall cover, and got it!
Once the bell had rang, Deuce lifted Qiang back up, Qiang was dejected and wanted to smash Deuce’s face in, instead Deuce showed love not hate by hugging Qiang and shaking his head, and while Qiang may never do this ever anywhere else, he was drunk off the Maotai so he was calm and nice.
WINNER: DEUCE HOLMES
TIME: 15:58
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a main event! And what a classy show of respect between Deuce and Qiang who gave absolutely everything in this match. After a juggernaut of a fight, Deuce Holmes will be advancing into Round Two but Qiang Chen is sure to have gained a host of new supporters following this performance. There we have it Ladies and Gentlemen.
After 19 gruelling matches. We have our winners, and next week will see the added equation of the Top 4 seeds, which is sure to shake things up.
Also don’t forget the addition of the second chance losers battle royal, where someone who came up just short this week will be given another shot at winning the one million.
I have been Pixie, and behalf of me and my unborn child. Good Night, and God Bless!.
#12 DEUCE HOLMES [Japan] vs Qiang Chen [China]
The main event starts, and the crowd is still somehow hot as hell for it. Both men despite wanting to kill each other, shake each other hands for good sportsmanship. The nice Chen and Holmes then got thrown out the window as they went to tear each other apart. Chen as promised went straight to rip Deuce’s beard off his chin. Deuce however smacked him flush in the side of his head with his Barefoot strong style, and fragments of his toenail ended up on Chen’s face which totally grossed him out.
Deuce then did a yoga squat, as he was seriously flexible, and he may have never done yoga in his life before now, but he was learning new things as he is a multicultural individual, despite being from Japan where there letters look like egyptian hieroglyphics minus the funny symbols.
Qiang then looked seriously pissed off, and came up to Deuce’s face spraying him with a mist of Chinese alcohol Maotai blinding him with the Maotai Mist. Deuce was seeing blank spaces, and Qiang looked to give Deuce the ultimate embarrassment by ripping off his beard again. But despite being eye crippled, Deuce beard had a life of his own, and was super hardened to protect itself, using the ruggedness of it’s hairs to irritate and frustrate Qiang from ripping it off. Qiang however was able to work the rest of Deuce’s body, with a open palm slap to the chest, followed by a short octopus stretch, and then a powerbomb followed up by a senton drop.
Qiang then instead of using any weapons, continued his relentless pressure, with a Mongolian Chop, Mounted Open Palm Strikes, and a Fall Away Slam almost going through his whole moveset repertoire.
Deuce sensing he was in serious trouble, had some foot smelling salts in his pocket which he sniffed, to help clear the blurred vision and sting of the alcohol which Qiang had spat at him. This still gave him a limited vision without full eyesight, but he could atleast see something, instead of nothing. Qiang however was still looking to be in control with a variant of the Torture Rack known as the Jìnsè jī jià hoping to squeeze Deuce out to sleep.
Deuce however had nerves of steel, and rided the storm of pain he was put in flopping to the floor. He then saw a piece of spinach in the ring, and eat it, and like Popeye got super strength out of nowhere he perked up and clobbered Qiang with a corner to corner eye rake from the top rope followed up by a ten turnbuckle smash!
Qiang seeing nickels, span around not knowing where he was, and Deuce decided to capitalize going in for the kill, despite being half blind, hitting a basement version from downtown of an Osaka Street Cutter. The crowd watched on in awe at this amazing athleticism, and Deuce went for the pinfall cover, and got it!
Once the bell had rang, Deuce lifted Qiang back up, Qiang was dejected and wanted to smash Deuce’s face in, instead Deuce showed love not hate by hugging Qiang and shaking his head, and while Qiang may never do this ever anywhere else, he was drunk off the Maotai so he was calm and nice.
WINNER: DEUCE HOLMES
TIME: 15:58
UNANIMOUS DECISION
Pixie: What a main event! And what a classy show of respect between Deuce and Qiang who gave absolutely everything in this match. After a juggernaut of a fight, Deuce Holmes will be advancing into Round Two but Qiang Chen is sure to have gained a host of new supporters following this performance. There we have it Ladies and Gentlemen.
After 19 gruelling matches. We have our winners, and next week will see the added equation of the Top 4 seeds, which is sure to shake things up.
Also don’t forget the addition of the second chance losers battle royal, where someone who came up just short this week will be given another shot at winning the one million.
I have been Pixie, and behalf of me and my unborn child. Good Night, and God Bless!.