Post by Action Reel on May 30, 2021 2:06:38 GMT -5
Katta Pult: Ladies and GENTLEMEN! WELCOME...to Havoc Saturday night! We are live in the PARKING LOT of the Allstate Arena, less than twenty four hours away from that BIG, FAT, JUICY HAVOC RUMBLE and I can’t BELIEVE it! Tonight, it’s all about the CELEBRITIES! That’s right, HOLLYWOOD is offering up ten of its own and I’d say we’re in for a treat! Isn’t that right, Jack?!
Jack Black: YEAAAAAAAH!
Katta Pult: Of course, you need no introduction! The winner of the inaugural Celebrity Havoc, you know EXACTLY what it takes to pull it off! What do you think? Who do YA GOT?
Jack Black: John, we know we’ve got Michelle Waterson, the ka-raw-tae haw-tae set to enter and Tommy Bahama as well. That Michelle is a freakin’ KICKER, dude. I don’t know who else is entering, but can’t bet against that!
Anne Ouncer: The following is the 2021 Celebrity Havoc match! In this match, a new celebrity will enter every sixty seconds until just one participant remains!
Katta Pult: Who’s it gonna BE?!
Jack Black: Speak of the Devil!
Katta Pult: We knew she would be here and it looks like Michelle Waterson drew number one!
Jack Black: It doesn’t matter if she’s one or ten, she’s caving in skulls toNIGHTuh!
Katta Pult: One of the most dangerous strikers in the history of the sport!
Jack Black: She’s right out there, John. She’s ready to get it started.
Katta Pult: Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me!
Jack Black: Oh no, not NINJA! Me and him have beeef! It’s a whole THANG!
Katta Pult: Ninja the gamer to be clear for those watching at home with a broken monitor or in like a Discord chat or something. AW doesn’t condone...whatever it is that other guy does.
Jack Black: Neither do all those music festivals.
Katta Pult: You love to see it.
DING DING DING!!
Jack Black: Ninja slides into the ring, he’s flossing!
Katta Pult: What does this mean?
Jack Black: It’s a whole thing. Just trust me.
Katta Pult: Ok.
Jack Black: WATERSON WITH THE HEAD KICK!
Katta Pult: She tosses him! Ninja is out! Thank you, baby Jesus!
Jack Black: That’s one way to start.
Katta Pult: Clock is up!
Jack Black: Katta, there’s no screen. We’re outside.
Katta Pult: Clock is on the screen.
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: It’s uhhhhhhh….
Katta Pult: Kris Humphries.
Jack Black: It ISSSSS Kris Humphries!
Katta Pult: It’s like they find these people from a random celebrity name generator or something.
Jack Black: SKADOOSH!
Katta Pult: What?
Jack Black: I have a quota to meet.
Katta Pult: Kris Humphries in the ring.
Jack Black: YE-HA-UH!
Katta Pult: Kick to the head again!
Jack Black: He’s gone, folks!
Katta Pult: Just like that, Waterson with TWO eliminations! She is lasered in!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Paris Hilton is here!
Katta Pult: That’s Perez Hilton!
Jack Black: Is that like a seltzer?
Katta Pult: Perez is ready to go! He sprints full speed ahead down to the ring!
Jack Black: Off the ropes now.
Katta Pult: ANOTHER HEAD KICK!
Jack Black: THREE ELIMINATIONS!
Katta Pult: We are almost halfway through this and Michelle Waterson has killed everyone with just three kicks!
Jack Black: Now she gets rest time.
Katta Pult: So, what do we talk about?
Jack Black: You know, I gotta say, I swore you were John Thomas at the beginning of this.
Katta Pult: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Must be those mushrooms you ate.
Jack Black: TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SE-VEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! UH-ONE!
Katta Pult: The other announced participant is here! Johnny Bananas from The Challenge which as we all know, is the highest rated show on Wednesday Nights!
Jack Black: I thought All Elite-
Katta Pult: The highest rated show on Wednesday Nights!
Jack Black: Bahama is in the ring, Waterson with another BIG head kick!
Katta Pult: NO! Bananas ducks it! Bananas off the ropes!
Jack Black: What move is this now?
Katta Pult: Hurricanrana! Waterson goes down!
Jack Black: She’s right back up though! We’ve got a match on our hands!
Katta Pult: Waterson with a big head kick and that one lands!
Jack Black: Roundhouse from Waterson!
