Post by Tsukiko on Mar 7, 2021 21:27:14 GMT -5
The camera fades in to reveal a cartoonishly colored new set that had been clearly inspired by the old new anchor sets from the 1980s. Although vibrantly painted, it was a welcome return to normalcy for the avid viewers and fans of the number one show on CruiserClash, The Fox Report!
Dramatically spinning about in her chair, Lyan Rogan (Ryan Logan), faced the camera and cartoonishly raised an eyebrow as she leaned upon the desk; tearing off a pair of fake invisible glasses from her face in the process.
"Ladies and Gentlefolk of Action Wrestling; I am your host and this is the number one show that has yet to win an award!"
With excessively cheesy eighties music playing, Ryan spun her chair around some more as random balloons fell from the ceiling. Why? Well, why don't you have any balloons falling from the ceiling? Regardless, everything quieted down as she ceased her spinning and fixed the camera with a fairly serious look/ Well, a pseudo serious look; it was difficult to hide the smile playing upon her lips.
"Folks, I'm goinna be honest. The last couple outings of our beloved fox friend haven't gone exactly to plan and a couple of defeats have been stamped upon her permanent record here on Cruiserclash. I know it's heartbreaking, but the fact is that cannibalistic [BLEEPS] and crusty sell-out {BLEEPS} have overtaken our airwaves and have proven to be some pretty annoying roadblocks for our girl's route to the Cruiserweight championship that a certain horse-faced woman holds around her waist."
"Man, this place has become a regular {BLEEPING} zoo, hasn't it?"
"Regardless, the upcoming Cruiserclash presents our little spitfire fox the much-needed opportunity to right her course and rise through the ranks of the fiercest of competition here on Cruiserclash. You see, the bumbling fools that have the misfortune of being the stepping stones of the future Cruiserweight Champion just happen to be Soldado Fortuna and CJ Phoenix, and ooooh boy do I have things to say about them!"
"Like wow! They aren't good, not good at all."
"Therefore, I'mma let our girl lay the smack on them fools. Take it away Tsu!"
With a slap to the top of the desk, the lights went out for a moment before turning back on; Tsukiko standing behind the desk alone.
"Salutations Fortuna-kun and Phoenix-kun; I trust that the two of you are looking forward to our upcoming match this Monday just as eagerly as I am. If not, then I fear that the two of you fine upstanding warriors are going to be experiencing a rather rude awakening when you find yourselves unable to quell the furious ferocious in-ring storm that I will be bringing to the Roll Tide arena and all the amazing fans that paid to watch me knock either of you out."
"This isn't an empty promise or threat, but the stark reality of which will be used to shatter the delusions of grandeur that you both exhibit so audaciously on a weekly basis. Truth be told, it's almost sickening how undeservedly you flaunt and portray yourselves as warriors worthy of glory and admiration. Yet, all anyone ever witnesses is unfounded bluster and inevitable failure that often found in the wake of your shadows."
"Fortuna-kun; Richardson-chan constantly portrays you as some indomitable warrior that can formally break an enemy whenever you so choose. Yet, all we have seen is that you are unable to muster up the fighting spirit needed to do so. You were taken out by Mud-kun and you were unable to advance to the Battlebowl despite hitching your name to an Action Wrestling stalwart. It's clear that your time has already passed you by."
"Phoenix-kun; you parade around like a buffoon without having earned the right to do so. With the exception of having thrown your lot in with The Following, you have yet to prove why you were ever worth signing in the first place. You may pretend that you are some mysterious creature, but you're just another American neckbeard that has stolen inspiration from Japanese culture. Truly a pitiful individual."
"Prepare yourselves, cause I'm going into that ring to knock you both"
"This isn't an empty promise or threat, but the stark reality of which will be used to shatter the delusions of grandeur that you both exhibit so audaciously on a weekly basis. Truth be told, it's almost sickening how undeservedly you flaunt and portray yourselves as warriors worthy of glory and admiration. Yet, all anyone ever witnesses is unfounded bluster and inevitable failure that often found in the wake of your shadows."
"Fortuna-kun; Richardson-chan constantly portrays you as some indomitable warrior that can formally break an enemy whenever you so choose. Yet, all we have seen is that you are unable to muster up the fighting spirit needed to do so. You were taken out by Mud-kun and you were unable to advance to the Battlebowl despite hitching your name to an Action Wrestling stalwart. It's clear that your time has already passed you by."
"Phoenix-kun; you parade around like a buffoon without having earned the right to do so. With the exception of having thrown your lot in with The Following, you have yet to prove why you were ever worth signing in the first place. You may pretend that you are some mysterious creature, but you're just another American neckbeard that has stolen inspiration from Japanese culture. Truly a pitiful individual."
"Prepare yourselves, cause I'm going into that ring to knock you both"
"THE {BLEEP} OUT!"