Katta Pult: Johnny ducks it, series of forearms from Bananas to Waterson!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: They got Kanye?!
Katta Pult: One of Chicago’s own entering sixth here tonight, big names are coming out!
Jack Black: Kanye is in the ring now.
Katta Pult: Aaaaand he um….steps right back out?
Jack Black: Kanye has eliminated himself, shaking his head in disapproval of the entire event.
Katta Pult: What was the point of that?
Jack Black: It’s a day early.
Katta Pult: Bananas with an elbow, but Waterson comes right back with some kicks to the body.
Jack Black: Clock is back!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Katta Pult: Another MMA fighter in the fold, here comes a LEGEND of the sport!
Jack Black: That’s a scary man.
Katta Pult: Chuck Liddell entering seventh tonight, storming straight ahead.
Jack Black: Big jabs to Johnny and Michelle, Liddell coming in here instantly FIRED up!
Katta Pult: Michelle Waterson dominated the first leg of this match, but it seems things are finally leveling out.
Jack Black: Liddell with a big right hook to Waterson.
Katta Pult: SUPERMAN PUNCH!
Jack Black: Johnny Ba-NAE-NAES drops Liddell hard!
Katta Pult: A second Superman punch to Waterson!
Jack Black: It’s Johnny Bananas now with that sweeet momenTUM!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Katta Pult: He’s done for.
Jack Black: JimMAY Kimmel is here!
Katta Pult: Lot of people sprinting straight into the battlefield, but Kimmel taking his time.
Jack Black: Smart strategy, gotta scope out the competish.
Katta Pult: He looks scared.
Jack Black: Never, Katta.
Katta Pult: Clock up again, Kimmel still taking his sweet time at ringside.
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Time for the big boys!
Katta Pult: Action Bronson enters at number nine!
Jack Black: Kimmel is frozen in place.
Katta Pult: He’s caught in the headlights here.
Jack Black: Action just ran Jimmy over!
Katta Pult: Not a technical display, but it will get the job done.
Jack Black: He’s in the ring now and it looks like we’re about to see a three on one situation.
Katta Pult: Clothesline to Liddell!
Jack Black: Clothesline to Waterson!
Katta Pult: Johnny off the ropes, but Action catches him!
Jack Black: PowerBOMB!
Katta Pult: Action Bronson just took out the field! Clock is up for the tenth and final entrant!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Another one of Chicago’s own!
Katta Pult: Khalil Mack is here! The Bear’s star DE is here for Havoc!
Jack Black: Mack at ringside and he lifts Jimmy Kimmel up and tosses him into the ring.
Katta Pult: Jimmy Kimmel to his feet, but Bronson right on top of him.
Jack Black: Bronson tosses Kimmell!
Katta Pult: Five left!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack and Action Bronson face to face now!
Katta Pult: What a sight we’re seeing! This crowd of most likely non-paying fans is going crazy!
Jack Black: Liddell back to his feet, going for the shoulder block on Khalil Mack!
Katta Pult: LIDDELL THROWN OVER THE TOP! HE’S OUT!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack eliminates Chuck Liddell and we have our final four! Johnny Bananas, Michelle Waterson, Action Bronson, and Khalil Mack!
Katta Pult: Bananas and Waterson up to their feet, both throwing wild strikes towards the bigger pair!
Jack Black: Flurry of strikes, but they’re doing nothing right now!
Katta Pult: Waterson on Bronson now, stiff kicks to the legs and those ARE looking a bit more effective!
Jack Black: Bronson brought down on that right knee, Waterson with technique over size.
Katta Pult: Bananas trying his best to keep Mack at bay, but Mack eating every strike!
Jack Black: WOAH WOAH WOAH!
Katta Pult: Bananas changing targets!
Jack Black: Johnny lifting Waterson up and over!
Katta Pult: She’s outta there!
Jack Black: She dominated the beginning of this thing and now Johnny Bananas takes advantage of the opening and Waterson is out!
Katta Pult: He screwed up now though, he’s alone with the heavyweights now!
Jack Black: He’s got that look of urgency now, going straight for Bronson.
Katta Pult: Bananas trying to pull Bronson back to his feet.
Jack Black: HUUUUUUUUGE mistake!
Katta Pult: Bronson has Bananas up for the chokeslam!
Jack Black: WOW!
Katta Pult: HE’S UP! HE’S UP!
Jack Black: And he’s outta here!
Katta Pult: Bronson just dropped Bananas straight to the outside mat!
Jack Black: Nasty impact there!
Katta Pult: Then there were two!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack! Action Bronson! One of these men is about to be declared winner of Celebrity Havoc!
Katta Pult: Here we go! Right from Bronson!
Jack Black: Left from Mack!
Katta Pult: Right from Bronson!
Jack Black: Left from Mack!
Katta Pult: Left from Bronson!
Jack Black: Right from Mack!
Katta Pult: Left from Mack! A right! A left! Another left!
Jack Black: Bronson is wobbled here, Mack off the ropes!
Katta Pult: Spear from Khalil Mack!
Jack Black: Big knee to the gut!
Katta Pult: Great counter from Action Bronson!
Jack Black: Mack whipped off the ropes now!
Katta Pult: Bronson catches him!
Jack Black: Pop up powerbomb!
Katta Pult: Mack skins the cat!
Jack Black: Mack off the ropes on his own once more!
Katta Pult: Bronson speared into the corner!
Jack Black: Bronson stumbles out of the corner, Mack going for it again!
Katta Pult: Bronson squats down just in time, he has Mack up for the powerbomb again!
Jack Black: He’s trying to toss him out!
Katta Pult: Mack slips through, Mack on the apron!
Jack Black: Bronson charges forward!
Katta Pult: Palm strike to the face!
Jack Black: That one hurt, but Bronson is going for it again!
Katta Pult: MACK HAS HIM! MACK LIFTING BRONSON UP NOW! VERTICLE SUPLEX POSITION!
Jack Black: STRENGTH ON FULL DISPLAY! HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO BURST!
Katta Pult: No idea how he’s doing this! Mack has Bronson suspended upside down!
Jack Black: BRONSON GETS DROPPED FRONT FIRST TO THE OUTSIDE!
Katta Pult: MACK WINS! MACK WINS!
DING DING DING!!
Anne Ouncer: The winner of the 2021 Celebrity Havoc match, KHALIIIILLLL MACK!
Jack Black: What a way to win it!
Katta Pult: We saw Waterson dominate, we saw bodies launched over in seconds, and we saw Khalil Mack pull it off in DOMINANT fashion!
Jack Black: One great winner to another. You gotta love it.
Katta Pult: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight! That’s all we’ve got! We’ll see you tomorrow night for Havoc!
Jack Black: YEAAAAAAAH!
Katta Pult: Of course, you need no introduction! The winner of the inaugural Celebrity Havoc, you know EXACTLY what it takes to pull it off! What do you think? Who do YA GOT?
Jack Black: John, we know we’ve got Michelle Waterson, the ka-raw-tae haw-tae set to enter and Tommy Bahama as well. That Michelle is a freakin’ KICKER, dude. I don’t know who else is entering, but can’t bet against that!
Anne Ouncer: The following is the 2021 Celebrity Havoc match! In this match, a new celebrity will enter every sixty seconds until just one participant remains!
Katta Pult: Who’s it gonna BE?!
Jack Black: Speak of the Devil!
Katta Pult: We knew she would be here and it looks like Michelle Waterson drew number one!
Jack Black: It doesn’t matter if she’s one or ten, she’s caving in skulls toNIGHTuh!
Katta Pult: One of the most dangerous strikers in the history of the sport!
Jack Black: She’s right out there, John. She’s ready to get it started.
Katta Pult: Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me!
Jack Black: Oh no, not NINJA! Me and him have beeef! It’s a whole THANG!
Katta Pult: Ninja the gamer to be clear for those watching at home with a broken monitor or in like a Discord chat or something. AW doesn’t condone...whatever it is that other guy does.
Jack Black: Neither do all those music festivals.
Katta Pult: You love to see it.
DING DING DING!!
Jack Black: Ninja slides into the ring, he’s flossing!
Katta Pult: What does this mean?
Jack Black: It’s a whole thing. Just trust me.
Katta Pult: Ok.
Jack Black: WATERSON WITH THE HEAD KICK!
Katta Pult: She tosses him! Ninja is out! Thank you, baby Jesus!
Jack Black: That’s one way to start.
Katta Pult: Clock is up!
Jack Black: Katta, there’s no screen. We’re outside.
Katta Pult: Clock is on the screen.
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: It’s uhhhhhhh….
Katta Pult: Kris Humphries.
Jack Black: It ISSSSS Kris Humphries!
Katta Pult: It’s like they find these people from a random celebrity name generator or something.
Jack Black: SKADOOSH!
Katta Pult: What?
Jack Black: I have a quota to meet.
Katta Pult: Kris Humphries in the ring.
Jack Black: YE-HA-UH!
Katta Pult: Kick to the head again!
Jack Black: He’s gone, folks!
Katta Pult: Just like that, Waterson with TWO eliminations! She is lasered in!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Paris Hilton is here!
Katta Pult: That’s Perez Hilton!
Jack Black: Is that like a seltzer?
Katta Pult: Perez is ready to go! He sprints full speed ahead down to the ring!
Jack Black: Off the ropes now.
Katta Pult: ANOTHER HEAD KICK!
Jack Black: THREE ELIMINATIONS!
Katta Pult: We are almost halfway through this and Michelle Waterson has killed everyone with just three kicks!
Jack Black: Now she gets rest time.
Katta Pult: So, what do we talk about?
Jack Black: You know, I gotta say, I swore you were John Thomas at the beginning of this.
Katta Pult: I have no idea what you’re talking about. Must be those mushrooms you ate.
Jack Black: TEN! NINE! EIGHT! SE-VEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! UH-ONE!
Katta Pult: The other announced participant is here! Johnny Bananas from The Challenge which as we all know, is the highest rated show on Wednesday Nights!
Jack Black: I thought All Elite-
Katta Pult: The highest rated show on Wednesday Nights!
Jack Black: Bahama is in the ring, Waterson with another BIG head kick!
Katta Pult: NO! Bananas ducks it! Bananas off the ropes!
Jack Black: What move is this now?
Katta Pult: Hurricanrana! Waterson goes down!
Jack Black: She’s right back up though! We’ve got a match on our hands!
Katta Pult: Waterson with a big head kick and that one lands!
Jack Black: Roundhouse from Waterson!
Katta Pult: Johnny ducks it, series of forearms from Bananas to Waterson!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: They got Kanye?!
Katta Pult: One of Chicago’s own entering sixth here tonight, big names are coming out!
Jack Black: Kanye is in the ring now.
Katta Pult: Aaaaand he um….steps right back out?
Jack Black: Kanye has eliminated himself, shaking his head in disapproval of the entire event.
Katta Pult: What was the point of that?
Jack Black: It’s a day early.
Katta Pult: Bananas with an elbow, but Waterson comes right back with some kicks to the body.
Jack Black: Clock is back!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Katta Pult: Another MMA fighter in the fold, here comes a LEGEND of the sport!
Jack Black: That’s a scary man.
Katta Pult: Chuck Liddell entering seventh tonight, storming straight ahead.
Jack Black: Big jabs to Johnny and Michelle, Liddell coming in here instantly FIRED up!
Katta Pult: Michelle Waterson dominated the first leg of this match, but it seems things are finally leveling out.
Jack Black: Liddell with a big right hook to Waterson.
Katta Pult: SUPERMAN PUNCH!
Jack Black: Johnny Ba-NAE-NAES drops Liddell hard!
Katta Pult: A second Superman punch to Waterson!
Jack Black: It’s Johnny Bananas now with that sweeet momenTUM!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Katta Pult: He’s done for.
Jack Black: JimMAY Kimmel is here!
Katta Pult: Lot of people sprinting straight into the battlefield, but Kimmel taking his time.
Jack Black: Smart strategy, gotta scope out the competish.
Katta Pult: He looks scared.
Jack Black: Never, Katta.
Katta Pult: Clock up again, Kimmel still taking his sweet time at ringside.
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Time for the big boys!
Katta Pult: Action Bronson enters at number nine!
Jack Black: Kimmel is frozen in place.
Katta Pult: He’s caught in the headlights here.
Jack Black: Action just ran Jimmy over!
Katta Pult: Not a technical display, but it will get the job done.
Jack Black: He’s in the ring now and it looks like we’re about to see a three on one situation.
Katta Pult: Clothesline to Liddell!
Jack Black: Clothesline to Waterson!
Katta Pult: Johnny off the ropes, but Action catches him!
Jack Black: PowerBOMB!
Katta Pult: Action Bronson just took out the field! Clock is up for the tenth and final entrant!
10!
9!
8!
7!
6!
5!
4!
3!
2!
1!
Jack Black: Another one of Chicago’s own!
Katta Pult: Khalil Mack is here! The Bear’s star DE is here for Havoc!
Jack Black: Mack at ringside and he lifts Jimmy Kimmel up and tosses him into the ring.
Katta Pult: Jimmy Kimmel to his feet, but Bronson right on top of him.
Jack Black: Bronson tosses Kimmell!
Katta Pult: Five left!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack and Action Bronson face to face now!
Katta Pult: What a sight we’re seeing! This crowd of most likely non-paying fans is going crazy!
Jack Black: Liddell back to his feet, going for the shoulder block on Khalil Mack!
Katta Pult: LIDDELL THROWN OVER THE TOP! HE’S OUT!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack eliminates Chuck Liddell and we have our final four! Johnny Bananas, Michelle Waterson, Action Bronson, and Khalil Mack!
Katta Pult: Bananas and Waterson up to their feet, both throwing wild strikes towards the bigger pair!
Jack Black: Flurry of strikes, but they’re doing nothing right now!
Katta Pult: Waterson on Bronson now, stiff kicks to the legs and those ARE looking a bit more effective!
Jack Black: Bronson brought down on that right knee, Waterson with technique over size.
Katta Pult: Bananas trying his best to keep Mack at bay, but Mack eating every strike!
Jack Black: WOAH WOAH WOAH!
Katta Pult: Bananas changing targets!
Jack Black: Johnny lifting Waterson up and over!
Katta Pult: She’s outta there!
Jack Black: She dominated the beginning of this thing and now Johnny Bananas takes advantage of the opening and Waterson is out!
Katta Pult: He screwed up now though, he’s alone with the heavyweights now!
Jack Black: He’s got that look of urgency now, going straight for Bronson.
Katta Pult: Bananas trying to pull Bronson back to his feet.
Jack Black: HUUUUUUUUGE mistake!
Katta Pult: Bronson has Bananas up for the chokeslam!
Jack Black: WOW!
Katta Pult: HE’S UP! HE’S UP!
Jack Black: And he’s outta here!
Katta Pult: Bronson just dropped Bananas straight to the outside mat!
Jack Black: Nasty impact there!
Katta Pult: Then there were two!
Jack Black: Khalil Mack! Action Bronson! One of these men is about to be declared winner of Celebrity Havoc!
Katta Pult: Here we go! Right from Bronson!
Jack Black: Left from Mack!
Katta Pult: Right from Bronson!
Jack Black: Left from Mack!
Katta Pult: Left from Bronson!
Jack Black: Right from Mack!
Katta Pult: Left from Mack! A right! A left! Another left!
Jack Black: Bronson is wobbled here, Mack off the ropes!
Katta Pult: Spear from Khalil Mack!
Jack Black: Big knee to the gut!
Katta Pult: Great counter from Action Bronson!
Jack Black: Mack whipped off the ropes now!
Katta Pult: Bronson catches him!
Jack Black: Pop up powerbomb!
Katta Pult: Mack skins the cat!
Jack Black: Mack off the ropes on his own once more!
Katta Pult: Bronson speared into the corner!
Jack Black: Bronson stumbles out of the corner, Mack going for it again!
Katta Pult: Bronson squats down just in time, he has Mack up for the powerbomb again!
Jack Black: He’s trying to toss him out!
Katta Pult: Mack slips through, Mack on the apron!
Jack Black: Bronson charges forward!
Katta Pult: Palm strike to the face!
Jack Black: That one hurt, but Bronson is going for it again!
Katta Pult: MACK HAS HIM! MACK LIFTING BRONSON UP NOW! VERTICLE SUPLEX POSITION!
Jack Black: STRENGTH ON FULL DISPLAY! HE LOOKS LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO BURST!
Katta Pult: No idea how he’s doing this! Mack has Bronson suspended upside down!
Jack Black: BRONSON GETS DROPPED FRONT FIRST TO THE OUTSIDE!
Katta Pult: MACK WINS! MACK WINS!
DING DING DING!!
Anne Ouncer: The winner of the 2021 Celebrity Havoc match, KHALIIIILLLL MACK!
Jack Black: What a way to win it!
Katta Pult: We saw Waterson dominate, we saw bodies launched over in seconds, and we saw Khalil Mack pull it off in DOMINANT fashion!
Jack Black: One great winner to another. You gotta love it.
Katta Pult: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us tonight! That’s all we’ve got! We’ll see you tomorrow night for Havoc!